I Want To Stop Seeing Escorts

[explorerzip]

In terms of the discipline within my physical routine, the amount of time, energy, and concentration that I invest towards my psychological and intellectual faculties far exceed the resources that I invest towards developing myself physically. I read for at least 2 hours a day, I own 2 companies, which involves a lot of reading, learning, and human interactions, and I am constantly learning about all of the skills and subjects that I believe will enrich all aspects of my life, through books, podcasts, YouTube videos, Vimeo videos, forums, and so on.

With that said, you are absolutely right about the fact that I am very outcome oriented, and that has caused a number of problems in my life, and has undoubtedly contributed to my anxiety (or is a byproduct of my anxiety).

Furthermore, I agree with the fact that being more process-oriented, less in my head, and going with the flow will benefit me a great deal.

I'm not sure how to go about releasing control, and being more spontaneous though. It seems that by trying to release control, and by trying to be more spontaneous and process-oriented, I can be in a double-bind, whereby I am trying and controlling all over again.

Letting go of my routine is important, however. I'm with you on that, and I will most likely be taking a few days off this month, to do just that.

Perhaps a group activity like a team sport or volunteering would be useful to help you learn to release some control? It sounds like you are doing everything on your own, which is not sustainable. Learn to delegate so you can have a richer social life.

Maybe even ballroom dancing would help? I know it sounds silly, but I hear through friends that in order to dance well you have to learn to let go a bit. It seems counter-intuitive, but the more you think about the moves you're supposed to do the more it looks robotic and controlled.

I find golf is also like that too: the more you focus on trying to hit the ball, the more likely you are to miss it.

 

[explorerzip]

I appreciate the fact that my story resonates with you, but based on the therapy that I have undergone, the deep friendships that I have (including friendships with awesome women), my family, and others, I completely disagree with your statement about never telling any woman my fears or insecurities. I think that, within the context of a healthy relationship, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, sharing fears and insecurities are necessary, within reason, and gradually, as the relationship evolves.

What's more, I am very close to my mother, my therapist is a woman, and many of my yoga coaches are women that I share a number of my fears and insecurities with.

I want to be in a romantic relationship with an interesting, psychologically integrated woman that knows herself as well as I know myself, that accepts me for who I am (insecurities and all), and that enjoys my company, interests, and other aspects of my life.

I don't lie about my feelings -- not to myself, or to others. I am authentic, I am honest, I am direct, I set clear boundaries, and working with a therapist, and being part of the Codependents Anonymous fellowship, and having a number of meaningful friendships has helped me in that regard.

I share my insecurities with my female friends all the time, and they're still around. I share my insecurities with my male friends all the time, and they're still around. And it goes the other way around, as well.

I definitely have anxiety, I have had depression, and my dating life has yet to flourish, but you seem a lot more cynical than me, and your perspectives on women, and your experiences with them, outside of the escorting world, are far different than mine, at least from my perspective.

Furthermore, I did not lose my virginity to an escort, and I have dated many women, even though being in a long-term relationship with a woman for more than four months has been a challenge, due to my own insecurities. I am ready to move forward though.

In terms of HPV, have you been tested for it?

You can turn people away by sharing too much. It's great that the people that you are sharing with are still with you. On the other hand, they might feel differently deep down. It can be a bit annoying to hear the same stories of your depression, anxieties, etc. It might be especially hard to take given your apparent success in business and life.

 

[D-Fens]

You could start by not going to escort review boards...

 

[wazup]

I'm shredded. I eat a slow carb diet/low gylcemic index foods, 4 meals per day, primarily plant-based, organic, and high in protein, I take a number of naturopathic supplements (prescribed to me via my naturopathic doctor), and I drink about three litres of water per day. I lift heavy weights once a week, I do high intensity interval training twice a week (one ten minute session, and one twenty six minute session), and I practice yoga four times a week. I also plank for seven minutes per day no matter what, I do the yoga pose known as downward dog for two minutes per day no matter what, I do eight minutes of hip-opening stretches everyday no matter what, in addition to other physical habits and routines, none of which include steroids.

I'm a former athlete, and a former personal trainer.

After I saw the escort last night, I made a joke that she should have paid me, but I was half joking.

Who doesn't do this stuff? ;o)

 

[Misty4me]

Sex with escorts isn't intimacy, by my definition. Sex can often be mutually exclusive in relation to intimacy.

I mean intimacy within the context of long-term dating (which can, and should include sex).

You can't discuss the depths of your fears, anxieties, aspirations, or present yourself and your entire life's history in an authentic way, within an hour or two, by having sex with an escort.

I mean intimacy and vulnerability, over an extended period of time -- months, if not years.

Your afraid of an intimate / committed relationship which includes sharing thoughts , ideas , dreams , likes , dislikes , sharing yourself , showing your vulnerabilities , weaknesses and even your strengths and yes sexual fantasies and kinks .

If you want to overcome then you must first accept and love yourself for who you are right now ! You are not doing that . Your original post denotes this when you say I did this because of that and I do that because of this . The rationalizing of your actions is not acceptance of them it's excusing them . If you've used a 12 step program you already know this ! Put into practice those 12 steps , rationalizing and excuses are not a part of the 12 steps .

Chemicals in our brains are released ( feel good receptors ) which we use during times of stress , anxiety or just to make us feel good . If you want to stop doing something try replacing it with a constructive , ( a brisk walk , running , working out or even using your time to help someone in need all these things will help release similar receptors to help you work through it .

In a nut shell before you can share your life with someone to the degree you say you do , you must first do You ! It's possible you will never completely over come your weaknesses during those times of stress and anxiety but acceptance of them is the first step so take it !

Misty

 

[**Sophie**]

Chemicals in our brains are released ( feel good receptors ) which we use during times of stress , anxiety or just to make us feel good . If you want to stop doing something try replacing it with a constructive , ( a brisk walk , running , working out or even using your time to help someone in need all these things will help release similar receptors to help you work through it .
Misty

Good Morning I think you missed this post of his. He's an animal when it comes to working out lol.

I'm shredded. I eat a slow carb diet/low gylcemic index foods, 4 meals per day, primarily plant-based, organic, and high in protein, I take a number of naturopathic supplements (prescribed to me via my naturopathic doctor), and I drink about three litres of water per day. I lift heavy weights once a week, I do high intensity interval training twice a week (one ten minute session, and one twenty six minute session), and I practice yoga four times a week. I also plank for seven minutes per day no matter what, I do the yoga pose known as downward dog for two minutes per day no matter what, I do eight minutes of hip-opening stretches everyday no matter what, in addition to other physical habits and routines, none of which include steroids.

I'm a former athlete, and a former personal trainer.

After I saw the escort last night, I made a joke that she should have paid me, but I was half joking.

He will get where he needs to be because he really wants it, it's just a matter of when is it going to happen for him.

 

[aj11]

Too long, lost interest about 1/4 in. I see escorts when I want to bust a nut with a female as opposed to a paper towel.

Having said that, my unwillingness to settle down boils down to being with one woman the rest of my life and that terrifies me.

I'm not sure that human beings or most other primates are neurologically and/or biologically wired for monogamy, but since I haven't experienced a long-term, romantic, monogamous relationship for more than four months (due to my fears of abandonment and intimacy), I want to give that a try, because I know that my intuition longs for that, and I also want to get over my irrational fears.

Do you date any women?

Besides that, this quote by Brené Brown summarizes what I want to experience: "We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honour the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection."

That is a lot more profound, fulfilling, and long-term than busting "a nut with a female as opposed to a paper towel."

 

[aj11]

self control.

I have immense amounts of self-control and willpower.

In fact, my therapist uses the word "brutal" to describe the amount of willpower, energy, and focus that I invest towards my career, towards reading about topics that pertain to my psychology and physiology (on a daily basis), towards facing my issues head on (on a daily-basis), and towards building my physical and psychological capacities (on a daily basis), while reviewing my goals, values, and ideals.

As described in my original post, I tend to see escorts, after I burn out -- after I have pushed my mind and bodies to their limits, and after I experience adrenal fatigue, and high volumes of cortisol (the stress hormone) throughout my body. It's at this point that feelings of anxiety and isolation peak, and I seemingly can no longer stay away from having sex with escorts, as a single man with sexual needs, that is currently not dating.

Part of my challenges include having too much self-control and willpower, not a lack of it, at least from my perspective.

 

[aj11]

OP, you need to learn to trust that not everyone will hurt you. Escorts can put a bandaid on some issues and satisfy that instant gratification, but you need to head into a different direction if you are looking for something different than that. Its important to be completely honest with your issues so someone special will know where you are coming from. Don't ever be shy or ashamed to share your story, we all have one.

I believe with enough faith and your basic need to be with someone who really loves you for you, will happen for you one day. Just the fact that you are wanting more speaks volumes about what your true soul really wants. It's important to own your insecurities, but know that, that is what they are, just insecurities. People won't see you the way you see yourself.

We can be our own worst enemies sometimes. Positive thought reinforcing helped me whenever a bad thought came into mind about myself. For example: When I was a massage attendant, thoughts would creep into my head about what kind of man would love a girl like me, who has touched so many men. Once those thoughts entered my mind, I would stop myself(which is hard to do sometimes) and tell myself something positive. End of the story, I did find someone who loved me for who I was, flaws and all, and the rest is history as they say.

Don't lose faith, your time will come, you are still a young pup. You are worth being loved, and to give love, and I wish you luck in your future endeavors.

I totally agree with the fact that escorts are a bandaid solution, and clearly they have not contributed to any semblance of long-term fulfilment or any meaningful relationships, within the context of my life.

I also appreciate the fact that you mentioned the shame that I have carried within me, about the nuances of my life, and how I view myself as a person.

My internalized shame, which developed in early childhood (due to my parents, genetics, and other factors) has been one of the most challenging things for me to transcend, and has caused me to distance myself from dating, and numerous other potentially meaningful relationships.

The irrational fears of not being good enough, of being rejected due to supposedly inherent deficiencies, and other fears have dominated my psyche for many years, and in many ways, my perfectionism and workaholism are my ways of dealing with such fears and anxieties.

I am still learning to own my insecurities, in a way that results in them being less dominant (over my life, and decisions). I have been my own hardest critic, for a long time.

Thank you for sharing the fact that you were a massage parlour attendant. I always wondered how much shame an escort or massage parlour attendant could potentially carry within them, in terms of the high volume of men that they have had sex with, and I can definitely appreciate the fact that such professions can potentially compound or create feelings of unworthiness within an escort or massage parlour attendant. I can appreciate the fact that some escorts might think the following: "How could any man love, or be with a woman that has had sex with so many men?"

The fact that you were able to find someone that you love, and that you are able to be honest, transparent, and vulnerable with gives me a lot of hope, and I am happy for you.

I have only been seeing escorts for 9% of my life, and for a relatively small percentage of my adult life, and even though there has been a lot of shame, anxiety, compulsions, addictions, and rage throughout the vast majority of my life, your story, my intuition, and the feedback that I have received from various professionals, the people in my Codependents Anonymous group, and others, has given me a lot of hope.

Thank you!

 

[aj11]

I find this generation of women aren't too interested in witnessing vulnerability. Least not too early in the courting scene. Being guarded in the beginning actually promotes a bit of mystery. But if your like an open book in the beginning the women tend to start walking out the door and looking for someone else almost immediately.
Ideologically it would be great for a man to just let their guard down and put their feet up but in today's world, women see it as a sign of weakness. Or that your a loon. I'm not saying a man can't do it but later on, not in the courting stage.
Women on the other hand want to be able to gab and for that suitor to LISTEN. If you start to complain about your problems to her so early BA-BYE. She will lose interest FAST. It's a case of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. AJ I'm not going to tell you the ideological, I'm telling you the REAL reactions so you can succeed on your journey.

In chemistry, titration is when you slowly and carefully introduce a chemical into a solution, usually drop by drop.

I believe that intimate relationships, whether they are romantic relationships or friendships can only be built through the titration of various emotions, vulnerabilities, fears, and background information on one's life and personality.

 

[aj11]

You can turn people away by sharing too much. It's great that the people that you are sharing with are still with you. On the other hand, they might feel differently deep down. It can be a bit annoying to hear the same stories of your depression, anxieties, etc. It might be especially hard to take given your apparent success in business and life.

Those are all great points, and until I build a relationship with the right, psychologically-integrated woman that is open to learning more about (the whole) me (and vice-versa), I have been doing most of my sharing through my psychotherapist, through Codependents Anonymous, through a select group of friends, through online forums, through the RTribe app, and through other avenues.

In terms of my apparent successes through business and life, success is relative, everyone's definition of success is completely subjective, and I am simply on my own unique journey, doing my thing, while doing my best to understand my psyche, life, and the world at large.

 

[aj11]

Aj11, I wish you all the best. You seemingly have a number of advantages: you are not ugly, you are fairly young, and you I believe live in an Urban area where the dating pool is fairly large.

Why not try something such as eharmony?

Thank you!

Honestly, online dating hasn't worked for me (yet). Given my perfectionism, workaholism, and my capacity to follow through with meticulous plans, I tried online dating, in very intense and focused ways, in different intervals of three to four months, over the course of the last three years.

In the past, it didn't work for me, for a number of reasons, including some of the ones that you mentioned, and it caused me a lot of disappointment and frustration.

I primarily used OkCupid and Tinder, and I invested a lot of time in both.

 

[aj11]

Oh I've already found my guy, he cried on my shoulder and I cried on his. We laughed, and share everything with each other. It works for us. We have each others back at every turn. He never judged me and I never judged him. We are now together 7 years, and I've been out of the business for 6. Dated him for a year while I was working and then he helped me get out. My story had a happy ending. I will say, I'm 40 and I'm with a mature man who didn't want to run when I opened up to him and vice-versa. For me, it worked.

But I do agree with you in that some people aren't comfortable with all the facts, and would rather honesty in small short increments over time, that's fine as well and works for some people, you have to know who you are dealing with.

"That some people aren't comfortable with all the facts, and would rather honesty in small short increments over time, that's fine as well and works for some people, you have to know who you are dealing with" is a very accurate statement, in my opinion.

 

[aj11]

Who doesn't do this stuff? ;o)

Lol. Right?

 

[eddie1]

I lift heavy weights once a week...

I gotta ask: how much do you bench press? How much do you overhead press?

 

[realthing69]

Thank you!

Honestly, online dating hasn't worked for me (yet). Given my perfectionism, workaholism, and my capacity to follow through with meticulous plans, I tried online dating, in very intense and focused ways, in different intervals of three to four months, over the course of the last three years.

In the past, it didn't work for me, for a number of reasons, including some of the ones that you mentioned, and it caused me a lot of disappointment and frustration.

I primarily used OkCupid and Tinder, and I invested a lot of time in both.

As someone already mentioned in regards to online dating, try eHarmony. Other than going through the questionaire (took me about 30 minutes), it might help narrow down the number of women and connect you to women from an emotional point of view. I would assume eHarmony would match you up with someone who would be more compatible with you.

 

[VirginJohn]

Due to a number of factors, including a fear of intimacy, shame and abandonment issues stemming from my childhood, my genetic predispositions, self-imposed stress by way of perfectionism and workaholism, and many others, I have been having protected sex with at least one escort per month, for the last three years, and I want to stop seeing escorts for a number reasons.

I do not view escorting, or having sex with escorts as being morally wrong, I don't view escorting or having sex with escorts as being objectively good or bad, and I think that whether being an escort or having sex with an escort is a positive or negative thing depends on the individual, and whether or not they are acting in alignment with their personas, interests, goals, individual values, and sense of self, and if they are thinking clearly.

The first time I saw an escort, it was after many years of fantasizing about having no strings attached sex with a woman that has a great deal of sexual experience (such as an escort or a porn star). With that said, what ultimately motivated me to see an escort was the death of a childhood friend, who died in a car accident, in his 20s.

I was in so much pain after my friend's death, I was in shock, and at the time, weed, alcohol, porn, and masturbation didn't seem like enough, in terms of numbing my pain. Fortunately, I have been sober from alcohol, weed, and porn for two years, for personal reasons. And again, I see no moral issues with alcohol, weed, and porn, but they simply didn't work for me, and my extreme personality.

Since the first time I saw an escort, despite the fact that I have had many amazing experiences with escorts, including great sex, and interesting conversations, and despite the fact that I have learned a great deal about my psychology, my sexuality, human interactions, and the escort industry through sex with escorts, more often than not, when I see escorts, it's when I am physically and psychologically burnt out, or feeling isolated, or feeling overwhelmingly anxious, or a combination of many negative emotions, as a way of managing those emotions.

As such, sex with escorts has never been something that has been completely spontaneous and carefree for me, and seeing escorts usually comes after a great deal of stress, anxiety, and isolation.

I feel you bro. When I saw two escorts in the past it was because of the following reasons:

1) My ex-wife separated from me and I had to start a legal process of divorce because I was worried she was going to start it first.
2) At the time I served over the papers to her I went and started seeing escorts.
3) A law bill c-36 was coming into effect and I wanted to try it out without having a potential complication of law enforcement.

This is called a "last resort" because it's supposed to be a last resort. However, in the process of seeing these two escorts I discovered something worst than the issues that I was seeing them in the first place.

"Something" attacked me the day after seeing the second escort that ensured that I would never see an escort again, despite having an amazing experience, that up to this day I wouldn't see myself comfortable here.

In terms of my moral beliefs, sex without being married to someone is wrong. But I never had sex with any escort, I just fondled them up, groped them or rubbed them against me until I came, but I didn't actually have sex. Then I realized, in my heart I was having sex with her and it's just as bad if not worst. I also believe my body is the temple of God and that I'm partaking with devils and darkness when I did that, although I never intended that. I just wanted to deal with a woman.

Therefore, since you never had an extreme reaction like I did, or have that type of belief system, then I see you have maintained a habit of seeing an escort once a month. I only saw two escorts and their memories, although faded after 2 years, are still there and can't be completely wiped out.

I should also mention that due to my anxiety, I have an irrational fear of passing on an asymptomatic STI to my future girlfriend, despite the fact that I get tested once a month, despite the fact that I have no STI symptoms and have never had any STI symptoms, despite the fact that I have never contracted an STI, and the riskiest thing that I have done was received about 10 BBJs since I started seeing escorts (so, about 25% of the blowjobs that I have received have been unprotected).

My therapist doesn't believe that I am a sexual addict, but she does believe that I have an extreme fear of intimacy, and that my sexual needs go unmet for long periods of time. I basically reach a point of extreme sexual deprivation (which also includes a deprivation of intimacy, and a point of spiritual deprivation), and "act out" when under various (self-imposed) forms of stress.

At least you are not worried about demonic possession and the potential need of an exorcist.

I basically do a lot of positive things, in terms of personal development and my career, but I take them too far, due to my anxieties, and they end up exhausting me, and burning me out.

I am 5'8, 32 years old, I look like I'm 22 years old, 193 pounds, around 12% body fat (probably less), good-looking, I can be thought of as having an A-type personality, I am very introspective, I own a marketing startup and work as a media production professional, and over the course of the last two years, after an existential crisis, I have used psychotherapy, psychedelics, acupuncture, naturopathic yoga, heavy weight training, meditation, journaling, the twelve step program known as codependents anonymous, the RTribe app for sexual compulsions and addictions, sensory deprivation, every book and podcast on psychology, philosophy, and personal development that I could find, and many other tools, to understand the nuances of my psyche, to ensure that I am physically and psychologically healthy, and to transcend my fears of intimacy and abandonment.

What about Jesus? Become born-again. You tried everything else. What do you have to lose? With Jesus in my boat, I think I'll lose my mind before this ever has a chance to become anything I'd try to fight out of my life as you are doing. His holiness and the filth of this will clash like matter and anti-matter and create a bomb inside your system and will ensure you will not go back there.

I no longer want to see escorts, because I would much rather have a meaningful relationship with a woman that I can learn from, a woman that accepts me for who I am, and so that I can experience the ups and downs of an intimate relationship, for more than four months, for the first time in my life.

The reason I saw escorts is because "meaningful relationships" have actually ended up a break-up or a divorce. No woman are true in my experience so far, and therefore, seeing an escort made sense since I don't really HAVE to trust them to deal with them. That logic didn't work out. I felt I sold out and would never be normal again, never be who I was before seeing that escort, that she stole a part of my soul that I would never get back. After 2 years later, I feel back to normal but not in a hurry to go there again lest I lose myself.

 

[aj11]

aj, I feel you man. I had similar experiences and feelings and have been wanting to stop seeing SPs due to feeling lonely afterwards. My goal is also the same as yours, to have a meaningful relationship and not needing to spend money for temporary relief of pain/pleasure. It sounds like you've been through a lot, I would like to suggest a few things that really helped me recently regarding this exactly issue.

Everytime we go through some kind of trauma (your friend being a big one), we hold onto these negative feelings and shove everything down onto your subconscious, hoping to forget it consciously. Yet you hold onto all of these negative experiences and feelings and it prevents you from being and doing who you really want to be. For example, you may feel like you are very different from others and that you assume you have a hard time connecting with others or, may have some kind of society anxiety. I've also been through some horrendous experiences that caused a lot of anxiety and have been holding onto a whole bunch of shit unconsciously.

What really really helped me, and although I've learned this in the past, was the realization that you will never ever, ever be happy by getting something or someone. No matter who or what you get, you will always seek something else, we are programmed to think that we always need something to feel the emotion of being happy. If you get to the point where you realize getting someone to fill your void is not going to make you happy, and that your true "state" is actually happiness itself (think back to when you were a child, you were probably a lot happier than you are now), you will never have the feeling of needing someone or something to make you happy. It's easy and very cliche to say that you should always be happy without needing or wanting anything, but it's more complex than that. If you come from a place where you NEED something to feel the emotion of happiness, it's ALWAYS temporary, and this always leads to 2 states: being happy or unhappy. But if you come from a place of not NEEDING something or someone, you come from a place of abundance, and you will automatically be far more attractive to others as a person who is just happy being in their own shoes rather than someone who is desperate from affection. This doesn't mean you don't ever need money, love, or you should never go towards your goals because you don't NEED it, it just means you will approach these goals from a completely different place where you can achieve them far easily and happier.

This video really helped me realized that again, this guys been through a lot and explains it very well, and also shows how you can learn to let go of all your emotional baggage. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xxqg4PHg3M
Also if you have some specific emotions that you'd like to release, try EFT. Search EFT (and the emotion you are feeling) on youtube, there are plenty of videos to help you through them.

My life hasn't completely changed and I'm still working towards finding love etc, but I'm no longer coming from a place of scarcity, I no longer feel this void of needing someone to feel happy. I'm so much happier now than ever before, and I feel so much better when interacting with others now that I actually don't really care about the outcome. Even though I haven't yet completely healed from all of the trauma from the past, just KNOWING that this is true (everything I just talked about), has really helped me live a happier life overall. I'm a young professional that is doing extremely well in my career, and I absolutely love what I do. I'm focused on my career right now so I do ocassionally see SPs (for fun, not to fill a void as I'm doing well financially), I'm not a fan of wasting time on tinder. I agree with surferboy, a lot of the times escorts are actually cheaper than all the drinks and dinners you will spend on girls, plus saves you a lot of time. I'm not highly recommending that you continue to see SPs, and definitely do encourage you to find that love of your life as I'm seeking it just like you, but I also don't discourage seeing SPs when you can afford it just to keep your sex life going.

Thank you so much for your recommendations, suggestions, and for sharing your story.

I identify with everything that you mentioned, much of what you shared aligns with what I've learned, and what I've read about, but integrating the lessons and paradigm shifts has been challenging.

This has been especially challenging for me: "this doesn't mean you don't ever need money, love, or you should never go towards your goals because you don't NEED it, it just means you will approach these goals from a completely different place where you can achieve them far easily and happier."

As someone that studies a great deal of psychology, Buddhism, and Hinduism, I realize how futile clinging to ideas and outcomes can be, I realize how much suffering they can create, and how much suffering they have created in my life, and yet I still find myself needing more money, needing a girlfriend, needing more autonomy, needing to be psychologically integrated, needing to be the type of man that I have imagined myself to be in the future, etc.

And also, in terms of seeing SPs, given the fears that I am working towards transcending, I have sexual needs -- I am a man and a sexual being, so what am I to do when my sexual needs are going unmet, and I am not dating anyone, and I experience high levels of self-imposed stress? You've raised some good points about this, that I am struggling with, at an intellectual level.

I will definitely check out EFT, and my therapist and others have recommended that I do more work that puts me into my body, and that involves feeling my emotions and fears, as opposed to intellectualizing different parts of my life, since I am in my head a lot. I can also benefit from more spontaneity and more breaks.

“The Happiness Manifesto” By Julien Blanc is amazing, so thank you for that! I have taken a lot of interesting ideas from it, that I need to meditate on.

Finally, since you have shared some powerful resources with me, I want to do the same:

"The Gift of Imperfection" By Brené Brown: https://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/

"Daring Greatly: How The Courage To Be Vulnerable Transforms The Way We Live, Love, Parent, And Lead" By Brené Brown: https://www.amazon.com/Rising-Strong-Reckoning-Rumble-Revolution/dp/0812995821/

"Conquering Shame And Codependency: 8 Steps To Freeing The True You" By Darlene Lancer: https://www.amazon.com/Conquering-Shame-Codependency-Steps-Freeing/dp/1616495332/

"Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: The Definitive Guide" By Dr. David Stoop: https://www.amazon.com/Forgiving-Our-Parents-Ourselves-Definitive/dp/0800725999/

"The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is The Key To High Performance And Personal Renewal" By Jim Loehr And Tony Schwartz: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Full-Engagement-Managing-Performance/dp/0743226755/

"In Touch: How to Tune In to the Inner Guidance of Your Body and Trust Yourself" By John J. Prendergast: https://www.amazon.com/Touch-Inner-Guidance-Trust-Yourself/dp/1622032071/

"The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment" By Eckhart Tolle: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/

"Out of The Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction" By Patrick J. Carnes: https://www.amazon.com/Out-Shadows-Understanding-Sexual-Addiction/dp/1568386214/

 

[aj11]

Once a month!?!?
Try 3 times a week, then let's talk.

This isn't a competition.

I have shared my life, and the circumstances of it here, to get the feedback of individuals that see escorts, or that are escorts, as these are the individuals that I have yet to seek feedback from, and they are intimately tied to some of my current challenges.

 

[aj11]

As someone already mentioned in regards to online dating, try eHarmony. Other than going through the questionaire (took me about 30 minutes), it might help narrow down the number of women and connect you to women from an emotional point of view. I would assume eHarmony would match you up with someone who would be more compatible with you.

Thanks for the suggestion! I will give eHarmony a shot -- I haven't tried it yet.