Just get over it

[Dahlia Sage]

How do you get over deep betrayal? When someone does something truly nasty to you, a close friend, and your blindsided? (especially when it hits you out of the blue after having been truly kind to them)

I pride myself on being kind to others and caring for my friends. Sometimes I get taken advantage of or doormatted, but a recent series of events is completely dumbfounding me...

I foolishly thought that treating others well was a path to receiving the same for myself. I'm not so sure now. Trusting and helping others will always be a part of who I am, but now I reach out with a certain fear that the prospects of utter disappointment and deceitful betrayal still exist ion the background... Is there karma? Do bad people end up with crummy lives or is that just b.s? And further, how does one go about forgiving, even just for themselves, the people who have robbed, lied to and deeply hurt you...

Any terbies with sound philosophical advice needed! I can't just get over it. Need assistance.

Thanks guys and gals

D

 

[great bear]

You are probably dealing with a person suffering with sociopathic behaviour. There is no cure best advice avoid them at all costs. GB

 

[thumper18474]

How do you get over deep betrayal? When someone does something truly nasty to you, a close friend, and your blindsided? (especially when it hits you out of the blue after having been truly kind to them)

I pride myself on being kind to others and caring for my friends. Sometimes I get taken advantage of or doormatted, but a recent series of events is completely dumbfounding me...

I foolishly thought that treating others well was a path to receiving the same for myself. I'm not so sure now. Trusting and helping others will always be a part of who I am, but now I reach out with a certain fear that the prospects of utter disappointment and deceitful betrayal still exist ion the background... Is there karma? Do bad people end up with crummy lives or is that just b.s? And further, how does one go about forgiving, even just for themselves, the people who have robbed, lied to and deeply hurt you...

Any terbies with sound philosophical advice needed! I can't just get over it. Need assistance.

Thanks guys and gals

D

Whatever happened is now in the past...let it go ..life is too short to keep a hate on.....
cheer up...the sun will set and rise in the morning just like every other day....move on and enjoy life....WOW...is that sappy or what???LOL

 

[Dahlia Sage]

I am trying but the 2 people who robbed me etc are in my way all the time. They used me to get into a place that doesn't allow me to ignore what has happened...
Im trying to figure out how to forget while consistently having to reasorb the whole mess... I just want to not care and not hurt over the whole thing... At the same time, I am very lucky to have many people in my life who make the two culprits look like real heels.

I agree though, not speaking with either of them again and disassociating myself, mentally and otherwise is very good advice. Now for my poor heart and brain!! lol

You are probably dealing with a person suffering with sociopathic behaviour. There is no cure best advice avoid them at all costs. GB

 

[Dahlia Sage]

Whatever happened is now in the past...let it go ..life is too short to keep a hate on.....
cheer up...the sun will set and rise in the morning just like every other day....move on and enjoy life....WOW...is that sappy or what???LOL

Not sappy at all.... I need to hear this stuff and understand it. Thank you

 

[Nate1]

Your heart will only be OK when you forgive them. I know that sounds counterintuitive but until you truly forgive them you will cary the pain. Note: This does not mean to allow yourself to walked over again or trust these people again. But you would be surprised by the power of telling them you forgive them. You take the control back.

 

[Dahlia Sage]

Your heart will only be OK when you forgive them. I know that sounds counterintuitive but until you truly forgive them you will cary the pain. Note: This does not mean to allow yourself to walked over again or trust these people again. But you would be surprised by the power of telling them you forgive them. You take the control back.

More instructions please! I need a step by step guide on forgiving bad people... lol
I totally agree but don't know how to get there. Maybe just time...
Thank you

 

[heatherstouch]

It is true forgivenes is the right answer, . holding on to anger and resentment is only hurting you. It is a wonderful personality way to have, thoughtful and caring, please do not lose those qualities. Unfortunately we get hurt and taken advantage of but also we live rich and fullfilling lives because we care. The anger will let go with time anywat it is only natural . I have been told that if you Pray for someone that you resent, your anger will lift..... The prayer may first start like this, I pray these people get hit by a car!!! lol, but soon that may change. the point is for your own feelings to change. I have tried it and it has worked! Its also good to have a great support system to vent!! Good Luck!!

 

[Dahlia Sage]

It is true forgivenes is the right answer, . holding on to anger and resentment is only hurting you. It is a wonderful personality way to have, thoughtful and caring, please do not lose those qualities. Unfortunately we get hurt and taken advantage of but also we live rich and fullfilling lives because we care. The anger will let go with time anywat it is only natural . I have been told that if you Pray for someone that you resent, your anger will lift..... The prayer may first start like this, I pray these people get hit by a car!!! lol, but soon that may change. the point is for your own feelings to change. I have tried it and it has worked! Its also good to have a great support system to vent!! Good Luck!!

You totally rock! I am going to try truly wishing them well. I am so ready to go back to nice happy bubbly helpful. Not so hot on the brooding.... Wow. Who new a terb thread could be SO helpful. I love the diversity of this community

 

[Nate1]

More instructions please! I need a step by step guide on forgiving bad people... lol
I totally agree but don't know how to get there. Maybe just time...
Thank you

I know this is not a direct answer to your question, but the Mennonites have a great capacity for forgiveness. When that guy came into their school and shot up their kids they made food for the man's family.

Forgiveness is a head/heart space you need to get into. Providing steps for that is difficult, for some it comes from spiritual beliefs. On a practical level it comes from understanding that what they took from you is replaceable--just stuff. It is the residue of their act which can be toxic to you and a higher cost ultimately.

One practical starting step, if you genuinely are ready to forgive, is to write them a letter or email stating your forgivness.

 

[thumper18474]

The term anger and hate will eat you up inside...is not so far fetched.....unfortunately with your situation being constantly reminded of the pain they caused you just by being in close proximity to them will be difficult..but not insurmountable....we've all been there..whether it was being shit on...taken..dumped..whatever..but for the most part the survivor in us all will come out...will it take time? sure...how long will depend on you.....are you a naturally forgiving person?..if so the journey will be short...do you hold a grudge ...then maybe it will take a little longer....are you the type of person who thinks..""you fuck me!..I'll fuck you 10 times worse!""..well then the journey may take some time...Just think of this experience as a growing experience of self discovery......you can discover who you really are.....I have a feeling you will come out of this just fine....be strong ...

 

[Dahlia Sage]

I hear you, I really do, but it's not the money supplies or ideas that were stolen that bug me. It's the trust. I think I need to grow up a bit and start understanding everyone isn't like me. I am kind and nice to all people. When I deviate from that I scold myself and repair it. Not everyone is like that and treating others well will not shield me from this truth. I want to forgive, but it seems undoable right now. I need to take a page from the Mennonite handbook it seems

I know this is not a direct answer to your question, but the Mennonites have a great capacity for forgiveness. When that guy came into their school and shot up their kids they made food for the man's family.

Forgiveness is a head/heart space you need to get into. Providing steps for that is difficult, for some it comes from spiritual beliefs. On a practical level it comes from understanding that what they took from you is replaceable--just stuff. It is the residue of their act which can be toxic to you and a higher cost ultimately.

One practical starting step, if you genuinely are ready to forgive, is to write them a letter or email stating your forgivness.

 

[olotaluving]

Anything is better than lies and deceit,its discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and few by deceit.One may outwit another,but not all the others.
Keep your head up high and the culprits will find their own destruction.

 

[**Sophie**]

One thing I have learned in life is that you cannot change anyone, what they do, and how they are, what they do is on them, do not take on what they did as your own, that's very important. You may need to figure out why you let the type of person into your life, to do what they did in the first place. Grieve over what happened (you are entitled to feel betrayed and hurt), figure out what lesson it is you need to learn through this, and make the change. Do not change what it is that makes you who you are, just be a little more conscience of the people you choose to bring into your life and walk with your head held up high!

You WILL get over this, I promise....

Good luck hun

 

[Bobzilla]

How do you get over deep betrayal? When someone does something truly nasty to you, a close friend, and your blindsided? (especially when it hits you out of the blue after having been truly kind to them)

I pride myself on being kind to others and caring for my friends. Sometimes I get taken advantage of or doormatted, but a recent series of events is completely dumbfounding me...

I foolishly thought that treating others well was a path to receiving the same for myself. I'm not so sure now. Trusting and helping others will always be a part of who I am, but now I reach out with a certain fear that the prospects of utter disappointment and deceitful betrayal still exist ion the background... Is there karma? Do bad people end up with crummy lives or is that just b.s? And further, how does one go about forgiving, even just for themselves, the people who have robbed, lied to and deeply hurt you...

Any terbies with sound philosophical advice needed! I can't just get over it. Need assistance.

Thanks guys and gals

D

I don't subscribe to this whole "forgive them" thing. I don't think that you need to forgive them, you need to forgive yourself. Right now, it seems like you're beating yourself up for being too trusting, when truth be told, more people should be this way. Examine your actions. If you feel that you did nothing wrong, then understand that you can go to sleep each night knowing that you did nothing to bring this on yourself. The people who screwed you over will never have that luxury. They will always know that what they got was as a result of screwing you over, even if they don't want to admit it to themselves & it will affect them. I don't believe in karma; however, I think everyone knows right from wrong on a very basic level. You know it, & they do too. Whenever you feel bad about this, remember that you have a clear conscience because you did nothing wrong.

 

[wangbang]

Revenge!!!! I always feel better after a good bout of revenge.

 

[LKD]

don't expect anything in return when you do something for another person. When they stab you in the back.. just don't lower yourself to their standards. Ignore, move on and don't ever deal with them if you can. Your time is better spent of the other millions of people who might appreciate the beautiful person you are. Don't even hate the person who betrayed you.. just approach it with compassion and realize they're truely messed in their head and likely should seek professional help for their delusional mind. You're a much better human being than them.

 

[Art Mann]

. . . I don't think that you need to forgive them, you need to forgive yourself. . .

A great deal of truth in truth in this comment.

Revenge!!!! I always feel better after a good bout of revenge.

Beyond the smile this facetious comment may elicit lies a downward spiral to misery. Best avoided.

don't expect anything in return when you do something for another person. . . . Ignore, move on and don't ever deal with them if you can. . . . Don't even hate the person who betrayed you.. just approach it with compassion and realize they're truely messed in their head and likely should seek professional help for their delusional mind. You're a much better human being than them.

Forgiveness is a concept often misunderstood. It's not about telling another person "that's all right" because the deed will never be all right.

I believe forgiveness is all about letting go of your anger or guilt, Miss Dahlia.

Anger and guilt are the two most wasted emotions.

Forgiveness is what sets them free.

Forgiveness is the greatest gift.

 

[wazup]

I would be plotting my revenge til the day I die, this forgiveness thing is a crock of shit for pansies.

 

[homerjsimpson]

Tell us what happened. I'll write a screenplay about it.