Emotional hell: getting mixed messages from a girl, advice needed PLEASE!!

[hinz]

Update:

Today, before leaving to work, she gave me a speech about how she was sick of the cold weather in Toronto, and was going to move to another country. She has massive student loans, and says that she needs to escape them too by leaving.

What are bunch of [******]!

Dude, repeatedly after me, she is a LIABILITY to your financial and emotional well being. Her FICO score would probably be mariginal at best and this would hurt yours if you two stay together. Do you have the stomach to get repeated loan collect call or bail her out when she's rock bottom? That's in addition to routines such as paying bills, raising kids, working, going through life challenging illness, taking care of aging parents.

Plus, you could be an appreciated asset in terms of wisdom. She, on the other hand could be a depreciated asset figuratively and literally 5 years from now.

We were eating lunch and I was so devastated I had to force the food down my throat. I am in such emotional distress right now, my mind is blank.

Like I said before, I do not care whether she's a hot, sexy next door type like some MPAs at Allure or Gisele Bundchen look-a-like. All bets are off after she disclosed her mess and show no incentive to fix them.

When she comes home from work, I will have the heart-to-heart talk with her and see what happens. I hope I can convince her to stay and be with me.

Don't do it. You will regret for what you did decades from now if you manage to convince her to stay and be with you. And things will get nasty when kids are involved.

It's like falling in love to Nortel in 2000 at $127, refuse to "pull the plug" and hold the shares hoping a break-even.

 

[hinz]

To Hinz I like your Nortel analogy, LOL!

Just want to be clear, the $127 per Nortel shares I mentioned was before the reverse split.

http://www.investopedia.com/terms/r/reversesplit.asp

Personally I do not like the word reverse, not even getting one in Nude

 

[Dewalt]

Sorry Hellena I am not kidding. "Affairs of the heart" is a game and women know how to play it better than men. What stinkynuts needs to do is refuse to be walked on and enjoy his life without chasing after some woman who is already to leave the country to get out of her debt. If she is willing to walk away from something as big as student loan and leave others to pick up the pieces, the sooner he is banging someone else the better. You know what they say: "The best way to get over someone is to get over someone else"

Stinkynuts - refuse the enter the game she is playing. Because to her that is all it is - a game and I hope you are worth more than being a pawn.

 

[hinz]

"Affairs of the heart" is a game and women know how to play it better than men. What stinkynuts needs to do is refuse to be walked on and enjoy his life without chasing after some woman who is already to leave the country to get out of her debt. If she is willing to walk away from something as big as student loan and leave others to pick up the pieces, the sooner he is banging someone else the better. You know what they say: "The best way to get over someone is to get over someone else"

I somewhat agrees when it comes to refuse to be a "door mat" but not to bang the other "hot" woman just to get even.

It's harsh but bang on to say she's a "damaged" individual when it comes to walk away from the debts and leave others to pick up the pieces. Stinky should not put himself at risk by trying to convince her to be with him.

You will never and ever know the downside risk and the cost to fund her liabilities emotionally and financially. It's like BAC falling in love with Countrywide distribution network and decided to have a takeover of the company without considering litigation risks for all of its fraudulent sub-prime/Alt-A/Ninja mortgages origination.

 

[fuji]

If you want to pick her up by damaging her self esteem that's fine, but actually banging other hot women in front of her won't do it. Also she's likely not dumb, a woman who shows up and then leaves an hour later....

Show her pictures of hot ex girlfriends, bring around "friends" that are hotter than she is (but don't bang them in front of her), criticize the looks of women that are obviously hotter than she is (but not her looks), etc.,

If you have to use an SP or other hired help just have the SP come to the door then leave with you to go on a regular "date", have your friend answer the door, then leave with the SP. Beware though most SP's are really just AVERAGE looking women who dress slutty. Women have better eyes than men, if you pick an AVERAGE looking SP who is simply dressed like a slut (so hot from a guy's point of view) she is NOT going to be impressed and you will LOSE points for being fooled by the slutty dress/behavior and not noticing the underlying average looks. You have to pick an SP who is actually better looking than average, and most SP's honestly aren't (most are just regular women who happen to be SP's).

Anyway whether wing-girl friend or SP, come home early and say she wasn't up to your standards (ie., to work on insecurities about whether SHE is up to your standards.) If this is your strategy DO NOT tell her she looks better, let her wonder if she's good enough.

If this insecurity thing works don't validate her when she starts to ask if she looks good. Answer questions with questions, change the topic, you answer by making a move and let her prove to herself she is good by "getting" you.

If you do any this of course your objective is simply to fuck her and move on. Sounds like the OP is in love with her (in a grade 10 kind of way).

 

[bangcamaro]

There are millions of other girls out there, man.

Don't put her up on a pedestal or think you're "crazy about her", don't idolize her for being all generous and whatever and build her up into something great. You're just setting yourself up.

If she clearly doesn't feel the same way about you, or isn't clear about what she wants, then she doesn't deserve all this attention, focus, and energy you're putting your emotions and mind through.

Fuck, you even made a thread all about her on a forum to strangers.

You have to find a way to move on, even if it means losing a friend. Sticking around with her will only bring you down or re-ignite your supposed feelings about her.

 

[stinkynuts]

Update:

I just had a heart-to-heart talk with her. She told me that she is too sick to be in a relationship, and that I should see other people.

I feel better that it's done and over. Thanks to everyone for their advice.

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

awww, sorry it did not go the way you wanted it hon but maybe now you can move on. Good luck doll.

 

[fuji]

I just had a heart-to-heart talk with her. She told me that she is too sick to be in a relationship, and that I should see other people.

Mistake. You should have just asked her out.

 

[jwmorrice]

She told me that she is too sick to be in a relationship, and that I should see other people.

Would her last name be Costanza?

jwm

 

[train]

Update:

I just had a heart-to-heart talk with her. She told me that she is too sick to be in a relationship, and that I should see other people.

I feel better that it's done and over. Thanks to everyone for their advice.

You do realize that you are asking advice from a group of people who, on the surface at least, would appear to have a significantly worse than average track record in relationships.

This is almost a Jerry Springer / Dr. Phil moment. Since no one can resist doling out a piece of advice here goes: Punt. If you can't punt then your issues are big enough to talk to someone who knows what they are talking about not us. A counsellor perhaps.

Best of luck.

 

[stinkynuts]

Actually, things are not so bleak. She mentioned the possibility of her going out with me when she was feeling better (she is sick now). She also said that in the past she indeed did have feelings for me. She said she needed two months to be physically and emotionally ready to consider it.

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

Hmmmmm hon take the advice of everyone here and RUN LIKE HELL!!!!! She does not want you right now but does not want you to lose interest in case she changes her mind. Get your ass out of there before your heart is nothing more than a smushed up piece of shit that she scrapes off her shoe. Seriously!

 

[jimmyf]

Gather up whats left of your dignity and move on...

Hmmmmm hon take the advice of everyone here and RUN LIKE HELL!!!!! She does not want you right now but does not want you to lose interest in case she changes her mind. Get your ass out of there before your heart is nothing more than a smushed up piece of shit that she scrapes off her shoe. Seriously!

Unless you want to live the drama of the roller coaster take this advice...Plenty of Fish in the Sea you know (and no, not the internet site. )

 

[bangcamaro]

You do realize that you are asking advice from a group of people who, on the surface at least, would appear to have a significantly worse than average track record in relationships.

But aren't those the kind of people you want to ask for advice on relationships? These are the people who've made the most mistakes and have had the most variety of experiences.

You don't want to go and ask the people that are "happily married, never cheated, and only been in one relationship ever"
They have no experience to speak from.

 

[fuji]

it's not what they say that matters. it's what they do.

EXACTLY.

Which is why you never have a heart-to-heart with a woman you have not seen naked. There are only two outcomes possible if you do: she says something that limits the possibilities; or she says something ambiguous and you are no better off than you were.

That's why it was a mistake. You should simply have invited her out to do something fun, and made a move.

 

[fuji]

She said she needed two months to be physically and emotionally ready to consider it.

Bullshit. If she's sick respect that. Soon as she's feeling a little better (you judge, not her) start asking her out to do fun stuff and make moves on her.

Ignore what she is saying. As I have been trying to tell you if you get her talking about it the only thing that can happen is she says things that limit your opportunities.

Women don't sit down and have a rational heart to heart and then logically decide that you should be their boyfriend, that does not happen in real life, that does not even happen in movies, so stop doing that.

Women decide that you are their boyfriend when they are rationalizing to themselves why they just fucked you, and at that point you have the heart to heart to set out what kind of relationship it is going to be (or not).

 

[fuji]

Seriously, sorry for the third post, but seriously:

Talking about a relationship is something you do ONLY when one of you is considering calling it off, as in, "should we get married or do you want to call it off?" or, "So we've been dating awhile, should we make it official, or do you want to call it off?"

Having a relationship talk with someone you have no relationship with is literally asking her to choose between no and maybe. How is that good for you?

Women aren't stupid. If you say, "I want to take you out for dinner tommorow" they know it means you're interested, and if they say yes they've said maybe, and that's ALL you can expect to know. Then you make your move and see what happens.

 

[fuji]

Smart women do!

Only with dumb guys

Have you really ever sat down and had a relationship talk with someone you have NO relationship with, not even ever kissed, where the outcome was something other than "no" or "maybe"?

Saying "sure I'd like to have dinner with you too" is just as good a way of saying maybe, and does not carry as much of a risk of a premature no.

 

[Berlin]

Actually, things are not so bleak. She mentioned the possibility of her going out with me when she was feeling better (she is sick now). She also said that in the past she indeed did have feelings for me. She said she needed two months to be physically and emotionally ready to consider it.

If you still want to stay in the pursuit, best of luck stinky. Just be prepared to pick yourself up because when you finally fall, the pain is gonna be real bad.

Get your ass out of there before your heart is nothing more than a smushed up piece of shit that she scrapes off her shoe. Seriously!

The above comment ain't overstating, and I don't mind saying it again that fuji's very first comment was bang on IMNSHO.

She does not love you and slim chance that she will.


Good luck dude. Be brave.