Do men who choose to not get married/children get to live life for themselves?

[xmontrealer]

Further thoughts. When I was a fairly wealthy bachelor living in Montreal, enjoying work, golf, music, dating, etc. etc., i would often find myself thinking late at night, as the old Peggy Lee song goes, "Is that all there is?", as there was an emptiness inside me that wouldn't go away.

In truth I had no desire to have children, but once I did have them I never felt that empty feeling again...

 

[GGGDickson]

Then call me selfish.

Join the club. I love it when at the end my provider tells me I am a selfish, son of a bitch and Carol was right no one will ever love me and I am not capable of loving anyone but myself. Funny how right they are as years ago a lady i saw was a medical doctor and she suggested I try to find my biological mother. I hired a PI and he found the orphanage I was left at. Records were not well kept but it appears I was abandoned on the door step. They gave me my name and my birthday. But a lady that worked there who did not remember me said it was not uncommon for prostitutes to leave a child there. So there was a good chance I was a result of a john leaving his seed in a street walker.

So I guess that does make me a son of a bitch. So i do not take offense when someone refers to me in those terms. On my own my whole life so how can i be anything but selfish.

So welcome to the club.

 

[GGGDickson]

Further thoughts. When I was a fairly wealthy bachelor living in Montreal, enjoying work, golf, music, dating, etc. etc., i would often find myself thinking late at night, as the old Peggy Lee song goes, "Is that all there is?", as there was an emptiness inside me that wouldn't go away.

In truth I had no desire to have children, but once I did have them I never felt that empty feeling again...

You are a lucky guy. I often think of when I die do I leave a noise? Like the tree in the forest. When the tree falls does it leave a noise when it falls if no one is there to hear it. Oh well who cares. It in big scope of things what does life mean?

 

[jalimon]

Thank you Sonic Temple it works for me. But i am not one to give advice. The pandemic has allowed me time to reflect and revisit my many providers over the years. So many great memories. I do love to share them as it brings them alive for me. Catherine was the one who told me a dream is but a dream unless other participate. So be it.

I like you post as well. I like to see how others like you have adapted the 'hobby' to their lifestyle. It makes for great memories and could very well let some other viewers think about changing a thing or two in their life...

I am becoming a memory poster as well... I am only early in my 50 but for the past few months kind of retired from this. My memories are 7 years of seeing great girl but mostly ton's of parties with other guy and sp, dozens of 3 some, lots of gb and a few orgy. It sound raw writing like this but all was done with great guy (no bum or weirdo) and super star girl. It's too bad the pandemic took all that fun away... Time to move on...

 

[Robert Mugabe]

I got left on the shelf. So not so much about my choice. Although in hindsight my choice was to drift and drink. The "relationships" I found myself snared in were about complete loss of control and autonomy. So not really a successful story. Since I am not attached to anyone, I feel free. Like the old song

Tumbling Tumbleweeds
Sons of the Pioneers
See them tumbling down,
Pledging their love to the ground!
Lonely, but free, I'll be found,
Drifting along with the tumbling tumbleweeds
Cares of the past are behind,
Nowhere to go, but I'll find,
Just where the trail will wind,
Drifting along with the tumblin' tumbleweeds
I know when night is gone,
That a new world's born at dawn!
I'll keep rolling along,
Deep in my heart as a song,
Here on the range I belong,
Drifting along with…

 

[superstar_88]

in big scope of things what does life mean?

Here's your answer

 

[angrymime666]

Some might call us selfish, Self centered and lonely. To each his own.

I would say that these men know themselves very well and have made smart choices. you would not believe the amount of parents with kids that I have seen that say its all about their kids yet ignore their kids, send their kids to day care and are more wrapped up into themselves then their kids. I would say parents of today are selfish since they took on a responsibility and are not putting in the effort.

 

[jalimon]

Here's your answer

I prefer the moments when nothing else matters

 

[benstt]

I think people can view compromises or constraints as something imposed by a partner (or family), or something that is the natural give and take of sharing a life together.

 

[GGGDickson]

I would say that these men know themselves very well and have made smart choices. you would not believe the amount of parents with kids that I have seen that say its all about their kids yet ignore their kids, send their kids to day care and are more wrapped up into themselves then their kids. I would say parents of today are selfish since they took on a responsibility and are not putting in the effort.

It is not my place to criticize others for choices they make. i made some bad choices but they were mine and I take responsibility for them. I have a real soft spot for single mothers or fathers for that matter. I have met a number of these single mothers who choose to take care of their children rather than give them up. I have done crazy things with these ladies like April or Kimberly, or Cindy, or Lauren or Catherine, or Anna and the list goes on.

I feel for those children as they had no choice coming into the world. I have a foundation that I support two orphanages. I go out there twice a year but I see such hope in those children. A child is such a gift to the world. I on the other hand have never had such courage to take that on. I did for a while had a special agreement drawn up with a couple providers that if they had a child with me I would have custody of the child but i would pay her a large sum of money. It was weird as I would not be with them with out a condom.

Yes I always had a soft spot for single mothers. True heroes in the world.

 

[basketcase]

The vast majority of people need something meaningful their lives. Often that is family but it can be many other things. Work, friends, hobbies, extended family can all fill that role. I could see for many single guys, the transition to retirement could be tougher without support but that can be planned for.



And on the plus side, I have enough put away to pay for a good old age home, one that doesn't object to getting visited by my many "nieces"

 

[shack]

a good old age home, one that doesn't object to getting visited by my many "nieces"

There's nothing like family.

 

[Charlemagne]

I'm on my early 30's, not married, and I got no kids.

I'm still deciding what I should do, but I don't really wanna be a parent.

 

[superstar_88]

I don't really wanna be a parent.

Sounds more like you've already decided.

 

[jeff2]

The question that I asked myself is should we be committed to a less than happy relationship for the sake of someone being with us at the end.

Even on their deathbed, will they be lucky enough to get a stale sandwich?

 

[Robert Mugabe]

The question that I asked myself is should we be committed to a less than happy relationship for the sake of someone being with us at the end.

Seen so many old couples at the food court in the mall, usually. Looking totally angry and bored with each other. Staring off in other directions with that "stuck to the bitter end" despair. Been there done that. Locked in that dance of death. lol.

 

[superstar_88]

Locked in that dance of death. lol.

... and if you break out of jail mon you'll be left homeless.

 

[kosws]

There may be a sampling bias here though, because most happily-married (or happily in a relationship) men aren't going to be active on Terb. So a lot of the answers you're going to get here are skewed in favour of single/divorced/etc.

What I know for sure has changed is society's expectation of marriage and having kids. A few generations ago it was expected that by a certain age you'd be married with kids, and if you weren't, you were perceived as strange or troubled in some way. So many men/women were forced into it to satisfy the cultural norm. Nowadays, it's more acceptable to be single, so a lot of men have the option to be single or childless. Whether they actually do so is a different thing.

 

[surferboy]

If you have a SO, or a wife, or kids consider your self the luckiest man alive. Enjoy what you have, not wasting time thinking of what you do not have. Thequestion, you and only you know, what you want, and what makes you happy. But Happiness starts in your mind and don't look to others for your answer or you will be chasing that rainbow forever and regret looking.

Truest words spoken! Nobody wants to die alone & I think the greatest triumph you can have in life is to be proud of your kids & your linage being past on. I know I almost drove my dad to drink & getting called by the principal while running a business or bailing me out of the drunk tank on a Sunday morning...for the fifth time didn't overjoy him but he loved me with all my faults till the end. Even in the hospital when he was in a lot of pain & his spirits we're down all is somebody would have to say is "remember when he did that" & dad would crack up & shake his head. I think it was actually good therapy for everyone to have their pokes at me & even some of the nurses would come by to get a good laugh. In the end all you have is your family, my brother keeps trying to instil that & tells me to settle down & try to lead a normal life. "Take away looks, money & material things & if your dying in a hospital bed none of your bimbos are going to give a rats ass about you"...not comforting words put probably the truth!

Pre Covid when we still had rec league hockey I made it out usually once a month or so, after the game we'd go for drinks & all the married guys would want to see my phone to see who I was banging. It became a tradition & the first one to buy me a drink would get the phone. Thing is over the past year or so I've gotten a ton of pictures from friends & family at home with their kids in some of the funniest poses & situations it actually makes me a little sad. The guys are jealous that I can bang a different women every weekend...but ask any bachelor that's been at it long enough it gets old! The few months I had as a fatherly figure were probably the happiest months I can remember, but the whore in me slipped up & ruined a great thing. I guess I'm destined for a life of booze & debauchery...

 

[Mr.Know-It-All]

For most people, finding purpose and the best available happiness in life is by having a family to call their own. The desire to pass on genes to kids that start life with a whole new future in their hands, give attention to and love something other than work/school/sex, remain within the social norm of friends that have families, develop a life-long bond with a mother of your kids, being able to share, travel with, and bestow assets to people that you love rather than having the government take it all back, to have company by your side when you're in your deathbed, etc. All the reasons are selfish in that they bring you happiness, a sense of purpose and security. The byproduct is that your kids and wife are beneficiaries of your good behavior because you love them.

I don't have kids or a wife. I enjoy my current life - the freedoms and the debauchery. But I will likely settle down for all the above reasons eventually.