Lot of drama for so little action ... if you like a woman as a person, meaning you spend time together enjoyably, one kiss, (and at the risk of sounding like a Cialis commercial) one moment in the kitchen where you see or feel her in just the right way, the touch of her bosom, the way she touches your dick, the small of her back, a mind blowing blow job, a great fuck ALL have the potential to change the way you see her forever , or not. Weight, looks can change, attitude is forever and is quite sexually appealing
But you will never know. Because you want to spare her feelings? I pity people who have a "type" - based on looks alone. They deny themselves so many experiences and options. You know very little about a woman's whole appeal to you as a full woman without at least kissing, getting close to her physically. We are blessed with multiple senses for a reason , visual is just one piece of the puzzle. There are many many smouldering vixens out there who are larger than a size8.
You think you are a nice guy. I dont. i think you are facile in terms of your sense of "balance" .... you seem like 99/1, looks vs enjoyable company in your attractions. Nice guys see a whole woman and have the balls to give it a real shot , and if it clicks, it clicks and if it doesn't, it doesn't and you take it from there preserving her dignity and felinity. (btw you have a much higher likelihood of being friends w her if you at least showed her that she was desirable and fuckable )
You of course have every right to shut it down before any physical intimacy but dont pretend you are doing it to spare her feelings . I'm betting she bought the wine too.