Breaking up after a few dates...

[freedom3]

Feel odd asking for dating advice on an escort review board but anyways, here is my situation.

Have been dating a girl for just over a month...she lives and works far in the east end. I get to see her about once a week. She is a nice girl and we talk like old friends meeting after a long time. The conversation flows well and she has a maturity that I find attractive.

She has invited me over to her place for dinner this week. But, deep down, I feel that its best that we be friends only. She is highly interested in me and I don't want to mess with her heart by sleeping with her and then breaking up.

So, the question is, how do I break up nicely and still be good friends ( without benefits of course, I am not a fan of FWIB ) with her ?

The key to breaking up with women:
-Be very cheap. Tell her everything is too expensive.
-Ask to borrow money.
-Tell her how drunk you got a week ago.

 

[i am one]

Are you really breaking up if the two of you are just dating and not really in a relationship together? It's been just 4-5 dates.

 

[trod]

But wait. You say, "She's a nice girl and we talk like old friends. The conversation flows well and she's mature."

Wtf? What are you looking for? A brainless bimbo? The boring-ugly-sexless type?

By mature, I mean she is smart and shows a great sense of responsibility. She has enough brain to keep me engaged in a conversation.

But, she is a BBW which for me, kinda breaks the deal. She isn't ugly by any means, its just that I do need some physical attraction in a relationship for the long term.

Deep down, you feel it's best that you don't shag her? Well, you can always find someone to shag - this forum shows you how, if other methods fail. The hard thing is finding someone you like talking to and listening to - it's the only good basis for a long-term relationship - don't throw it away because you have a problem with her tits being too big.

Indeed the hard thing is finding someone I like to talk and listen to everyday. Its even harder to find someone who has those qualities and to whom I am physically attracted.

I can of course find someone to shag thanks to this forum, I have hobbied few times and know what I want.

Basically I think OP isnt very physically attracted to her and has better options. In all these situations, do the [prime] Brad Pitt/Megan Fox test:

ask yourself: if she looked like Megan Fox, would you still friendzone her and not want to get it in?

or when something like this happens to yourself:

if I looked like a young brad, would she still have flaked on me? etc

Bingo.

Are you really breaking up if the two of you are just dating and not really in a relationship together? It's been just 4-5 dates.

Its been about 8 dates. I am assuming she thinks its a relationship hence I must treat it like a relationship.

I'd be delighted if she takes my 'break up' positively and we stay good friends.

 

[CapitalGuy]

Lol. Essentially, she will be hurt by this. If she is BBW and doesn't get a lot of action, you are her great white hope. Instead, you are bumping her back into the pool of BBW women hoping to find a nice guy who doesn't care that they are fat. So, you are an asshole (not from my POV, but from hers). You are about to hurt her. There is nothing you can do about that, and you are fully correct in ending a relationship with a woman with whom you have no future. You are, truth be told, doing her more of a disservice if you string her along much longer, than if you rip off that bandaid right now and let her know that you don't want to go forward with the relationship. Its fine - that's just life. She will be hurt no matter what you say, once she realizes you are dumping her, and there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about that (assuming she is heavy into you). So the aim becomes to deliver the message in as polite but direct a manner as possible then get the FUCK out of there and let her heal. The more time you spend "comforting" her, the more you prolong her pain and yours.

 

[LKD]

yup... just tell her the truth that you aren't in a sutuation that you'd like to commit due to other things in your life... Who knows.. maybe she just wants her needs taken care off too and wants a quick and dependable fuck session when she needs it. Women have needs too. If you ain't going to give it to her, some other douche bag will xD Lastly, don't underestimate the innocent and nice girls. When they need to fuck, they will fuck anything that moves. xD

 

[dearjohn]

Feel odd asking for dating advice on an escort review board but anyways, here is my situation.

Have been dating a girl for just over a month...she lives and works far in the east end. I get to see her about once a week. She is a nice girl and we talk like old friends meeting after a long time. The conversation flows well and she has a maturity that I find attractive.

She has invited me over to her place for dinner this week. But, deep down, I feel that its best that we be friends only. She is highly interested in me and I don't want to mess with her heart by sleeping with her and then breaking up.

So, the question is, how do I break up nicely and still be good friends ( without benefits of course, I am not a fan of FWIB ) with her ?

she sounds ugly.

 

[MadonnaLove]

Lol. Essentially, she will be hurt by this. If she is BBW and doesn't get a lot of action, you are her great white hope. Instead, you are bumping her back into the pool of BBW women hoping to find a nice guy who doesn't care that they are fat. So, you are an asshole (not from my POV, but from hers). You are about to hurt her. There is nothing you can do about that, and you are fully correct in ending a relationship with a woman with whom you have no future. You are, truth be told, doing her more of a disservice if you string her along much longer, than if you rip off that bandaid right now and let her know that you don't want to go forward with the relationship. Its fine - that's just life. She will be hurt no matter what you say, once she realizes you are dumping her, and there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about that (assuming she is heavy into you). So the aim becomes to deliver the message in as polite but direct a manner as possible then get the FUCK out of there and let her heal. The more time you spend "comforting" her, the more you prolong her pain and yours.

seriously capital guy i know what your problem is your obsessed with bbw




trod maybe she will be happy just being friends most woman want friendships with men anyways so i hope it works out for you

 

[CapitalGuy]

seriously capital guy i know what your problem is your obsessed with bbw

Hi MadonnaXo. Larger women are simply not to my tastes. I'm sorry if that is a problem for you, but it certainly doesn't mean I have a 'problem'. In this case, the OP does not seem to be attracted to this woman either, and my advice to him (and he was seeking advice) took that into consideration. I wish you nothing but happiness in life!! All the best.

 

[trod]

Visited her place and we had a wonderful dinner + wine. I could see the hope in her eyes and also the inner fear of rejection. We talked and she waited for me to make a move. I kept hesitating and she kept waiting. We'd watch some vacation pictures, TV show.

Time went by fast and I had to get going home as it was getting late. She had offered to drop me to the Go station. As we are about to walk out the house, she says "You haven't kissed me today". I could feel her pain and I kissed her. She gave the most passionate kiss I have felt and then we walked out to the car. Got in and had the 'talk' as she drove. She openly asked if I was physically attracted to her. I responded in the most nicest way possible. She had tears filling up her eyes as I try to comfort her and be honest about where I see the relationship going ( as friends ).

She nodded while still trying to hold back tears. She didn't look at me. I felt like such a bad guy...ughh

I still tried to be as comforting as possible. We reach the station and not much time was left for the train to depart. I hadn't taken my eyes off her the whole time. I hold her arm, squeeze it and ask "We can be friends still right ?". She looks at me, with tears rolling down her eyes, and says " I need time ". I couldn't hold my tears anymore and I said "ok", put my arms around her shoulder for few seconds and got out the car. Gave her a wave before heading down to get the ticket. I told her to text me as soon as she reached home safely. She requested the same from me. We both text'ed each other our safe return to home.

We havent contacted each other again yet ( its been a day ) and I feel like shit. First time in my life that I have hurt someone and it is bothering me deep inside. I can't even imagine how hurt she must be ( even though she understands my perspective ) and I don't know if I'll loose her as a friend too.

What do I do now............

*sniff*

 

[yolosohobby]

BBWs can become very attractive in bed, under the sheets even if you arent attracted to her in her street clothes. Attitude, skills, hygiene, soft skin, and pheromones can take over. So there is no downside to getting in bed and seeing what happens.

Why did you take the GO Train to your date?

 

[unbiasedguy]

Visited her place and we had a wonderful dinner + wine. I could see the hope in her eyes and also the inner fear of rejection. We talked and she waited for me to make a move. I kept hesitating and she kept waiting. We'd watch some vacation pictures, TV show.

Time went by fast and I had to get going home as it was getting late. She had offered to drop me to the Go station. As we are about to walk out the house, she says "You haven't kissed me today". I could feel her pain and I kissed her. She gave the most passionate kiss I have felt and then we walked out to the car. Got in and had the 'talk' as she drove. She openly asked if I was physically attracted to her. I responded in the most nicest way possible. She had tears filling up her eyes as I try to comfort her and be honest about where I see the relationship going ( as friends ).

She nodded while still trying to hold back tears. She didn't look at me. I felt like such a bad guy...ughh

I still tried to be as comforting as possible. We reach the station and not much time was left for the train to depart. I hadn't taken my eyes off her the whole time. I hold her arm, squeeze it and ask "We can be friends still right ?". She looks at me, with tears rolling down her eyes, and says " I need time ". I couldn't hold my tears anymore and I said "ok", put my arms around her shoulder for few seconds and got out the car. Gave her a wave before heading down to get the ticket. I told her to text me as soon as she reached home safely. She requested the same from me. We both text'ed each other our safe return to home.

We havent contacted each other again yet ( its been a day ) and I feel like shit. First time in my life that I have hurt someone and it is bothering me deep inside. I can't even imagine how hurt she must be ( even though she understands my perspective ) and I don't know if I'll loose her as a friend too.

What do I do now............

*sniff*

You cant be friends with her. When one person has romantic feelings for another, a strictly platonic "friendship" works roughly 0.000000% of the time.

Do her a favour, don't contact her, and don't respond to her text/calls, because that will just give her false hope.

I've been on both sides of this situation before, and its much muchx50 better to be on the dumping side than the dumpee side. Usually becuase there is already "someone else". In both cases, "no-contact" and go about your everyday life, work out, play tennis, chill with friends, movies, etc. The sad feelings go away with time and once you find/fuck other girls

And a useful trick to get over ANY girl:
imagine how bad her asshole smells. no matter how hot the girl is, how perfect she is, if you pull her panties down and take a whiff of her crack, you will be like:

 

[trod]

BBWs can become very attractive in bed, under the sheets even if you arent attracted to her in her street clothes. Attitude, skills, hygiene, soft skin, and pheromones can take over. So there is no downside to getting in bed and seeing what happens.

Why did you take the GO Train to your date?

I don't have a car and she lives far away, close to a Go station.

Didn't get into bed because that would have been selfish on my part. It would have hurt her more if I ended the hook up afterwards.

 

[Powershot]

That's rough, I feel bad for her. At least now you know if you are not physically attracted to someone even just a little, it is probably for the best you don't go beyond a date or two.

 

[King Midas]

I think you did the right thing and handled it in the best way possible. Yes, you hurt her but, if she's as mature as you say, she knows it wasn't intentional. That's what dating is about. Getting to know people.

I would touch base with her one more time tomorrow ... just a light-hearted greeting via text .... and then let it sit. If she wants to get in touch with you, she knows where you are and how to do so.

 

[CapitalGuy]

Being a nice, thoughtful, considerate fellow is hard. But its your life and you are not responsible to make her happy. You did the right thing in being frank with her, and holy fuck does that sound like a hard car ride to have gone through. Its not your job to make her life happy though.

 

[trod]

That's rough, I feel bad for her. At least now you know if you are not physically attracted to someone even just a little, it is probably for the best you don't go beyond a date or two.

Thing is, the more I talked with her, the more I was attracted to her. I was a bit selfish to be honest in continuing to date her as I myself have been trying hard to find someone, but eventually ( i.e after 6 dates ), I asked myself "Would I want to spend the rest of my life with her ? ". All things considered, the answer inside was a "No". I was going to tell her on the next date but couldn't. Then she invited me home.

Anyways, I'll text her tomorrow and hope to have a friend respond.

 

[LeGawd]

You cant be friends with her. When one person has romantic feelings for another, a strictly platonic "friendship" works roughly 0.000000% of the time.

Do her a favour, don't contact her, and don't respond to her text/calls, because that will just give her false hope.

I've been on both sides of this situation before, and its much muchx50 better to be on the dumping side than the dumpee side. Usually becuase there is already "someone else". In both cases, "no-contact" and go about your everyday life, work out, play tennis, chill with friends, movies, etc. The sad feelings go away with time and once you find/fuck other girls

And a useful trick to get over ANY girl:
imagine how bad her asshole smells. no matter how hot the girl is, how perfect she is, if you pull her panties down and take a whiff of her crack, you will be like:

listen to this guy

minimize or cut contact

if you care about her at all or have any conscience, do not be in her life if she has feelings toward u that u cannot reciprocate

 

[angiec27@ymail.com]

Wow, I think the OP did lead her on. Shame on you. You gave her a false sense of hope and then stonewalled her when she made advances.

 

[Ridgeman08]

Zero contact at this point is the best thing. Even if YOU don't think you lead her on, YOUR feelings don't matter at this point, its all her perspective now. She DOES think you did, and she's likely broken hearted that you stonewalled her. Regardless of the reason at this point, its time to cut ties completely... any contact at this point will result in giving her false hope.

 

[jazzbox]

Have to agree to leave it alone. If you try to maintain contact it can create false hopes and, for her, the whole cycle of expectations starts over again and you risk feeling like an asshole again. Mind you - I see many men that secretly love this role - it gives them a sense of power I think.

If you are serious about wanting to be friends (search your soul about this) then wait a month and text her to see how she is doing and play it by ear after that. Just make sure the boundaries are very clear.