Is it usual to be disappointed in your children?
- Thread starter mmouse
- Start date
This is where you have the OPEN heart to heart talk with them. Let them know you are sorry for being harsh, critical and for taking away their self confidence and self esteem. They may forgive you and that will be the turning point. Some make the mistake and turn around and start with "I just want to let you know watching YouTube 24/7 is not good for you ". That is just repeating the mistake and they go back into their shell.
I think he's referring to modern society. I'd argue that peer pressure on parents and kids is much higher in modern society because we're all connected and comparing ourselves to other people. Everyone is constantly being reminded that they or their kids don't measure up to some artificial standard. Social media makes that infinitely worse.
And that slut may very well become a doctor, a CEO, a nurse, anything... We need to stop being judgemental. Girls, like boys, are perfectly aloud to have their slutty years
Cheers,
You see life as black or white only. I pity people like that. Life is grey. Anyone can change its destiny.
Girl please continue to live your life as you want and fuck who you want.
Do not let ass hole male rule you or patronize you. Fuck these assholes they are not worth you.
He may be referring to modern society, but I am saying that this is nothing that is unique to modern society. Peer pressure is also nothing new. I imagine parents have always compared their kids when talking with other parents.
Parents criticize their kids.
Kids blame their parents for their problems.
Those same kids grow up and then criticize their kids.
Always has been and always will be.
I remember back in the early 70s an article in some venerable magazine saying todays kids were less educated than their parents. 100 years ago sheet music was flying off the shelves. Lots of people could play piano and read music to entertain themselves and families. My mother spoke French and German passably from being a product of the English educational system. Makes me look bad.
Worst advice ever. Do not take away anything from them, but offer something more interesting. It requires lots of parents' time and effort
Find something interesting to do together. Archery or riffle classes. Water-bike/sailing. Introduce them to something AND SHOW it BY EXAMPLE. Do not just say "try it". Be there with them.
You are correct about the core principles. On the other hand, peer pressure is not the same as days gone by. Peer pressure used to be just from the people immediately around you. That's not the case anymore because it can now come from anywhere, any time and from people that you have never met. You can't insulate yourself and your family completely from that in modern society.
Back to Mr. Lover's point, I do agree with him that people today (not just parents) seem to be too critical and negative towards others. That's very apparent on any social platform including this one and I think that it can spill over to real life.
The OP will have a very difficult time connecting with his kids or anyone else with those attitudes. So he has to be willing to change his perspective, attitude and tactics and have the patience to see it through even if it takes years.
Reminds me of this video. The guy talks about why he thinks kids spend so much time online on social media and video games. The first two points in the video make sense to me:
1) Video games give kids the feeling of competency, which they don't get from school. Unless they are consistently getting the highest marks, school gives them too much of the feeling that they are not doing good enough.
2) Kids have too much of a schedule, and too little autonomy. They find that sense of autonomy online.
This is not just a problem for kids though. A lot of adults also like social media and video games.
The pressure is identical today as it's always been. The human brain makes no distinction between pressure in the form of online media versus the pressure of the neighbor's kids at a time when that was all they were exposed to. The brain has inbuilt limitations which is why individuals feel no more fulfilled or happy after achieving a certain income level. The billionaire isn't 1000 times happier than the millionaire.
Perspective is essential. Ever hear the story about the abusive alcoholic father who had two sons? One son became an abusive alcoholic, and the other never took a sip of alcohol his entire life. When asked why he became an alcoholic, the first son replied, "because I watched my dad". When asked why he didn't become an alcoholic, the second son replied, "because I watched my dad".
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Online media (including videos, games, photos) are very different because they are designed to keep you on it especially if you earn income from it. There are algorithms in play that decide what you are shown. People can be micro-targeted by advertisers, news organizations, political parties, etc. Cambridge Analytica is the prime example of that. Further, if you were bullied as a kid before the digital age you could move to another school and that might be the end of it. That's not the case now because you can still be targeted by the same people or others online that feel the same way.
Maybe the peer pressure is identical as you say, but the amount of people that can reach you is infinitely more. So kids are not just watching their dad, but many other dads around the world. I don't think that the human brain can deal with that much stimulus unless we train kids and adults very carefully.
Seeing as I don't consider total strangers my peers, their opinions (should) count for zilch.
The opinion of total strangers online should not matter, but it does for many people. That's a product of how online media is designed and how schools and parents are always going to be behind technological change.
Well, IMO, if an adult with kids is feeling "peer" pressure from complete strangers online, then I'm not surprised that he'd be disappointed in his children as well.
