Breaking up after a few dates...

[trod]

Feel odd asking for dating advice on an escort review board but anyways, here is my situation.

Have been dating a girl for just over a month...she lives and works far in the east end. I get to see her about once a week. She is a nice girl and we talk like old friends meeting after a long time. The conversation flows well and she has a maturity that I find attractive.

She has invited me over to her place for dinner this week. But, deep down, I feel that its best that we be friends only. She is highly interested in me and I don't want to mess with her heart by sleeping with her and then breaking up.

So, the question is, how do I break up nicely and still be good friends ( without benefits of course, I am not a fan of FWIB ) with her ?

 

[unbiasedguy]

Feel odd asking for dating advice on an escort review board but anyways, here is my situation.

Have been dating a girl for just over a month...she lives and works far in the east end. I get to see her about once a week. She is a nice girl and we talk like old friends meeting after a long time. The conversation flows well and she has a maturity that I find attractive.

She has invited me over to her place for dinner this week. But, deep down, I feel that its best that we be friends only. She is highly interested in me and I don't want to mess with her heart by sleeping with her and then breaking up.

So, the question is, how do I break up nicely and still be good friends ( without benefits of course, I am not a fan of FWIB ) with her ?

Just tell her the truth, basically everything you wrote here. She's not going to take it well, she will think that it's because you think shes not pretty enough, etc, etc, its what girls do (and guys to some extent).

Do not expect her to be cool with being friends with you lol. Picture a girl saying to you after several dates "hey I dont think I really want to have sex with you/be your girlfriend(worded differently of course). But i'd still like you to stick around in a "gay bff" role so I can bitch about all my problems to you."

 

[red]

Just tell her the truth, basically everything you wrote here. She's not going to take it well, she will think that it's because you think shes not pretty enough, etc, etc, its what girls do (and guys to some extent).

Do not expect her to be cool with being friends with you lol. Picture a girl saying to you after several dates "hey I dont think I really want to have sex with you/be your girlfriend(worded differently of course). But i'd still like you to stick around in a "gay bff" role so I can bitch about all my problems to you."

exactly right

 

[Ridgeman08]

Honesty is the best policy. Always.

I wish you the best of luck though... I had to do the same thing a few months back with a girl I was dating in almost an identical situation. I was honest with her, she wanted more, I told her I wasn't able to do that with her. She took it badly. we haven't spoken since. Being "friend zoned" is never easy when the other person wants more. :frusty:

 

[trod]

I am leaning towards telling her the truth but I won't be able to see her until the night of the dinner ( she works weird hours ). That'd be bad timing on my part as I feel she is planning and looking forward to this night a lot.

Thing is, it has been a long time since I have been with someone. She is in the same boat too as far as I can tell. I feel very selfish about my behavior and having a relationship with her is in essence a 'feel good' phase for me. The dating scene is a mess and honestly, it is hard to find a good match.

Oh well, time to break a girl's heart and hope she understands that I mean well and it is in our best interest.

 

[afterhours]

I think it would make more sense breaking her heart after you fuck her.

 

[rafterman]

 

[Questor]

I am leaning towards telling her the truth but I won't be able to see her until the night of the dinner ( she works weird hours ). That'd be bad timing on my part as I feel she is planning and looking forward to this night a lot.

Thing is, it has been a long time since I have been with someone. She is in the same boat too as far as I can tell. I feel very selfish about my behavior and having a relationship with her is in essence a 'feel good' phase for me. The dating scene is a mess and honestly, it is hard to find a good match.

Oh well, time to break a girl's heart and hope she understands that I mean well and it is in our best interest.

Good luck with this. For sure it is a delicate situation. I commend you for taking her feelings into consideration, rather than doing a fuck and dump.

 

[IM469]

I don't want to mess with her heart by sleeping with her and then breaking up.

Angel IM469: Since you haven't slept with her (a concept that I have trouble relating to) - I think that you shouldn't seem like a cad by clarifying that the relationship will not progress further. ~ 'I really enjoy my friendship with you but I'm not comfortable getting into any relationship and I am worried I might be dominating your free time. Am I nuts thinking like that ?'

Devil IM469: Since you haven't slept with her (a concept that I have trouble relating to) - do you really want to give up on what could be an incredible fuck ? ~' I know we have what it takes to be friends but sexual intimacy is the defining act that allows us to find out if both of us feel a level of passion to give into the unlimited kinky demands of our partners. Can we try and will you be honest in your feelings after ?? I will also. ..... ' ..after anal, BBBJ, golden showers and a facial ..... 'you know I didn't really feel the passion - let's just be friends, okay ? '

 

[Petzel]

I think it would make more sense breaking her heart after you fuck her.

That would be a pretty low thing to do!

 

[The Fruity Hare]

Feel odd asking for dating advice on an escort review board but anyways, here is my situation.

Have been dating a girl for just over a month...she lives and works far in the east end. I get to see her about once a week. She is a nice girl and we talk like old friends meeting after a long time. The conversation flows well and she has a maturity that I find attractive.

She has invited me over to her place for dinner this week. But, deep down, I feel that its best that we be friends only. She is highly interested in me and I don't want to mess with her heart by sleeping with her and then breaking up.

So, the question is, how do I break up nicely and still be good friends ( without benefits of course, I am not a fan of FWIB ) with her ?

I did the same thing a few weeks ago. She is a great person, but there were a dew concerns on my part, so I let her know how I felt, without having slept with her.

She hasn't contacted me since, but I would rather it this way than have sex then tell her.

 

[afterhours]

Do what the girls do to guys.

Tell her something like, "you're a good friend", "let's be friends" or you're like a "sister to me".
It'll be a jolt, but she'll get the message.

exactly, except the girls do it before you fuck, so for proper symmetry you do it after you fuck.

 

[basketcase]

You might be surprised but she might be up for a friendly fuck with no promises of commitment. I was doing that last year. Dated, slept together a couple times, talked about there not being any real connection, slept together some more until we both got too busy.

 

[buttercup]

You have to make it a positive experience for her.

You know when you go to the hardware store and ask for some left-side welsh horseshoes in stainless steel. The amateur salesman has no idea what that is, so he looks at you like you're the idiot, and replies with a discourteous "NO", and turns away. The expert salesman, on the other hand, though equally unknowing, replies, "No, we can't do stainless steel, but do we have a range of scottish horseshoes. Let me show you." A little bit of focused personal attention, and you leave -- without your horseshoes, to be sure -- but with a smile.

You've gotta do the same thing with Gladys.

But wait. You say, "She's a nice girl and we talk like old friends. The conversation flows well and she's mature."

Wtf? What are you looking for? A brainless bimbo? The boring-ugly-sexless type?

The top three qualities in a woman are (a) she focuses her attention on you when you're together (without being servile or manipulative); (b) she's got natural courtesy and considerateness; (c)

Deep down, you feel it's best that you don't shag her? Well, you can always find someone to shag - this forum shows you how, if other methods fail. The hard thing is finding someone you like talking to and listening to - it's the only good basis for a long-term relationship - don't throw it away because you have a problem with her tits being too big.

 

[unbiasedguy]

You have to make it a positive experience for her.

You know when you go to the hardware store and ask for some left-side welsh horseshoes in stainless steel. The amateur salesman has no idea what that is, so he looks at you like you're the idiot, and replies with a discourteous "NO", and turns away. The expert salesman, on the other hand, though equally unknowing, replies, "No, we can't do stainless steel, but do we have a range of scottish horseshoes. Let me show you." A little bit of focused personal attention, and you leave -- without your horseshoes, to be sure -- but with a smile.

You've gotta do the same thing with Gladys.

But wait. You say, "She's a nice girl and we talk like old friends. The conversation flows well and she's mature."

Wtf? What are you looking for? A brainless bimbo? The boring-ugly-sexless type?

The top three qualities in a woman are (a) she focuses her attention on you when you're together (without being servile or manipulative); (b) she's got natural courtesy and considerateness; (c)

Deep down, you feel it's best that you don't shag her? Well, you can always find someone to shag - this forum shows you how, if other methods fail. The hard thing is finding someone you like talking to and listening to - it's the only good basis for a long-term relationship - don't throw it away because you have a problem with her tits being too big.

Basically I think OP isnt very physically attracted to her and has better options. In all these situations, do the [prime] Brad Pitt/Megan Fox test:

ask yourself: if she looked like Megan Fox, would you still friendzone her and not want to get it in?

or when something like this happens to yourself:

if I looked like a young brad, would she still have flaked on me? etc

 

[afterhours]

Basically I think OP isnt very physically attracted to her and has better options. In all these situations, do the [prime] Brad Pitt/Megan Fox test:

ask yourself: if she looked like Megan Fox, would you still friendzone her and not want to get it in?

or when something like this happens to yourself:

if I looked like a young brad, would she still have flaked on me? etc

I am trying to picture a scenario of friendzoning Megan Fox or of a chick flaking on Brad and my imagination refuses to cooperate

 

[wangbang]

I did the same thing a few weeks ago. She is a great person, but there were a dew concerns on my part, so I let her know how I felt, without having slept with her.

She hasn't contacted me since, but I would rather it this way than have sex then tell her.

Did this as well in April. We work in the same industry. After referring to her as a colleague a couple of times she realized she was in the friend zone. Nice girl and I didn't wanna hit it and quit it.

don't throw it away because you have a problem with her tits being too big.

Tits are too big? How is that possible.

 

[fuji]

Tell her you met someone else and that it's not right to continue. Then she won't have to think that there's anything wrong with her.

 

[Ridgeman08]

Tell her you met someone else and that it's not right to continue. Then she won't have to think that there's anything wrong with her.

Ya... that's it. Lie to her! :frusty:

 

[destillat]

I think it would make more sense breaking her heart after you fuck her.

there we go! problem solved