So true. But also one must not forget that despite the wonderfulness, the essence of the relationship is business. If you ever accidentally missed a note about a rate change or upcharge change with a regular...you will very much be reminded of the reality of the aforementioned observation lol. But appreciate the business part - like having a professional coach who's super hot lol.
How has "hobbying" improved your life?
- Thread starter renuck
- Start date
It fills a void. I no longer feel like I'm missing out. I was mostly inexperienced when I married young and did not try a lot of different things. After a few years of marriage which lasted a long time I realised that I am attracted to women of colour (black, brown, caramel or delicious mixes). That is why I mostly see women that fit those descriptions. I am making up for lost time.
Time saving is the biggest bonus besides quantity and variety of women to have experiences with. Dating, apps, spitting game, small talk, mincing words, netflix, entertaining, flirting, propositioning, dinners, outings.... is all avoided. Wasting time is costly. The hobby makes a man much more productive once he's got his sex fix. The quantity and variety is something no man can have unless he's famous. The hobby is a wonderful healthy drug.
Looking back over the last 10 years, I think I would have been miserable without the hobby. However, I have no "real" romantic relationship with a woman, and I am now at an age where I should have been married already. Now I feel like the hobby is harming me by keeping me from a meaningful relationship. At the same time I am afraid I would feel trapped if married.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Or am I the only one?
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Or am I the only one?
For the lonely, depressed and love deprived guys, hobbying can be a double-edged sword. Hobbying can be beneficial by pushing and preparing you towards your goal of making connections. However, it cannot be a substitute for real relationships. – The void will always remain.
The Good: Hobbying is good social exposure. For those of us who lack the social skills and confidence to talk to women in the real world, hobbying is a great way to practice. Hobbying may also motive us to workout and live a healthier lifestyle so we can be more fit (and less ugly) for the action. Finally, hobbying is effective at TEMPORARILY relieving stress and depression.
The Bad: In many ways hobbying is no different from using drugs / alcohol to dampen the pains of reality. The high is short lived and the sad reality will sink back in stronger then before. Even if it seems like you and a SP are friends, the fact is it’s still just a fragile intimate business relationship. This is fine if all you need is a casual friendship and sex. But for the guys who just want to feel loved, cared for and appreciated, hobbying can never satisfy that desire. Once you go home reality sets back in. You realize there’s no one to talk to, no one to snuggled up in bed with and no one could care less if you just dropped dead.
Simulation after simulation, you end up yearning for real companionship even more; but you never get it. So, you see SPs more often to supress the desire for some form of companionship. Thus, you end up addicted to escorts and still end up depressed.
I’d also argue social interaction with SPs is a very poor method of practicing talking to women. In the real world, the girls aren’t all over you as soon as you walk in the door. If that was the case, why the f*ck are you here. But that’s a whole different discussion.
The Good: Hobbying is good social exposure. For those of us who lack the social skills and confidence to talk to women in the real world, hobbying is a great way to practice. Hobbying may also motive us to workout and live a healthier lifestyle so we can be more fit (and less ugly) for the action. Finally, hobbying is effective at TEMPORARILY relieving stress and depression.
The Bad: In many ways hobbying is no different from using drugs / alcohol to dampen the pains of reality. The high is short lived and the sad reality will sink back in stronger then before. Even if it seems like you and a SP are friends, the fact is it’s still just a fragile intimate business relationship. This is fine if all you need is a casual friendship and sex. But for the guys who just want to feel loved, cared for and appreciated, hobbying can never satisfy that desire. Once you go home reality sets back in. You realize there’s no one to talk to, no one to snuggled up in bed with and no one could care less if you just dropped dead.
Simulation after simulation, you end up yearning for real companionship even more; but you never get it. So, you see SPs more often to supress the desire for some form of companionship. Thus, you end up addicted to escorts and still end up depressed.
I’d also argue social interaction with SPs is a very poor method of practicing talking to women. In the real world, the girls aren’t all over you as soon as you walk in the door. If that was the case, why the f*ck are you here. But that’s a whole different discussion.
Overall, I wouldn't say that it has improved my life but it has provided countless thoroughly enjoyable experiences that will never be forgotten. I have nothing but respect and admiration for the many great women I have had the chance to meet over the years.
Like many here I am in a marriage that has lost it's spark for various reasons. My wife suffers from terrible anxiety. I have to take care of her as well as our energetic kids. Hobbying helps me find the energy to keep going as a father, husband, and top performer at work.
Last edited:
It's not harming you. At the end of the day, you have chosen not to settle down. If you wanted to get married you could do so quickly by lowering your standards but not only would you be trapped, you'd be miserable and regret it. I've seen this play out with many married friends. All looks great on the outside but when you start talking to them, the anguish, anxiety, and mental illnesses they suffer from marriage life is not something to envy. This doesn't describe all of the couples but not an insignificant number either. These guys hobby anyway, but I do it without baggage and much more free time.
I regret the considerable money dispersed, as I love to travel and at one level would prefer to direct my dollars in that direction. Also, I am old enough and corny enough to wonder what it says about my character that I repeatedly break my promise of fidelity the woman I love. And I am concerned about the potential personal disgrace at could flow from engaging in an "illegal" activity, though I currently perceive that to be largely theoretical.
Having said that, hobbying has benefitted me immensely by relieving stress, thus allowing me to work past "normal" retirement age, and (ironically) by strengthening my marriage.
Though she is unaware of it (and I sincerely hope she remains so), it is arguable that my wife has benefitted from my hobbying as well.
I believe that men and women are fundamentally different in their need for and approach to sex. I value all aspects of my marriage, including my sexual relationship with my wife, but have always had difficulty living within the constraints of the sexual appetite of a single woman. Without hobbying, I might have continued sexual patterns that destroyed earlier relationships... Namely, destructive affairs with women who were potential alternatives to whomever my SO was at the time. I do not experience SPs as potential candidates to become life partners. So hobbying allows me to focus of my extra-curricular sexual energies in a way that is not threatening to my marriage. Also, it has kept me out of trouble in that I no longer look for sexual outlets at work or in other contexts that could lead to problems.
Having said that, hobbying has benefitted me immensely by relieving stress, thus allowing me to work past "normal" retirement age, and (ironically) by strengthening my marriage.
Though she is unaware of it (and I sincerely hope she remains so), it is arguable that my wife has benefitted from my hobbying as well.
I believe that men and women are fundamentally different in their need for and approach to sex. I value all aspects of my marriage, including my sexual relationship with my wife, but have always had difficulty living within the constraints of the sexual appetite of a single woman. Without hobbying, I might have continued sexual patterns that destroyed earlier relationships... Namely, destructive affairs with women who were potential alternatives to whomever my SO was at the time. I do not experience SPs as potential candidates to become life partners. So hobbying allows me to focus of my extra-curricular sexual energies in a way that is not threatening to my marriage. Also, it has kept me out of trouble in that I no longer look for sexual outlets at work or in other contexts that could lead to problems.
I think there are some that can relate, I for one.
I have hobbied because I am in between relationships but I wonder how it will be if I get into a real one. Would I be scared and have issues regarding to sex?
Ah but you are a "love " consultant Ms. Charlotte. There's gotta be a tax category for that :eyebrows:
This world has definitely offered a lot for me over the past 20 years. I just had this conversation over beers with a really good friend that also partakes in this industry and we came up with some interest positives that I've listed below. I've certainly experienced some bad things, and I've heard stories from some ladies I've grown to close to that have opened up that make me want to cry, but for the most part, fairly positive.
Single in my 20's: Allowed me to realize I didn't have to stay in shitty relationships with women who were terrible matches for me to get access to sexual relief. This allowed me to qualify potential girlfriends and partners very fast and not get trapped in a relationship with someone I really didn't want. Not having the distraction/drama from a bad relationship let me concentrate on work too.
Married: I had an amazingly good time with my ex wife for years. We experimented together by meeting women we approached in this industry. Experienced all sorts of wonderful times.
Going through divorce: We left each other for reasons not having to do with sex or cheating. It was a painful time, and a lot of women from this industry made it bearable. I'm sure some of the moments I've that helped me through some sad times were manufactured by the Provider, and other moments were very real and genuine. Either way, it was helpful.
Single 2nd time around: See my comments about my 20's, the same concept still applied. The only difference is that I've been lucky to have stumbled my way into an excellent career and I found that I could afford dinner dates, weekend trips, etc. Which meant, I've had a lot of time to build a connection with the ladies I've seen which means I've developed great bedroom chemistry with some. In the case of two women, the bedroom part died out but a friendship blossomed, and both of those women I've been in touch with daily/weekly for nearly 10 years as actual platonic friends and we're involved in each others personal lives and no money and no sex has ever exchanged again
Married again: If you count sugar daddy sites as part of this industry, then here's the ultimate benefit....I met my current SO on it. What started out as an arrangement blossomed into something totally different which neither of us were expecting. And because I met her under these circumstances, I've been 100% myself from the start which I never even had with my first love/ex wife. It's amazingly freeing when you can talk to your wife and say "I can't get this look out of my mind! I might be developing a thing for red headed curvy women with freckles wearing penguin costume and green heels to peg me with a glass dildo while you watch... I think I want something like this one day" and she'll find a way to get this for me, even if it involves someone else. We have very firm rules in place for each other with the understanding that if these rules need to change, it's a very serious thing we need to bring up and discuss. She's a saver and frugal with money which has been amazing for me financially as well. We're discussing having children now.
I'm pretty sure I've provided some nice value to some ladies lives as well. Aside from the obvious, I've been told the advice I've given on life, money management, school, career, relationship, parenting, etc has been invaluable. I don't think its lip service either.
Single in my 20's: Allowed me to realize I didn't have to stay in shitty relationships with women who were terrible matches for me to get access to sexual relief. This allowed me to qualify potential girlfriends and partners very fast and not get trapped in a relationship with someone I really didn't want. Not having the distraction/drama from a bad relationship let me concentrate on work too.
Married: I had an amazingly good time with my ex wife for years. We experimented together by meeting women we approached in this industry. Experienced all sorts of wonderful times.
Going through divorce: We left each other for reasons not having to do with sex or cheating. It was a painful time, and a lot of women from this industry made it bearable. I'm sure some of the moments I've that helped me through some sad times were manufactured by the Provider, and other moments were very real and genuine. Either way, it was helpful.
Single 2nd time around: See my comments about my 20's, the same concept still applied. The only difference is that I've been lucky to have stumbled my way into an excellent career and I found that I could afford dinner dates, weekend trips, etc. Which meant, I've had a lot of time to build a connection with the ladies I've seen which means I've developed great bedroom chemistry with some. In the case of two women, the bedroom part died out but a friendship blossomed, and both of those women I've been in touch with daily/weekly for nearly 10 years as actual platonic friends and we're involved in each others personal lives and no money and no sex has ever exchanged again
Married again: If you count sugar daddy sites as part of this industry, then here's the ultimate benefit....I met my current SO on it. What started out as an arrangement blossomed into something totally different which neither of us were expecting. And because I met her under these circumstances, I've been 100% myself from the start which I never even had with my first love/ex wife. It's amazingly freeing when you can talk to your wife and say "I can't get this look out of my mind! I might be developing a thing for red headed curvy women with freckles wearing penguin costume and green heels to peg me with a glass dildo while you watch... I think I want something like this one day" and she'll find a way to get this for me, even if it involves someone else. We have very firm rules in place for each other with the understanding that if these rules need to change, it's a very serious thing we need to bring up and discuss. She's a saver and frugal with money which has been amazing for me financially as well. We're discussing having children now.
I'm pretty sure I've provided some nice value to some ladies lives as well. Aside from the obvious, I've been told the advice I've given on life, money management, school, career, relationship, parenting, etc has been invaluable. I don't think its lip service either.
Well said, to keep it short: me too. While not as fortunate as you may have been with both of your relationships, the hobby kept me balanced through out a difficult divorce. It is not over yet, however, I am not desperate for sex.
I wish I could find someone who will be open minded to trying sex with others....
I've benefited greatly from visiting SP's! Seeing them in sessions, has helped me endure ongoing depression. To spend time with a gorgeous woman that smiles and engages in conversation is encouraging to me. I too like other hobbyists, don't feel as shy approaching women whom I find attractive in the civie world as I used too. I recently had a session with one of my regulars after being dumped by a civie I was dating. Seeing my regular changed my attitude in a positive direction. My SP is better looking, has better skills, and I know where I stand with her. She was also open to engaging in conversation about me having my heart broken by my civie. Her above average intelligence, woman's intuition and tactful honesty helped validate what I was experiencing. From now on if I have any dating troubles, she as well as other SP's will be my 'go to' solution. Now if I feel I'm getting the 'runaround' from a woman in the civie world, I brush it off and move on. This is something I've had to work through myself. The SP's I have spent time with were instrumental in this process.
Well I am a widower who was married more than 35 years but met my wife and had been best friends since Grade school. Now I see SP's because I cannot see myself getting into another relationship yet still need the female contact for relaxation and enjoyment. It's why I call any provider I see my relaxation therapist.
Thanks for the blunt feedback, I think you are quite correct. I am not willing to lower my standards because I think it would not make me happy. In fact I had the chance to do so recently, and passed it up.
Sometimes I fault myself for not looking harder for a wife, but I guess I only have so much control over what's out there, and who likes me. There is no perfect solution unless you are really lucky
