Emotional Attachments

[rep_pot]

Good for you TipDrill for expressing what lots of us feel. Both the attachment and our lives with our wives. I love mine but I can't stop eating or breathing because that is whats expected. I am a human and need what I need. If I don't provide what my wife needs emotionally, then she may be gone, but I can't provide what I don't have.
Thanks for expressing that feeling.

 

[shaka]

Hmmm lots of thought here. My first SP was stunning, incredible and I was completely smitten. I was shot down rather badly. Then an SP fell for me and if I came over after midnight no charge. Now, many years later, and I find myself avoiding the courtesans, well some I like Alexxxis, Monique...so that will not fall for them.

Then the angel on the shoulder is yelling that anyone with some money can have fun. those who do have the money and do not partake and focus on their partner are better men. Alas I wish I was the latter.

 

[Oogabooga]

I must say, this thread is more compelling than I'd imagined it would be.

 

[ixlr82]

have formed the impression that I'm not the only person who has become emotionally attached. I'm an older (early retired) person and I only entered the SP/MP/SC world about three years ago. I guess all of those "empty" years (actually decades) with my dear wife finally caught up with me and I felt like Christopher Columbus discovering the New World. I have learned a lot about human nature, both good and bad, during the last three years and for that I am grateful.


Wow, you hit the nail on the head with me.. I have become very emotionally attached to a private SP who does not advertise... We talk almost daily and go out to movies and dinner when she even pays sometimes... Very confusing..

 

[Tip-Drill]

Wow, you hit the nail on the head with me.. I have become very emotionally attached to a private SP who does not advertise... We talk almost daily and go out to movies and dinner when she even pays sometimes... Very confusing..

Thanks for confiding, but tread very carefully my friend. It's an emotional (and financial) minefield out there.

Just out of interest, how did you locate "a private SP who does not advertise"?!

 

[OnTheWayOut]

Just out of interest, how did you locate "a private SP who does not advertise"?!

she must've been hiding behind a pole *lol*

 

[JoyfulC]

Sometimes it is very real -- but keep it in context: it's just for the moment.

Remember that you didn't go the route of looking for a girlfriend, courting, whatever. You phoned up for a "quick fix." And for her part, she's doing it professionally. You were looking for a solution to a specific need, and she met that need.

That's not to say that a real connection couldn't happen -- only that you should cherish what does happen and not try to make it any more than that.

Over the years, I've met dozens of men who insisted that, on the basis of the obvious chemistry between us, I should forfeit the payment -- but would they have been as eager to forfeit my obligation to provide them with sex?

As a society, we have a tendency to confuse sex, partnership and love. We lump them altogether and have a bad habit of throwing out the baby with the bathwater when one isn't satisfactory.

As someone who's been in a 25+ year marriage, I can say that sexual fascination comes and goes in waves. Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's just damned satisfying, and other times, it's not worth bothering with.

Love tends to be pretty steady -- or at least for me. (never having been through the death of love, which I've heard about, but haven't actually experienced) I find it hard to believe that one could truly love someone and then have that love dwindle away -- not if it was true love.

Partnership is the intellectual component -- you can be drawn into loving someone naturally, you can be drawn into lusting after someone naturally, but partnership takes intention. Unlike love or lust, it's something we CHOOSE. And if we're people of integrity, we honour the partnerships we pledge to, regardless of what else might conspire.

It's the "fabric of society" and always has been so.

When you use the services of an SP, you're looking for a specific solution to a specific need. And sometimes chemistry conspires to make it a perfect match -- but just for that specific need. But that need is actually the easiest of them all to meet, because of its fleeting nature.

If you are seeking someone to love or someone to be your partner in life (and no, the two aren't necessarily the same!), then no, it's extremely unlikely you'll find her this way.

..c..

 

[ixlr82]

It started of in a club and eventually the person left that lifestyle and went to work for a public sector company. We became close in the club and it carried over after..

 

[YellowDog]

I fell head over heels for a well known Toronto SP during 1999. She was fairly restrictive but by the third session it became fullblown GFE. Many sessions followed after that, including overnighters at the going rate, but then I realized I just couldn't afford her any more and stopped going. It was as emotionally tough as a regular break up. I still think about her, wish I could see her and probably would try to if she was still in the biz.
I had a great experience with an MPA a couple of years ago, absolutely fantastic and I could tell she really really liked me. I set up an appointment for two days later and got another good session. At the end of it she asked me if she had ever seen me before, she couldn't even remember me!
It took me a while to understand that the ones who got me emotionally involved are the ones who are giving me the most for my money. Now when I visit an MP or see an SP I enjoy the emotional involvement but understand it ends when the session ends.

 

[JoyfulC]

YellowDog, you have it right but are looking at it the wrong way.

Put yourself in our shoes.

You say that the ones who get you the most emotionally involved are the ones giving you the most for your money -- well, yes -- if that's what you're trying to buy. Not everyone is, though. Could it be that some SPs are just naturally empathetic people who have the ability to form deep bonds with someone they've only just met? Does this make them bad people? Or just "people people" -- people who have a natural affinity for other people? I don't think it makes them predatory, by any stretch.

Hell, I remember back in the old days when that used to be a quality prized in nurses. (Although not these days, apparently!)

And you say that you enjoy the emotional involvement, but understand when it ends -- well, welcome to our world! That's exactly how it often is for us. We very often meet men that we connect with easily and deeply, but we also have to have the discipline to let go when the session is over. After all, who goes looking for a life partner in a massage parlour or an escort ad column? Not too many people! Many of our clients are married, have families. No matter how much they may make our hearts sing (and/or our pussy's twitch), we know we have to let them go when the job is over. That's the deal.

Many of us (myself included) have found relationships outside the business, even though we continue to work. Having pledged ourselves thusly, you can't expect us to betray all that for a fleeting intense connection?

Some truly wonderous things can happen when SPs and hobbyists meet. I've been very blessed to have known many, and I hope to know many more. But the premise of the way we meet isn't a foundation for a life relationship. This is a matter of fleeting delight -- and those of us on both sides of the game who do it best understand that, and don't try to make it more.

..c..

 

[YellowDog]

YellowDog, you have it right but are looking at it the wrong way.

..c..

Don't get me wrong, I am not knocking the SP's or MPA's. Yes, many of them are very empathetic and also very good actresses.
If I just wanted to shoot a load I could take care of that myself, yes I want a little emotional involvement (thats how I really define GFE, being treated emotionally like a girl friend would treat me.) But I do expect it to end at the end of the session. And I don't think that someone that provides it is predatory.

 

[JoyfulC]

That's a relief!

But really, it's not always acting. Just as you can get into the moment as it's happening, so can we sometimes -- when conditions are right.

..c..

 

[bbclown]

I garee with Joyful C for most of it but I don't agree with her for the following:

.
If you are seeking someone to love or someone to be your partner in life (and no, the two aren't necessarily the same!), then no, it's extremely unlikely you'll find her this way.

..c..

Joyful, you think about Love as if it was something voluntary: you decide to love or not love somebody. We have all witnessed couples that we think are not compatible but yet they are extremely in love with each other...the classic example is the very ugly guy with the extremely beautiful woman (or vice versa), or the somewhat older woman with the young guy.

That being said, I think some SPs are also looking for some emotional attachments. I met an SP a couple of months ago and we started talking after the act; she mentioned that she does provide some fetishes and I was curiuous so I asked about the price for some of them; let me tell you that I was surprised by her answer: she told me that she would not charge me anything if I provide her with some tender moments. So I guess some SPs are pretty much like some clients also, looking for more emotions, except that SPs have stronger emotional shields than clients. After few years of using SP services, clients become as shielded as SPs but that takes a lot of time (and money).

 

[JoyfulC]

I'll admit, I have seen it work out a couple of times -- but more often than not, it's a disaster.

My advice to people looking for a partner is go do what truly interests you -- and no, by that I don't mean sex or drinking! Get involved in a sport, community service, your church, local politics, a theater group, whatever. That way, the people you'll be exposed to will be more likely to share your interests and values, and you have a better chance at making a go of any relationship started this way.

Diverse values and interests play havoc on relationships, no matter how much chemistry is there. By making it a point to expose yourself to people who share your values and interests, you greatly enhance your chances of finding a relationship that's going to work.

..c..

 

[Chad]

I'll admit, I have seen it work out a couple of times -- but more often than not, it's a disaster.

My advice to people looking for a partner is go do what truly interests you -- and no, by that I don't mean sex or drinking! Get involved in a sport, community service, your church, local politics, a theater group, whatever. That way, the people you'll be exposed to will be more likely to share your interests and values, and you have a better chance at making a go of any relationship started this way.

Diverse values and interests play havoc on relationships, no matter how much chemistry is there. By making it a point to expose yourself to people who share your values and interests, you greatly enhance your chances of finding a relationship that's going to work.

..c..

Well Said!!!!

 

[bbclown]

I'll admit, I have seen it work out a couple of times -- but more often than not, it's a disaster.

Diverse values and interests play havoc on relationships, no matter how much chemistry is there. By making it a point to expose yourself to people who share your values and interests, you greatly enhance your chances of finding a relationship that's going to work.

..c..

I agree with you here again except that what you said is valid for any relationship and not only a SP-client (former client?) relation.

There was an italian scientific study a few years ago that discovered that chemistry (love?) last about one year; after that, if you share other interests with your partner, your relationship will survive, otherwise it goes down the drain...So, if you share only the chemistry with your SP, then may be you should not bother looking for something more than offered services; but I have to admit that this is easier said than done...

Good luck to all of us who had or are having some 'weak' moments with their favorite SP!

 

[Oogabooga]

I once fell for a stripper. She told me that she had feelings for me as well. When I was with her it was so easy to believe it, but each time a few days would pass, in the back of my mind I had a feeling of "she must be snowing me". She was way too beautiful, smart, etc. to go for me in the 'real world' - plus she never want to see me out of the club.

A different stripper had told me that dancers do, in fact, do this. They will lie and tell you that they're interested as a ways of roping you in as a regular.

It was tough for sure,. Funny thing is, just last week I popped into the same club and saw her. She said that she felt hurt that I'd stopped coming in to see her, and that she still has feelings for me.

Why would she persist in saying that she has feelings for me when I've called her bluff 1000's of times?

 

[GlavaMan]

Why would she persist in saying that she has feelings for me when I've called her bluff 1000's of times?

To quote Mr. Jim Lehey of The TPB "A shit Leopard can't change it's spots".

 

[bjsk90]

I once fell for a stripper. She told me that she had feelings for me as well. When I was with her it was so easy to believe it, but each time a few days would pass, in the back of my mind I had a feeling of "she must be snowing me". She was way too beautiful, smart, etc. to go for me in the 'real world' - plus she never want to see me out of the club.

A different stripper had told me that dancers do, in fact, do this. They will lie and tell you that they're interested as a ways of roping you in as a regular.

It was tough for sure,. Funny thing is, just last week I popped into the same club and saw her. She said that she felt hurt that I'd stopped coming in to see her, and that she still has feelings for me.

Why would she persist in saying that she has feelings for me when I've called her bluff 1000's of times?

One thing to remember is actions are louder than words. It doesn't matter if you're talking about a stripper or a girl you met during church. Asking them whether they love you, and getting a positive answer back means nothing. If they like hanging out with you, then they told the truth, otherwise they didn't.

 

[Robio]

I wonder if Sp ever get attached to Johns?