Akwward situation.....need advice!

[PHNINE]

Rub,

Your telling me that it isn't more logical to ask him about his sex life first and try to help rather then telling him something you over heard in a conversation that may kill the relationship right then and there? It would be stupid to tell him right away without knowing anything else first. I mean are you looking to ruin a marriage rub? I am not saying don't tell him at all, just wait until you have more information before saying something you may regret. Telling him right away is far more damaging then trying to mend it or improve his sex first. You can help indirectly rather then just killing it.

According to what your saying rub, it is more logical to just tell him something that may ruin his life right away rather then waiting. I don't think so, especially when he over heard this.....eavesdropping or whatever. I mean what if he didn't here it? What if it was taken out of context? What if she was just exaggerating? Know what I mean?

 

[rub & tug]

Rub,

Your telling me that it isn't more logical to ask him about his sex life first and try to help rather then telling him something you over heard in a conversation that may kill the relationship right then and there? It would be stupid to tell him right away without knowing anything else first. I mean are you looking to ruin a marriage rub? I am not saying don't tell him at all, just wait until you have more information before saying something you may regret. Telling him right away is far more damaging then trying to mend it or improve his sex first. You can help indirectly rather then just killing it.

According to what your saying rub, it is more logical to just tell him something that may ruin his life right away rather then waiting. I don't think so, especially when he over heard this.....eavesdropping or whatever. I mean what if he didn't here it? What if it was taken out of context? What if she was just exaggerating? Know what I mean?

by what i read that he overheard....tell him now. dont wait. and if his wife finds having sex with him such a burden then it is only leading to something worse down the road....unless he is looking to stay in a platonic relationship.

 

[frankcastle]

Wait a sec if the husband and wife are having trouble in the bed room. Why doesn't the wife say something to her husband/your best friend. Shouldn't he hear it from her and not you? Shouldn't they be the ones to work it out?

I think it would be easier for the marriage if they talk to each other first. I imagine the best friend would be pretty hurt that the wife went to someone first.

Of course you care about your friend and his marriage but perhaps the way to help it is to go through your wife. First your wife won't be upset if you say that you overheard the conversation. Second your wife could talk to the other wife. That way your friend doesn't suffer the embarrassment of having you know and the betrayl of being the last to know.

This allows you to help but not get caught in the middle. Win win.

Also, what was your wife's advice?

 

[rub & tug]

I imagine the best friend would be pretty hurt that the wife went to someone first.

never married i guess? women talk to their friends way before they talk to their significant others. married guys all know this.

 

[PHNINE]

by what i read that he overheard....tell him now. dont wait. and if his wife finds having sex with him such a burden then it is only leading to something worse down the road....unless he is looking to stay in a platonic relationship.

I dunno, it just seems like you are willing to ruin a marriage right away rather then trying to mend it first. There is nothing wrong with giving it some time and attempting to save this marriage first. What if they have kids? What if so many things....you can't just tell him!!!

 

[rub & tug]

I dunno, it just seems like you are willing to ruin a marriage right away rather then trying to mend it first. There is nothing wrong with giving it some time and attempting to save this marriage first. What if they have kids? What if so many things....you can't just tell him!!!

i have seen this before firsthand. this marriage is already over. trust me.

 

[PHNINE]

Wait a sec if the husband and wife are having trouble in the bed room. Why doesn't the wife say something to her husband/your best friend. Shouldn't he hear it from her and not you? Shouldn't they be the ones to work it out?

I think it would be easier for the marriage if they talk to each other first. I imagine the best friend would be pretty hurt that the wife went to someone first.

Of course you care about your friend and his marriage but perhaps the way to help it is to go through your wife. First your wife won't be upset if you say that you overheard the conversation. Second your wife could talk to the other wife. That way your friend doesn't suffer the embarrassment of having you know and the betrayl of being the last to know.

This allows you to help but not get caught in the middle. Win win.

Also, what was your wife's advice?

Hey frank, we finally agree on something. Glad to be on your side this time....lol

 

[David Beckham 23]

You did say this is your best friend?

Tell him, or introduce him to TERB.

 

[PHNINE]

i have seen this before firsthand. this marriage is already over. trust me.

I am sorry to hear that. But just because you have a cynical view on marriage at least let someone else try to mend it first. I have seen it first hand too, and I am only saying one should try rather then just giving up.

 

[torex]

Originally Posted by frankcastle
I imagine the best friend would be pretty hurt that the wife went to someone first.

never married i guess? women talk to their friends way before they talk to their significant others. married guys all know this

exactly...thats why I was curious as to what scubadoo's wife says to her,either way the marriage is pretty much over if she's not sexually attracted to him anymore.

but I'd still keep my nose clean. let them work it out themselves

 

[scubadoo]

My wife replied to this situation that she hoped they could work things out. Nothing more, nothing less.

For my part, I'm going to keep my nose out of this, my wife just listened to what the his wife was saying.....I loudly announced my presence as I came into the room as to not let them know I overheard the conversation and it ended at that point.

 

[frankcastle]

R&T,

We're all aware the people talk, but that doesn't lessen the blow. Whether its the truth or not I think the husband would appreciate getting the info from his wife and not someone else.

ph9,

Yeah we agree on something..... don't rub it in!

 

[PHNINE]

Frank,

Hope this is last time buddy....

 

[RTRD]

I will repeat this advice yet again...

Hi All,

I have a bit of an akward situation and I am in need of some advice.

Last night I over heard a conversation between my wife and my best friends wife. My best friends marriage has been a little shaky as of late. His wife was describing to my wife how she can bare to have sex with my best friend anymore. At one point she described a situation from a couple of nights ago, my best friend wanted sex and kinda poked her on the shoulder and said hey can we have sex. His wife said yes..but she was telling my wife how awful she felt doing it. That she spent most of the time making up a shopping list in her head while they were having sex etc etc.

Should I tell my best friends what I overheard? Should I just keep my mouth shut? Any advice would be welcome.

...never...EVER...get involved with someone else marriage.

Nothing good can possibly come from this. Nothing.

 

[RTRD]

Are you married? Have you ever been?

dont make that mistake. tell him. he deserves it...especially if it is your "best friend"

I can't imagine that the answer to either of those questions is "yes" based on what you are saying...

 

[ruck]

tell him and dont even think twice about it. thats what best friends do for eachother. these guys telling you not to probably have a warm can of beer for a best friend.

You sir are a pure shit disturber. Friends, especially best friends, know when to hold their tongue. Not everything needs to be shared. Especially the details of a marriage that was told in "confidence". Did your wife tell you she told her? Probably not, why, because she knows better than to stir shit up.

If their marriage is on the rocks, then only they can make it work or split up.
If you tell your buddy about this "indiscretion", your buddy is likely to explode at his wife. Think of it, not only is he a dud that she can't bare to have sex with, but his best friend now knows that as well. That would be too much for any man to take.

Best friends are there to support their friends. Not deliver the news that will shatter their sexual life. If you are truly a best friend, just watch to see what happens and be there for him.

Of course the situation would be different if you heard she was cheating on him, but that's not the case. His ego and his marriage is on the line, don't be the guy who delivers the bad news. Often times, the messenger gets shot with the target. You may be trying to help but might end up losing that friend.

 

[RTRD]

I'd agree for the most part...

You sir are a pure shit disturber. Friends, especially best friends, know when to hold their tongue. Not everything needs to be shared. Especially the details of a marriage that was told in "confidence". Did your wife tell you she told her? Probably not, why, because she knows better than to stir shit up.

If their marriage is on the rocks, then only they can make it work or split up.
If you tell your buddy about this "indiscretion", your buddy is likely to explode at his wife. Think of it, not only is he a dud that she can't bare to have sex with, but his best friend now knows that as well. That would be too much for any man to take.

Best friends are there to support their friends. Not deliver the news that will shatter their sexual life. If you are truly a best friend, just watch to see what happens and be there for him.

Of course the situation would be different if you heard she was cheating on him, but that's not the case. His ego and his marriage is on the line, don't be the guy who delivers the bad news. Often times, the messenger gets shot with the target. You may be trying to help but might end up losing that friend.

..except I say stay out of it even if there is cheating.

The relationship between a married man and his wife should be left alone. Period. NOTHING GOOD can come from getting involved. Not matter whether they split or stay togetehr, you will always be the guy who spilled the beans, and the relationship between all involved will never be the same.

Keep your mouth shut and the relationship between you and your best friend should remain intact.

If best friend asks "why didn't you tell me", the response is "what difference would it have made? She was ALREADY cheating - not thinking about it"

 

[PHNINE]

Thanks guys for backing me up on this one. Rub has obviously had some bad events happen to him in the past and is willing to ruin a marriage without wven trying to mend it first.

 

[frankcastle]

Coudln't agree more with the guys on this one. Telling the guy is just throwing fuel on a fire or giving someone ammunition for a big fight.

If they are interested in fixing the marriage they have to talk to each other not through other people.

I agree that it sounds like things are not going well for the marriage but it won't get any better by having a "friend" intervene.

 

[scubadoo]

As noted, I'm gonna keep my mouth shut on this one. Thanks to everyone with their replies...I had stuggled with this and wanted to get an idea of what to do before my wife gets home from work.

Thanks again.