Falsely accused by ugly female colleague of inappropriate staring

[northofsixty]

Absolutely some obsessive creepy stalker vibes here. Who the fuck records their co-workers on their phone ???

 

[Joyrection]

A bit of an update:

1. First I went on a business trip for a few weeks advised by the department manager to lie low for a while.

2. After I came back I observed the person a few weeks to catch any wrongdoing.

3. One day person left workplace to buy food well before the designated break and took 20 minutes, I got it in tape, along with another coworker as witness, my direct supervisor noticed it too.

4. I voiced my concern to management about abuse of company time, and said I would escalate issue to HR if not resolved.

5. Management confronted person, who tried to deny the whole thing, which undermined her credibility.

6. I will use that fact she got caught in a lie to defend myself against the staring allegation if this bullshit comes up again in the future.

This was the moment that you should have stopped as you have now put everyone on alert. Supervisors don't get did of the problem person, they get rid of the person who brought them the problem. You have now her put her back on notice to keep an eye on you. Good luck.

 

[simp2000]

Dude, give it a rest. You look like a complete dick here. “Person left work before break to buy food and was gone for 20 min”. Your surveillance (and grudge here) is creepy. No wonder she is skeezed out by you. Seriously, read what you just wrote out loud and think of what you’d say to someone else here if they described doing what you are.

Normally I would agree, but nowadays you have to fight fire with fire. It is what it is. We are all equal now. I don't blame Paprika for going on the offensive otherwise he will be playing defense. I understand his reasoning, it's his livelihood after all. Keep fighting the good fight champ!

 

[Paprika]

Normally I would agree, but nowadays you have to fight fire with fire. It is what it is. We are all equal now. I don't blame Paprika for going on the offensive otherwise he will be playing defense. I understand his reasoning, it's his livelihood after all. Keep fighting the good fight champ!

Apparently she brought a second person to backup her staring claim, I pretty much figured out who that person is, and there was some beef with the second person a while ago and he just took this opportunity to get me into trouble. I see these two people plotting several times in the kitchen before the alleged accusation. All these people have to do is making the same complaint again, and it's gonna become an HR issue. There is nothing protecting me from further accusation. While I know they have no real evidence, I don't want my name dragged through the mud. And I understand the company doesn't want to spend money on this thing either.

I'm already on my best behavior for 2 months, I don't even heat up my lunch 5 minutes before lunch, never leave 1 minute early, leaving no weakness for others to exploit. At this moment, it's not in my best interest to protect these people from any wrongdoing. This lady had been taking 45 minute to 1 hour breaks every Friday for the last 3 years. She was told to watch her time several times but apparently my supervisor never brought up the issue with department manager probably because he did not want to humiliate her. She was more careful these days but this time she went when my supervisor was at a meeting somewhere else, she thought she was smart.

 

[simp2000]

I mean staring at someone is subjective. I have zoned out a couple of times and gotten a blank stare on my face and have had dudes challenge me to a fight because of it thinking I was staring them down or something.

 

[Paprika]

This was the moment that you should have stopped as you have now put everyone on alert. Supervisors don't get did of the problem person, they get rid of the person who brought them the problem. You have now her put her back on notice to keep an eye on you. Good luck.

I get what you're saying, however for me this staring accusation was threat level midnight, it was red alert, it was Cuban missile crisis, my backyard on fire, it's attack imminent. If I were an imaginary enemy before, I'm a real enemy now.

Don't blame me for turning into J Edgar Hoover. This Switzerland neutral shit just doesn't fly when there's a knife at your throat. When an animal is cornered, it will fight.

If I do nothing, just suck it up as if I'm the one at fault, it leaves an impression that I can be fucked with.

 

[massman]

I get what you're saying, however for me this staring accusation was threat level midnight, it was red alert, it was Cuban missile crisis, my backyard on fire, it's attack imminent. If I were an imaginary enemy before, I'm a real enemy now.

Don't blame me for turning into J Edgar Hoover. This Switzerland neutral shit just doesn't fly when there's a knife at your throat. When an animal is cornered, it will fight.

If I do nothing, just suck it up as if I'm the one at fault, it leaves an impression that I can be fucked with.

You make your choices as you see fit and live with the consequences. But reading what you’ve posted here, I think you’ve fucked yourself. You look immature and petty and vengeful. What knife is at your throat? Other than the one you are now holding?

 

[Paprika]

You make your choices as you see fit and live with the consequences. But reading what you’ve posted here, I think you’ve fucked yourself. You look immature and petty and vengeful. What knife is at your throat? Other than the one you are now holding?

Thanks for the input but I cannot agree. You are free to express your opinions but you're not walking in my shoes.

I can share one thing with you I learned from past experiences:

This is no due process in a disciplinary hearing, especially when the entire HR team is all women.

 

[Cbr20152012]

Odd guy with odd posts - but they are great threads to sit back and read the commentary

 

[massman]

Thanks for the input but I cannot agree. You are free to express your opinions but you're not walking in my shoes.

I can share one thing with you I learned from past experiences:

This is no due process in a disciplinary hearing, especially when the entire HR team is all women.

Well, I’ve not been in your shoes, but I supervised someone years ago who was. Someone made a complaint about him, I was altered to it. It was a bit of a he said she said thing, so I sat down with him and got his side, which was somewhat credible, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and went to bat for him, explaining the situation and the people higher up said sounds reasonable, let’s consider the matter closed, but just remind him to be aware of how he interacts with others so such misunderstandings don’t happen again, but it’s all ok. I told him this and he thanked me. Two days later he makes a frivolous complaint against her, and creates a shitstorm. Makes me look like an idiot for trying to smooth things out, he lost ALL of his credibility Re his version of events, and he came within a hair of getting outright fired (why I helped him and probably saved his job I don’t know why, I should have let the idiot fry). The issue was the retaliatory complaint, which was frivolous and petty (like “taking 20 min to get her food” ). Your issue with her lunch breaks or whatever sounds very immature, and beneath how you should behaving. And, judging by your Cuban missile and Hoover references, you are probably more than old enough to know better. You have just labeled yourself as a pain in the ass and a troublemaker, and like I said, probably in the minds of many involved, incriminated yourself about the initial accusation, which could have been labeled a misunderstanding and swept under the rug. I hope I’m wrong, but I think you have handled this very poorly and you should prepare for the worst.

You should let your hurt feelings and desire for vengeance go, and just get back to doing your own job, and not put your nose in others’.

 

[Paprika]

Well, I’ve not been in your shoes, but I supervised someone years ago who was. Someone made a complaint about him, I was altered to it. It was a bit of a he said she said thing, so I sat down with him and got his side, which was somewhat credible, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and went to bat for him, explaining the situation and the people higher up said sounds reasonable, let’s consider the matter closed. I told him this and he thanked me. Two days later he makes a complaint against her, and creates a shitstorm. Makes me look like an idiot for trying to smooth things out, and he came within a hair of getting outright fired (why I helped him and probably saved his job I don’t know why, I should have let the idiot fry). The issue was the retaliatory complaint, which was frivolous and petty (like “taking 20 min to get her food” ). Your issue with her lunch breaks or whatever sounds very immature, and beneath how you should behaving, and judging by your Cuban missile and Hoover references, you are probably more than old enough to know better. You have just labeled yourself as a pain in the ass and a troublemaker, and like I said, probably in the minds of many involved, incriminated yourself about the initial accusation, which could have been labeled a misunderstanding and swept under the rug. I hope I’m wrong, but I think you have handled this very poorly and you should prepare for the worst.

You give a good example but there are some key differences between your story and mine.

1. The harassment allegation is very serious and it's a hot potato issue that nobody knows how to deal with, including my current management team.

2. The matter is not considered closed. Another complaint of the same nature would land me with HR.

3. There is not one person but two people involved, in which one is backing up what the other person is saying, which might tip the scale in an investigation.

4. I refuse to communicate with the person due to the allegation in any way. Things are not normal.

5. The only thing I can do is to document my whereabouts, or anything strange about the other person.

6. The lunch break issue is not petty, we were all told to manage our time, yet this person takes long breaks, which lows morale of the workplace and creates a double standard.

7. There is no misunderstanding, there person previously made a complaint to the department manager about me not respecting her previous work experience, I did some investigation about her work experience and found out she lied on her resume.

So my strategy is simply to undermine the person's credibility. I already found out she has social anxiety disorder, so she's basically a compulsive liar.

 

[xix]

I mean staring at someone is subjective. I have zoned out a couple of times and gotten a blank stare on my face and have had dudes challenge me to a fight because of it thinking I was staring them down or something.

Today my co-worker fell asleep in front of me while I speaking to him, I saw his eyes closing and closing more in one minute. Then I woke him up and asked him if he was okay when I gave him CPR. He stayed awake the rest of the day.

Apparently she brought a second person to backup her staring claim, I pretty much figured out who that person is, and there was some beef with the second person a while ago and

I'm already on my best behavior for 2 months, I don't even heat up my lunch 5 minutes before lunch, never leave 1 minute early, leaving no weakness for others to exploit. At this

Yeah that guy is a Simp and hates you. Man up.
2 months good behaviour? what you work in a jail like the rest of us? you been there more than 10 years and now you decide to behave for two months. Man up.

Watch or read a book on Sigma men.

 

[xix]

You give a good example but there are some key differences between your story and mine.

4. I refuse to communicate with the person due to the allegation in any way. Things are not normal.

5. The only thing I can do is to document my whereabouts, or anything strange about the other person.

6. The lunch break issue is not petty, we were all told to manage our time, yet this person takes long breaks, which lows morale of the workplace and creates a double standard.

7. There is no misunderstanding, there person previously made a complaint to the department manager about me not respecting her previous work experience, I did some investigation about her work experience and found out she lied on her resume.

So my strategy is simply to undermine the person's credibility. I already found out she has social anxiety disorder, so she's basically a compulsive liar.

4. Just Hello or Good morning when I enter work is how I treat my enemies at work they don't like it and they avoid me. But I show sign of respect and they don't bother me.

5. Strange? of course she is strange she is a woman. Women do weird things at work and so do crazy, selfish, entitled, egotistic Narcissist men. Sounds like she is a Narc.

6. She is testing the water, same thing at my work place, but every men takes advantage of this by taking early breaks as the women at my workplace. The boss hasn't say anything because he knows it's his fault. We all know that if boss bitches about this to a single person why the long break.. he knows the single person will point a finger to the woman taking the long break. The Art of War. Read the book.

7. Everyone lies on their resume. Specially people over 5'-9" they buy their graduation diploma from a Chinese guy on the street. I found out 6 / 10 women at my work place got the job because they slept with one of the managers, before the interview. And HR know this. Women sense this from guys who knows this and the women keep away from guys like me or who know that they slept around.

So grow up. It is life, leave her alone. But YES watch your back and keep your distance. Get a hobby like see SP's once every 12 days.

 

[Joyrection]

Well, should you be let go from your job don't say we did not warn you. There are a lot of us here with decades of work life experience telling you the same thing in many different ways, and you refuse to heed our warnings so do as you please.

 

[Paprika]

So grow up. It is life, leave her alone. But YES watch your back and keep your distance. Get a hobby like see SP's once every 12 days.

If you can make this allegation go away I will absolutely leave her alone. You think I enjoy documenting all the bullshit?

To give you an example, the other day she walked past me from behind with less than 10 cm of distance, if I didn't pay attention I would have bumped into her. Then she could say I touched her, so immediately I sent manager an email containing a disclaimer saying if any physical contact, she initiated it.

 

[xix]

If you can make this allegation go away I will absolutely leave her alone. You think I enjoy documenting all the bullshit?

To give you an example, the other day she walked past me from behind with less than 10 cm of distance, if I didn't pay attention I would have bumped into her. Then she could say I touched her, so immediately I sent manager an email containing a disclaimer saying if any physical contact, she initiated it.

Your account is private so I can't DM you.

 

[Muchadoaboutnothing]

You give a good example but there are some key differences between your story and mine.

1. The harassment allegation is very serious and it's a hot potato issue that nobody knows how to deal with, including my current management team.

2. The matter is not considered closed. Another complaint of the same nature would land me with HR.

3. There is not one person but two people involved, in which one is backing up what the other person is saying, which might tip the scale in an investigation.

4. I refuse to communicate with the person due to the allegation in any way. Things are not normal.

5. The only thing I can do is to document my whereabouts, or anything strange about the other person.

6. The lunch break issue is not petty, we were all told to manage our time, yet this person takes long breaks, which lows morale of the workplace and creates a double standard.

7. There is no misunderstanding, there person previously made a complaint to the department manager about me not respecting her previous work experience, I did some investigation about her work experience and found out she lied on her resume.

So my strategy is simply to undermine the person's credibility. I already found out she has social anxiety disorder, so she's basically a compulsive liar.

Having social anxiety doesn’t make her a compulsive liar. Get on psychology today and do real reading not memes

 

[Muchadoaboutnothing]

If you can make this allegation go away I will absolutely leave her alone. You think I enjoy documenting all the bullshit?

To give you an example, the other day she walked past me from behind with less than 10 cm of distance, if I didn't pay attention I would have bumped into her. Then she could say I touched her, so immediately I sent manager an email containing a disclaimer saying if any physical contact, she initiated it.

This is so strange to receive if I were your manager. imagine you got an email from
someone saying hey if you have a twenty missing it wasn’t me okay but it could be so and so. Well now I’m thinking I don’t know if I had a twenty but now I’m thinking I might have and maybe it is missint but how did so and so know and why would they say that ? I’m concerned about so and so and now im
going to watch them around my stuff.

 

[franci]

You both sound like a pain in the ass. I would let you both go. Problem solved.

 

[Muchadoaboutnothing]

4. Just Hello or Good morning when I enter work is how I treat my enemies at work they don't like it and they avoid me. But I show sign of respect and they don't bother me.

5. Strange? of course she is strange she is a woman. Women do weird things at work and so do crazy, selfish, entitled, egotistic Narcissist men. Sounds like she is a Narc.

6. She is testing the water, same thing at my work place, but every men takes advantage of this by taking early breaks as the women at my workplace. The boss hasn't say anything because he knows it's his fault. We all know that if boss bitches about this to a single person why the long break.. he knows the single person will point a finger to the woman taking the long break. The Art of War. Read the book.

7. Everyone lies on their resume. Specially people over 5'-9" they buy their graduation diploma from a Chinese guy on the street. I found out 6 / 10 women at my work place got the job because they slept with one of the managers, before the interview. And HR know this. Women sense this from guys who knows this and the women keep away from guys like me or who know that they slept around.

So grow up. It is life, leave her alone. But YES watch your back and keep your distance. Get a hobby like see SP's once every 12 days.

I approve of points 4-6. Art of war is great. But otherwise I’m hesitant to say that’s true for
the rest. Sounds like rumours