$20K in debt for this hobby is really not a material amount especially if one has engaged for decades.
Addiction help
- Thread starter ajithbhay
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That was 20k going into debt by borrowing money to see SPs in less than 2 years. That's a problem especially when he had other payments to make taking care of things at home. And thankfully he resolved that.
LTO_3
You're not spending money, but your perception of sex and relationships remain distorted. I'm not against porn but I see how the mainstream porn industry affects people, and it's not good..
I think referring to this as a ''hobby'' isn't helping anyone here. Most of my clients are not sex addicts, but I have seen some who have addictive behavior around seeing escorts or are getting into it.. And honestly I felt like as an escort, I was just enabling them. I think it's worth exploring what is behind it. When you're addicted to sex you start dehumanizing others..
People get addictions because they don't have good coping mechanisms and there's a void to fill. You fill this void with other things, creative endeavors, hobbies, reading, nature, etc.. Volunteering and helping others is always good.
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Unless you're paying for content on OF or manyvids. I've even purchased content from local SPs and I'm sure many others do aswell
I didn't say it was having the same impact on your life financially. Obviously financial problems are very serious. But honestly I think you should reflect on the fact that porn actors deserve to be compensated, and maybe you should ask yourself how watching the content you watch affects your mental and emotional well being.
Honestly I think it's more ethical to pay for OF accounts and buy videos from providers. Online you can also find a lot of stuff that was stolen from cam girls for instance, and they are not being paid for it. Ok, maybe you are not getting in debt, but I think it reinforces this idea that we are all owed sexual services from women. I have 2 friends who were porn addicts and confided in me about it.. They told me that they felt a lot of shame, guilt, wasted their time when they could have been doing other things, etc.. Obviously you aren't throwing money down the drain but it's still an addiction that changes the way you see things, changes your brain chemistry and takes up a lot of time in your daily life that could be used otherwise.
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I think you're missing my point, I didn't imply you were feeling guilt or shame, or that you're the only person on earth to consume porn for free without ever considering that there is labor behind that content and that often creators & actors didn't consent to it being shared for free.. My point is that even if it feels like it's not a big deal, a porn addiction can still consume you and change the way you look at things.
Have an addiction to seeing escorts? Whenever you feel the urge to see an escort, simply jerk off until orgasm. Chances are, your desire to see one will go fown immediately. Get into the habit of doing this whenever you have urge and watch your addiction melt away.
The same can be said with escorts. You know how many people's first sexual experience was with an escort on this forum? Same with drinking, smoking, etc. We know these things damage our health but we do it anyways. It's not about choosing the lesser between two evils but taking responsibility. That's it. And from talking with some people on this forum IRL who's sexual experiences are limited to escorts, they are worlds away from knowing how to talk to a regular woman. It's quite sad.
When you put it like that I can understand where you are coming from and your intention to tough love the situation. However the one thing I just can't agree with is saying, " Clearly your family isn't everything for you if you are coming here asking for advice. If it was, you would of stopped your addiction." So I stand by my statement when I say addiction doesn't work like that because telling your family can also be just as hard as the stopping itself because of shame, guilt and the addiction messing with your mind enough to try to convince yourself to do the opposite and come up with justifications as to why its not a good time or you're not ready, etc.. It's a difficult thing to control. Maybe coming out will help him, or maybe it will make it worse... who knows right? That's what makes it an addiction. Whether it's drugs, sex or food a person can't stop abusing, will power alone doesn't solve it unfortunately. So I get you're trying to help but also try to have some compassion, and an understanding that such a thing can be challenging for anyone who falls down an addiction rabbit hole. It's not as easy as you think sadly.
If you have addictions, try your best to steer the addiction to a less harmful or positive direction.
If you are addicted to violence then maybe try to be a professional fighter. If you are addicted to gambling then maybe trade stocks. If you are addicted to alcohol maybe try weed instead. If you are addicted to coca cola maybe try coke zero, it tastes 70% as good without the calories. If you are addicted to SPs then maybe go for a happy ending massage.
I am an ex smoker, now I vape nicotine. I drink coke zero. I stick to the MP scene and just get happy endings.
If you are addicted to violence then maybe try to be a professional fighter. If you are addicted to gambling then maybe trade stocks. If you are addicted to alcohol maybe try weed instead. If you are addicted to coca cola maybe try coke zero, it tastes 70% as good without the calories. If you are addicted to SPs then maybe go for a happy ending massage.
I am an ex smoker, now I vape nicotine. I drink coke zero. I stick to the MP scene and just get happy endings.
In my experience and from what I've seen in people around me, harm reduction is very important. That can mean different things for sex addiction. Maybe seeing escorts less frequently. Maybe trying a different type of service, try to get to know the woman instead of getting to it right away. If you're addicted to watching porn, maybe try watching a different kind of porn, reduce frequency, pay for onlyfans accounts instead of compulsively looking for hardcore videos online..
Another thing that works very well is like I said developing completely different strategies to live a happier and more fulfilling life. Think of yourself as having a tool box.. if your only tool is sex addiction, nothing will change. If you start adding new tools before removing the addictive behaviors, you might feel compelled to use those tools instead of resorting to unhealthy compulsions. A lot of people mention exercise but it can also be learning new skills, doing creative things, going on walks, cooking a healthy meal for yourself, read a new book, etc develop new interests and hobbies ..
Because in my opinion seeing sex workers and reviewing them online is not a hobby, or at least not a healthy one. Sure it's pleasurable and can add positive things to people's lives, it can even be beneficial for some people's mental health, but it depends on your mindset and what you're looking for.
I'm an escort and quite proud of what I have to offer, but I agree that escorts are not replacements for genuine romantic & sexual relationships with women. I have had a few clients who were virgins. They were happy about the experience and thanked me, but they moved on to something else. I ultimately think it was for the best in their case. I also feel like most of the time I am doing something good for my clients.
But I find it concerning when I see that some clients have never had a relationship or sexual experience outside of escorts. Or when clients say that seeing escorts to them is better than being around civilian women and that they choose to no longer date because they'd rather just see escorts instead.. in short they prefer a fantasy to a real experience with a woman which is... Ok, fair enough? But I don't think it's healthy
This is where life experience comes in. Any decision he makes won't be an easy one. If the shame of telling his family and the potential consequences are too much for him, he will need to live with those consequences. If he tells his family and they are the rock of support that gets him to overcome his "addiction", he will need to live with those consequences. If he goes to a therapist to see if they can help him, he will need to live with those consequences. If he chooses to do nothing and continue seeing escorts, he will need to live with those consequences. He's asking us to make a decision for him, instead of making a choice. He's free to make whatever choice he wants, but can't complain if things go sour. I don't think compassion is what he needs, he needs to take personal responsibility. For those of us who have seen loved ones or perhaps had personal experiences with addictions, it's not compassion that triggered the change. It's sounds "bad" or "hard" but it is what it is. So to the OP, I don't give a damn about what this addiction does to you. If your marriage fails, I don't care. If your child thinks you are a monster and never wants to see you again, I don't care. If you spend a ton of money on escorts, I don't care. Only you face the consequences of your decisions, not me or anyone on this board. Act wisely and, forgiveness sakes, take some responsibility.When you put it like that I can understand where you are coming from and your intention to tough love the situation. However the one thing I just can't agree with is saying, " Clearly your family isn't everything for you if you are coming here asking for advice. If it was, you would of stopped your addiction." So I stand by my statement when I say addiction doesn't work like that because telling your family can also be just as hard as the stopping itself because of shame, guilt and the addiction messing with your mind enough to try to convince yourself to do the opposite and come up with justifications as to why its not a good time or you're not ready, etc.. It's a difficult thing to control. Maybe coming out will help him, or maybe it will make it worse... who knows right? That's what makes it an addiction. Whether it's drugs, sex or food a person can't stop abusing, will power alone doesn't solve it unfortunately. So I get you're trying to help but also try to have some compassion, and an understanding that such a thing can be challenging for anyone who falls down an addiction rabbit hole. It's not as easy as you think sadly.
Yep, it's exactly this. Spot on. The problem is that some people have a VERY hard time separating sex with an escort with being in a committed and romantic relationship. It's this group of people that are most likely to get caught up in "addiction". For those of us that have been in deep and romantic relationships before, escorts, quite frankly, don't even come close to the feelings you get/feel being with another person you are in a loving relationship with. The people who haven't experienced this before think that being in a romantic relationship and seeing an escort are the same thing...but they don't even come close!
I get the impression based on her commentary that @Jenesis offers the "true" girlfriend experience.The irony here is you were the one having the last word in this debate
I think a lot of guys who want purely sexual experiences are sex addicts and view us as objects, they don't see us in a romantic way at all. But I know what you're referring to, I think there's another group of people who are really delusional about escorts and kinda develop ''romantic feelings'' for every escort they see. I think there is value in the work I do, a lot of guys who book me on these more ''romantic'' dates are satisfied, but they also know that this isn't a romantic relationship and that there are boundaries. They know there is a way to contact me, and that they can't always bombard me with messages in between bookings.
The guys who prefer being with escorts want everything to be catered to them.. If I spend a day with a client, I can't be in a bad mood or talk about something he won't like hearing about, depending on the person I can't really show certain sides of my personality. There are some men who really want to pretend that this is a relationship. Last summer, I was contacted by a man who sent me a really really long email.. He also texted me and told me to look at the email. He was asking very vague questions like ''what is a session with you really like? I don't want to read reviews to get an idea of who you are''. I was really tired and on the bus, and I answered the email in a short and professional way. I think he couldn't handle that. He got really upset and said he was cancelling.. Then he changed his mind. When I met him in person, I think I didn't correspond to the idea he had created in his mind of me. He started asking really intrusive questions and honestly really made the date worse. Afterwards he complained to a colleague that he didn't like his experience with me, and she said he is exactly the type I described.. He wants us to actually pretend we are his girlfriend.
There is a difference between offering companionship, and indulging the fantasy that this is an actual relationship that will go beyond these boundaries.. I don't know if the guys who act that way are addicted, but they definitely approach hiring escorts in a problematic way. I have also met guys who just saw escorts because they never had a girlfriend, and to them sex and the affection they get from escorts replaces a relationship. They aren't actually developing a bond with the escorts they see, they just confuse sex with love. I definitely think that is a recipe for disaster, and potentially addiction..
Personally, like I said, the guys who seem the most addicted are the ones who see escorts all the time, review them systematically, spend their time on review boards.. The way they write about us on these boards, not only in reviews but in other posts, is full of resentment, anger and hatred. They are addicted to escort services but we are like products for them to try and review. And unless we fit a certain criteria and offer a certain experience (which more or less corresponds to what they have seen in porn), they are unhappy. They talk about how fat this popular escort became, talk about us as if we weren't there, complain about ''a lack of women between the ages of 18 and 21'', etc. They are angry that other men book us for longer dates and social time.
An old friend of mine had an older brother who was rich and who was obese and ate all the time.. Every time he was in town, he could easily get a reservation at a really good restaurant. He would complain about the food the whole time, get off on giving the restaurant a bad review afterwards, have entitled behavior (insulting the waiters, requesting things that aren't on the menu, asking for dishes to be replaced).. He'd order so much food and polish everything off and was never happy about any of it, didn't seem to enjoy the food. He didn't enjoy the atmosphere of the restaurant, he would force my friend to finish his food early and they'd always have to leave really fast. Somehow this story popped in my mind this morning when I was thinking of certain self-proclaimed ''hobbyists''.
A big reason why to confront this addiction is to stop viewing women as objects. If you don't respect sex workers, you should not visit them. There are good reasons to see escorts.. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing something good for my clients, they need someone to talk to during a difficult period of their life, they need company while they are on a business trip, they want to feel more comfortable with themselves and their sexuality before starting to date again, some of them just want someone to have fun with, etc. The men who want to ''try me'' like they are trying a new product or restaurant are often not super respectful..
People who don't care don't reply in length to things they don't care about. I think you care to some degree but also wanted to make a jab at him for not dealing with his addiction how you feel an addict should and then disguise it as help. lol Now that you got your distaste for his addiction off your chest hopefully you can now finally stop caring about this thread and move on to something that makes you feel more positive! I mean... I get it, not everyone has a tolerance for addicts because they don't understand how they aren't able to just snap out of it whenever they want. Especially if they've had to deal with family or friends first hand who were addicted to something... Idk... I've worked with addicts before so I've seen and heard enough to grasp what their battle is like.
End of the day you're entitled to your opinion the same as me!
How many people do you know that overcame serious "addiction" issues just from compassion and telling them "it's ok to feel the way you do"? What is your "work" with addicts? Are you a registered social worker or psychologist?People who don't care don't reply in length to things they don't care about. I think you care to some degree but also wanted to make a jab at him for not dealing with his addiction how you feel an addict should and then disguise it as help. lol Now that you got your distaste for his addiction off your chest hopefully you can now finally stop caring about this thread and move on to something that makes you feel more positive! I mean... I get it, not everyone has a tolerance for addicts because they don't understand how they aren't able to just snap out of it whenever they want. Especially if they've had to deal with family or friends first hand who were addicted to something... Idk... I've worked with addicts before so I've seen and heard enough to grasp what their battle is like.
End of the day you're entitled to your opinion the same as me!
