Perfect bathroom reading materiali'm impressed.. how long did it take you to read them all? 30min?
can't agree more
Effects of hobbying
- Thread starter Ray_wf
- Start date
Me and my wife havnt had sex in almost 5 years. (We're in our early 50s). And even when we did have sex it was like a chore for her for years. I've had dozens of lovely encounters over the years with lots of providers. Do I feel guilty? Not really.
Been there and done that. Once in 4 years in my mid-to-late 40's before I left nearly 8 years ago.
Whenever someone asks me (including woman I've dated since) why I left her I just tell them the above stat and they understand. It cost me a ton of $$$ to leave, which in hindsight would have been better spent on SP's for the 14 years we were together.
Bur, now I have fun in my life, date from time-to-time, and have non-committal sex with SP's approximately half my age in between GF's. Life in my mid-50's seems pretty darn good.
I was in an uninspired relationship. A couple of years into that I started hobbying. I actually enjoyed meeting a lot of the SPs. Aside from sex, they are interesting people. Then the relationship finally came to an end. In all honesty, I missed some of the SPs who retried more than the ex. That is the irony. I am not in a rush to get back into a relationship. Hobbying is just fine at the moment. But if the right person comes along I can also commit.
Iāve been doing this for less than a year. I mix this with a lot of pure casual sex in my personal life as well as dating sex.
The start of this happened to coincide with the advent of a long term relationship hitting a death spiral.
Initially, I used hobbling as a means of fulfilling life fantasies as well as a means of buying myself time to see the death spiral through without having an affair. It has been successful in both respects. I did not have an affair and I ticked every untucked box and then a bunch more that i didnāt even know I had. It has been quite positive in these aspects.
However, I feel I hobby a bit too much at times or at least, I hobby for the wrong reasons at times From a mental and a physical perspective.
For example, Instead of jerking off when randomly horny, I will simply see someone (absent planning or fantasy or strong connection), and that is financially wasteful. I am very fortunate that the excessive hours I work results in my being able to afford a lifestyle that allows for frivolity (as it isnāt always the case that hard work equates to earnings).
Similarly, there is a real risk that I allow the thrill of new exciting interactions with interesting uninhibited/alternative minded ladies to masquerade as a meaningful authentic interpersonal interaction (occasionally it may be, but this is a tricky business if you are looking for authenticity). Additionally, there is the looming spectre of addiction and/or overuse, as little feels better than an orgasmic experience.
I am not particularly worried about this impacting my ability to find myself back in a deep emotionally reciprocal relationship. I do question how I would stop seeing the few people that I truly enjoy seeing, but the reality is that they will probably retire/move/etc OR the initial sexual chemistry (real or imagined ) will fade and the question will thus answer/resolve itself.
The start of this happened to coincide with the advent of a long term relationship hitting a death spiral.
Initially, I used hobbling as a means of fulfilling life fantasies as well as a means of buying myself time to see the death spiral through without having an affair. It has been successful in both respects. I did not have an affair and I ticked every untucked box and then a bunch more that i didnāt even know I had. It has been quite positive in these aspects.
However, I feel I hobby a bit too much at times or at least, I hobby for the wrong reasons at times From a mental and a physical perspective.
For example, Instead of jerking off when randomly horny, I will simply see someone (absent planning or fantasy or strong connection), and that is financially wasteful. I am very fortunate that the excessive hours I work results in my being able to afford a lifestyle that allows for frivolity (as it isnāt always the case that hard work equates to earnings).
Similarly, there is a real risk that I allow the thrill of new exciting interactions with interesting uninhibited/alternative minded ladies to masquerade as a meaningful authentic interpersonal interaction (occasionally it may be, but this is a tricky business if you are looking for authenticity). Additionally, there is the looming spectre of addiction and/or overuse, as little feels better than an orgasmic experience.
I am not particularly worried about this impacting my ability to find myself back in a deep emotionally reciprocal relationship. I do question how I would stop seeing the few people that I truly enjoy seeing, but the reality is that they will probably retire/move/etc OR the initial sexual chemistry (real or imagined ) will fade and the question will thus answer/resolve itself.
āInfatuation is fun when itās light - until it moves into obsession. Desire will eat you alive, if you let it.ā
Yeah - nothing the matter with it in principle. But for me, some versions of horny are easily resolved with a JO session and doesnāt need sex (thatās why I referred to it as randomly horny). Sometimes though, only sex will do.
I notice that women between 35-39 start to become a bit Egotistic. But after 40 they start to enter the narcissist syndrome pool. This is evident to me when they make money over 50k a year.
So do women want to be in a real relationship after 35 years of age if they are making more than 50k? NO. Not all but most. Unless they meet a rich guy.
So I rather see a SP then put up with screwed traits, because they couldn't handle masculine traits or energies.
So do women want to be in a real relationship after 35 years of age if they are making more than 50k? NO. Not all but most. Unless they meet a rich guy.
So I rather see a SP then put up with screwed traits, because they couldn't handle masculine traits or energies.
Kinda curious to who those people you enjoy seeing, mind sharing?
50k??? Where do you go with 50k nowadays? You cant live alone. I do not get the meaning of your post at all.
I agree with the after 40 thing but 50K? That was a good salary....30 years ago!
Nonsense.
It is more likely that have determined that they don't have to put up with bullshit in their lives and have to answer to a man. I have found that women over 35 and especially in their 40's are more confident and more likely to tell you what they want or don't want since the bioclock has wound down or stopped.
@jalimon and @JohnnyWishbone have you ever heard of the sunshinelist... Well I know people, that I talk to, but I decided to enter a last name that is common "smith" in the search bar. I was been polite with 50k. If your home is fully paid 50k can be enough but ... more is better , no doubt.
@Joyrection yes you are right but not 100%, meaning I know a few women got hooked up with a man because they wanted someone to take care of them when they get old because they knew they will end up with Alzheimer disease. I seen and heard different variations over time. But most have friend zone man for the following reasons Handy man, travelling partner, validation talk.
@Joyrection yes you are right but not 100%, meaning I know a few women got hooked up with a man because they wanted someone to take care of them when they get old because they knew they will end up with Alzheimer disease. I seen and heard different variations over time. But most have friend zone man for the following reasons Handy man, travelling partner, validation talk.
Trying to explain the reasoning of women has been men's greatest challenge since time began. I stopped long ago because it hurt my brain while being outnumbered by women in my house.
Iāve been an avid hobbyist for 24 years. The allure is always there, especially since I crave variety. I find I get bored in relationships with civilians for that very reason, and also due to the fact that Iāve never really met āthe oneā, so to speak. I find the hobby is perfectly and completely honest, and the people engaged in it are some of the nicest individuals Iāve ever met. Itās like the song Hotel Californiaā¦ you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. Iād say the closest Iāve come to settling down is that instead of seeing multiple ladies all the time like in my younger years, Iāve cultivated a friendship with a lady Iāve been seeing regularly for the past 18 years, a rarity in this industry to be sure. I enjoy it since itās become more intimate as weāve gotten to know one another over time. I will say I am looking forward to this summer, as Iām returning to Toronto to paint the town red! lolā¦ Itās been too long, fair city.
I donāt even care about the sex anymore. I do this to satiate my desire to spend time with beautiful young females. For me it is all about the gentle caresses, the smiles, the laughter, the fragrances, the visuals.
