Emotional hell: getting mixed messages from a girl, advice needed PLEASE!!

[El_Cid]

I agree with Baci, DO NOT DO THE HEART TO HEART.

You'll pour your heart out, she'll remain objective, and she'll have whatever balls you had to begin with in a jar.

For the love of god, you LIKE her, why would you jump the gun into talking about relationships?? You're in your 30's. Wake up the inner GROWN MAN in you.

You want to have FUN with her. If she doesn't reciprocate, move on. Bang one of her friends while she listens in the other room.

 

[hinz]

Dude, You're that nice guy that gets walked on/mind f**ked while she's chasing and fucking the jerk.

As mentioned she needs someone to pay the rent. You just happen to be her "cash flow" at the right time.

Moreover, it's okay for woman to be needy as this will feed man's ego well but it's a dating suicide on the other way around.

Sorry to say she bits off more than she could chew is too politically correct. Your action just remind her to live a nightmare of "babysitting" a grown up boy.

I would just stop wasting money on her and instead spend on the SP/MPAs if I were you.

Maybe it turns out both are not different when it comes to emotion or feelings but at least you get "physical"....with a price that is inexpensive compared to the price you have to pay and waste for being in a hell of roller coaster ride like this.

 

[hinz]

if a chick likes you, you can do no wrong and you'd already be banging her. If she doesn't, she might string you along for fun (if she's sadistic) but most will give you the polite brush off (it will damage your friendship bullshit).

I would not touch pro. balls/cock buster like her with my ten foot pole

 

[a 1 player]

I still stand by the heart to heart, but not in a mushy corny, romantic comedy kind of way. Put your feelings out there, state what you want and what you are not willing to give.

Something like this (though I do not really know the situation, but I hope you get the idea).

Look XXXX, I needto talk to you about a couple of things. I have brought up that I really like you, and I have the feeling you feel te same about me. We have been friends for 3 years now, and I want more than that. Are you just brushing me away, or do you feel the same way? If you want to just remain friends, tell me. But know that if that is the case, I do not want to hear about the boy problems you are having.

This way your shit is on the table and you have not put your balls out there. You have a right to know what is going on. If you feel that it is taking a dive for the worse, then you can ask her to leave. Again, find out what the hell is going on without her playing chick games (ie. giving you indirect answers), and go from there.

ps. Why is it that most guys think that expressing your feelings is putting your balls out there?

 

[hinz]

ps. Why is it that most guys think that expressing your feelings is putting your balls out there?

Personally, I feel it's like asking her to crush your balls like smashing cloves of garlics when you express your feeling to her

Both sexes may acknowledge it's ab normal for guy to be stone-cold when it comes to express feelings. In reality the Ladies are still freaking out big time when a guy wants to be ahmm....normal to express feelings.

 

[a 1 player]

So you believe it is normal and correct then to not sate what you want and need? Do you keep it to yourself and a secret? How do you get anything you want then? Maybe I've just been though too much therapy.

I don't think about what other guys do, I just do what works for me. Fuck male stereotypes and masculinity bullshit.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

It goes both ways guys... if you expect us to upfront and honest in our feelings, how about showing the same respect and not try and make a move over and over again until we think you're pathetic and show you where the door is.

Having a 'heart to heart' chat with her is probably best in his situation. I don't know about everyone else, but after reading his plea I think he has genuine feelings towards her. So I doubt him making the moves until she tells him otherwise is a great idea.

I wish there wasn't this stigma about men talking about their feelings and thoughts. There is nothing pussy about it.

 

[hinz]

So you believe it is normal and correct then to not sate what you want and need? Do you keep it to yourself and a secret? How do you get anything you want then? Maybe I've just been though too much therapy.

I do not believe it is normal, healthy and correct to keep your feeling to yourself but like I say before, some women, be in the business or not would not hesitate to quash your feelings like a bug. She may not have sadistic intention but at least she knows she's still head turner.

As far as getting anything I want, there is no such thing as free lunch and you need to have tonnes of money to spend and buy happiness. Regretably this is the rule of the game in today's dating scene, be one night or long term.

Back to the topic, the bottom line is you are not her t******n during the time in need. Being independent financially and physically gives you flexibility and it's priceless.

 

[Herodotus]

I wish there wasn't this stigma about men talking about their feelings and thoughts. There is nothing pussy about it.

I agree. It all depends on how you go about it. Just act like you've got nothing to lose. If she says no or waffles, then be prepared to "just" be friends (on terms that are mutually acceptable) or walk away.

 

[amazing age]

It's like Hinz said, Stinky. If you lose your independence, financial, emotional, whatever, you've lost it all. I had a relationship much like this when I was in my thirties. Turned out she was actually married to some other poor slob, who was supporting her, while I was stroking her ego, on the side. So there you have it; it will only go down hill from here. (We called them "crazy makers", in my time.). Say goodbye, and find someone who doesn't need to fuck with your head.

 

[Blur]

Is it possible that she thinks you are a player and only want her to play with till something better comes along?

I think LadyTY2Uall has it right; she is just playing with you until something, she perceives as better, comes along. This is possibly normal behaviour, hence the previous bad relationships and maybe subconscious, hence the mixed messages. Enjoy the ride while it lasts.

 

[shakenbake]

Cut your losses and get away as fast as you can. Your life is too precious to waste time on an unsure person as the one you describe. I had a very similar experience with a girl many, many years ago and it ended in a disaster for me.

 

[a 1 player]

I do not believe it is normal, healthy and correct to keep your feeling to yourself but like I say before, some women, be in the business or not would not hesitate to quash your feelings like a bug. She may not have sadistic intention but at least she knows she's still head turner..

If ones feelings get quashed it is their own fault. I would hope that one has enough of an ego and self-esteem that the hurt would only go so deep. Unfortunately, having ones feelings mashed is a part of life, albeit an uncomfortable one. Everyone has probably had their heart broken at least once, but somehow we get through it given enough time and support from family and friends. My point being, good or bad, it is still a good thing to know where one stands.

As far as getting anything I want, there is no such thing as free lunch and you need to have tonnes of money to spend and buy happiness. Regretably this is the rule of the game in today's dating scene, be one night or long term..

That is the biggest heap of horse shit I have ever come across. Most of the dates I go on are either free or next to free. An expensive resteraunt does not impress any more than something that is new and creative. Shopping in Kensington Market, a picnic lunch on a sunday drive, a day at the beach, all can be good and fun and show that one can impress. I'm not saying that one does not have to drop some coin every now and again, but it certainly does not have to be a regular thing. If I was dating a woman who was more interested in my bank account than in me, I would drop her like a last period french class.

Happiness is what you make it. I've been rich and I've been poor and I have been both happy and sad during both periods. God knows, it could change either way again tomorrow. What makes me happy...
Good weather
My kids
A good morning kiss
I love you
A cold beer
Smoking my pipe
The joy of a surprise on my GF's face.

All of which are free or next to free. MY GF fell for me when I was stone broke and she had money. Now she has none and I am doing well. Uncommon, yes, but if two people truly like each other for who they are the rest don't mean shit. In my opinion, anyone who judges anyone else solely on their bank account is a phony and can rot in hell for all I care.

Back to the topic, the bottom line is you are not her t******n during the time in need. Being independent financially and physically gives you flexibility and it's priceless.

I somewhat agree with this. Even in a comitted relationship thre needs to be freedom and flexibility. But for me anyhow, the tradeoff of comittment and secureness is worthwhile for a little less independance. Of course, this may not work for everyone.

 

[hinz]

That is the biggest heap of horse shit I have ever come across. Most of the dates I go on are either free or next to free. An expensive resteraunt does not impress any more than something that is new and creative. Shopping in Kensington Market, a picnic lunch on a sunday drive, a day at the beach, all can be good and fun and show that one can impress.

Fair enough but this could not be quantified in value.

If I was dating a woman who was more interested in my bank account than in me, I would drop her like a last period french class.

It's not easy to read gold digger's mind. Men are like Ziploc Bags as they have all the feelings in, but women can see right through them.

Not all men are smart enough to read the minds until it's too late.

Or put it this way, he would probably avoid the pitfall and turn the table if he could read her mind/strategy to mind f**K/walk on you like a nice guy without respect.

In my opinion, anyone who judges anyone else solely on their bank account is a phony and can rot in hell for all I care.

Don't know whether it's a blessing or a curse but the size of my bank account is no way closed to 7 figures to consider whether she's a phony.

 

[canucklehead]

I would not tip her .....

 

[a 1 player]

It's not easy to read gold digger's mind.[/QUOTE]

Actually, it is really easy to find a gold digger, one just has to know what to look for....
By the way she looks at your car
She points out expensive jewellery to you
If she always chooses te most expensive resteraunt
The dreaded "I wish" phrase

Men are like Ziploc Bags as they have all the feelings in, but women can see right through them.

And that is one of the reasons I show my feelings, so they can not be misconstrued.

 

[hairyfucker]

I think you should tell her that your friend asked you to tell her that he likes her and want to know if she likes him... come on man get out of junior high!!!!

Sit her ass down and talk to her like an adult. If she is mature, she will talk back. If not, you can either deal with a bunch of crap until she does or move on. For lack of a better way to put it. Get some balls.

 

[hinz]

By the way she looks at your car
She points out expensive jewellery to you
If she always chooses te most expensive resteraunt
The dreaded "I wish" phrase.

No Porsche of the world as my main transportation is TTC.

Expensive Jewellery at Tiffany or even Birks means nothing IMHO unless she is thinking of getting them using my money, if there's any and in the future handing in to pawn shop as loans collaterals

There are no Joël Robuchon/Alain Ducasse/Gordon Ramsey of the world here for her to choose. Rain or Susur by comparison are also ran. IMHO spending McDonalds a couple of times per week, 52 weeks per year is the most expensive.

Still, it's quite common to find ladies, regardless of the colour and profession to have "gold-digging" tendancies in various degree.

 

[red]

this woman is one of those needy, high maintenance types that need constant re-assurance. if you like that then go for it, but I think you are better off elsewhere

 

[Diode]

Oh, if a man tells me he cares for me I hope he does not have a reason, especially a reason like I am generous, I hope it is because he sees the real me and cannot imagine himself living another moment without me. JMHO

Hunh? This I could never live another moment without you a la Romeo and Juliette, is quite frankly silly.
One of the pair is going to die first. Be them in a one month, one year or 50 year marrige, one is going to die, and one live.
Get used to this idea. One marries for many reasons, but quite frankly the hot passion of young love is short, and sweet.
It's a dammed good thing too. Paying bills, raising kids, working, going through life challenging illness, taking care of aging parents, takes more than passion.
What it takes, is true love and commitment, understanding a sense of humour, and yes the ability to be generous.
Those are true reasons to love, and stay with a husband/wife.