Dysfunctional father issues.
- Thread starter mrsCALoki
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Sometimes fathers wake up one day and change,they get old and mellow or see a vision of being all alone in life. You can't change his or your pasts.Look beyond his weaknesses and imperfections,concentrate on his good and strong points.Except him as the person he is.He is not part of your everyday life and you only see him occasionally.You should turn your attention to your mother if she is physically or mentally being abused by your father then by all means get involved and get her out of there..You can pm me or email me anytime my young friend you know how to reach me
The saint
The saint
Oh my, Simon I have frankcastle and a few others on ignore because every time I read their posts I find the statements to be mildly annoying and generally a little crazy. But when I see them quoted I sort of feel that I need to point out the crazy parts.
frankcastle hun, try real hard to focus and think your way through this like an adult, ok?
I think that many people here are or were married. Seems many of them went through experiences that ended or killed the passion in those marriages
. Seems logical to assume at least some had experiences with mother's in law. So why would I not ask the forum? Knowing that Simon had serious issues and what happened in his life is very valuable to me. It seems obvious to me. Why is it so hard for you to grasp the appropriateness of asking the question here?Of course I have discussed it with LL. frankcastle, that is what married couples do if they plan on staying together. What kind of an idiot would assume we had not talked about it? None the less most people knowing that they are entering in a long term thing with potential problems will collect as much information as possible first.
Hun, you know we live on a boat, you know we sail from place to place to maintain non-resident status. Do I need to quote where you made comments on that? How the fuck do we get a "guest house"? Put a roof dingy and tow it behind us?
frankcastle, why the heck do you insist on making these outrageous stupid posts? Why don't you accept that I do not like you and just stop reading my posts and threads I start. Or at least spend a few minutes to think before tapping the post button?
I think you are right, my Father is toxic, but it is easy to avoid toxic people. I know mom was abused, and seeing her again I suspect she still is. I know she is not happy, but I also know she has been dependant on Father for almost 30 years since she was 17. She could not cope with living alone. If she left him he would never take her back. I guess she might meet and get involved with another man. She is 45 but looks 35, Asians age slowly. But I cannot count on her finding someone. So if I offer to make her a full time part of our life, I have to assume it will be for a long long time. I know what is morally right, I just do not know if I am brave enough to do it.
I do however need to stress how much I appreciate your insight and kind offer
I noticed you didn't say he adores her, but "says he likes her" and "seems to enjoy her". Is this your instinct detecting something?She adores him and spoils him like crazy.
He says he likes her and seems to enjoy her when we see her.
We talked about it and he is tentatively in agreement. He also said "I told you we needed a bigger boat". Till it arrives it may be a little crowded. But we get a built in baby sitter and a great cook
Also - is there any chance she would attempt to exert authority over him? There's a sort of a 'chain of command' thing that gets messed up when there is a mother-in-law living with a son. However, it is partly caused by age senority for the MIL.
In the case of Loki and your mom, i guess since he's older than she is this is less of a risk (and you said she's a sub too so that helps) but it's still something to consider esp with regard to your future child (i.e. if she's helping raise the kid, she's gonna want to have SOME say in his\her future)
Babysitter/cook does seem very handy though
Do you think your mom can handle living on a boat? Without a male companion?
Maybe get her a Terb account
Mostly just that adore is a strong word. And I do not think he has seen her without my father being in the room. Adore would take some time.
Exert authority over LL? I think that is extremely unlikely. I do not think I ever saw anyone "exerting authority" over him. at 60, 45, 28, and -.2 we will be covering 4 generations.
All grandparents can be a bit of an issue with grandchildren. Good point to keep in mind.
With her own room and head? visiting new places every few weeks? with her daughter and grandson along? Having her own credit card? I think she would love it.
I have no idea about 'male companion' issues. But based on our birds & bees talks, sex is something you have to do to keep a man is more her style.
LOL not a good ideaMaybe get her a Terb account
Intentionally chosen as a strong word - for myself, there are a lot of people I like that I wouldn't necessarily want to live with, but the ones I adore, no problem. As you said though, maybe it could develop over time
Speaking of which, have you thought of any repercussions from your father? Since Loki will be taking away his daughter and now his wife, would that cause any sort of backlash? Would it be burning a bridge between your mother and father? Could it cause psychotic behavior? Just something to think about.
All nice things and you know her best, but not everyone wants to be constantly on the move.
Maybe I said that wrong - what I mean was that some women don't feel 'complete' without a man by their side - even an abusive one. Someone to hold them when they're watching a sunset. Maybe a grandson would be an acceptable stand-in.
Having her onboard increases the risk of her discovering the truth of how you and Loki met. Is your story airtight? No one around you can leak?
Remember what Benjamin Franklin said (rather gruesomely) about secrets - 'Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead'
I never suggested that you didn't talk to loki I just meant to say that he is the most important person to talk to and any advice from other people wouldn't help as each relationship is unique.Oh my, Simon I have frankcastle and a few others on ignore because every time I read their posts I find the statements to be mildly annoying and generally a little crazy. But when I see them quoted I sort of feel that I need to point out the crazy parts.
frankcastle hun, try real hard to focus and think your way through this like an adult, ok?
I think that many people here are or were married. Seems many of them went through experiences that ended or killed the passion in those marriages
Of course I have discussed it with LL. frankcastle, that is what married couples do if they plan on staying together. What kind of an idiot would assume we had not talked about it? None the less most people knowing that they are entering in a long term thing with potential problems will collect as much information as possible first.
Hun, you know we live on a boat, you know we sail from place to place to maintain non-resident status. Do I need to quote where you made comments on that? How the fuck do we get a "guest house"? Put a roof dingy and tow it behind us?
frankcastle, why the heck do you insist on making these outrageous stupid posts? Why don't you accept that I do not like you and just stop reading my posts and threads I start. Or at least spend a few minutes to think before tapping the post button?
As for your place of residence you are being to fucking literal. The point was to say that giving your mom her own space be it an apartment, house or rowboat would be ideal. You can certainly afford it.
Turn down the hate. You are reading a post from a poster that you are supposedly ignoring looking for things to nit pick.
You were the one who felt that terbites were not suitable people to talk to about dating as they are unsuccesfful in relationships (your claim) so why would they be any more successful in the realm of dealing with mother in laws?
To me it sounds like you are happy to put down terbites when it suits you and pump them up when it suits your need for attention.
shit you are trolling hard tonight son. you should give it a break for the night.
frankcastle, Simon seems to like to read my responses to you. I have you on ignore and only see your weird comments when someone quotes them.
re: my talking to Loki, If you do not say what you mean and mean what you say it gets rather confusing. :crazy:
re: place residence, seems you either do not read what you are saying or you have virtually no understanding of women. When you live a nomadic life on a boat there are no apartments nearby. So why would any one make such a silly hollow recommendation? If I assume you were serious, it implies that providing her a place to stay alone is all she needs. Pretty much any woman who was married at 17, has been married for over 25 years, never lived alone, and has a bully for a husband will find it almost impossible to live alone without a support network. Some may be able to do it, but they are the exception not the norm. The only realistic option is to bring her into our life and home. So why the empty comment from you? :deadhorse:
re: turn down the hate. You have been an ass hole towards me continually and consistently for ages. Your posts are hollow and shallow. I admit I dislike you. I dislike how you feel compelled to comment on my life with out adding value.
Re: asking for advice, in each community or population brought together by a common interest there are topics they can provide a lot advice on, topics where they are about the same as any group, and topics where they will be very biased and their advice suspect.
Terb is a great place to ask about escorts, it is an ok place to ask about cars, it is a suspect place to ask how to keep the fire in your marriage burning or how to have normal civilian relationships with a girl.
I would never ask advice on what kind of fur coat to buy on a Peta forum. I would ask Terb on experiences with mother in laws. I would guess a lot of the members have been there
I am trying to get advice on the risks in that minefield
. Are you deliberately being dense or are you just unable to grasp simple concepts? :frusty:Do not bother answering, I will not see it unless someone quotes you anyway.
Have as nice a life as you can,
If I asked her "how about wearing a hat?" she could easily answer "I am wearing a hat."
Me asking that question does not imply that she is hatless.
Similarly if I say "how about talk to your husband" she could have answered "yes we have talked."
Asking the question does not mean that I know she has not talked.
As for blaming me for not knowing she lives on a boat 100% of the time is her problem. It assumes that I read all her posts. And it assumes that if one says "I am on a boat." means they are always on a boat.
IF it pleases her change my suggestion to make sure the boat has enough space that mother can have some privacy and the odd couple can have their space too,
Me asking that question does not imply that she is hatless.
Similarly if I say "how about talk to your husband" she could have answered "yes we have talked."
Asking the question does not mean that I know she has not talked.
As for blaming me for not knowing she lives on a boat 100% of the time is her problem. It assumes that I read all her posts. And it assumes that if one says "I am on a boat." means they are always on a boat.
IF it pleases her change my suggestion to make sure the boat has enough space that mother can have some privacy and the odd couple can have their space too,
Simon I'm just responding to previous comments. If that's trolling then I'm sorry.
conversation was long dead and gone. you not being able to let it go and keeping feeding into it is a form of trolling. if you are lonely and looking for someone to talk i am here for you buddy. you could just start with saying hi. based on your name i bet we have a few things in common.
bored, yes. lonely, no.
I'm often surfing multiple websites, watching tv and listening to music at the same time.
you ask if I'm lonely.... so I give an answer
I tell you how I like to pass the time
how is that trolling?
it is. you know it and now you are trying to pick a fight. trolly mctrollerson. do you do anything with torrents or do you know how to use them ? i found an amazing one.
