Got Fucked Over
- Thread starter drlove
- Start date
This is where I disagree. Maybe I date different women than most on this board, but 'most' of the women I have dated act exactly this way.tboy said:
I have a suspicion that most of the men on this board who are having problems getting dates fall into one of three categories,
a) They are not picky in who they choose to have a date with
b) They are too picky in who they choose to have a date with
c) They have never taken the time to learn about women
a) This is the man who is very desperate to get a date, and does not care where the date comes from. He knows off the start that there are incompatibilities in their personalities, that the woman might have 'baggage' in a quantity he is uncomfortable with, have completely different lifestyles, have different values, goals and ambitions etc. When there are these huge differences, stress levels run high, and there is rarely a common ground. Whether this is in the 'speed' of the relationship, the amount of time either party is willing to invest, or countless other aspects. This type of man is 'typically' just happy to be going out on a date, but soon enough becomes frustrated that 'things' are not working out the way he had hoped they would. No amount of communication can pull two entirely different types of people together.
b) This is a man who has 'unrealistic standards', whatever they might be.'I won't date her unless she is blonde, 110 lbs., has a great career, has the same interests, drives a BMW, will cook me breakfast every morning and is younger than 25'. (Pick your qualities). In a situation like this, the man places so many qualifications on the woman that it becomes near impossible to find someone to be happy with. When he is unable to find these qualities in a date, he becomes increasingly frustrated and starts to begrudge women, thinking that they are all stuck up, unapproachable and basically snobs because they will not go out with him.
c) Yes, man and women are different. But not that different. When one understands what the differences are between men and women, he will find that 'most' women are approachable. There are countless books on this topic, and whether one takes them to heart or not, are definitely worth the read. 'Men are from mars, women are from venus', 'His needs, her needs' are two great books on this topic. Keep in mind, not everyone falls into the categories of every chapter, but they really do help one understand the opposite sex in an easy to read, and enjoyable manner.
I have said a hundred times, getting a date is easy but finding the 'right' woman is exceedingly more difficult. Once one understands that looking for a 'similar' woman to him is the key, things just naturally fall into place. A person can usually discover this within the first couple of dates. If the person is completely different, why bother continuing the pursuit regardless of how good looking he/she is? I'm not bragging here, but take me to a bar for the night and I can get a date. The thing being, do I actually want to go out with that person? I'm sure that if I 'play the game/have some game', at least one woman will like me, but will I like them? This is the difference. One can fake their personality in order to get a date, but how long can they continue faking it before they get bored or frustrated?
There are two aspects of dating, (I have tried both of them). The first is going on as many dates as possible, hoping to eventually find someone you will click with. The second is being far more selective, getting fewer dates, and increasing the chances of the 'click'. So, which one is right?
In my opinion, both of them are depending on what one is looking for. I have no problem going out with a person who is not really my type in order to kill a Saturday night. Even though there probably won't be a 'spark', there is no reason one cannot have fun just for the sake of having fun. Hell, quite often it beats sitting at home watching reruns of Law and Order thinking I wish I had something better to do. If one is seeking a 'relationship', I would probably go with the second choice as it can be more affordable (depending on what one decides to do). Best yet, do both. Casually date, and keep searching for 'Ms. Right', but have some fun with 'Ms. Right Now'.
But for the love of all that is holy, people stop bitching that 'there are no good women out there', or that 'they are all stuck up'.
Unless of course you are short, then you are really farked.
it never ceases to amaze me how little effort men put out, to make a potential relationship work.
I think seeing too many professional women distorts a man's perception of women. Women do not owe as anything for taking them out and spending hundreds, even thousands on them.
I think seeing too many professional women distorts a man's perception of women. Women do not owe as anything for taking them out and spending hundreds, even thousands on them.
a 1 player said:
a) This is the man who is very desperate to get a date, and does not care where the date comes from....... etc...
Baggage: I have yet to meet anyone (male or female) that doesn't have baggage of some sort. I find that men typically have a different sort of baggage than women: women tend to repeat their mistakes of dating the wrong guy or continually dating the same type of guy (their so called "ideal" man) even though the relationships never work (and when they finally meet a decent guy different than their typical date, they make him pay for all the guys before him).
Guys, in my experience, tend to NOT repeat the same mistakes or allow themselves to get so emotionally involved they will get hurt again.
b) This is a man who has 'unrealistic standards', whatever they might be.'I won't date her unless she is .....
I think you should throw women into that statement as well. I find that they are more particular than guys. For eg: a woman wrote a book about "Settling" and there was an uproar all over the talk show circuit etc for her daring to say "settling isn't a bad thing".
I find that the vast majority of guys will date just about anyone. Guys that say "I won't date a woman unless she is....x y and z" is the type of guy that women throw themselves at so they have the pick of the litter as it were. The majority of my male friends throughout my life were these types of guys and you would not BELIEVE the stuff these guys do and say and the women keep lapping it up.
One guy I knew was going through women left right and center and there was this woman who I warned about him. I told her flat out that he wasn't honest (with women), would say anything to get them into bed, will use her and toss her aside like an old pair of socks but she ignored me. Sure enough, she came to me a month later and was crying the blues. I (in an uncommon moment) said to her: "You won't get any sympathy from me, you totally ignored me and now you're paying the price...."
c) Yes, man and women are different. But not that different. ......ummm sorry, I disagree. Well, if you consider that basically we want the same thing, we are not that different but what is the main difference (and ALL the books point this out) that we definitely have different ways of getting what we want.
The thing is, I don't know many guys who would blow off a woman who approached them in a bar or ??? but I know 99.9% of the women will blow off a guy if he is in any way shape of form different than her "ideal" man. A guy doesn't need or want an ideal woman, and won't make a decision in 1.2 ms that she isn't her.
I have said a hundred times, getting a date is easy but finding the 'right' woman is exceedingly more difficult.....
For some, yes it is. Extremely easy. Hell I know guys that can walk into a tim hortons and come out with 4 phone numbers because he falls into the "ideal" guy category....at least on the surface. This is my point and has been all along. Sure, a guy who is a playa can get any woman he wants, whenever he wants, wherever he wants. But if you ain't a playa, women in Toronto don't want him.
There are two aspects of dating, (I have tried both of them). The first is going on as many dates as possible, hoping to eventually find someone you will click with. The second is being far more selective, getting fewer dates, and increasing the chances of the 'click'. So, which one is right?
In my opinion, both of them are depending on what one is looking for. I have no problem going out with a person who is not really my type in order to kill a Saturday night. .....
That's the difference in my experience. Women will not "waste" a date on a guy that isn't her ideal guy. She WILL NOT DATE ANYONE THAT MIGHT NOT BE HER IDEAL GUY. just look at the ads in all the personal dating sites. An overwelming majority state they are looking for their white knight. I mean COME on....a white knight? Talk about fantasy.....I tend to point out to these ladies (LOL) that knights also used to never wash, treat women like chattel, die by their 30's, kill peasants at whim, and generally be not the greatest guys around. A few of them responded with: oh, I don't want a real knight, just the best qualities. Ummm sorry, an alpha male, carrying a sword, has ALL the qualities and btw, someone who can slay dragons probably is a little on the poor side because there ain't too many dragons around lol.....
But for the love of all that is holy, people stop bitching that 'there are no good women out there', or that 'they are all stuck up'.
Sorry, we're not bitching that they are all stuck up, we're bitching that the women in toronto tend to have unrealistic goals when it comes to men.
Unless of course you are short, then you are really farked.
BTW: good post playa.....
There is just one more thing I'd like to point out that (in my experience) is a big difference between men and women:
A man will date a woman who he finds attractive. A woman will only date a guy that her girlfriends find attractive. (ie: he passes their standards as well).
For eg: I worked for a large corporation and on one project, I met this french woman. We got along well, I found out she was single, after working with her occasionally for about a week, I asked her out to lunch. Non, merci.
About 2 weeks later, I asked her out on a date, non merci.
I asked her out to lunch again about a month later, non merci.
One day I was walking up the street at lunch time and met up with her. I asked her where she was heading for lunch, she said X. She asked me and I said I was going for pizza. She said, oh, pizza....I said: come along with me, I'll buy you a slice so she did. We had a nice chat.
2 weeks after that, I asked her out for a day date and she accepted.
To make a long story short, we dated (and lived together) for 5 yrs. After about 6 months in, I asked her: why wouldn't you even accept a lunch date with me?
She said: Because some of the other girls in her department said I was a walking hormone and a slut.
I said: what the hell? Why did they say that?
She said: Because just walking down the hall with you you know all the women in the company and have probably dated and bed most of them.
I said Ummmmm I know EVERYONE in the company because my job puts me in contact with everyone eventually. I also said "in 12 yrs with the company I have gone out with exactly one woman, once and that was it until this one.
It just goes to show you that instead of basing her opinion of me on HER own impression, she based her decisions on what her female friends thought.
I can't tell you how many times words has gotten back to me that women have done this.......
A man will date a woman who he finds attractive. A woman will only date a guy that her girlfriends find attractive. (ie: he passes their standards as well).
For eg: I worked for a large corporation and on one project, I met this french woman. We got along well, I found out she was single, after working with her occasionally for about a week, I asked her out to lunch. Non, merci.
About 2 weeks later, I asked her out on a date, non merci.
I asked her out to lunch again about a month later, non merci.
One day I was walking up the street at lunch time and met up with her. I asked her where she was heading for lunch, she said X. She asked me and I said I was going for pizza. She said, oh, pizza....I said: come along with me, I'll buy you a slice so she did. We had a nice chat.
2 weeks after that, I asked her out for a day date and she accepted.
To make a long story short, we dated (and lived together) for 5 yrs. After about 6 months in, I asked her: why wouldn't you even accept a lunch date with me?
She said: Because some of the other girls in her department said I was a walking hormone and a slut.
I said: what the hell? Why did they say that?
She said: Because just walking down the hall with you you know all the women in the company and have probably dated and bed most of them.
I said Ummmmm I know EVERYONE in the company because my job puts me in contact with everyone eventually. I also said "in 12 yrs with the company I have gone out with exactly one woman, once and that was it until this one.
It just goes to show you that instead of basing her opinion of me on HER own impression, she based her decisions on what her female friends thought.
I can't tell you how many times words has gotten back to me that women have done this.......
Good point. It is funny to read all these relationship threads. I get a chuckle from the guys that think relationships are like legal contracts with binding clauses, written options, technical specs and due dates. And yet they wonder why they are where they are.Cleftwynd said:
You are assuming that. He could have come across as needy and whinny and demanding as he has here. No woman wants that. He has now said that she said she didn't go, fell alseep, etc. Which shows me that she is not playing games, this is just the way she is. She ditched her friends too.squash500 said:Here's my explanation. DL has made every attempt to conduct himself in an honest and straight forward manner. Why should DL have had to ditch his friend that he was having drinks with just because this chick called him at the last minute?!
Again, I think this chick is just a go with flow, make plans on the fly type girl from everything that is said. She said she needs to get her social life arranged which is clear since she ditched her own friends. I don't think she is game playing, I just think she does things as they enter her mind which could be everyday or every 2 weeks. He needs more. There needs and lifestyle are different. And it won't work for them, but I don't think she is playing games.squash500 said:
addicted2whiskey said:
That is why he sees SP's, they are paid not to think, but to put out. Guess he won't be seeing Gen though, LOL.
I am sure there is, but they see a completely different side to men then men see in civilian woman. Please tell me you get that. They see sexist womanizing cheating pooners all day and night long. Also, if you ask any woman who has been out of the biz for a while, a year or so - most don't have that hate on for men anymore. It is an enviroment thing.AK-47 said:
okay so needed info here:drlove said:
How old is she?
How old does she act?
What type of job does she have?
Does she have kids?
Does she live on her own?
If yes, how long?
What is the age difference between you?
Is there or was there any drug abuse, acholoh abuse etc?
Is there any type of learning or mental disorder?
That should do it for now.
Capoeira said:
Ding Ding Ding, we have a winner!!!
So this post is long enough, time to make another. Please stand by......
However you forget that people live and deal with things different ways, so her 2 way street could very well be different from yours. That plays a big part in things, or do you still not get that.drlove said:
Yes some woman who are interested call often, some turn into cling-ons right away, some wait to be called and some call when it enters their mind. All are the "stereo-typical" behavior that Tboy likes to hate except maybe one, but those are the ways that woman do it. There are a few others to but let's go with these.
So you like a woman who calls often, but you don't like woman who turn into cling-ons I am assuming. You don't like the woman who waits for the call even if every-time you call she picks up and you get a yes to the date, or would you be okay with that? And clearly you don't like the one that only calls when it enters her mind if that is once every 2-3 weeks.
That is how you start to find who is Ms. Right if you are not looking for Ms. Right-NOW. Get it?
Your definition of open communication is clearly different from hers. This is not a game play, this is HER way, while you have YOUR way and both those way just happen to cross roads every once in a while, but they don't run along side by side. You need to be looking for someone else.
The funniest thing in all of this is you still want her and why is that?????
All the ladies know and some of the smart men here know why.........
Sing it together people...........
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not the way you want and how you want anyways, and that is one of the biggest stereo-typical behavior out there.
You guys kill me
I would LOVE to see the response from the guys on TERB if the roles of drlove and this woman were reversed.
A woman calling a guy repeatedly, even if he doesn't respond. Sending emails laying out "feelings" very early on. The same woman, after TWO DATES asking the man to "define" the relationship. The woman complaining about the guy not taking the initiative through calls and emails.
99% of the guys here would say that she's clingy and bound to be trouble over the long haul and to ditch her - after having sex with her.
I would LOVE to see the response from the guys on TERB if the roles of drlove and this woman were reversed.
A woman calling a guy repeatedly, even if he doesn't respond. Sending emails laying out "feelings" very early on. The same woman, after TWO DATES asking the man to "define" the relationship. The woman complaining about the guy not taking the initiative through calls and emails.
99% of the guys here would say that she's clingy and bound to be trouble over the long haul and to ditch her - after having sex with her.
That's a lot of assumptions
No one said he HAD to ditch his friend. But if he wanted to advance the relationship (and I think we can all agree that's what he's trying to do) and probably get laid, he should have.
What evidence do you have that this woman is playing games? In fact, when a relationship is this early on, it's not even a relationship. They're casually dating, for crying out loud!
That is what dating is all about. You don't go from a few emails, a couple of phone calls and TWO DATES to a relationship. That's called dating. She's probably seeing other guys right now, just as drlove is doing with other women (he admitted that he had other girls calling, etc.) At this stage in the game there are no committments. The "Ph.D. in Pussyology" (ha!) isn't making any committments to her, so why should she be forced to do the same? And even if he were, it's far too early to do so - that's just creepy (and needy and clingy.)
Where's the abuse? What is so stressful in that? How is that playing games?
You guys are such drama queens.
So asking a woman to define a relationship after two dates is conducting oneself in an honest and straightforward manner? I guess, but as I stated earlier, if the roles were reversed, most guys would think a woman doing the same thing is a needy, clingy horror show.squash500 said:
No one said he HAD to ditch his friend. But if he wanted to advance the relationship (and I think we can all agree that's what he's trying to do) and probably get laid, he should have.
You're right, you really should not give dating advice. Particularly not to drlove, who is looking for enablers, not honest advice.squash500 said:
What evidence do you have that this woman is playing games? In fact, when a relationship is this early on, it's not even a relationship. They're casually dating, for crying out loud!
That is what dating is all about. You don't go from a few emails, a couple of phone calls and TWO DATES to a relationship. That's called dating. She's probably seeing other guys right now, just as drlove is doing with other women (he admitted that he had other girls calling, etc.) At this stage in the game there are no committments. The "Ph.D. in Pussyology" (ha!) isn't making any committments to her, so why should she be forced to do the same? And even if he were, it's far too early to do so - that's just creepy (and needy and clingy.)
Where's the abuse? What is so stressful in that? How is that playing games?
You guys are such drama queens.
He has found many enablers here, that is for sure! LMAOCaptain Fantastic said:
I would like to make a poll but it would be two-fold so I don't know who to word it.
Basically - All those in this thread who have been saying to DR.L that he is right, how successful are they in dating and how do they feel women in general are regarding dating.
All those who are saying the Dr.L is wrong in the thread, how successful are they in dating and how do they feel women in general are regarding dating.
I have a feeling that those who say he is wrong, are great at dating, getting lots of free puss if they want, and love women in general while those who say Dr.L is right, don't date, use SP's as their social outlet, hate women most of the time and get no free pussy!
What do you think?
Bingo!!!!!!!
And to think I have been looking for a movie to watch cause I am bored,,,,,hang on while I grab a beer and some popcorn, this thread is GREAT. It is also a perfect example of why Men are from Mars and Women from Venus.........I'm just saying.
Captain Fantastic said:I would LOVE to see the response from the guys on TERB if the roles of drlove and this woman were reversed.
A woman calling a guy repeatedly, even if he doesn't respond. Sending emails laying out "feelings" very early on. The same woman, after TWO DATES asking the man to "define" the relationship. The woman complaining about the guy not taking the initiative through calls and emails.
99% of the guys here would say that she's clingy and bound to be trouble over the long haul and to ditch her - after having sex with her.
And to think I have been looking for a movie to watch cause I am bored,,,,,hang on while I grab a beer and some popcorn, this thread is GREAT. It is also a perfect example of why Men are from Mars and Women from Venus.........I'm just saying.
Captain here's my take on the situationCaptain Fantastic said:
. The woman who DL is pursuing must be hot looking or maybe in her 20's or early 30's----who knows? For whatever reason this game playing chick is not desperate for a guy? Maybe she has 10 other guys after her as well?Believe me if DL was her dream guy she would be all over him like white on rice. That's the way women in demand operate? On the other hand IMHO guys who have good jobs ( Doctors, lawyers, Accountants etc etc) can afford to play the same games with women as this woman is playing with DL.
It's all about the laws of supply and demand. Basic Economics 101! These guys with good jobs will also have women lining up at their door as well!
squash500 said:Captain here's my take on the situation
Believe me if DL was her dream guy she would be all over him like white on rice. That's the way women in demand operate? On the other hand IMHO guys who have good jobs ( Doctors, lawyers, Accountants etc etc) can afford to play the same games with women as this woman is playing with DL.
It's all about the laws of supply and demand. Basic Economics 101! These guys with good jobs will also have women lining up at their door as well!
Can someone explain to me why it is wrong from a woman to want a guy who has a good head on his should, a good job, his own car, his own place, some Independence?
Can you then explain to me why it is not wrong for a guy to want a woman with the perfect boobs, sweet ass, hot as hell with a brain, a job of her own, no kids and a life of her own???
I mean just for the fuck of it, can someone explain?
