men in toronto do not pick up enough

[Miss Maya Blue]

I'm curious about other women's experiences with men in Toronto, as well as you fellas out there..your opinions.

I've been in Toronto for 5 years now. I go out often enough.
Cafes, bars, concerts. The gym. I walk my dog everyday.
I think of myself as a relatively approachable person.
I am single. and looking.
In the 5 years I have lived in Toronto,
I have probably been picked up maybe a dozen times.

Often I am out with Celest and Sierra too. Between the three of us, we have pretty much every 'type' covered. lol. Lemme tell you, we never get hit on.

I understand that some women are likely brutal if they are not interested. But honestly, we are nothing like that. In fact, i give respect to anyone that does attempt to talk with me...simply because i know how hard it can be.

I guess my reason for posting is two fold.
One, to encourage you single guys, when you see a pretty girl, make a move! We (single) girls want you to!

and secondly, to ask
why is it you men don't make a move more often?

 

[itmeans]

Often I am out with Celest and Sierra too. Between the three of us, we have pretty much every 'type' covered. lol. Lemme tell you, we never get hit on.

So If I see you in a bar you'll talk to me then tell me to get lost in a nice way if I ask for your number.

 

[Mongrel4u]

and secondly, to ask
why is it you men don't make a move more often?

Thats because women in general these days are impossible and completely stuck up....especially in Toronto and guys are sick of it.

Anytime a friend or family member comes here to visit me thats the first thing they notice about the girls here.

 

[RayFinkel]

Thats because women in general these days are impossible and completely stuck up....especially in Toronto and guys are sick of it.

Anytime a friend or family member comes here to visit me thats the first thing they notice about the girls here.

YUP!


.

 

[Music_Box]

-
Believe it or not it's a myth that men are predators and aggressive, most of us are wussies when it comes to talking to hot women such as yourself.

We have a habit of hitting on a woman that we think we have a possibility of getting hoodwinked, so in essence she would always be as equal as us or uglier but seldom better-looking than us.

I have a female cousin that is the hottest chick you can think of. She's blonde, nice body, delicious lips and beautiful eyes and eyebrows (she doesn't even need to fix them as they are naturally narrow). Anyways, she was already 23 years old and never had a boyfriend, just admirers. I asked her why and she said "Because men are afraid to talk to me or ask me out, when I go to dance clubs all my ugly friends get asked out except me".

 

[SupahotGavin]

OK that's it!

In honour of this most delicious post I will approach the first hot woman I see in the airport tomorrow and report back!

Stay tuned


SHG

 

[Samurai Joey]

I may be wrong here, but the impression I get is that in larger cities, such as Toronto, Vancouver or Montreal here in Canada (or in New York or LA in the US), women tend to be far pickier about which men they would respond to when hit on in say bars/cafes/gym, and dismissive in the way they do so. For example, when I go to a club, the impression I get is that few women seem to smile except when talking to their own friends.

 

[Music_Box]

-
I have witnessed a fact that ugly guys who have the tongue of a parrot get more girls than a shy Brad Pitt-like guy. It's a bonus if you are good-looking but it's useless if you are a chickensh*t.

 

[tboy]

Thats because women in general these days are impossible and completely stuck up....especially in Toronto and guys are sick of it.

Anytime a friend or family member comes here to visit me thats the first thing they notice about the girls here.

There's your answer, it's not the men, it's the women......

Here's a hint: if you're interested, why not approach MEN?

GASP you mean, omg, to actually walk UP to a MAN and ...and ...and...say HELLO?

GAWD no, women don't DO that lol

(pssst it's 2008)

 

[Miss Maya Blue]

Dr.know..i like your approach.
A simple hi and a comment is enough. If she is interested, you will know right away. Call me old fashioned but I would like men to initiate the contact. I am happy to close the deal though

 

[a 1 player]

I have some ideas as to why, I have a strong feeling it falls into one of two categories though:

-Fear of rejection
-Low esteem

In many of our younger years, we were not the people we are today, physically, financially, and personality wise. (I will speak for myself here).

When I was in my teens, I was a chubby kid, had acne, a terribly shy personality, had no sense of style and did not fall into any one social group at school. I had a few friends, but in no way was I popular at all. I played football, boxed and played lacrosse, and despite my weight, was quite athletic, but did not blend in well with the jocks because I did not have the appearance. I also had long hair and smoked a lot of pot, but was not taken in by the drug crew. I was not an academic so did not fit in there either. What I was left with was a few friends like myself who were basically social misfit who did not fit in anywhere.

During ones childhood and teens, many of the personality traits that stick with them for life are formed. To add to this I was painfully shy, and did not do well with the other sex even at the best of times. The few times I actually got up the courage to ask a girl on a date I was turned down, and the word was quickly passed around school. From this I was usually teased, tormented and made to feel like crap. It got to the point where it was easier not to ask a girl out for fear of rejection. It actually got so bad at one point that I would not ask a girl out even if I knew that she did like me, just in case she said no. Many of those feelings stuck with me for many years and gave me a 'crippled' social personality.

With conditions like that, it is easy for ones esteem to diminish. For many years, (though I was now growing up), I thought that I was still not good enough, not funny enough, too fat, and still a social misfit. I basically still had visions of me being in my youth, and that nothing had changed. A funny thing happened though when I was about 21 years old, and a very lucky thing as well. One of my dear friends was possibly the most extroverted person I had ever known. One night while talking over a couple of joints I asked how he does it. How can he be the center of attention with everyone looking at him, and laughing. It was then that he told me, "Do you really think anyone thinks about me before they go to bed at night? People have far too much to worry about than to think of a clown like me." Suddenly it all made perfect sense to me.

I no longer worried what people thought of me, I started looking better for myself, started going to the gym, and suddenly started to feel better about myself. My personality took a 180 turn and I became more extroverted and my shyness went away.

So, where am I going with all this?

I think many people are still living in the past, holding on to fears that they had when they were a child. Whether it is ones like I had, or perhaps parents that told them that failure was not an option, or that they were not a man if they cried, whatever. I know many of my friends still feel this way to some degree. They are more worried about their shortcomings than what they have to offer, and this reflects in their ability to approach women. They think that the woman is interested in someone younger, better looking, has a better body, wealthier, more alpha or independent. With these 'disabilities', they are not willing to take a chance to meet a woman, especially ones who they feel might be 'out of their league'. I have heard this countless times on this board alone.

Well, that is my opinion, hope it makes a bit of sense. If not I would be more than happy to elaborate.

 

[fijiman]

Having been born and raised in Toronto, I'm always so pleasantly surprised at how women in other cities are so much more approachable and responsive. If I smile at a girl in as I pass her in Toronto, I see her stiffen and look at the ground.

I don't know if it is the protestant work ethic past of the city, or if perhaps so many people have moved here for work over the past 20 years (both men and women) and they're just not truly comfortable with meeting people here.

I don't think it is just due to the women though, I think it is probably also the men. Sadly, I just don't think Toronto is a very sexual city. Maybe that's why the pay-4-play is so successful? We have so many more frustrated men?

fj

 

[Mongrel4u]

MTL is fantastic... the girls are reasoanble and down to earth... and very sexual!

 

[pepsiman]

I have been to Toronto and find people do not even want too talk to you long enough to ask for directions let alone ask them out LOL ..

 

[dreamblade]

I like to sometimes do what Dr.Know does, but have found women here aren't as approachable. Being from Montreal, I can honestly say people are warmer there, and the ladies more amenable to chatting.

I'll often come out with a smile and friendly remark or a pun, I'll usually get a weird, uncomprehending look, as if peas started coming out of my nose.

 

[Aardvark154]

Maya Blue,

There are, I believe two overarching reasons for what you describe, in brief: political correctness and women's liberation. At this point I'm sure you're about to write me off as some antediluvian, however, please let me elaborate and I hasten to add I'm certainly not dismissing concepts such as equal pay for equal work.

Many North American men have been scared off the idea of flirting with a strange woman, their experience has been that they are going to be labeled in her mind as a some perverted creep. This is very different from what the dating experience has been for Continental European Men of the same age particularly those from Eastern and eastern Central Europe and so they aren't nearly as "gun shy," hence appearing to Western Women far more confident and self-assured. And for the same reason Western men often appear very indecisive and overly cautious to women from those parts of Europe.

Then we have the "politeness is sexist" phenomenon. Hopefully you don't find a strange man holding the door for you patronizing and sexist, but I guarantee you that we can go on a tour of Bay Street Offices and find a fair number of women willing to demonstrate the principle for you.

Next we have the saying “you look pretty today” or “that’s a cute dress” is sexual harassment phenomenon. Likewise this would require you taking a temporary job on Bay Street, but if you haven’t already seen it, I could show you this as well. The situation is such that perhaps you’ve read of "progressive businesses" having a "dating co-workers form" so that if the couple breaks up, the firm and less aggrieved party can not be held liable for harassment i.e. the dating.

Finally we come to the one “traditional”reason. A normal looking men, perhaps balding or bald sees a pretty woman, perhaps a decade or less younger across the room and thinks to himself, without her knowing me, she won’t even give me the time of day - it will be like it typically is not only won’t she be interested, she won’t even let me down politely - it will be a shoot down.

I know this sounds bitter, but we don’t know each other and therefore I’m giving you a more straight forward answer to your question than you would get if we were talking face to face.

 

[calloway]

Perhaps the strap on left in your purse from your last session is scaring them off.

 

[W3bster]

I don't think women even need to approach men. All that's needed is for a woman to give a clue/hint of interest that would let her still retain her dignity--women here are completely incapable of or maybe even unwilling to do that (broad generalization, yes). One tactic that I loved in northern Mediterranean Europe was women making it obvious there was no ring on their hand--and the other side of the coin, one that I was checking out made it obvious I was wasting my time by very subtly/non-chalantly brushing her hair etc and making it obvious their was a ring on her finger--brilliant! Never seen such an environment where women have a strong symbolism to having a ring on their finger.

 

[torontojohn]

I'm a pretty harmless looking guy, and I've caught women quickening their steps when I'm behind them like I might be a rapist or something. I have a penis, therefore I'm guilty.

Even at work, I dare not compliment a woman without the looming threat of a visit to HR. It's just a generally shitty environment in which to meet women.

Luckily, I'm already married and don't have to bother with that shit anymore.

 

[tboy]

Dr.know..i like your approach.
A simple hi and a comment is enough. If she is interested, you will know right away. Call me old fashioned but I would like men to initiate the contact. I am happy to close the deal though

Further to what AArdvark said so eloquently, sorry dear, this is 2008. You would LIKE the man to make the first move, and we'd like the woman to make the first move....so now you have two people wanting the other to make the first move.......

I've said this in other threads but something women don't realize is that men are inundated with comments like: men are always on the make, always hitting on women and it's SO tiring, the wrong guys keep hitting on me, why can't men just leave me alone so I can shop/walk/drink/hang out in peace....

The conscientious men listen to those comments and don't "bother" women, the assholes do. Maybe that's why women think all men are assholes?

Yeah, once again, you can say hi to a woman on the street in Mtl and other cities and you'll get a smile, or a bonjour back. In toronto? You'll most likely get a "fuck off creep"........

Another thing: if you're out with celest and sierra, you're "in the herd" and no guy will approach a herd of women without backup. In this case not only does a guy have to pass your scrutiny, but those of your friends as well......