Do men who choose to not get married/children get to live life for themselves?

[TheQuestion]

PS: I'm only asking because you guys give insightful answers; I'm not trying to offend anyone.

I have realized that growing up; most people live for their parents. They don't get to do whatever they want since they have to follow what their parents, teachers, and classmates say. At the same time, people who choose to have children live for their children. Their decision is based on "What is best for the children" as opposed to "What is best for me."

Meanwhile, it seems that once men get to work(maybe a have a small business), there's very little they can't do. For instance, there's this guy who lives this sort of "bachelor lifestyle." He can travel to many cheap countries, easily get laid, go to the best restaurants, dedicate himself to his passions, maybe write music or learn a new language. It seems that for most people, this "window of opportunity" is only available when they are in their 20's when they are free from their parents but also their children. Once they have children, it seems their priorities shift, and they have to settle for whatever job they can get.

Most people assumed that you need to be "rich" to live for yourself. But I think this not to be true. I believe there comes the point where you have enough money to live a good life, maybe living off your investments, among other ways.

 

[nottyboi]

I think many men go off the rails without family. Especially men without a close family. I am single but because I have a family that is very dear to me, I have been able to keep it on the rails enough to be reasonably well off. I separated from my GF of 5 years, and I am now contemplating if this is a huge mistake or not...freedom or love..etc. I am 25 years older then her and she is a wonderful person, just no idea what the path I should take is.

Also I am very handy which is useful for home ownership and saves you a ton of cash and time. Got that from my dad.

 

[wazup]

I'm in a dilemma like that now, past the age of getting married or having kids in Canada. Have a good trade but the work is getting harder to do and winters are more difficult to get through. I have enough saved to give me 1000 or 1500 per month in dividends and an online business that might push that total monthly income to 3000 to 3500 per month.

I shouldn't have to live off my principle income. I'm working to keep bills paid as I don't have a job I love or family to look after. I don't see the point in working. Parents are getting old and need some help but my dad was an asshole anyway so no real guilt leaving him behind.

 

[TheQuestion]

I'm in a dilemma like that now, past the age of getting married or having kids in Canada. Have a good trade but the work is getting harder to do and winters are more difficult to get through. I have enough saved to give me 1000 or 1500 per month in dividends and an online business that might push that total monthly income to 3000 to 3500 per month.

I shouldn't have to live off my principle income. I'm working to keep bills paid as I don't have a job I love or family to look after. I don't see the point in working. Parents are getting old and need some help but my dad was an asshole anyway so no real guilt leaving him behind.

Interesting. Would you consider traveling or relocating to a cheaper country? I bet with your income you could live fairly well in some countries in Eastern Europe and Latin America.

 

[bazokajoe]

I'm 57,single, and have no regrets in not getting married or having kids. I'm now retired. I bet if I did get married and had kids I would still be slaving away on shift work.
The job I had was a good paying job and allowed me to do whatever I wanted and when I wanted. Live in a modest bungalow that's paid for. Good pension from work.
Total freedom can't be beat.

 

[wazup]

Interesting. Would you consider traveling or relocating to a cheaper country? I bet with your income you could live fairly well in some countries in Eastern Europe and Latin America.

Mine would be Thailand as there are so many cities there to move around if you got bored of one. Plus all the other countries close by. I would at least do a six month gig. Boredom can set in there too, as well as too much booze. I did six months there last year during lockdown, passed the time ok.

The problem is staying on budget, although I've cut back my boozing quite a bit. But having access to a few hundred thousand in the bank I would have to keep it under control, many can't and end up part of the flyers club without a soft landing, it involves a hotel balcony usually.

 

[xmontrealer]

Could have done without my two ex-wives, but despite the cost in terms of the lack of total freedom, and the expense of raising them, my life would have been much emptier without my two kids...

 

[jalimon]

I got my kids I was 34 and 36. Before that I enjoyed my 20's and early 30's a lot. Got many girlfriend and between 30 and 34 I stopped being so superficial and basically had any girl that wanted to (as long as the girl took care of her body I was up for sex). For 2 years I was on and off with a crazy red head who first time I met gave me a blow job in the bathroom of a poolroom (and to the bartender later on because she wanted to check if I was jealous haha).

Anyhow all that ended when I met a very beautiful girl which I knew it would be different. She was pregnant after 5 months together. We had a second one 2 years later. 2 great boy. But soon later she got sick. After a surgery she changed. Among the changes were a late 30's complete loss of libido. After 4 years of no sex (yes 4 fucking years) I decided it was time to separate. She was surprised because we were still getting along well. What a blessing as I began to enjoy life again, and began to see SP, but very costly.

All together I will probably never be able to retire completely until probably 65. The kids currently cost me about 20 to 25k per year (both private high school in a elite sports program...). And because of them I cannot go living down south (mexico) like I would have... But it's ok. I live for them now and I am fine with it. And the way I see things I will probably hang on giving them my house one day. Being mortgage free is the new freedom these days... Many young household pay more then 50% of their income for mortgage. WTF!

I do perfectly understand the ones who prefer to stay single. Keep yourself busy and enjoy it. I envy you to some extend

 

[luvdog]

Depends on the type of person you are. I'm unmarried and have no kids. No regrets with either of those things. Freedom is something I value that others take for granted. No one can make you do anything. But sometimes, other people make it more difficult to follow your heart. Money also plays a big part, and it is not easy for those over 40+ to start over and get another job.

Right now, I am contemplating retirement elsewhere. Canada is slowly becoming an unaffordable place. I hope I can retire with a healthy mind, body, and money.
L.D.

 

[GGGDickson]

The question,

I am now in my 60's never been married. I have a number of businesses in Europe and I have three places in Europe. Many of my married acquaintances think I have a great life. I never thought I had a job I just was lucky starting businesses and selling them. I am an orphan so never had family or friends as I am travelling all the time living in hotels etc....

You can not live you life through other people or based on other people. I often wanted to be married with kids. I would always want what others have. I had stuff but that did not make me happy. I found with providers if we connected we could travel together and they would even play my wife or girlfriend for the time we were together. Did they "love" me? HELL NO! They loved the money and the things I gave them. We had an agreement. They did "love" me in the moment. That was what I was paying for. I got to live out my fantasies like getting married or being married. In the last number of years I have been living out others fantasies. My providers and others as well. I get a rush out of it, seeing the emotion on their faces.

I do what I like but it has its draw backs. I remember an old movie where the talk goes like this.

Vin: Yeah, sure. Everything. After awhile you can call bartenders and faro dealers by their first name - maybe two hundred of 'em! Rented rooms you live in - five hundred! Meals you eat in hash houses - a thousand! Home - none! Wife - none! Kids... none! Prospects - zero. Suppose I left anything out?

Chris Adams: Yeah. Places you're tied down to - none. People with a hold on you - none. Men you step aside for - none.

Lee: Insults swallowed - none. Enemies - none.

Chris Adams: No enemies?

Lee: Alive.

Chico: Well. This is the kind of arithmetic I like.

Chris Adams: Yeah. So did I at your age.

Let's say I have grown up and now I realize you need to be happy with what you have and where you have been. Everyone has challenges. Some more difficult than others. Do I have regrets yes but I can not change the past and I do not know what the future holds. I just have this moment and that is all. So I live it. I have spent a lot on my therapist to get to this point. However, I often think I get more from my providers. LOL

If you have a SO, or a wife, or kids consider your self the luckiest man alive. Enjoy what you have, not wasting time thinking of what you do not have. Thequestion, you and only you know, what you want, and what makes you happy. But Happiness starts in your mind and don't look to others for your answer or you will be chasing that rainbow forever and regret looking.

For What it is worth.
Dickson

 

[Don Draper]

I never married. Never will.

No children either (pretty sure of that.)

I have ABSOLUTELY no regrets. My parents never pressured me into anything.

I have the life I want. I travel often and do what I want when I want to do it.

Women (as in relationships) come and go. Some last a few years, some last a few months.

My freedom is precious to me.

 

[y2kmark]

For themselves, with themselves and by themselves...

 

[GGGDickson]

For themselves, with themselves and by themselves...

Some might call us selfish, Self centered and lonely. To each his own.

 

[jazzbox]

I have three friends in their 50s that have divorced. As they enter their late 50s all of them express concerns about growing old alone or dying alone. They question choosing "freedom" over a relationship. That said, none of them have entered the dating world and recoil at the idea of going out looking to meet women. I suspect they will all die alone with regrets and doubts about what was the right choice. A very human situation.

 

[xix]

It doesn't matter which road/path you take in life , single or married. Each has their pits, but less so in the single lane.

All that matter is what is inside your head, how are you emotionally, what are the goals and time. IF you don't have these then you will be played by the universe and other people's narcist, egotism, stupidity.

If you are rich, a woman can leave you = Amazon.com ex wife. Even if you become poor during marriage she could leave /bail out on you, unless she is a fighter and wants to have a normal life with you, if you are smart you stay with her.

Anyone can be a parent, but its "parenting skills" that help raise a child + a few more things/skills. If you are single you can adopt a local kid don't go foreign.

It is bad behaviors that will cause grief for you once you get caught. Married men (women) who are here who don't partake in our hobby, but are here for the social atmosphere are in a way cheating as discussed before here in Terb.

Dying alone, I have seen both end of the spectrum. If you go to grief support groups you will hear plenty. You can die while traveling alone. You children abandoned or estrange from you and you die in your house all alone until a month later someone finds you. I knew a guy who visited his dad every week in spring and fall but winter/summer every 3 weeks. Guess what, the father a widow dies 2 days after the guy's visit. 13 day alone.

Children, even your off springs may destroy your life, as a PH professor found out from India. His son 30, living with him, druggie, beats him up and left him a quadriplegic, because daddy wouldn't give him money for his white powder.

Don't be fooled by Hollywood.
When you get old join the senior centre or the Ymca and meet people of your age, who are single /widow only and Don't be an asshole, and you will have plenty of friends.

Always be cautious, stay alert, stay in your path. And if you are single keep on spooning.
And yes money helps on both sides of the path. Just save enough for then.

 

[shack]

I have three friends in their 50s that have divorced. As they enter their late 50s all of them express concerns about growing old alone or dying alone. They question choosing "freedom" over a relationship. That said, none of them have entered the dating world and recoil at the idea of going out looking to meet women. I suspect they will all die alone with regrets and doubts about what was the right choice. A very human situation.

The question that I asked myself is should we be committed to a less than happy relationship for the sake of someone being with us at the end.

 

[Sonic Temple]

The question,

I am now in my 60's never been married. I have a number of businesses in Europe and I have three places in Europe. Many of my married acquaintances think I have a great life. I never thought I had a job I just was lucky starting businesses and selling them. I am an orphan so never had family or friends as I am travelling all the time living in hotels etc....

You can not live you life through other people or based on other people. I often wanted to be married with kids. I would always want what others have. I had stuff but that did not make me happy. I found with providers if we connected we could travel together and they would even play my wife or girlfriend for the time we were together. Did they "love" me? HELL NO! They loved the money and the things I gave them. We had an agreement. They did "love" me in the moment. That was what I was paying for. I got to live out my fantasies like getting married or being married. In the last number of years I have been living out others fantasies. My providers and others as well. I get a rush out of it, seeing the emotion on their faces.

I do what I like but it has its draw backs. I remember an old movie where the talk goes like this.

Vin: Yeah, sure. Everything. After awhile you can call bartenders and faro dealers by their first name - maybe two hundred of 'em! Rented rooms you live in - five hundred! Meals you eat in hash houses - a thousand! Home - none! Wife - none! Kids... none! Prospects - zero. Suppose I left anything out?

Chris Adams: Yeah. Places you're tied down to - none. People with a hold on you - none. Men you step aside for - none.

Lee: Insults swallowed - none. Enemies - none.

Chris Adams: No enemies?

Lee: Alive.

Chico: Well. This is the kind of arithmetic I like.

Chris Adams: Yeah. So did I at your age.

Let's say I have grown up and now I realize you need to be happy with what you have and where you have been. Everyone has challenges. Some more difficult than others. Do I have regrets yes but I can not change the past and I do not know what the future holds. I just have this moment and that is all. So I live it. I have spent a lot on my therapist to get to this point. However, I often think I get more from my providers. LOL

If you have a SO, or a wife, or kids consider your self the luckiest man alive. Enjoy what you have, not wasting time thinking of what you do not have. Thequestion, you and only you know, what you want, and what makes you happy. But Happiness starts in your mind and don't look to others for your answer or you will be chasing that rainbow forever and regret looking.

For What it is worth.
Dickson

Written for the ages - well written my friend.

 

[bazokajoe]

Some might call us selfish, Self centered and lonely. To each his own.

Then call me selfish.

 

[Sonic Temple]

I enjoyed this thread immensely, there is no wrong answer for me - in any given moment life can change. Just live and only you know what is next.

 

[GGGDickson]

Written for the ages - well written my friend.

Thank you Sonic Temple it works for me. But i am not one to give advice. The pandemic has allowed me time to reflect and revisit my many providers over the years. So many great memories. I do love to share them as it brings them alive for me. Catherine was the one who told me a dream is but a dream unless other participate. So be it.