Is having kids to make your SO happy normal?

[Plan B]

Talk about 2 miserable choices:

A) You can go ahead and have a child or more with this women. Sure, you will keep her, but the whole dynamic of the relationship will change...it won't be about the two of you anymore, but about the children..their needs..their baby formula, their soccer lessons, their parent interviews...everything great about your relationship now will be thrown out the window, and you will be resentful that you were "forced" into this. Who will you take it out on: Her or the kids?

or scenario:

B) You walk away....expect a grieving period over losing her, and then major depression...She will be okay though, she'll find someone else..have kids with them..and she will have her expectation of what is a great life..a family and a career. Unless you find someone else..you will always wonder "what if"

Unfortunately a great relationship is never enough for 99% of most women..women want the career, the husband, the kids, the mortgage...the weekend trips to home depot, and Ikea...its really all about their happiness. In the end, most women don't give a shit about their boyfriend/husbands happiness. Women are incredibly selfish.

My advice is to walk away...either way you will suffer, but at least you don't bring another human being into the world for the wrong reasons.

 

[milehigh]

Having kids is not a wishy-washy thing. It is something you have to be totally committed to. Raising children is the most important thing anyone should do in their life-time. If you do a good job at it, they will also become your best friends.

If one has doubts, they should not have kids. Compromised love will really affect kids. Not loving them really affects them. Abondonment is cruel to them.

Either be prepared to give it all, or do not have kids. And you have to want to have them - nothing part way.

 

[Blue-Spheroid]

The only time you should ever have a child is if you and your partner really want to be parents, have considered the impact on your lives of parenting, and understand the costs and sacrifices involved. Being a parent is a lifelong commitment and you have to seriously consider that you are seeking to bring a human being into the world and will be responsible for him or her.

Having kids to try to patch up a relationship is irresponsible and never ends well. If you don't really deeply want to be a father, don't do it. It's a beautiful thing to be a parent but you have to be ready, willing, and able. If you're not there, don't go there to please a woman. Everything you like about your relationship (dinners, trips, sex) will change dramatically once the baby comes along.

If your GF is responsible, she'll make a decision to stay with you and stop nagging for kids or she'll leave you to find the right partner who wants them. Only an idiot would try to pressure someone into becoming a parent. If she's doing that to you, that's one more reason for your to get out of there.

 

[Bella Italiana]

HAHAHHAA well, she just loves your C**K, it's not you. JOKES...are you KIDDING me?! She obviously is in love with you and thinks yOU are perfect for her...now she wants to make little you's running around...LOL. This is too funny. Cold feet??

 

[mur11]

Bottom line, as I see it is simple
You should want kids before having kids. If your woman is offering you an ultimatum, have kids or break up, then you shouldn't have kids. I've never had kids, though someday I want to, but I'm of the opinion that if you should only want kids if you're going to be completely committed to them, emotionally, financially and physically. Having kids is always a choice, I believe. Accidents happen obviously, but I'm of the opinion that if such an accident happens (unplanned pregnancy) and you're not prepared for kids, you shouldn't have the kid. Whether you have an abortion or adoption is up to you and your beliefs, but a kid is the biggest responsibility you will ever have. You have to stop being selfish when you have a child, and if you're not prepared for this, then you shouldn't have it. Also if you have problems in your relationship, and you expect a kid to fix those problems then you're an idiot (not talking directly to the OP, just in general) A kid will bring out any latent (or not so latent) problems. Life isn't Knocked Up, where the schlubby stoner guy knocks up the hyper-controlling beautiful news woman and suddenly despite their issues, their kid magically fixes their relationship. However, if you don't want kids because of your hobbies, or because you won't be able to spend nights out with your boys at the pub, then you do need a bit of reality check. For all the responsibilities they have, kids are amazing, and they can complete your life. Don't not have a kid because 'you are rebelling against the cultural norm' or whatever the fuck. Yes, clearly the government wants more taxes and therefore more kids, that's the we're biologically wired. It's not a conspiracy, it's the basic propagation of our species. Obviously the flip side also applies, don't have kids because it's expected of you. If you're truly happen with your lifestyle, and don't feel like you are ready or will be ready anytime soon don't have one. But if you love your SO, and think that you'll be good parents, and you can provide for your family, why not?

You also have to understand, the sample of people you are asking. Some of us are normal, well-adjusted family men (I'm not including myself in this category) who are great fathers, who happen for whatever reason to see escorts. Some of us have decided long ago, that for whatever reason kids aren't important, and we value freedom, financial independence more than children and we're happy with that choice. However, for many people the whole not having kids thing isn't a choice, just like not being in a relationship isn't a choice, and they try and adjust their viewpoint to justify this position. Citing shit like 'all fathers are miserable' and 'kids are the way for women to control their husbands' is just bitterness and stupidity talking. And the less we say about SC Joe's brilliant theory about how men like to have kids because it satisfies their latent pedophilia the better. It's absurd, disgusting and utterly stupid. So don't take advice on here as gospel because of the people you're asking. Some of these guys can barely reign in their psychoses on this board, much less with any potential nuclear family unit.

Bottom line is, if you want kids and feel like you can provide for them in all ways, then do it. Don't do it otherwise. Think about it though, don't make a snap judgement

 

[kkelso]

The only time you should ever have a child is if you and your partner really want to be parents, have considered the impact on your lives of parenting, and understand the costs and sacrifices involved. Being a parent is a lifelong commitment and you have to seriously consider that you are seeking to bring a human being into the world and will be responsible for him or her.

I appreciate the perspective, but this is a highly idealized view. Do you have kids?

 

[freedom3]

Unfortunately a great relationship is never enough for 99% of most women..women want the career, the husband, the kids, the mortgage...the weekend trips to home depot, and Ikea...its really all about their happiness. In the end, most women don't give a shit about their boyfriend/husbands happiness. Women are incredibly selfish.

This is what the OP is going to find out after he has kids with with her.

The best thing to do is tell a woman that she is going to work while you stay home with the kids. When she laughs in your face, you will see get a sense of how raw a deal marriage is for men.

Risk for women in marriage: kids, free house, free cheques for next twenty years.
Risk for men in marriage: see kids once a month, giving a free house, giving free cheques for next twenty years.

Keep those equations in mind if you are wondering why she starts treating you like her employee after you get married.

Also, ask your married male friends how often they have sex. But don't worry, your girlfriend will be different. She is special.

 

[Serpent]

This is what the OP is going to find out after he has kids with with her.

The best thing to do is tell a woman that she is going to work while you stay home with the kids. When she laughs in your face, you will see get a sense of how raw a deal marriage is for men.

Risk for women in marriage: kids, free house, free cheques for next twenty years.
Risk for men in marriage: see kids once a month, giving a free house, giving free cheques for next twenty years.

Keep those equations in mind if you are wondering why she starts treating you like her employee after you get married.

Also, ask your married male friends how often they have sex. But don't worry, your girlfriend will be different. She is special.

Did you miss the part where the OP says that his gf:

a. makes 80k+ (more or less same as him)
b. can easily find someone else with the same income

Doesn't seem to be some trash looking for an easy ride through life. How did you come to the conclusion that she'll abandon her career and stay home and he'll be "working for her"?????

Why do you guys always apply your negative stereotypes to everyone because you might have had made some bad decisions with your choice of women?

 

[freedom3]

Did you miss the part where the OP says that his gf:

a. makes 80k+ (more or less same as him)
b. can easily find someone else with the same income

Doesn't seem to be some trash looking for an easy ride through life. How did you come to the conclusion that she'll abandon her career and stay home and he'll be "working for her"?????

Why do you guys always apply your negative stereotypes to everyone because you might have had made some bad decisions with your choice of women?

I don't think the OP's gf is trash looking for an easy ride through life. She is a normal woman who, like all normal women, will expect him to pay the bills in the marriage and lose interest in sex after she has kids. That's what happens.

It's a stereotype because it's the truth. Ask your married male friends if their sex life improved after they had kids. They will laugh hysterically.

There is coincidentally an article in today's New York Times about how black women are having a tough time getting married. The reason is, of course, that black men aren't making enough money for their liking.

 

[afterhours]

There is coincidentally an article in today's New York Times about how black women are having a tough time getting married. The reason is, of course, that black men aren't making enough money for their liking.

that's why I'd rather be a black guy making good dough than a white guy making the same amount

 

[freedom3]

that's why I'd rather be a black guy making good dough than a white guy making the same amount

Absolutely. Also, and I hope it doesn't sound racist, but black men seem to have a great understanding of the importance of not getting married.

 

[Don Draper]

I appreciate the perspective, but this is a highly idealized view. Do you have kids?

[SIZE=+2]
?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?[/SIZE]

 

[Serpent]

I don't think the OP's gf is trash looking for an easy ride through life. She is a normal woman who, like all normal women, will expect him to pay the bills in the marriage and lose interest in sex after she has kids. That's what happens.

It's a stereotype because it's the truth. Ask your married male friends if their sex life improved after they had kids. They will laugh hysterically.

There is coincidentally an article in today's New York Times about how black women are having a tough time getting married. The reason is, of course, that black men aren't making enough money for their liking.

No, their sex life probably didn't improve but if you read the other story in NYT, men's testosterone drops as they care for their kids and spend time with them. *THAT* is true happiness and not being here on an escort board and shagging 200 SPs per year.

As for these black men: so what? What's good about their life that you or i should be envious of?

 

[freedom3]

men's testosterone drops as they care for their kids and spend time with them. *THAT* is true happiness and not being here on an escort board and shagging 200 SPs per year.

I agree completely. Unfortunately, however, whenever I tell a girlfriend that when we get married that I will be staying home with the kids while she works, I always get dumped. (This is a great break-up technique, by the way. No tears. She just walks out the door.)

I wish the NYT article dealt with what happens to men's terstosterone levels when they are told they are going to see their kids once a month and to give their wife a free house and cheques for twenty years. I remember some voice mail messages from Mel Gibson on that topic.

 

[Blue-Spheroid]

I appreciate the perspective, but this is a highly idealized view. Do you have kids?

I'd like to hear how it's really OK to use children to further your sex drive and not consider the responsibility. I hope YOU don't have children.

 

[Blade]

The mere fact that you are asking the board ( or anyone ) for advice should be enough to tell you that in your heart of hearts you are not ready for children. That being the case, don't do it.

When you are ready, you won't feel the need to ask others for advice or reassurance and the lifetime commitment you are signing up for will be right for you.

 

[night ride]

In a word,
Yes.

 

[blackrock13]

The mere fact that you are asking the board ( or anyone ) for advice should be enough to tell you that in your heart of hearts you are not ready for children. That being the case, don't do it.

When you are ready, you won't feel the need to ask others for advice or reassurance and the lifetime commitment you are signing up for will be right for you.

What blade said.

 

[elwoodinontario]

I'm assuming that you're married. The only thing I can add is, this is something that should have been discussed and agreed to before getting hitched. If she changed her mind and you havent, parting may be the best option for both of you.

 

[elwoodinontario]

I appreciate the perspective, but this is a highly idealized view. Do you have kids?

What does it matter if he's got kids or not? Blue-Spheroid's bang on!