All you single guys getting up there in age, whats your future marriage plans?

[BloweyJoey]

I'm 35 now, spring and summer is coming up and I'm starting to feel a bit of anxiety about the rest of my life in terms of marriage and kids. I've just been having fun up to this point, but the years have crept up on me.

I'm not even sure I want marriage and a kids but I wouldnt want to be alone the rest of my life either.

Part of it is that I havent met anyone who I would even consider marrying. I dated an attractive girl for a year and I knew she was bad for me but I just stuck around because of her looks, and she was fun to be around too. Usually any dating prospects end within a few weeks because we know we don't match. A normal guy might push through it just to get laid, but if I know we don't vibe I don't care, I'll just see a sp to satiate my needs.

Another part of it is just the economy. I make above average money (160k altogether last year), and it affords me an above average bachelor lifestyle. It's not enough to have a comfortable life with a family though. I'm in 0 debt, have good savings, I can quit my job and do whatever I want for a long while if needed.

Married people also seem miserable. I've lost most of my similar aged friends, or see them once a year because they're just exhausted and filled with obligations.

I've thought about just getting married with no kids either but I wouldnt be able to stay faithful. Also I would hate to get bored of each other and just be resentful. If there aren't kids, there isn't really a common goal to keep you together, it's basically just a longterm roommate situation.

These days I'm getting a bit of guilt though. Whenever I come back from a night of heavy drinking and partying, or go on a sp binge, I'll start to just think about the rest of my life. Is it going to be sad to keep this up for the rest of my life?

Is anyone in the same spot? What about you older guys who have been through this? I've met a lot of older guys who tell me never to get married and I dont know if they're joking or not.

 

[Leimonis]

 

[Rose11]

Where are you meeting new girls for dates?

 

[Butler1000]

Go younger, do not look in clubs or apps. Seek out social gatherings where you share an interest. Running biking are good ones with summer coming. Also shows they are healthy.

Look for cooking skills, a clean house, and lack of high end fashion. Lower standards a bit looks wise, you can still hobby later.

Actually take them on decent dates. Find a few nice bistros off the path with decent pricing.

At all costs avoid weird dyed hair, its a tell. And hard research on social media if you can. An instagram with too many photos is a red flag. Tic toc with rampant complaining the same.

Sure there is lots more. Personal tastes etc.

 

[Rose11]

Only date Cuckqueans. Solve all your problems.

 

[SchlongConery]

....oh and forget about watching tv while yer eatin' !!!

 

[krealtarron]

1st Rule: Dont let providers influence your decision about who you date to marry.

But no need to feel guilt. Just keep bettering yourself, take up stuff you enjoy doing and you will eventually meet someone whose interests align with yours.

Remember, single people are actually in the middle. More than 50% of marriages end up in divorce. It is much better to be single without debt than be married to someone toxic and lose half your wealth in the settlement.

 

[xmontrealer]

I'm 35 now, spring and summer is coming up and I'm starting to feel a bit of anxiety about the rest of my life in terms of marriage and kids. I've just been having fun up to this point, but the years have crept up on me.

I'm not even sure I want marriage and a kids but I wouldnt want to be alone the rest of my life either.

Part of it is that I havent met anyone who I would even consider marrying. I dated an attractive girl for a year and I knew she was bad for me but I just stuck around because of her looks, and she was fun to be around too. Usually any dating prospects end within a few weeks because we know we don't match. A normal guy might push through it just to get laid, but if I know we don't vibe I don't care, I'll just see a sp to satiate my needs.

Another part of it is just the economy. I make above average money (160k altogether last year), and it affords me an above average bachelor lifestyle. It's not enough to have a comfortable life with a family though. I'm in 0 debt, have good savings, I can quit my job and do whatever I want for a long while if needed.

Married people also seem miserable. I've lost most of my similar aged friends, or see them once a year because they're just exhausted and filled with obligations.

I've thought about just getting married with no kids either but I wouldnt be able to stay faithful. Also I would hate to get bored of each other and just be resentful. If there aren't kids, there isn't really a common goal to keep you together, it's basically just a longterm roommate situation.

These days I'm getting a bit of guilt though. Whenever I come back from a night of heavy drinking and partying, or go on a sp binge, I'll start to just think about the rest of my life. Is it going to be sad to keep this up for the rest of my life?

Is anyone in the same spot? What about you older guys who have been through this? I've met a lot of older guys who tell me never to get married and I dont know if they're joking or not.

Us older guys aren't joking.

The only reason imho to get married is to have kids, and so those kids will have 2 parents. Even then, because the kids drain your energy and finances, plus give you and your wife lots to argue about, your marriage will likely be unhappy despite the fact that you both will love your kids whether they turn out to be great or problematic.

If you marry for sex and passion that will wear off, and unless you're best friends with your wife and have mutual interests you'll end up more unhappy and feeling more alone if you stay married, than if you had remained single and just dated or hobbied.

The current divorce rate is maybe 50%, and after 2 marriages and divorces I know just how unhappy you have to be before you'll actually think it's worth going through the cost and hassles of getting a divorce. And in looking at married couples I have known, I would say maybe 10% of them remained truly happy in their long term marriages.

I know there are guys who absolutely have to have a woman in their life as a sex partner or even just a companion/caregiver/New Year's date.

But I will never date again as it's far more complicated and expensive than hobbying, and I never have to say to an mpa or sp "Sorry honey, it's not you, it's me."

At well into my 70's I know whereof I speak...

 

[Leimonis]

....oh and forget about watching tv while yer eatin' !!!

Is it bad that I actually 100% feel like that?

 

[xmontrealer]

Post script:

I recall many years ago reading an article in Psychology Today magazine. They interviewed couples who had been married for at least 40 years, and were still together. The interviews were done with the subjects individually to try to ensure honest and candid responses to the authors' questions.

The authors stated their initial expectation that they would find most of these marriages were essentially happy, with resolved issues and a general level of mutual needs satisfaction in the couples interviewed.

To their surprise they found most of these marriages were just barely tolerable, with many unresolved issues and resentments, which both partners had given up trying to improve. Basically the unhappy couples were staying together only because it seemed to be the lesser evil of all the other options, with as little mutual communication and interaction as possible.

Interestingly, they also found that childless marriages were the marriages most likely to be happy over the long term.

 

[superstar_88]

160 grand can't sustain a good family life?

 

[xmontrealer]

160 grand can't sustain a good family life?

Family of 4 in Toronto - 300k at least...

 

[Insidious Von]

At all costs avoid weird dyed hair, its a tell.

Butler1000 got most of it right except for the weird dyed hair. Being completely uninhibited, they are hard to resist.

 

[Butler1000]

I know someone who is interested but she is literally as in diagnosed crazy and in a way that could make my life difficult if she gets one those thoughts. Pity though she was hot as fuck.
Sadly it was a fluke that I found her and I don't think I should be so lucky again, I don't do well with the womans and even if I do, I am unappealing enough that the slightest misstep means it's over and I can be pretty good at those. Girls who will put up with years of beatings, verbal abuse and being mooched on but if I dare use infer when I obviously meant imply or if one ear lobe is 1 mm lower than the other and that is all she wrote.

I never wanted kids thank Lemmy and being over 50 that isn't going to change. However once the old man takes the final dirt nap, I don't think I will handle living by myself very well as I don't have a rich social circle. Perhaps dating crazy is worth the risk to avoid going crazy myself. I'd get some cats, I love cats but alas I have not taken care of my health well and would hate to die on them and have nobody to care for them when I am gone.

Maybe I should go to the Philippines and get some young slum girl, but my health, I don' travel well nor am I swimming in a lot of cash and it's a hot humid place. Sure life is less expensive you you gotta pay for health insurance which cancels a lot of it out.



I tried to go younger but having to make plane or train noised to put my dick in her mouth got a bit old.
-Jimmy Carr.

Also I signed up for something in town, but small group, every female attached to someone, even the 350 pounder. [It also had a cult like vibe]. Unless you sign up for 20 or 30 groups, it doesn't seem likely to pan out. THen even if you find someone, and they like you back, it seems if you don't do everything perfectly you can fuck off. Be this, be that, fuck it just isn't worth it. Everything else I've ever done was a sausage party as that is where my interests lie [I mean male interests not interests in sausage].* Even if you find an activity or interest that you like, making any sort of move and if she isn't into you, you can kiss that good bye, there are 2 known cases of dudes getting in trouble at the gym for eye humping a girl... they were blind, FUCKING BLIND, one of them at least even got kicked out of the gym.


* The common PC othadoxy is that girls like gaming just as much as guys. I went to a game convention in Ottawa about 5 or so years back, RPGs, table top war games etc. It was wall to wall dudes, mostly fat dudes, maybe 1 percent female. Many of the dudes on the weird nerdly side. I never felt so at home, but not exactly a good place to meet someone.

Wrong convention. You need to go to ones where cosplay and anime are. That attracts women a lot more. Back in the 90's I attended several conventions. Being 6'3" decent shape, not creepy I got serious action. Just needed a room on site.

Now due to age go with Facebook groups that have meet and greets. Usually around books, tv shows, and genres. Facebook because thats an age tell. You will find fellow middle agers there. Its a casual setting where you can set yourself up as normal with a sense of humor. Then at the meet and greet you have a base.

As to your health, do something about it. Walk, walk, walk, drop the weight, kill the sugar water and sugar food out of your diet. You CAN do it.

 

[Butler1000]

Butler1000 got most of it right except for the weird dyed hair. Being completely uninhibited, they are hard to resist.

For a fling sure, I agree. Loved sci fi cons in the 90's and it was a tell for me for good crazy sex. Intelligent girls are kinky as hell.

But its also a crazy girl is NOT a good idea for LTR. My lady is not crazy(well they all are a bit). But no emotional breakdowns, can not only keep a job but excells, shares duties, minimal nagging(they all do it so you just have to accept that), enough shared interests but she has her own and allows me to have mine. Finances in order.

Fundamentals and a peaceful house. A middle aged man's dream.

 

[Butler1000]

my guy hit the nail on the head, He is HIM, Every point was a rule for life.

Now you are just making me blush......

 

[Fun For All]

I'm planning on finding a women that we hate each other and giving her half my stuff...

 

[xix]

To the Op and others. If you can't keep relationships more than 12 months, either you are a narcissist or they are.

Yes find yourself, stop the booze or reduce by 90%.
Average income is 50K a year before taxes. So any above 75K to me is great. You should be saving for you RRSP or retirement, whether you plan to marry or stay single.
What you are having is the "itch" - ( anger , depression) it will happen every 10 years. You have to go away and recover, rebuilt, reframe yourself - Manly Ego- to stay healthy, emotionally, mentally, physically -(walk) and Spiritualty.
It took me 4-6 months to recover but I did it slowly should have gone faster in a month I would say.

 

[RZG]

1st Rule: Dont let providers influence your decision about who you date to marry.

But no need to feel guilt. Just keep bettering yourself, take up stuff you enjoy doing and you will eventually meet someone whose interests align with yours.

Remember, single people are actually in the middle. More than 50% of marriages end up in divorce. It is much better to be single without debt than be married to someone toxic and lose half your wealth in the settlement.

Half of your net worth is a very conservative number.

 

[explorerzip]

OP, why are you anxious about marriage and kids? Are you parents or friends pressung you directly or indirectly? Guys don't really have a ticking biological clock.

You know this already, but serious relationships especially with kids take a lot of commitment, energy and sacrifice. You don't need to be married to have kids, but there are plenty of pitfalls if you go that route. In either case, you should think very carefully if you want kids and how you want to raise them. That's not to suggest that having kids will make you miserable. Having kids can certanly be rewarding, but you have to wait a very long time before you can see them grow into themselves and be self sufficient.

Good on you for being a high earner with good savings and no debt. On the other hand, have you considered your car payments, credit cads / line of credit and mortgage? What about looking after your siblings or parents?

I do think you need to get out of your routime too. It sounds like you're going to work, going home and chlling, and maybe not much else. Do some travelling, pickup a new hobby, give back, and meet new people.