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Hey Miranda! As I say to my Kitty Samantha (aka Schmampfs), OODGIE BOODGIE BOO! Yes, I am a dork, but I'm great in the sack. Signed her up this morning, ironically!

It IS a five speed...the body to be honest is pretty bad. Couple of accidents (not my fault, honest), right rear fender and wheel guard is pretty f***ed, door locks are a little tempermental, interior great just needs a vacuum, but I swear to God she runs really really well when she's got a...

...thanks to ALL you cats, BIG time...S...any more 411 would be appreciated!

Gentlemen and Ladies! I have a question about my little Honda Civic SI Hatchback...about 242,000 clicks, body quite bad, runs like a dream when she gets a new battery, 1993...in other words, body shit...engine fantastic...any ballpark thought about what I should be thinking of charging for...

All I thought was holy shit!...I better hurry up and eat all my dairy.

...two, actually...both from films (I don't know if they're particularly good insults, but they've stayed with me): ...Man, the only way you're gonna get a piece of pussy is if the bitch dies and wills it to you; and then, maybe. ...I've also been partial to, "I wouldn't fuck her with YOUR dick."

Keeping in mind that I haven't looked him up on the 'net yet, I think it is ULTRA cute that his name's "Bam"...maybe I'm making up a mythology about him, but wouldn't BAM be a cute nickname for a kid who blows shit up and causes trouble? As for "if you've seen one man naked, you've seen them...

WHY WOULD STEVE-O HAVE TO END UP IN A JAIL IN EUROPE?!? WHAT'D HE DO WHAD HE DOOO??? And, yeah, Steve-o IS the one with the huge tattoo of himself on 'is back, going two BIG thumbs up, and the line (or something like it): "Yeah, dude...I ROCK!" He's so fuckin' irreverent and joyous...

Ladies, ladies (and gentlemen...you're welcome also...): I had sort of an issue with renting Jackass because, well...I thought it would categorically be STOOPID. WAS I EVER WRONG. I was on the floor for most of it...particularly that Roller Disco Truck, as I am a big fan of...

Ummm...yeah...it counts...unless your wife/girlfriend's name is Sarah...I'll just go cry in the corner again. Sniff.

...sniff...nose blow...dabbing my red, tear-stained face...sniff... ...patiently I wait for days and days and No-one mentions me? Sniff. My heart is crushed. LOL

First off, I bust MYSELF up all the time. In no specific order otherwise: Monty Python My Friends Lorraine from Mad TV (actually, ANYTHING from Mad TV...I do NOT understand how the people at SNL can SLEEP knowing how funny this show is...) Goldmember Local Stand ups Derek Edwards, Alex Nussbaum...

Here are some generalizations I've come to hold true over the years: 1.) Women who date Asian men want to learn cantonese; 2.) Penguins are notoriously bad at blackjack; 3.) Engineers educated in Ontario who masturbate have an easier time finding work in their field of choice upon graduation...

Lucifer has issues with women. Period. Your vitriol-laced diatribes do NOT endear. All I think, is that this girl has so much to lose by coming forward. SO much. As was opined in an earlier post, if money were the sole motivation she could've asked to settle. No, she's airing it out. I think...

HAHAHA!!! In the movie Man Bites Dog (a French film that's hard to watch)...a serial killer's good friend gets murdered as commeuppance, and they shove her flute up her ass. He turns to the camera and asks, "Do you think shit is good for scales?"

...all I can say regarding children is I don't want any part of it. Suddenly you're someone's mother and that's it for the rest of your life. Besides, my reason for getting roused from sleep had better not be bald and shitting his pants. I've dated those.

Troops, give me a break LOL. My post was intended to be "humourous". As in, "funny". As in "amusing". If I were as mentally incapacitated as you perceived me to be,I would never have whomped up such an engaging, irreverent post. (Sarah pats herself on the back). Did you not read the part...

...Carriage. And teeth, oh yeah...always the teeth. They are indicative of how well a man takes care of himself, and the gums and mouth and oral health in general give good indications of a person's health.

"Baby you can drive my car... Yes I'm gonna be a star..." That was my final quote in my High-School Graduation blurb. I figured that if I committed it to paper, it would happen. Strangely enough, it's not far fetched. Another great album? If you're into catchy pop...