Last night, 5 years ago, I was at a client’s house. I met him on seeking arrangement. We’d been for dinner and I’d drank more than I’d planned… but it didn’t count, as it was free, right? We went back to his and he had more booze and drugs. I had said I wasn’t going to do any white drugs for a while (in fact not at all this week and this was the third time)… but it didn’t count, as it was free, right? When we ran out I wanted more. I offered him [service redacted-we aren’t allowed to discuss it here] if he called his dealer and he did, and I did it. I remember afterwards he told me I really shouldn’t do that. What a scumbag.
I left his house at 9:30am after he tried to convince me to sleep it off at his. I called my roommate and told them I needed help. I’d never said that to anyone about anything.
Today I celebrate 5 years of sobriety. Sometimes I still have to punch myself. I never knew it was an option for me to quit; I just thought booze and drugs were part of my life forever. I didn’t think I could do anything without them. Turns out the opposite was true; I could barely do anything WITH them.
God I’m lucky I’m alive. I’m so proud of myself and so thankful for the friends and support I’ve had these past 5 years and how deeply I’ve learned to love and self-advocate while staying gentle and getting back in touch with my inner child.
🤍🤍🤍