Woman friend zoned me. anyway to still be her lover?

[crocket]

Met a woman who seemed to like me. Now it took 2 weeks for me to warm up to her as I initially wasn't too interested in her but now I am. Last time we went out she mentioned how we are 'friends'. Now how the heck do I get out of being her friend, and proceed onto bedding her? Is it possible? Any advice on what steps I can take to salvage the situation?

 

[waynward]

Good portion of the time when you are friendzoned, you're pretty fucked. Better to be a man and show sexual interest early or GTFO. Having said that there are some ways that you can get out of the friendzone sometimes. This video might help :

Met a woman who seemed to like me. Now it took 2 weeks for me to warm up to her as I initially wasn't too interested in her but now I am. Last time we went out she mentioned how we are 'friends'. Now how the heck do I get out of being her friend, and proceed onto bedding her? Is it possible? Any advice on what steps I can take to salvage the situation?

 

[GPIDEAL]

I agree, but will watch this video and hopefully learn something, lol.

 

[waynward]

The times that I have friends become more, has usually been when it seemed like we both weren't "sure". Or their were some inherent complications that wouldn't make it easy for us to date right off the bat. Such as we worked together or she knew my ex or something. And in that case it wasn't such a big deal since we were both figuring each other out and it wasn't decided. But I would notice we could both talk or joke about if we dated. Like that option was still open, instead of being explicility "No you're a friend".

Usually when you are sure about your feelings about the other person, it doesn't do anyone justice to wait. From what I have observed, some women actually would be offended if you hung around for months or years and were secretly in love with them. Like you were cheating on the friendship and trying to weasal their way into their heart. And can somewhat not perceive you as a man for just stepping up and showing interest directly.

And usually it hurts allot less for you if you just get in there. Bite the bullet early and figuring out if she is mutually attracted to you or not. Rather than feeling the sting of wasting months or years and feeling like a putz you didn't step up. Whether she likes you or not, she will respect you more for being up front and chances are you will respect yourself more too for having courage.

I agree, but will watch this video and hopefully learn something, lol.

 

[waynward]

If you can show her that other women are interested in you that can help to raise your value. As that can show you are in high demand and creates an element of challenge to you. So it helps when you are with her to look at your phone and be like "Sheila keeps on texting me...".

But also agree with a bit of a timeout to get your head in the right place where you are more detached from the outcome.

Absolutely agree with this . You needed to show sexual interest early. You have to be unpredictable to garner their interest in you. But not in a way that is creepy or that your trying too hard. I'd stop contacting her for a little bit so you can figure out your game plan. Your too subjective right now and that mentality is going to cause you to make some not well thought out decisions. Get out of the desperate phase and be more fun. Funny. Confident. Don't ever show serious feelings so soon it's a woodkiller for them .

 

[Titalian]

If you can show her that other women are interested in you that can help to raise your value. As that can show you are in high demand and creates an element of challenge to you. So it helps when you are with her to look at your phone and be like "Sheila keeps on texting me...".

But also agree with a bit of a timeout to get your head in the right place where you are more detached from the outcome.

Bingo !!

 

[frankcastle]

Two weeks and calls you a friend.

That doesn't necessarily means you are friend zoned.

What should she call you?

When you first started hanging out what was the context.

If it is dating in two weeks how many dates did you have?

 

[SexB]

"Friend zone"?

What are you? 15?

 

[crocket]

Two weeks and calls you a friend.

That doesn't necessarily means you are friend zoned.

What should she call you?

When you first started hanging out what was the context.

If it is dating in two weeks how many dates did you have?

We work at the same place. Been working together for 2 weeks. We went out 2 times so far since working together. 2nd time she said were only friends before going out with me. She asked me out first though.

 

[GPIDEAL]

The times that I have friends become more, has usually been when it seemed like we both weren't "sure". Or their were some inherent complications that wouldn't make it easy for us to date right off the bat. Such as we worked together or she knew my ex or something. And in that case it wasn't such a big deal since we were both figuring each other out and it wasn't decided. But I would notice we could both talk or joke about if we dated. Like that option was still open, instead of being explicility "No you're a friend".

Usually when you are sure about your feelings about the other person, it doesn't do anyone justice to wait. From what I have observed, some women actually would be offended if you hung around for months or years and were secretly in love with them. Like you were cheating on the friendship and trying to weasal their way into their heart. And can somewhat not perceive you as a man for just stepping up and showing interest directly.

And usually it hurts allot less for you if you just get in there. Bite the bullet early and figuring out if she is mutually attracted to you or not. Rather than feeling the sting of wasting months or years and feeling like a putz you didn't step up. Whether she likes you or not, she will respect you more for being up front and chances are you will respect yourself more too for having courage.

I agree with you here too. I've been referred to women by lady friends as prospective dates or mates, but they always say, "Don't wait too long to call her". Frankly, I don't like being set up when I hardly know the person, but if you want to meet someone when an opportunity arises, you shouldn't wait around or you'll blow your chance. You have to man up and make your move. That window of opportunity is a relatively short one.

 

[bestman007]

Met a woman who seemed to like me. Now it took 2 weeks for me to warm up to her as I initially wasn't too interested in her but now I am. Last time we went out she mentioned how we are 'friends'. Now how the heck do I get out of being her friend, and proceed onto bedding her? Is it possible? Any advice on what steps I can take to salvage the situation?

Google Search "Darren Sharper"...looks like he was in the "friend zone" with many women. LOL

In all seriousness... there are so many beautiful women in Toronto. Just move onto the next one or pay for play!

 

[Ceiling Cat]

 

[frankcastle]

We work at the same place. Been working together for 2 weeks. We went out 2 times so far since working together. 2nd time she said were only friends before going out with me. She asked me out first though.

H mmmmm mixed messages. Although if she asked you out you should have taken that as a cue to try and be flirty.

But then again maybe she truly just wanted to be friends.

I will defer to the experts here.

 

[waynward]

We work at the same place. Been working together for 2 weeks. We went out 2 times so far since working together. 2nd time she said were only friends before going out with me. She asked me out first though.

Yeah your fucked.

Friendzone or not usually not a good idea to date someone you are still working with. That is a whole another complication to worry about. As the saying goes "Don't eat where you shit". As you don't want it to hurt your professional reputation in the process and people love to gossip about this stuff. However when one of you moves onto another workplace it's a non issue.

 

[fuji]

You can get out of the zone but you have to be bold, sexualize things but leave her hanging, make it clear by context that you AREN'T making a move while doing something to sexualize the relationship.

If you make move in friend zone you get that "omg I thought we were friends but you are just trying to get into my pants" routine. If sexualize it but leave her hanging she goes away wondering why you didn't, then NEXT time you make your move.

It is a tricky thing to get right. One time in university I got seriously friend zoned (think months) and finally got out by giving my "friend" a birthday present that involved porn, then we had a discussion of what sort of porn was good and looked at some, it created a serious tension, but I made no move, just let the tension build, and went home. Next time she came over it was like shooting fish in a barrel when I made a move.

 

[rhuarc29]

Met a woman who seemed to like me. Now it took 2 weeks for me to warm up to her as I initially wasn't too interested in her but now I am. Last time we went out she mentioned how we are 'friends'. Now how the heck do I get out of being her friend, and proceed onto bedding her? Is it possible? Any advice on what steps I can take to salvage the situation?

If that's what type of relationship you want with her, you better back off and change tactics. Obviously what you're doing isn't working.

You need a cool down period, explained away by being busy with work or some other sort of legit excuse. Better yet if you're seeing someone else romantically, as that gives you an excuse to be unavailable while simultaneously looking desirable.

After a suitable time with little to no contact (a few months or so) and if she's still unattached by then, you need some excuse to bump into her. Maybe you have some mutual friend throwing a bash? Maybe she volunteers at an animal shelter and you suddenly got an urge to take a few dogs for a walk? You'll have to tailor it to the situation. When you do bump into her, it's quite easy to say it's great to see her, it's been too long, yada yada, and ask her out to dinner, coffee, etc. That "date" will reset the tone of your relationship. You have to be somewhat forceful in showing interest in her romantically without coming off overbearing or transparent. Tease and flirt, and make it mildly sexual if possible without making things the wrong kind of uncomfortable. You don't want to come off as creepy, but you do want to keep her on her toes. Be more physical with her than you otherwise would with a friend: find ways to touch her in passing, but linger just long enough to make her doubt whether it was innocent or something more...then linger a little bit more as things progress.

Your goal is to show her you're interested in her, and interesting to her. You're not going for likable, you're going for attractive. If you don't know the difference, you'll almost certainly end up as friends again.

Press harder with the flirting as the date wears on. Go with the flow towards a natural climax. Then cut and run before it subsides. If you played your cards right you'll be well set up for date #2.

 

[GPIDEAL]

Yeah your fucked.

Friendzone or not usually not a good idea to date someone you are still working with. That is a whole another complication to worry about. As the saying goes "Don't eat where you shit". As you don't want it to hurt your professional reputation in the process and people love to gossip about this stuff. However when one of you moves onto another workplace it's a non issue.

Rule #1.

 

[waynward]

First of all let me preface by saying, I'm not harping on your point a view brother. And I appreciate your perspective as this is a good discussion because nobody really has it all figured out.

IMHO Unfortunately most of us learned being that "rock" can mean she is the guy she comes leans on and cries to when her boyfriend treats her like shit. So you can end up being her go to person when shit is wrong while she bangs some other dude. I think one too many guys have learnt that the hard way.

While women have all types of preferences (Whether that be personality type or looks), the common thing is most women of different types find confidence almost universally sexy. And being sexually direct is a show of confidence in going for what you want. (Calibrating this to her individual "pervert" line where it becomes too much to handle especially if she is conservative). While at the same time making it a bit of a challenge for her so she doesn't think she can get you that easily. That way she feels like she won something. You are interested in her but not that much. You are willing to walk away. Most things in life whether its a business deal or initial stages of dating work well when you have that sense of detached interest. "You're interested...but not that much"

Also not talking about making any major lies about yourself that really count. These are just playful things put out that could just as easily you be joking about something not being serious. Let her fill in her own blanks based on assumptions and still being a bit of a mystery. Major things about yourself for sure you should be honest about as the truth will eventually come out. In fact that can also be a demonstration of confidence to show you are comfortable to speak certain aspects your life unashamed. Women can also put out white lies about things to preserve your feelings. Such as "I can't go out with you because I need to wash my hair". (She might have just washed it today). So nobody is really a saint here.

Listen don't start saying and doing things that aren't true. Worst thing for you is in the future she finds you were inauthentic. That door will slam shut on you and or it will be an uphill battle for you to win her trust again. Don't be something your not. The point here is to bring out the best of you. Listen, this is evolution and women want a rock they can lean on. Once enough investment is made by a woman only then do they want to see their lover be their friend. This is when you guys become the couple and it's the two of you against the world. Right now, she's trying to decide if your worthy enough to be more than friend. Women have it rough man. Guys can be total creeps. Guys can also abandon. Guys can create a lot of drama. Imagine you being a woman, an attractive one and on a daily basis you get stared at all the time, and you get guys who want something from you all the time.'it's nerve racking for them. You need to think like her and consider what she finds attractive and bring that out in you!

 

[waynward]

Some good advice here... One of the key words here is "tension".

Friendzone there is little tension....Just her saying she feels some casual comfort around you and nothing more. Whereas an initial sexual relationship needs to have a sense of tension. Even playfully teasing her can be a form of tension. It also shows her that you aren't putting her on a pedestal, instead of being a nice guy who agrees with everything she says. (Which often can be perceived as fake).

I mean typically when you like a girl sexually you have a initial high level of tension.

You can get out of the zone but you have to be bold, sexualize things but leave her hanging, make it clear by context that you AREN'T making a move while doing something to sexualize the relationship.

If you make move in friend zone you get that "omg I thought we were friends but you are just trying to get into my pants" routine. If sexualize it but leave her hanging she goes away wondering why you didn't, then NEXT time you make your move.

It is a tricky thing to get right. One time in university I got seriously friend zoned (think months) and finally got out by giving my "friend" a birthday present that involved porn, then we had a discussion of what sort of porn was good and looked at some, it created a serious tension, but I made no move, just let the tension build, and went home. Next time she came over it was like shooting fish in a barrel when I made a move.

 

[waynward]

All good brother.

We all have different perspectives here and I didn't think you were discrediting anything. Different things can also work for different people.

Sorry my friend, I didn't mean to discredit any advice you were giving . And you made some good points on your last post. Just trying to clarify things for the OP as its really easy to misunderstand a post one reads, and it's always better to receive this kind of advice in person so you can distinguish the verbal and visual nuances in a conversation. I've been that guy that women lean on when they're looking for that rock. And unfortunately for her bf, I was also that rock she turns to when he treats her like shit. I'm a sexual person so for me, when a woman is looking for sex, or when she's vulnerable , it's always sexual for me. That's the difference between a "friend" and a "friend with benefits". You want to be the guy she always wants to spend time with. Do that and you turn just a girl that likes you into a girl that's devoted to you .