I like your phrase “work wife”. Having someone on the side is mostly about some kind of relationships outside marriage. Nothing wrong with that!
Friends with benefits
- Thread starter digi_7e
- Start date
I've said it before and I'll say it again...
To paraphrase the old Groucho Marx joke:
I wouldn't want to date any woman who would want to date me!
There are sites for sugar daddies with ladies who will only be with you, but it can be be pricey based on how much they want per week or month. Not all do like "exclusive" 1on1. Some prefer having a few daddies for more money. And some want to travel. Otherwise try joining a dating site to get a FWB where you don't really pay or gift, but you may need to hide the fact you're married or put being into an open relationship. You'll probably need a second phone or a texting app to conceal things. I've used a sugar daddy site and prices vary based on people's life choices. It's free to join but costs to message the ladies which isn't that pricey. Most just want to meet up 2-4 times a month and you can inform them what you're looking for in return in detail and see if they are into that. A lot are busy working so you'll have to see if their schedule matches you but it's doable. Otherwise finding a decent FWB without being a SD is possibly. Quite a few still do it than this "hobbying".
@that6969 I think the OP was trying to avoid the whole SB / SD thing. Basically he wants 'free' sex on the side, hence asking about FWBs. He may be able to convert an acquaintance into a mistress, for the price of some romance and a room, but the thing with a working FWB relationship is that the F part always needs to come first. It's the kind of thing that usually emerges when two people are single and know that they don't want a romantic relationship with eachother. If you sleep with a random 'friend' while having a SO you're more likely to end up in a shitshow with someone who can blow up your life. YMMV.
Online dating apps could work in that case. Many openly have open relationships unless they want to conceal it from their partner. A few users on Ashley Madison at times are couples with different accounts and they both are fine if the other has someone on the side, but they know it's strictly for sexual encounters with a bit of mingling (dates) minus the emotions involved. Quite a few are still happily married and know what they do on the side even openly with their partner wouldn't change who they come back home to. Poly isn't that looked down upon compared to years ago. Some people enjoy a certain sexual satisfaction which they might not be getting from their partner or they just enjoy exploring their sexual desires than with one person. Communication plays a good factor into setting someone like a FWB up. A work FWB is common until one person gets feelings or something happens at work and there's an issue.
True fwb relationships can happen, but they are rare. And if you think scheduling appointments, agreeing on location is a hassle with SPs, you are in for a big reality check if you are wanting a FWB relationship as a married guy (where she may also be married too). It’s also very difficult to maintain that pure FWB relationship with boundaries. If it goes on long enough it’s very likely that one or the other or both will “catch the feels”, and that ups the stress, complexity and potential heartache, as well as risk to your marriages.
For a bit of fun on the side you are much better of paying for it with a SP. If you find a regular you can still enjoy some of that warmth and familiarity, but boundaries are clear when you each head home after the session.
I've got a buddy in his 30s who deals with a FWB who he met through Tinder and they both know it's FWB. She was seeing someone else also as a FWB, but then stayed mostly with him and he knew she was also doing him on the side and was fine with it because they openly communicated. They do go out and do stuff at times. They eventually tried being in a relationship cause he actually has feelings for her but it didn't work out. They are back to friends now and still being sexual and it's all mutually agreed upon. It's extremely easily to find even on Tinder since most use that app to mess around than actually start something. He's actually going to try and find someone next year through dating apps for someone that actually wants a relationship because there are people on those apps that want that and some want nothing serious. POF is another popular dating app that's been around for years, but I find it's gone downhill. It use to be 100% free but I think there's a cost now to message ladies on there. And most are generally single moms, but you can find plenty of people looking for just friends or nothing serious and still want sexual action. It's a bit time consuming to actually find someone and the schedule works out, but once you find someone it generally should go fine. I've also messaged ladies between 20-40 years old who openly are with someone and have let me know their partner is fine with what they are doing. If you want to just not let them know you're married you can, but most will eventually question things if they want a relationship than friends. And some aren't into poly so they might not like it if you're still doing your wife of course but that's up to you if you wanna communicate openly or hide things.
I'm happily divorced and single. But if I was in a relationship or married a SP tends to be the better choice since you pay for the hour or two then both walk away so to speak. When I did the whole sugar daddy thing briefly it was a meh experience. Some just text too much and stuff and they expect you to reply back sooner which gets annoying cause it's not an actual relationship plus people are busy. And the few I did see didn't want as much compared to others with a much higher price tag. Most of the time setting something isn't that hard to do. I've told people my schedule who I messaged before and they can tell me theirs and it's not hard to tell if you can actually meet up because of that. A lot work 2 jobs nowadays so their time is extremely limited. If you are going to message someone I'd recommended not wasting too much time with brief sentences going back and forth. Send a message with a few paragraphs. State your alias name, what you'd want in return sexually along with what your schedule is like and most will reply back if they are interested or no along with how many times a month you'd want to meet up. Just keep in mind sometimes people get busy or sick so plans do change especially if no gifts are being exchanged.
If OP is looking to hide things it's a risk anyone takes that hides things from their partner. Personally I've never done anything like that with the partners I've had. Most people eventually get caught. A regular SP is probably the best idea and get a second phone with a sim card on pay as you go. You pay about $10-20 a month and can easily buy a used phone online or stores that sell used phones for $100-200 since you don't need something fancy. Don't waste time with texting apps on your main phone if you're looking to hide things lol since you'll get questioned easily. Just turn the entire phone off and hide it away even at work I suppose and turn it back on to message the person to schedule something. The few times I did see people as FWB I stuck solely with them and I was fine if they were seeing others. YMMV.
Overall what you want from a FWB does exists and it's really common these days online. Hosting at a location can become an issue otherwise hotels/motels are the best option or booking some AirBnB place. The last FWB I had lasted a few months and we both hosted at our places cause we weren't attached to anyone and nothing was being exchanged for the service. Some women just want a good experience too minus the attachments and commitment. Since I no longer live in a city it's harder to find people on those apps because not everyone wants to travel or I do most of the travelling. Personally I might eventually go back to those apps and see how it goes. FWB is a fun experience. You take a big risk hosting at your place and your partner comes home and catches you if they come home early for some reason lol. I've heard from a few SPs who've had run ins because so and so came home early and they got caught.
I'm happily divorced and single. But if I was in a relationship or married a SP tends to be the better choice since you pay for the hour or two then both walk away so to speak. When I did the whole sugar daddy thing briefly it was a meh experience. Some just text too much and stuff and they expect you to reply back sooner which gets annoying cause it's not an actual relationship plus people are busy. And the few I did see didn't want as much compared to others with a much higher price tag. Most of the time setting something isn't that hard to do. I've told people my schedule who I messaged before and they can tell me theirs and it's not hard to tell if you can actually meet up because of that. A lot work 2 jobs nowadays so their time is extremely limited. If you are going to message someone I'd recommended not wasting too much time with brief sentences going back and forth. Send a message with a few paragraphs. State your alias name, what you'd want in return sexually along with what your schedule is like and most will reply back if they are interested or no along with how many times a month you'd want to meet up. Just keep in mind sometimes people get busy or sick so plans do change especially if no gifts are being exchanged.
If OP is looking to hide things it's a risk anyone takes that hides things from their partner. Personally I've never done anything like that with the partners I've had. Most people eventually get caught. A regular SP is probably the best idea and get a second phone with a sim card on pay as you go. You pay about $10-20 a month and can easily buy a used phone online or stores that sell used phones for $100-200 since you don't need something fancy. Don't waste time with texting apps on your main phone if you're looking to hide things lol since you'll get questioned easily. Just turn the entire phone off and hide it away even at work I suppose and turn it back on to message the person to schedule something. The few times I did see people as FWB I stuck solely with them and I was fine if they were seeing others. YMMV.
Overall what you want from a FWB does exists and it's really common these days online. Hosting at a location can become an issue otherwise hotels/motels are the best option or booking some AirBnB place. The last FWB I had lasted a few months and we both hosted at our places cause we weren't attached to anyone and nothing was being exchanged for the service. Some women just want a good experience too minus the attachments and commitment. Since I no longer live in a city it's harder to find people on those apps because not everyone wants to travel or I do most of the travelling. Personally I might eventually go back to those apps and see how it goes. FWB is a fun experience. You take a big risk hosting at your place and your partner comes home and catches you if they come home early for some reason lol. I've heard from a few SPs who've had run ins because so and so came home early and they got caught.
Last edited:
well said. I have two long term FWB - one from High School who we never dated because her family was super religious and she had to date from her religion but over the course of 35 years she is the most regular partner I have had she is married and at first things stop but after a couple years we started up again as she isn't satisfied in her bedroom but loves her husband.
The other is an Asian Milf who I met on a website and first meeting was for coffee and ended up in a hotel. She only wanted sex and have met once or twice a year for the past 10 years. So it is possible.
Exactly, hook ups like that are quite common these days and even to hide it cause you want to stick with your partner who's religious/conservative is possible. People mutually can agree on things and make it work. They may love their partner, but aren't getting certain things sexually or have a higher sex drive than their partner and want it from someone else. Some like being open and will discuss it with their SO but not everyone is into it so some hide it. Bigger cities have MPs because some guys are married to women who barely put out which can be due to religious beliefs so they have the convenience of walking into a MP and picking who they want. It's a nice way to unplug and also relieve stress. And MPs have been around in major cities for years with tons to choose from.
If you're social and have a select few friends online such as on FB reaching out to someone and getting to a certain point is possible. There are ways to ask certain questions leading to something especially friends from the past who can be open and understanding. Infidelity, has been on the rise the past few years due to social media with things like Snapchat and IG. Most of this is out in the open. It's very much opinionated of course because someone is hiding it from their SO than being open. I like being open with people, but I totally see where others are coming from also because they don't want the actual marriage and bond to end because they really enjoy their SO but are missing out on some of life's pleasures. A few people don't wanna turn old and look back at their life saying what if they did certain things back then because life is an experience that comes with many sensations. I've never been a religious person and the super religious people with the fear of God in their head IMO is a sad way to live life. I know tons of people who smoke cigs and hide it also from their SO lol.
If you're social and have a select few friends online such as on FB reaching out to someone and getting to a certain point is possible. There are ways to ask certain questions leading to something especially friends from the past who can be open and understanding. Infidelity, has been on the rise the past few years due to social media with things like Snapchat and IG. Most of this is out in the open. It's very much opinionated of course because someone is hiding it from their SO than being open. I like being open with people, but I totally see where others are coming from also because they don't want the actual marriage and bond to end because they really enjoy their SO but are missing out on some of life's pleasures. A few people don't wanna turn old and look back at their life saying what if they did certain things back then because life is an experience that comes with many sensations. I've never been a religious person and the super religious people with the fear of God in their head IMO is a sad way to live life. I know tons of people who smoke cigs and hide it also from their SO lol.
The term "friends with benefits" essentially revolves around the concept of "benefits." A guy cannot be considered a "friend with benefits" unless he has something to offer, and ultimately, it is up to the woman to decide if she will offer benefits. The extent of the benefits a guy receives is usually proportional to what he is able to offer in return. I personally prefer women who are in middle management positions and focused on their careers. Their primary goal is to advance professionally and secure their financial future, making them less likely to carry excess emotional baggage or be overly dependent, in contrast to those who may be struggling, like single mothers.
Career-driven women in middle management are accustomed to maintaining a polished appearance and dressing well, as this is important to their professional image. After their careers, their main concern is managing their savings to ensure financial stability post career. As I’ve mentioned, the benefits you receive are often a direct reflection of what you’re able to offer in return. I can offer these women a return of 2-3% per week, compounded, which allows them to triple their nest eggs annually. A rare benefit in itself. In return, their benefits go beyond the usual as well. I’ve been gifted expensive bottles of scotch, an $80 bottle of sherry on one occasion, and boxes of cigars from their trips to Cuba. They also take their kitty to nice dinners out.
At one point, I had four ladies with benefits, but one of them moved out west for a career opportunity. She still receives benefits and visits occasionally, either when she’s back in town to see family or for work. Two of the ladies are familiar with each other, one introduced me to her friend. They are both comfortable with sharing a kitty.
Career-driven women in middle management are accustomed to maintaining a polished appearance and dressing well, as this is important to their professional image. After their careers, their main concern is managing their savings to ensure financial stability post career. As I’ve mentioned, the benefits you receive are often a direct reflection of what you’re able to offer in return. I can offer these women a return of 2-3% per week, compounded, which allows them to triple their nest eggs annually. A rare benefit in itself. In return, their benefits go beyond the usual as well. I’ve been gifted expensive bottles of scotch, an $80 bottle of sherry on one occasion, and boxes of cigars from their trips to Cuba. They also take their kitty to nice dinners out.
At one point, I had four ladies with benefits, but one of them moved out west for a career opportunity. She still receives benefits and visits occasionally, either when she’s back in town to see family or for work. Two of the ladies are familiar with each other, one introduced me to her friend. They are both comfortable with sharing a kitty.
Like I said, you have to have a benefit to get a benefit. Women like hunter gatherers/providers. The other way is to be a trophy guy.
My understanding of "friends with benefits" is that the benefit is equal for each side. They are both horny and getting their genitalia taken care of is what each gets.
The issue with FWB relationships is that at the beginning both parties convince themselves that this is only physical, to fulfil that lack of physical intimacy in their current relationship. However, in many cases, there is more than just a physical need that is not being fulfilled, and the FWB starts providing emotional benefits as well, and that is where things get complicated, and issues of attachment, expectations, and jealousy creep up. Either there is an imbalance (one partner starts wanting / needing more, while the other still wants to stay just physical) or both start to become attached, and now there is an emotional relationship too.
Not saying it’s impossible for a true “FWB” only relationship to happen, but we humans have emotional needs, and physical contact is a very strong reinforcer of emotional attachment. (Non procreative sex is likely a big reason why humans are one of the few species that have evolved to successfully pair bond for long periods of time, in many cases for life).
Not saying it’s impossible for a true “FWB” only relationship to happen, but we humans have emotional needs, and physical contact is a very strong reinforcer of emotional attachment. (Non procreative sex is likely a big reason why humans are one of the few species that have evolved to successfully pair bond for long periods of time, in many cases for life).
