American Women Giving up on Marriage

[xmontrealer]

Let's not forget the current single female trait of trying to keep their female friends single, by bad-mouthing men in general, and in particular bad-mouthing those men who their single female friends seem to be interested in, or otherwise sabotaging those potential relationships.

 

[dotdotdot69]

There's a lot of manipulation in play even amongst friends and some people just don't see it. Especially if money is involved. I knew a chick making more than her hubby and she left him cause her friends convinced her too. He could have gotten child support from her cause she made more than him and they shared custody of their kids, but he didn't bother. Then later on she tried even getting back with him and of course he didn't take the offer. It's sad how at times some people ruin something good they had just because their friends convinced them of how good a divorce or single life is or something. Or the case of finding someone better than when they already had a decent guy and they realize they can't find someone good even similar to who they had. Also a lot of these so-called reality shows flaunt manipulation and stuff especially things like The Bachelor and what not. People at times forget just cause it's "reality tv" it's still scripted and staged. Producers literally tell them at times what to say and do because it'll cause a reaction that general audience likes. Stuff like that sells and makes for good tv in the sense people want to watch. No different than in the 90's when people enjoyed watching Jerry Springer and what not. If I were a producer of a show I'd tell the stars to eat dirt and stuff or say something mean about someone. End of the day you're selling that product to networks to air it and nobody wants to watch boring dull tv where people are polite and nothing much happens. You'd be out of money and business quick. Unfortunately, the reality tv impacts some people in real life and most folks don't want to live with someone who's causing drama like that and stuff.

I dated a chick briefly for a month or two in my early 20s and she'd constantly blow up easily at her brother and it was highly embarrassing. We'd be in the vehicle together and her brother would call her up for something and she'd legit lose her mind yelling and people in the other vehicles would look at us. I feel sorry if she ever got married or even had kids. I've lost it the odd times at my kids in my home, but not in public and rarely lose my cool now unless I'm not feeling good and they aren't listening, but a stern voice than overblowing it works extremely well cause they know I mean business.

Fact is there are good men and women out there still, but if most of your friends have negative mindsets and stuff that plays a factor usually how you associate life and what not. Hang with positive people and those financially stable and things usually feel better. I grew up with difference personality friends and knew who to drop because it would have brought me down. I also dated women who I shouldn't have and they brought me down to their level and I had to get out. It's not a fun environment lol.

 

[Bucktee]

I also thing #tradwife marriage gives married, or formerly married, women more things to complain and be unhappy about.

Conservative women are more likely to be married than liberal women, and they're happier than liberal women.

My personal experience/observation compliments this finding.

Why So Blue: Liberal Women are Less Happy, More Lonely. But Why?

Less marriage and religion help explain liberal women’s unhappiness.

ifstudies.org

 

[Callmerey]

I would say marriage works both ways. Everyday is different and people change everyday. Firstly would be to stop letting your friends and relatives interfere in your marriage and you not telling people about it. More people knows, more problems are created. I think men naturally have more responsibilities than women. Women goes through several hormonal changes in her life starting from giving birth to menopause. Men if want to be happy needs to pamper their wives like they did in the starting. Should not let the honeymoon phase go away. It 100% true- happy wives= happy lives. Don’t let male ego come in between. Remember, a woman cheats only when she is unhappy. Men must have sec outside if for some reason they can’t get from their wives but do your husband duties diligently.

 

[Fun For All]

90% of the single men I know. I was very clear on that point. Go back and read if you have to.

Not 90% in general. Just the majority that I know personally. And this is not professionally either. I know many single male clients who are very happy.

I don’t have to reread it. I understood it the first time you said it. It just doesn’t represent what reality is.

 

[superman2006]

divorced mid-30s guy here, I will say stay single is much better than getting into a bad marriage. You only live once, so I would rather be happy by myself than getting stuck in a miserable marriage with an unhappy wife and troubling kids

 

[Patron]

Conservative women are more likely to be married than liberal women, and they're happier than liberal women.

My personal experience/observation compliments this finding.

Why So Blue: Liberal Women are Less Happy, More Lonely. But Why?

Less marriage and religion help explain liberal women’s unhappiness.

ifstudies.org

Interesting and thought-provoking.

I admit that most of my reading on the subject has been from women who left the church.

I do think it makes sense that women indoctrinated in a culture like the Baptists where they actually sing about the superiority of the male gender might be more interested in marriage and perceive herself as happy.

Of course hell hath no fury like the woman who gets out of all that after being in it.

And there are two obvious problems for the typical male on this board. Presumably the husband has to attend church regularly with her and listen to stories of Jonah being swallowed by the whale and Moses parting the sea. Not that would do much for the future happiness of most guys here, even one who believes greater happiness might occur as a result of marriage.

And religious folks often isolate themselves in groups and marry within those groups after getting to know each other for years. Sure you can show up on the doorstep like Borat and get invited in, but the full acceptance in a short period of time can be a bitch.

Most non religious people spend a lot of time doing critical thinking. It is possible that creates relatively more unhappiness in the short run since there are few solutions to the problems they think about. But I am not sure you can successfully suspend that critical thinking and do the whole religious thing and convince yourself that God will fix all the problems.

That doesn’t mean that the religious folks aren’t happy. I am just not sure you can achieve greater happiness by being Born Again into it after doing much thinking. Those happy people started with it very young and never gave much thought to the ridiculousness of much of it.

 

[dotdotdot69]

Religions all around the world are on a decline in general. Personally as someone who believed in the concept of God and looked into different religions I snapped out of it in my early 30s since I generally think rationally and lean towards science. Especially with how far science and tech has come in the past 2 decades alone. There's tons of divorced Christian folks I'd say compared to Islamic and nowadays the churches change views to keep "customers" because remember the banks don't give the churches loans. And in many small towns small churches are for sale being transformed into a residential house. You have 100 people in a room praying to whatever god they wanna believe in and god didn't grant any of them their wishes. Those who got what they wanted in life went out and figured out their business model. Plus most religions branch of into tons of denominations because people have so many different views as to what is right in their mind. There's some of course who think King James bible version is incorrect and what not. And not to mention the extreme old school types that think modern medical science is the "devil's" doing lol. I knew someone who got surgeory done to save their life and live longer and their parents disowned the dude cause they thought he gave into the devil where as in their dumb minds him dying was fine because I suppose he would have been with god/Jesus. No offence, but if you can save your life and live longer based on today's medical advancement you'd be dumb to want to end life sooner (unless in some pain or something) because you aren't coming back. And not to sound mean, but it puts a smirk on my face in a sense when younger folks pass away in some crash and they say the lord works in mysterious ways soley based on Christianity alone.

And many pastors/priests generally go to university or so to obtain an education and learn how to obtain people. With the way how the world operates it can cause the average person to be sad, but in the end it's about knowing what you can and cannot change and figuring out how to be happy. For those of us who make it further in life to old age you'll have happy moments and sorrow but that's just the beauty of life. As a child you're generally clueless and not really stressed out either. Typically that feeling as an adult goes away of course and if you have money to be financially free it still comes with sorrow. Death is just a natural part of life and your friends/family will eventually leave too as sad as that may sound, but people need to learn how to cope with that stuff and move on. Some move on and find peace. Others struggle and that can lead them to being depressed often or changing and becoming a violent person. It's sad seeing those who go around taking life too seriously often or tend to be miserable often. That's not a good life lol.

 

[jalimon]

Conservative women are more likely to be married than liberal women, and they're happier than liberal women.

My personal experience/observation compliments this finding.

Why So Blue: Liberal Women are Less Happy, More Lonely. But Why?

Less marriage and religion help explain liberal women’s unhappiness.

ifstudies.org

Conservative women are not allowed to be unhappy about their husbands. That's why they turn into angry crazy Karen.

 

[rhuarc29]

Actually, statistics show that unmarried and childless women are happiest.

I literally read a study two days ago that said the opposite. Married with children were happiest, followed by married without children, followed by unmarried without children, with unmarried with children being last. The study was conducted by GSS (General Social Survey), so it's pretty reliable. It was conducted a couple years ago, and is based on women's responses in the 18-55 age bracket. Findings for men were the same ranking, though married without children and unmarried without children were almost on par, whereas it was an 8% gap for women.

Who Is Happiest? Married Mothers and Fathers, per the Latest General Social Survey

Social media and mainstream media are replete with stories suggesting marriage and parenthood are not fulfilling, especially for women. Not surprisingly, many Americans now believe the key to being happy is a good education, work, and freedom from the encumbrances of family life—not getting...

www.aei.org

Although GSS is a reputable survey group, the problem with modern surveys is that there can often be a lack of integrity or competence in conducting them. The language is often loaded, the questions can be a bit misleading, and the available responses to choose from may not encompass the full range that would be applicable. All these can skew the results a certain way...and usually in a way that more supports the ideology of those conducting or paying for the survey. And even once data is collected, the interpretation of said data is also prone to further skew, and then add on top of that how the data is presented.

Just as a for instance, the above link reported the data of only those who said they were "very happy". Whereas the data collected by the survey has things broken down by "very happy", "happy" and "not happy". By presenting only one data point, the article could skew you into believing a majority are unhappy in each instance. So how the data is reported can definitely play a role.

The reason I bring this up is because social media is full of claims that childless, unmarried women are super happy. Occasionally the people saying such will reference a survey or research, but as soon as you dig below the surface you realize something is askew with the data they're basing their opinion on. I can't tell you the number of times I've found this because sometimes the claims are so outlandish that I just have to dig deeper, only to find the claims are wrong.

 

[Jenesis]

I literally read a study two days ago that said the opposite. Married with children were happiest, followed by married without children, followed by unmarried without children, with unmarried with children being last. The study was conducted by GSS (General Social Survey), so it's pretty reliable. It was conducted a couple years ago, and is based on women's responses in the 18-55 age bracket. Findings for men were the same ranking, though married without children and unmarried without children were almost on par, whereas it was an 8% gap for women.

Who Is Happiest? Married Mothers and Fathers, per the Latest General Social Survey

Social media and mainstream media are replete with stories suggesting marriage and parenthood are not fulfilling, especially for women. Not surprisingly, many Americans now believe the key to being happy is a good education, work, and freedom from the encumbrances of family life—not getting...

www.aei.org

Although GSS is a reputable survey group, the problem with modern surveys is that there can often be a lack of integrity or competence in conducting them. The language is often loaded, the questions can be a bit misleading, and the available responses to choose from may not encompass the full range that would be applicable. All these can skew the results a certain way...and usually in a way that more supports the ideology of those conducting or paying for the survey. And even once data is collected, the interpretation of said data is also prone to further skew, and then add on top of that how the data is presented.

Just as a for instance, the above link reported the data of only those who said they were "very happy". Whereas the data collected by the survey has things broken down by "very happy", "happy" and "not happy". By presenting only one data point, the article could skew you into believing a majority are unhappy in each instance. So how the data is reported can definitely play a role.

The reason I bring this up is because social media is full of claims that childless, unmarried women are super happy. Occasionally the people saying such will reference a survey or research, but as soon as you dig below the surface you realize something is askew with the data they're basing their opinion on. I can't tell you the number of times I've found this because sometimes the claims are so outlandish that I just have to dig deeper, only to find the claims are wrong.

Again, I go more my by own experience. I have never been married and have never been happier. Same with many of my single female friends. It is not just about "surveys". It is about life experiences.

I don't know why so many men have issue with single women being happy without relationships or children. I know I have no problem with the many men on this very board who say the same about themselves.

Anyone who knows me, clients who have met me, etc - all see how I live my life and how much I feel truly blessed to be as happy and content with life as I am. I will never get into a relationship again. I don’t want one. Am not looking for one and would probably run from the chance of one. LOL.

 

[Patron]

Again, I go more my by own experience. I have never been married and have never been happier. Same with many of my single female friends. It is not just about "surveys". It is about life experiences.

I don't know why so many men have issue with single women being happy without relationships or children. I know I have no problem with the many men on this very board who say the same about themselves.

Anyone who knows me, clients who have met me, etc - all see how I live my life and how much I feel truly blessed to be as happy and content with life as I am. I will never get into a relationship again. I don’t want one. Am not looking for one and would probably run from the chance of one. LOL.

I think most people find themselves over time and choose paths that make them happiest.

As I said before, there are like 8 billion people on a planet that not long ago had 3-4 billion. The thought that everyone has to get married and have 2.4 kids seems ridiculous to me.

My biggest conflicts on the various boards have been with the older men who think it is of the upmost importance for all young men to get married and have kids, and imply that something is wrong with a young man who doesn’t do those things. They never say the same things about the young women participating on the boards since those young women are the very sex workers they enjoy seeing instead of Gertrude on match dot com who makes a killer bean casserole but is 79 years old. The irony escapes them.

Bottom line is that when you have more education and greater wealth in society as a result of both men and women being educated and working, marriage and childbirth rates will decline. We have seen it in multiple countries with different cultures and races. Whether that makes people happier as a whole is debatable, since happiness is a bitch to measure.

 

[Josephine]

I don't want to get married
I don't want a boyfriend.
I want multiple boyfriends
I want to live happy with my dogs
🫶

Wait...this is exactly what I am doing

It's not that I don't like men. I just don't need one.

 

[dotdotdot69]

Most people in general also get annoyed if they end up doing the bulk of the work than things being equal. Personally "change" doesn't really bother me and I'm not one who gets bored with my couch or something and wants to replace it often. It's the manipulation and toxic behaviors that show up that get extremely annoying which I found based on my experience with people. I also have yet to date someone making similar income and net worth as myself. Most people also find in general carrying someone who didn't make as much along with them not helping out in other ways much super annoying eventually. My mother got depression later on in life and had to stop working at jobs, but she still did a bunch of things around the house to maintain it and what not to make up for it. If these women make enough to maintain the lifestyle they desire and have retirement plans then all to them. Kids are a lot of work and even if you raise them right they can still grow up with behavioral issues especially if substances are involved. Having less kids in North America in general isn't a big deal since immigration solves that issue if workers are lacking.

 

[rhuarc29]

Again, I go more my by own experience. I have never been married and have never been happier. Same with many of my single female friends. It is not just about "surveys". It is about life experiences.

I don't know why so many men have issue with single women being happy without relationships or children. I know I have no problem with the many men on this very board who say the same about themselves.

Anyone who knows me, clients who have met me, etc - all see how I live my life and how much I feel truly blessed to be as happy and content with life as I am. I will never get into a relationship again. I don’t want one. Am not looking for one and would probably run from the chance of one. LOL.

I can't speak for other men. In fact, I'm happy you've found contentedness in your own life! And I absolutely take you at your word that you are happy. I have no reason to believe otherwise. Women (and men) don't need to be married, nor have children, to be happy.

I was merely commenting on the fact I've found sources stating women are, on average, happier single, to be flawed or misleading. Certainly doesn't mean all single women are miserable, or that all married women are happy. I just find it strange the drive on social media to push the narrative that single women are happier on average, when the facts don't line up.

 

[Jenesis]

I can't speak for other men. In fact, I'm happy you've found contentedness in your own life! And I absolutely take you at your word that you are happy. I have no reason to believe otherwise. Women (and men) don't need to be married, nor have children, to be happy.

I was merely commenting on the fact I've found sources stating women are, on average, happier single, to be flawed or misleading. Certainly doesn't mean all single women are miserable, or that all married women are happy. I just find it strange the drive on social media to push the narrative that single women are happier on average, when the facts don't line up.

It's the internet. We can all find a "study" that supports opposite views. LOL.

 

[Patron]

I can't speak for other men. In fact, I'm happy you've found contentedness in your own life! And I absolutely take you at your word that you are happy. I have no reason to believe otherwise. Women (and men) don't need to be married, nor have children, to be happy.

I was merely commenting on the fact I've found sources stating women are, on average, happier single, to be flawed or misleading. Certainly doesn't mean all single women are miserable, or that all married women are happy. I just find it strange the drive on social media to push the narrative that single women are happier on average, when the facts don't line up.

This lady does a lot of arguing that the statistics showing that the statistics showing greater happiness among married women with children are similarly flawed.

Home - Bella DePaulo

Explore the world of Bella DePaulo, PhD - the leading voice on single life, TEDx speaker, and author. Discover the single experience.

belladepaulo.com

Apparently none of them have ever read the famous quote that there are lies, damned lies, then there are statistics.

As far as social media is concerned, I think there is simply excitement about there being a group to belong to, as corny as that might sound.

Religion is a huge social group that touts how happy its members are, most of which are families with children, or those who will marry within the church. They will tell you all about it, sometimes by coming right to your front door. The members get quite a few things to be happy about for only ten percent of their income (Okay a little more if you opt for private school tuition). Your life is nicely planned out and there isn’t as much to be unhappy about. Everyone has a role, and if one of your roles is being a breadwinner, there are networking opportunities to enhance that income. Especially your afterlife is planned out for you as long as you behave, repent and tithe ten percent or more. Certainly a big social gathering every Sunday. And even more social gatherings this time of year for the Catholics with fish and beer on Fridays, and softball in the summer.

Single childless life ain’t much fun compared to that, especially for all of those highly-educated females who are always worrying about things like how to solve poverty. If you join a Texas Megachurch that preaches about Prosperity you know damn well why some people are poor - they didn’t join the right church. So the single, liberal-outlook women sometimes get together on social media get together and have some celebration and togetherness. It isn’t that much different than the smug married with children folks getting together and singing about Jesus once a week. But a lot of those single, educated women keep worrying about the problems of the world that God doesn’t seem to be fixing, so that will always keep them a little less happy than the median person.

 

[Jenesis]

This lady does a lot of arguing that the statistics showing that the statistics showing greater happiness among married women with children are similarly flawed.

I'm not arguing. I read a study that says different and my experience personally is different. I'm allowed to share that view point.

Maybe the studies I read are wrong and these ones are right. Fine. That is totally fine.

It still doesn't mean anything to me because my personal experience supports being happy without marriage.

And honestly I don't really care enough to "argue" the point. Think I'm wrong. I'm ok with that. Think I'm right. I'm ok with that too.

At the end of the day - I'm single and I'm happier then I have ever been including when I was in a long term relationship that I am thankful didn't include legal marriage so it was easier to walk away.

So either I'm apart of the study that supports what I do and am or I happen to go against the grain to the other study presented. Cool. I'm happy either way and personally that is all that matters to me.

 

[Patron]

I'm not arguing. I read a study that says different and my experience personally is different. I'm allowed to share that view point.

Maybe the studies I read are wrong and these ones are right. Fine. That is totally fine.

It still doesn't mean anything to me because my personal experience supports being happy without marriage.

And honestly I don't really care enough to "argue" the point. Think I'm wrong. I'm ok with that. Think I'm right. I'm ok with that too.

At the end of the day - I'm single and I'm happier then I have ever been including when I was in a long term relationship that I am thankful didn't include legal marriage so it was easier to walk away.

So either I'm apart of the study that supports what I do and am or I happen to go against the grain to the other study presented. Cool. I'm happy either way and personally that is all that matters to me.

Arguing might not be the right word. She points out that many studies are flawed.

She doesn‘t argue against parenthood and/or children, she just points out that those who have chosen a life path often did so for a reason, and they would not be happier joining the other group.

But to be a tad more militant, you can learn some things from anonymous message boards because people are damn honest. It is true here. When is the last time you debated the pros and cons of anal play outside of boards like Terb?

One of the fastest growing social media sites for years was people who regret parenthood. Most of the participants were women. That tells a lot about true happiness for some new parents.

 

[jeff2]

I think most people find themselves over time and choose paths that make them happiest.

As I said before, there are like 8 billion people on a planet that not long ago had 3-4 billion. The thought that everyone has to get married and have 2.4 kids seems ridiculous to me.

My biggest conflicts on the various boards have been with the older men who think it is of the upmost importance for all young men to get married and have kids, and imply that something is wrong with a young man who doesn’t do those things. They never say the same things about the young women participating on the boards since those young women are the very sex workers they enjoy seeing instead of Gertrude on match dot com who makes a killer bean casserole but is 79 years old. The irony escapes them.

Bottom line is that when you have more education and greater wealth in society as a result of both men and women being educated and working, marriage and childbirth rates will decline. We have seen it in multiple countries with different cultures and races. Whether that makes people happier as a whole is debatable, since happiness is a bitch to measure.

Much older men benefited from completely different demographics and economics. I will not go way back to the shortage of men because of wars, but the front end boomer men and the ones a little older than them had a huge group to dip down into. Men tend to marry women at least two years younger and the boom in Canada peaked in the late 50s/early 60s. Also,
boys are weaker at birth but modern hospitals have reduced the infant mortality rate for boys. The men born at the end of the baby boom(our boom went a bit longer than the U.S. I go to 1966 but some go to 1965) were not only competing for a small group of women but their earnings were falling because of the secular shift to a service based economy starting in the early 1980s(which coincided with a massive recession and the highest unemployment since the depression). At the same time, women were racing ahead in school and getting the union jobs still remaining(government jobs) after the outsourcing/automation of factories and the mechanization of resource extraction. Some men are making more cash than ever within the polarized service based economy(extremes with hamburger flippers and call centre employees on one side and lawyers and software engineers on the other) but not enough to satisfy women or make up for the overall decline.