Performance Anxiety

Aug 24, 2003
33
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Detroit Metro Area
I have been lurking out there for a year or two and finally decided to register and post. This is my first post and a somewhat delicate subject, so please be gentle.

First, I want to thank all the TERBites out there for their information and insight. There are some real characters out there and I find the reading to be quite clever at times as well as entertaining and informative. Second, I amazed at how rich and diverse the SP scene is in Toronto. And I am further amazed at how some of you guys seem to be so regular participants. It certainly seems like in TERB land sometimes there are “professionals” on both sides of the SP equation.

Now my handle is AmatuerHobbyist because I consider myself very much an amateur at this game. I make that self assessment based on several factors. The first of these is just plain numbers. I have neither the time nor the money to pursue this seriously. (I do not know if my better half keeps me busy and broke to prevent me from hobbying but it certainly seems to work out that way.) And so I have averaged about 1.5 SP experience a year over the last decade. It seems like some TERBites average that a week.

The second factor is performance. As I read the TERB reviews I sometimes think I must be the only one who is not a super stud. Even discounting the BS that some guys no doubt put out, there seems to be a great deal of (mutually?) satisfying coupling going on in TERB land. As for me, I know that on at least two occasions in my life I was able to bring the SP to a climax (orally – the only way to fly). But more often than not the SP’s are faking whatever reaction I am getting. (As I have not had any problems in this regard in my personal life, I chalk up my lack of SP orgasmic success to just the nature of the transaction). But an SP can fake it. A man cannot.

Recently I have taken advantage of a six week long stint as a bachelor (the wife was visiting family) to schedule a couple of appointments. And in both of my last two encounters (one several weeks ago in Prague and the other last week in Toronto) I had difficulty “keeping it up” so to speak (despite 100 mgs of the little blue wonder pill in my system). I attribute this to being nervous, intimidated, afraid and guilty.

I do not do this often so even after all the years I still feel nervous about an encounter somewhat in the way I was my first time. I guess I felt a little intimidated because I had an absolutely beautiful young girl laying naked in front of me. Like most guys I want beautiful, but beautiful can be intimidating. The fear comes from feeling that I will pop my cookies way too soon and, in essence, blow my money and my limited opportunity to hobby. And guilty - well I am not guilty cheating on the misses (if she took better care of me I probably would not be out hobbying) but guilty nonetheless in a way that is difficult to explain. And so these feelings feed performance anxiety which does not feed blood flow to the right place.

Now in both these cases the act was eventually consummated. In both cases I did enjoy my time with the lady. As a matter of fact I liked each of these ladies very much for their mind as well as body. And in neither case would I lay any blame for my failures on the SP. So I have no complaints about the service. But it was just not the great sex I was fantasizing about. So I am frustrated. At home I can (and often do) wear out my mid-30’s, sexual-peak-years wife despite being 13 years her senior. So why cannot I muster the same performance in an SP encounter? Am I the only one with this problem?

Alright this post was cathartic for me. I don’t need to have my butt flamed to death (although I am sure some burning is inevitable). I am looking to see if anybody else has experienced difficulties such as this. If nothing else, I got this off my chest.
 

wrong hole

huh...
May 4, 2003
4,891
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25 malbury lane
Dude,

This happens to everybody....it is performance anxiety since you only do it 1.5 times a year. Since you have no problem with your SO, it's not a physical problem. It's all in your head....obviously you are comfotable with your SO and can relax, but with a SP...it's a complete stranger.....and the guilt most likely comes from what society deems as immoral (having sex with a SP)....that's alot of pressure. Try going for a run before you see a SP (next time)....this might help relax you more and take the pressure off.

Good Luck and welcome to the board.
 

thecoolguyms72

New member
Jan 18, 2003
1,247
0
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Windsor
Good advice, wrong hole, some type of relaxing physical activity might be helpful. This will get blood pumping and reduce stress. I have been known to have this problem when having sex with anyone, SP or not, for the first time. My advice as well would be to go with a little older SP for a multi-hour appointment where you can take the time to get to know her and get relaxed instead of having to jump right into it.

As well, try to save it up for a while, no sex or whacking off for a few days prior, get super horny and then go for it.

Coolguy.
 

Big Daddy

New member
Sep 1, 2001
296
0
0
The performance varies for everyone and it is very normal. The events of the day, the looks and type of SP, her attitude, your attitude etc. are the part of the equation. When you are visiting from USA to Canada, you also have a time constraint. Regardless, of your mood you have to see certain SPs before the time expires. Given that you appear to be cash strapped, psychologically you want the best bang for the buck. All these things may make things difficult.

I consider each session as special and try to make the best of it. I think most SPs are pretty smart and usually try to make the session enjoyable (sexually or otherwise).
 
Aug 24, 2003
33
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6
Detroit Metro Area
Thanks for the kind words. You have been an understanding group. I posted primarily for therapy but I am not above taking advice. Let me get this straight now.

Relax. OK that makes sense. I’ll try.

Get some exercise. What do you think, Archer. You come to the door. I answer sweating like a pig after an 8K run. Scenario 1. You say this guy’s blood is pumping. You throw me in the shower. Soap me up from head to toe. Dry me off. Take me bed and screw my brains out. Scenario 2. You take one good sniff. Say this guy stinks. And run for the hills. I have always strived for cleanliness myself.

Stop beating off. Forty-eight damn years old and they still tell me to stop playing with myself. When will it ever end. All right I’ll try but I’ve been trying for over 30 years without much success.

Schedule a longer appointment. Actually my Prague “date” was 4 hours. This was minimum and is apparently common practice in Europe. We went to dinner, had a wonderful conversation, went for a stroll through town. It was quite romantic. She was beautiful and charming. I wanted to have her so bad. And it just did not work out the way I planned. Very heavy sigh. But I like the idea of longer appointments. I can find the money somewhere for an occasional rendezvous if I think it will be worth it (time is actually a bigger issue). What I cannot afford is a visit a week like some apparently can. And what I hate is to spend the money and then feel disappointed. Well maybe I’ll post up on the subject of longer appointments (I’ll need to get my five in).

Find an older SP. Boy I like those pretty, fresh young ones. But this might be the best advice. So maybe another post – recommendations on older SP’s who specialize on relieving performance anxiety. I’m on a roll now.

But what I found most refreshing is that I am not alone. I especially agree with coolguy that this tends to be a first encounter thing. So maybe what I really need is get more practice. Too bad the mrs is coming back this week.

Hey thanks for sharing.
 

lizzy

New member
Aug 23, 2001
24
0
0
www.niagaradivas.com
Performance anxiety

I agree with coolguy....as an sp i would have to say that my clientele varies in age-but i much prefer the 'older' gentlemen...why you ask? They are much more sure of themselves-and their abilities. I am into the whole experience for the client-which means-more than an hour....lots of conversation-and laughs-so that you can get to know one another...and work up to the pleasures....fast and the furious is a movies....not pleasure...slow and steady gets the worm-isn't that the saying? I believe that in any encounter-you have to be open to whatever might happen...even performance anxiety...and if you have an sp who understands-that won't be a problem. PM me-if you like-and we'll chat more...
 
Aug 17, 2001
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I think part of the problem is the planning and anticipation. Because you don't hobby too often you put so much thought into your session beforehand, you think and dream about how the session is going to be and of course your expectations are very high. The planning ahead also contributes greatly to the guilt factor. Premeditation, kind of like first degree murder and manslaughter, kind of like "it just happened" I know it's hard to get a last minute SP but try it. Go out with your buddies have a couple of drinks and end the night with a session.
 

Muddy

Sr. Member
Jun 19, 2002
661
10
18
Toronto
www.
Oh boy, could I identify with this one!

Normally I have no problems, but I have - on a couple of occasions, most notably with the wonderful Sorel, and once even with my utter fave, Dianna - sometimes failed miserably.

What made both occasions memorable, however, was the sheer joy of spending time with these people. They were gentle, kind, thoughtful, accommodating, and (in Sorel's case) spectacularly beautiful to look at. I've since redeemed myself with Dianna, and will try - sooner or later - to do so with Sorel.

If stress, anxiety, too frequent self-pleasure, alcohol, or even guilt, affect your performance - well, enjoy the moment, the woman you are with, and relax. T'ain't the end of the world, and there WILL be other times!

Cheers,
 
Aug 24, 2003
33
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6
Detroit Metro Area
Thanks Muddy,

This more than anything else is what I wanted to hear - somebody who had the same problem and could admit to it - even name names.

After reading so many "we did BBBJ/Daty/69/mish/doggie/back to 69/cowgirl/reverse cowgirl/back to doggie/etc/etc/etc" reviews I was beginning to feel left out.

But redemption well that is a wonderful concept. Probably won't get back to Prague anytime soon but I am planning to redeem myself in Toronto as soon as I get a chance.

Hey Sarge, Manslaughter? First degree murder? Hell I was only planning on getting layed.
 

buckybruce

Banned
Feb 17, 2003
283
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My daddy used to say "anyone who says they never fell off a horse never rode too damn much!
 
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