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Rules to teach your son.

The Oracle

Pronouns: Who/Cares
Mar 8, 2004
25,627
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On the slopes of Mount Parnassus, Greece
RULES TO TEACH YOUR SON.

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.

2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs.

3. The man at the BBQ Grill is the closest thing to a king.

4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.

5. Request the late check-out.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.

8. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.

9. Play with passion or don’t play at all…

10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them in the eye.

11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.

12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.

13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.

14. You marry the girl, you marry her family.

15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.

16. Experience the serenity of traveling alone.

17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.

18. Never turn down a breath mint.

19. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.

20. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.

21. Thank a veteran. Then make it up to him.

22. Eat lunch with the new kid.

23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.

24. Ask your mum to play. She won’t let you win.

25. Manners maketh the man.

26. Give credit. Take the blame.

27. Stand up to Bullies. Protect those bullied.

28. Write down your dreams.

29. Take time to snuggle your pets, they love you so much and are always happy to see you.

30. Be confident and humble at the same time.

31. If ever in doubt, remember whose son you are and REFUSE to just be ordinary!

32. In all things lead by example not explanation.

33. Vulnerability is ok and isnt anything to be ashamed about.

34. It’s not weak to speak.
 

jcpro

Well-known member
Jan 31, 2014
24,673
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Choose your words carefully
Pick your battles. Retreating to a stronger position is not a defeat. Mistakes are rarely lethal, unless you fail to learn. When your opponent is down, finish him. Never, ever give up.
 

onthebottom

Never Been Justly Banned
Jan 10, 2002
40,555
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Hooterville
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Take responsibility
 

Mr Deeds

Muff Diver Extraordinaire
Mar 10, 2013
6,313
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Here
Don't scratch your balls after handling hot peppers
 

Smallcock

Active member
Jun 5, 2009
13,697
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If you believe that you can't, then you never will.

Life isn't fair, but play to win.

God is watching your every move.

Most of your friends are not your friends.

You will make mistakes. Learn from them.

Being smart may earn you money as an adult, but you are still going to get your ass kicked by the alpha on the school playground as a daily ritual in childhood. Everyone will turn a blind eye.

Give a beggar change if you have some to spare.

Everybody has a price.

Never "judge a book by its cover" because you'll only be right 90% of the time.
 

shack

Nitpicker Extraordinaire
Oct 2, 2001
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Toronto

jackal2006

Member
Oct 10, 2006
243
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With the so many of the types of women out there I would tell my imaginary son or any boy I care about the following:

- don't trust a woman get a prenup

- always wear a condom and flush it or take it with you so you don't get unwanted surprises 9 months down the road

- go to school feed your mind and get a job that will support you from your studies. Liberal arts are nice but no future in those in modern society. Do STEM or a trade if you are not so academic

- Most people in this world are opportunists. Trust but verify.

- Love and take care of your parents. If they were good to you return the favour
 

icespot

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2005
1,692
84
48
The Oracle I like your rules except 26.

I would say give credit, be humble, but never take the blame for others.

1) It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

2) Trust everyone and everything until you have a good reason to doubt it, or them.

3) Always believe in a higher power, what ever it may be to you.

4) When you make a mistake own it.

5) it's good to make mistakes as long as you never repeat them.

6) Make sure you live your life in a way, that you are never ashamed of the guy looking back at you in the mirror.

7) Never compromise your integrity for anything or anyone. In a bad situation always make sure you walk away with your integrity intact.

8) Never have sex with a woman until at least 4 months into the relationship.

9) We get one life, make it in the service of your people.

10) When you do something stupid write it in a book. When you become a father and your kid makes the same mistakes. Read that book, before talking to him.

11) you are the most unique and special human in this world, just like the other 7 billion of us.

12) Respect everyone and never let anyone disrespect you.

13) Anger is temporary, never make decisions when angry.

14) Never date a woman that would leave her children for you.

15) Never date a woman who will leave her significant other for you.

16) Your father is not your hero, he doesn't know what is best for you, only you know what's best for you, but your father has the best intentions for you.

17) Always be kind, but never let anyone mistake your kindness for weakness.

18) Never listen to those that tell you life is not fair. It made you ready for anything and all it will give and take from you.

19) If you don't agree with my previous 17 points, fuck them it's your life, make your own rules, but live this beautiful life to its fullest. Except for point 8, always remember point 8, it will save you a world of trouble.
 

Knuckle Ball

Well-known member
Oct 15, 2017
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1. Climate change is real and man made.

2. Always tell the truth.

3. Don’t make fun of people with disabilities.

4. Don’t be a white nationalist.

5. Don’t hang out with people who murder their enemies with Novichok nerve agent or bone saws.

6. Don’t use that spray tan shit because it makes you look orange and stupid.

7. Don’t hold up military aid to foreign countries to try to get them to make up lies about people you don’t like.

8. When approached by Russian Intelligence Officers always call the FBI.

9. Don’t believe conspiracy theories.

10. Windmills do not cause cancer.
 

icespot

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2005
1,692
84
48
1. Climate change is real and man made.

2. Always tell the truth.

3. Don’t make fun of people with disabilities.

4. Don’t be a white nationalist.

5. Don’t hang out with people who murder their enemies with Novichok nerve agent or bone saws.

6. Don’t use that spray tan shit because it makes you look orange and stupid.

7. Don’t hold up military aid to foreign countries to try to get them to make up lies about people you don’t like.

8. When approached by Russian Intelligence Officers always call the FBI.

9. Don’t believe conspiracy theories.

10. Windmills do not cause cancer.
Thanks for the laugh, haven't laughed so hard in a while.....
 

Backnine

New member
Nov 6, 2019
38
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There are 2 kinds of women in the world, those who fuck you back and those you don't want to know
 

|2 /-\ | /|/

Well-known member
Mar 5, 2015
6,521
1,143
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Never allow them to define and validate you.

If someone say they will never lie to you they are presently lying to your face.

Never blindly listen to people who think they can simplify life to a set of rules. Listen to their advice and make your own conclusions.

Don’t allow them to limit you and take your potential through labels and tribes.

Love is god.
 

luvyeah

🤡🌎
Oct 24, 2018
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Just listen to Tony Montana:

 
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