Just get over it

[oldjones]

Accidents—and some deliberately bad things—do happen to good people, but each of us makes most of the world we experience for ourselves. Make a good one. Be alert for the bad people; forget and forgive them if they injure you, they are making their own ugly world to suffer in. But don't ever let them forget better is possible, because they see you're an example of it.

 

[TeasePlease]

Accidents—and some deliberately bad things—do happen to good people, but each of us makes most of the world we experience for ourselves. Make a good one. Be alert for the bad people; forget and forgive them if they injure you, they are making their own ugly world to suffer in. But don't ever let them forget better is possible, because they see you're an example of it.

Shit happens to good people. Bad people choose to make shit happen, or choose circumstances that shit recurs.

As the wise A-L is wont to say, don't listen to what people say; watch what they do. Friendships are easy fake if you only require lip service. It's easy to say "I miss you", or "It's been too long, let's catch up!". It's quite another to pick up the phone, meet for dinner or remember a birthday with a small token. These are easy cues and smalls cues to see whether people are sincere. If you figure out the small stuff, the big stuff is avoidable.

Forgive, let go, move on....but don't forget.

 

[Rockslinger]

You are describing the grieving cycle here, or a particular part of the grieving cycle. Depending on which article you read or who tells you about the grieving cycle, it may have 5 or 9 steps;

Also known as "SARA" or"SARAH". Shock, Anger, Resistance, Acceptance, Help.

 

[Rockslinger]

Forgive, let go, move on....but don't forget.

The problem with constantly forgiving bad people is that bad people will keep doing bad things because they think it is ok as they are always being forgiven.

 

[DanJ]

Revenge!!!! I always feel better after a good bout of revenge.

I feel better after a good bout of nuru LOL.

 

[TeasePlease]

The problem with constantly forgiving bad people is that bad people will keep doing bad things because they think it is ok as they are always being forgiven.

That's their problem; forgiveness is needed for the betrayed person's welfare as well, to let go. Forgive, then walk away.

Someone mentioned sociopathic behaviour earlier. In those cases, it really doesn't matter. It's never their fault anyways. Excuses are endless, and there's always someone or something else to blame.

 

[fijiman]

Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice" is a considered a "problem play" because it has many elements of comedy, but also of tragedy via the ever-present stain of anti-semitism as Shylock broods on his mistreatment as a jew. And it is especially problematic in the context of the despicable events of the 20th century

However that is precisely the deeper message of the play - a play that seeks to be, and could have been, a comedy. But one that devolves to tragedy by Shylock's unrelenting self-immoliation over the religious slights he had received in the past.

Reading the play, there are surprisingly few anti-Semitic slights towards Shylock - rather it is Shylock himself who continuously rehashes the events of the past. Even his own jewish community is noticeable in it's lack of support for him, and his own jewish daughter elects to elope with a gentile.

Ultimately, it's not a play about a jew, it's a play about a victim who subsequently victimizes himself far worse than anyone else ever could.

And that is the greatest tragedy of all.

Life is short. Don't allow the abusers from your past to journey through your life with you in your head where only you can see them.

 

[Aardvark154]

This thread is amazingly helpful for me. I vacillate between feelings of acceptance and forgiveness, and feelings of anger and resentment. It is a process, but one that gets a bit easier each day. I am happy for what I have learned, this has been quite the lesson and I am left with many questions. I suppose this is all part of the journey

You are absolutely right as to the above.

Getting past betrayal is in a great many ways a journey through the five stages of the grief process, just the same as a death or divorce. Rushing it does no good, you have to go through it at the pace it goes.

 

[movzzz]

Been reading this since it began and didn't want to add anything till it simmered for a bit..... By now, I know you have disected and pondered and reconstructed it all and probably still at a loss for the motivation behind the actions taken by those individuals... I am also sure you are feeling a bit better now than when it first occured. You are stronger now that your character has been tested. You have that knowledge now to take with you in life.

Some people are just jerks, fuck 'em all, watch them fall, while you live well.

 

[TeasePlease]

Been reading this since it began and didn't want to add anything till it simmered for a bit..... By now, I know you have disected and pondered and reconstructed it all and probably still at a loss for the motivation behind the actions taken by those individuals... I am also sure you are feeling a bit better now than when it first occured. You are stronger now that your character has been tested. You have that knowledge now to take with you in life.

Some people are just jerks, fuck 'em all, watch them fall, while you live well.

Well said. You can't make sense out of the irrational. Live, love and laugh well.

 

[Conway_Stewart]

How do you get over deep betrayal? When someone does something truly nasty to you, a close friend, and your blindsided? (especially when it hits you out of the blue after having been truly kind to them)

I pride myself on being kind to others and caring for my friends. Sometimes I get taken advantage of or doormatted, but a recent series of events is completely dumbfounding me...

I foolishly thought that treating others well was a path to receivingN the same for myself. I'm not so sure now. Trusting and helping others will always be a part of who I am, but now I reach out with a certain fear that the prospects of utter disappointment and deceitful betrayal still exist ion the background... Is there karma? Do bad people end up with crummy lives or is that just b.s? And further, how does one go about forgiving, even just for themselves, the people who have robbed, lied to and deeply hurt you...

Any terbies with sound philosophical advice needed! I can't just get over it. Need assistance.

Thanks guys and gals

D

Haven't read the whole thread yet but my initial thoughts are:

1. Bad things do not necessarily happen to bad people. In fact, history is filled with examples of hideous people who, one way or another, were tremendously successful. This is what led the church to develop the concepts of heaven and hell in the afterlife because if people looked around them there seemed to be little immediate pay off to living a Christian life. Just accept that there are things in this life that are unfair.


2. Nevertheless, I suggest you continue to do nice things for people. However, do not expect anything back for it. Do not expect money, thanks, appreciation, respect, or anything else. Just do it because you believe it's the right thing to do and it fits with who you are as a person.

 

[Dahlia Sage]

Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice" is a considered a "problem play" because it has many elements of comedy, but also of tragedy via the ever-present stain of anti-semitism as Shylock broods on his mistreatment as a jew. And it is especially problematic in the context of the despicable events of the 20th century

However that is precisely the deeper message of the play - a play that seeks to be, and could have been, a comedy. But one that devolves to tragedy by Shylock's unrelenting self-immoliation over the religious slights he had received in the past.

Reading the play, there are surprisingly few anti-Semitic slights towards Shylock - rather it is Shylock himself who continuously rehashes the events of the past. Even his own jewish community is noticeable in it's lack of support for him, and his own jewish daughter elects to elope with a gentile.

Ultimately, it's not a play about a jew, it's a play about a victim who subsequently victimizes himself far worse than anyone else ever could.

And that is the greatest tragedy of all.

Life is short. Don't allow the abusers from your past to journey through your life with you in your head where only you can see them.

Shylock, (Shakespeare's Jew), is a great example of how giving your attention to your anger and not your healing can destroy you... I will keep that in mind.

Sometimes forums can degrade into mean sounding boards for faceless people to spew negativity. This thread reminds me why Terb, along with a few other forums I like, can be great places to post! I have gathered a few reoccurring pieces of advice from this thread which I will list:

-Whatever Happened is in the past, I can and will let it go
-Forgiveness is letting go of feelings like anger and hurt which will only eat up over time
-You cannot control what other people do but time and understanding will help you with your reaction what others do
-Surround yourself with the right people for you and be grateful for them

Awesomely good advice!

 

[Rockslinger]

Sometimes forums can degrade into mean sounding boards for faceless people to spew negativity.

Never happens on TERB.

 

[Art Mann]

. . .
-Whatever Happened is in the past, I can and will let it go
-Forgiveness is letting go of feelings like anger and hurt which will only eat up over time
-You cannot control what other people do but time and understanding will help you with your reaction what others do
-Surround yourself with the right people for you and be grateful for them

Awesomely good advice!

May anger and hurt fade fast, may peace fill your heart, may joy and laughter mark your days.

 

[andythegreek]

Excellent write up and so touching Art Mann !!!! and it had nothing to do with sex for a change !!