The ten solitudes of Toronto dating
- Thread starter fuji
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I guess what I'm saying is that I think Cuba can come to you. I really think so. I bet right now there is a Cuban woman sitting in her crappy room-in-a-basement-apartment, feeling alone, and living with a bunch of other Latin American immigrants, trying to figure out how she can meet some local guys, and drawing a blank. So how to bridge that gap? I am quite sure there are local guys (i.e. me) who would like to meet her too.. but we rarely connect.So you're telling me that I don't have to go to Cuba?
Like I said, so far the ones I've met have been via pretty random connections, like chatting to a girl on the subway, things like that. There's got to be a better way.
Surely some gorgeous Cuban gal can hang out at a bar on College and meet all kinds of men. Why would they be waiting like helpless refugees?I guess what I'm saying is that I think Cuba can come to you. I really think so. I bet right now there is a Cuban woman sitting in her crappy room-in-a-basement-apartment, feeling alone, and living with a bunch of other Latin American immigrants, trying to figure out how she can meet some local guys, and drawing a blank. So how to bridge that gap? I am quite sure there are local guys (i.e. me) who would like to meet her too.. but we rarely connect.
Like I said, so far the ones I've met have been via pretty random connections, like chatting to a girl on the subway, things like that. There's got to be a better way.
Let me point out what might not be obvious here:
To meet women you have to somehow cross over from random-stranger to trusted-person. It's true of ALL women. It's especially true of immigrant women. You need opportunities to meet that make her feel like it's OK. She's generally nervous about being in a new city full of strange people going to strange places. She's not going to walk into a strange place and pick up a strange guy.
Most immigrant women would feel COMPLETELY uneasy going to College street, if they even know where it is, other than in the company of some good friends--and their friends don't go there, because they're also immigrants, who don't know where it is or what it's about.
With the ones I met there was always something that happened--maybe something quite small--that allowed me to cross that divide. Like being a friend of a friend, or being around when something went wrong and being able to step in and offer to help. Something that set me apart from the strangers and made me trusted.
Once I was on the other side of that line it was all I could do to keep them out of my bed.
See the problem? It's a trust/connecting/rendevous problem. They don't know how to meet me, and I don't know how to meet them, other than these random cases. They WANT to, but they don't know how to do it.
To meet women you have to somehow cross over from random-stranger to trusted-person. It's true of ALL women. It's especially true of immigrant women. You need opportunities to meet that make her feel like it's OK. She's generally nervous about being in a new city full of strange people going to strange places. She's not going to walk into a strange place and pick up a strange guy.
Most immigrant women would feel COMPLETELY uneasy going to College street, if they even know where it is, other than in the company of some good friends--and their friends don't go there, because they're also immigrants, who don't know where it is or what it's about.
With the ones I met there was always something that happened--maybe something quite small--that allowed me to cross that divide. Like being a friend of a friend, or being around when something went wrong and being able to step in and offer to help. Something that set me apart from the strangers and made me trusted.
Once I was on the other side of that line it was all I could do to keep them out of my bed.
See the problem? It's a trust/connecting/rendevous problem. They don't know how to meet me, and I don't know how to meet them, other than these random cases. They WANT to, but they don't know how to do it.
All i'm saying is that if she is fresh off the plane she doesn't know where to go to meet non strange guys. I'm quite sure women everywhere know how to say no.Okay Fuji, but trust me, any Cuban women I met know exactly how to deal with strange men.
I see this concept as every immigrant woman's dream. she gets an upscale boyfriend who doesn't beat her up. there's ample cash for nice meals and movies. she learns english. many women have to sell themselves (mail-order brides). this type of relationship benefits both parties with no down-side and caan end when either one wants it to.
those who cry "exploitive" have little sympathy for the plight of these women. do you really think their men treat them right?
those who cry "exploitive" have little sympathy for the plight of these women. do you really think their men treat them right?
It is highly likely that the Cuban girl knows several people who are already here.Surely some gorgeous Cuban gal can hang out at a bar on College and meet all kinds of men. Why would they be waiting like helpless refugees?
It is much more common for a guy to get dumped by his Cuban wife who happened to have a Cuban boyfriend all along.
The down-side for the girls in these scenarios is that the guy is often much older, uglier, fatter, and/or a social misfit.I see this concept as every immigrant woman's dream. she gets an upscale boyfriend who doesn't beat her up. there's ample cash for nice meals and movies. she learns english. many women have to sell themselves (mail-order brides). this type of relationship benefits both parties with no down-side and caan end when either one wants it to.
The down-side for the guy is that he is just being used and will get dumped and taken to the cleaners, financially and emotionally.
I am with fuji on this one. Two of my last GFs or FWBs what ever you call it are from Korea in Toronto under student visas. They responded to my CL ad just to find local man to learn the local knowledge, improve their English and a little fun and a little financial support some times. They told me they can find Korean friends here but they will end up speaking Korean only and that won't do any good to improve their English. Lots of these ladies are quite lonely at times and always looking forward to meet some local guys to hang out with. They are quite different from Cubans or some other 3rd world country ladies who are just looking to get into the country by any means. Most of them are here to study and to go back home to get a better jobs there with their English skills. They are very proud of their own country and always bragging how they had beaten Japan in every aspects in economy and technologies. Of course there might be a few who want to stay here and there are some who came here just to be in the sex industry. Damn!! I wished I were a tad younger. I mean about 20 yrs younger.
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Because Blue-Spheroid has it dead bang in #8 and doubtless that hurts.I love how people on an escort review board feel entitled to judge me.
Fuji, I almost picked up a woman at a Tim Horton's. She was a MILF redhead. She was with a friend or friends (a guy came to sit with her and her friend, then he left, so maybe they were with a group). We had eyes for each other (actually, the second I looked at her as I was walking INTO the Tim Horton's). She even walked by my table as she left. We exchanged glances. She continued to take a look from outside through the window as she left and smiled. I was stupid for not exploiting the opportunity (very stupid - I didn't act - maybe I was in disbelief - I'm pretty easygoing with the ladies and can start up harmless conversations easily but for some reason, I didn't make my move). She seemed to be EE origin (for a variety of reasons) but not sure if an immigrant.All i'm saying is that if she is fresh off the plane she doesn't know where to go to meet non strange guys. I'm quite sure women everywhere know how to say no.
So I guess this is an example.
p.s. It's funny but I drop by that Tim's now and again around the same bat time and channel just to see if I might bump into her again.
Yup.It is highly likely that the Cuban girl knows several people who are already here.
It is much more common for a guy to get dumped by his Cuban wife who happened to have a Cuban boyfriend all along.
No. I haven't had much luck on CL for this. Chance meeting in a public place, with an element that put me into the "trusted" category as I was able to be of some help that day.Did you connect through craigslist?
Actually no, see post #19.Because Blue-Spheroid has it dead bang in #8 and doubtless that hurts.
Listen to yourself:Actually no, see post #19.
I really don't think it's all that exploitative.
She doesn't really NEED to get married.
Sure she would probably bail if she knew that I was married,
she probably DOES want to find a husband.
Yes, that does sound like you are sailing under false Colours
False colours sure. Same as when I date local Canadian women. Except in the case of local Canadian women they don't benefit nearly as much from knowing me as this girl will, all they really get out of it is sex.
Yes she's likely looking for a local Canadian partner, but she did not make marriage, or even a relationship, a precondition of having sex with me, and I never indicated to her that those things are available. I surely left out some details that she would consider highly relevant. I do that with almost all the women I date.
Yes she's likely looking for a local Canadian partner, but she did not make marriage, or even a relationship, a precondition of having sex with me, and I never indicated to her that those things are available. I surely left out some details that she would consider highly relevant. I do that with almost all the women I date.
I'm going to let it go Fuji, but I believe you see why a fair number of TERBites feel there is an important difference between this and seeing an SP.
