A Truth I Can No Longer Ignore

[YouOnlyLiveOnce0]

It's never too late bro. You don't know what you've been missing. No wait, you do.

Trust me. I've been thinking about it more and more lately.

 

[imaan2k]

I came across a video of a former escort who also was a victim of human trafficking. She echoed most of what’s in the OP there was a section that covered the void men try to fill. To deny that is disingenuous its why we’re always chasing the next girl to conquer. At least OP is honest with himself just look at all the recent love novels that go for reviews.

 

[GuySmiley]

The last few years of my life, I’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars visiting escorts. Not for pleasure, not for thrill, but for something deeper I could never quite touch: connection. Love. Its to feel wanted, even if it is for an hour or so.

And for that hour, maybe I could pretend that her smile meant something, her touch wasn’t rehearsed. That I wasn’t just another name, another number, another transaction. But when the door closed behind me, so did the fantasy. And then I will be stuck in this endless cycle of standing in silence, emptier than before.

What breaks me most is knowing is that there are guys out there who get these things—love, touch, conversation, laughter, even just being seen—without paying a penny. They meet someone. They fall in love. They hold hands at no cost. They have someone who asks them how their day was, just because they care. They get affection without an expiry time.

I paid for what they get for free, and even then, I never really had it.

Many of the escorts when asked about their future plans, they mentioned saying they just need to collect some money for their higher education or for any other purpose and then they will leave the industry as they are not obsessed with it.I’ve seen some of the escorts I visited move on, leave the industry, heal, grow, fall in love for real. I’m happy for them, honestly. But I’m still here, stuck in the same patterns. Still clinging to memories that were only ever mine. Still hoping for something more in a space that doesn’t offer it.

Escorts don’t owe me love. That’s not what they’re selling. But I think part of me kept hoping—foolishly—that if I came back enough, paid enough, felt enough, maybe someone would stay. They never do.

This post isn’t about blame. It’s about pain. About the crushing realization that no matter how much money I spend, I cannot buy what I’m really looking for.

I don’t know what healing looks like yet. But I know it starts by finally admitting: I deserve real love. The kind that doesn’t come with a price tag. The kind I see others get without even trying.
And maybe, just maybe, I still have a chance to find it too.

Bravo, Brian! I know it may feel like wading in misery now but you're on the right path.

I used to frequent sex workers. A lot. For too too long.

At some point it occurred to me (sorry if this offends Johns out there but it's my truth) that seeing escorts, MPAs, etc who are not attracted to you (other than the size of your wallet) has to be one of the most self-depreciating acts a guy can do. I cannot think of a better way to confirm how unattractive/unwanted/undesirable you are than to see an escort.
Why in the world would you want to be with someone that wasn't truly attracted to you?? That truly didn't enjoy your company??
Answer: because you don't have an ego and you view women as commodities. But not having a true sense of self-worth is a problem. Psychologically, we should all have an ego and a healthy one. We should have a sense of self-worth that isn't dependent on leasing a lady for 30/45/60/120 minutes. For me, it was an exercise in confirming how pathetic I was each time I had to pay someone to be with me. Looking back. I am revolted. But admitting the truth is the first step (nobody likes admitting the truth to themselves - it's human nature to deny). But then I worked on myself, improved mentally by working more and reading more, physically (gym 5x a week) and set things in order in my life! Escorts were the most debilitating crutch ever and it wasn't about the cost. I made more than enough money to spend close to $30k a year on them.

The guys on this thread saying, 'oh a real relationship will still cost you $$$, etc etc' of course it will! That's life! But there will be a girl who truly cares for you and will also spend their dollars on you if she truly loves you. The type of person you want to build something together is priceless. And I'm not saying that as advocate for marriage. Just a real partnership.
For the replies on this thread saying 'you're just buying sex and leave it like that' - I disagree. Yes, you're buying sex but you're also colouring your view of women as just there to service you and, inevitably, you won't see women as real people. Because life is life and you're going to have to deal with women with all their problems and all their amazing traits as well.

Watch the videos of Sadia Khan. Plenty of them on Youtube or Insta. She's amazing and really helped get me on the right path. Hopefully, it will help you too.

 

[Mrboobs]

If I had the money to blow I'd always rather pay for it.

 

[r3dr3d]

Marriage or long term relationship can work for some people. I got no issue with doing either or again. The issue is the sub/dom relationship. Some women jokingly will say things about their man in the open to friends/family. If he jokes back she can take it the wrong way and then cry about it. I've seen guys in long term and she will say something about him in the open and we all laugh about it and he won't dare say anything back. But if you're the type who has a hard time dealing with that or you clap back then it's you to decide how you wanna handle that moving forward. That's the biggest issue with relationships is being around the person often and dealing with their imperfections. Imperfections which includes jokes being thrown about one another and dark humour.