The ten solitudes of Toronto dating

canada-man

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So recently I met a woman who is living in Toronto on an employer-specific work visa. She's from a developing country. She seems literally desperate to hook up with a local boyfriend and make some connection. In fact, I had kind of an off night, I wasn't very talkative, I didn't have much energy, I most definitely did not have "game" last night. In fact I tried to send her home when we finished our date. I was actually taking her there, when she insisted she didn't want to go home...

Awhile back I had a similar situation with a woman who was here on a student visa. Again similar story--there was just about nothing I could do wrong, more like she picked me up, than the other way around.

So these two I met kind of randomly, and I guess life can go on that way, but here is the question:

These women are obviously desperate to meat local guys, and I'd love to meet them. The trouble is we can't seem to find each other. They don't know where to look for local boyfriends. I don't know where to meet immigrant girls looking for local boyfriends. They don't use the same dating sites I use, they don't go to the places I go, they don't know my friends.

Where to meet more of these girls?

I call this the "10 solitudes" because I figure there are a lot of isolated little immigrant communities full of women wanting to meet local guys but not knowing how to bridge the gap and do it.

Thoughts?
if there is no evidence this event did not happened
 

whobee

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I think there are lots of single guys who would be interested in knowing where to meet these women. Generally speaking I think they would be less jaded about dating.
 

fuji

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I'm going to let it go Fuji, but I believe you see why a fair number of TERBites feel there is an important difference between this and seeing an SP.
Sure, my cheating had long been controversial here, which is hilarious. It's a much more mainstream activity than hiring a prostitute. Of course I do both so i'm not trying to claim any moral high ground, just pointing out that my critics here at the least share the low ground with me.

And i do conduct myself with class and respect for others, despite the sexual hypocrisy. This woman's life will be improved by her relationship with me. I am a good friend and always try and leave those around me better for having encountered me. She may be disappointed that I won't be her husband but she will be able to rely on my support as a friend.

She's not under any illusion that i'm even her boyfriend at this point.
 

Aardvark154

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Sure, my cheating had long been controversial here, which is hilarious. It's a much more mainstream activity than hiring a prostitute. Of course I do both so i'm not trying to claim any moral high ground, just pointing out that my critics here at the least share the low ground with me.
Since seemingly you don't want to let it go.

It is certainly debatable that Adultery is "more mainstream" than engaging an SP, perhaps more common but not more "mainstream." Single, divorced or widowed people can see an SP they can even try to pick SPs such that "fornication" is the most that can be said of their moral failings.

I wonder if a woman who believes that you are a potential spouse and is spending time with you at least in part on that basis feels your actions are quite so altruistic. Being a good friend and helping someone get a hand up need not involve having a sexual relationship with them.

This doesn't mean anyone is flinging "moral" stones so much as people are saying someone else is potentially being hurt.
 

fuji

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It is certainly debatable that Adultery is "more mainstream" than engaging an SP
How do you figure? There's a website devoted to adultery that has got a lot of coverage in the mainstream press, there are TV shows about adultery, it's a popular and commonplace activity, and no-one is entertaining the notion of criminalizing it.

This doesn't mean anyone is flinging "moral" stones so much as people are saying someone else is potentially being hurt.
See my signature.
 

FatOne

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Sure, my cheating had long been controversial here, which is hilarious. It's a much more mainstream activity than hiring a prostitute. Of course I do both so i'm not trying to claim any moral high ground, just pointing out that my critics here at the least share the low ground with me.
What is low groundish about hiring a prostitute if one is otherwise unattached or spoken for. There is no difference between hiring a prostitute for her vagina and hiring a roofer to risk life and limbs for his hands, or an account for his fresh tasty brains or paying some dental hygienist to shove her hands in your mouth to clean your teeth.

To compare this to using deception to get laid which seems to be what you are accused of, and which tosses out the concept of informed consent out the window is just bat shit crazy. OTOH you actually bought Jack Laytons story about how he didn't know he was in a rub and tug, so I don't expect any better from you.

Not that any of this matters because all this thread really proves is that a 40 year old morbidly obese virgins living in their parents basement enjoy starting threads on terb talking about how studly they are to ease their pain of their failed existence by trying to impresses a mostly male audience [homo?].
 

Aardvark154

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There's a website devoted to adultery that has got a lot of coverage in the mainstream press, there are TV shows about adultery, it's a popular and commonplace activity, and no-one is entertaining the notion of criminalizing it.
Give it enough time. . . .
 

ogibowt

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Sure, my cheating had long been controversial here, which is hilarious. It's a much more mainstream activity than hiring a prostitute. Of course I do both so i'm not trying to claim any moral high ground, just pointing out that my critics here at the least share the low ground with me.

And i do conduct myself with class and respect for others, despite the sexual hypocrisy. This woman's life will be improved by her relationship with me. I am a good friend and always try and leave those around me better for having encountered me. She may be disappointed that I won't be her husband but she will be able to rely on my support as a friend.

She's not under any illusion that i'm even her boyfriend at this point.
i realize this is Terb...been a member since 2002...so nothing i read here is that shocking...you are a cheater, that has been established....but your intense narcissisim borders on disgusting
 

fuji

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What is low groundish about hiring a prostitute if one is otherwise unattached or spoken for.
Try this little experiment. Next time you find a potential girlfriend, confess to her that you previously used prostitutes. I'll confess to my next potential girlfriend that in the past I've cheated in a relationship. Tell you what, I won't even wait--I will confess to THIS woman that I previously cheated in a relationship.

Let's see which one of us gets the girl.

Now I also use the services of our fine SP's, it's great, and I really enjoy it. I don't hold any illusions, though, as to how that's likely to be perceived. You appear to.
 

Aardvark154

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Try this little experiment:
You tell the woman you are deceiving that you are married, and have no intention of having a serious relationship with her. Then tell your wife that you have cheated on her with numerous women through the course of the marriage. Afterwhich you can ask FatOne about his results.
 

fuji

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You tell the woman you are deceiving that you are married, and have no intention of having a serious relationship with her. Then tell your wife that you have cheated on her with numerous women through the course of the marriage. Afterwhich you can ask FatOne about his results.
I suggested that test as a measure of social acceptability. The point is that a FUTURE girlfriend is likely to accept past cheating, but unlikely to accept past use of prostitutes. If you can't see why that's relevant to a discussion on which one is more socially acceptable than I don't know what to say to you.

Plainly if you tell your current partner that you are EITHER currently using prostitutes OR currently cheating on her, she's going to flip and leave you. Even if she thinks one is more acceptable than the other, she isn't going to accept either being done to her. On the other hand, the difference between the two activities is such that a FUTURE girlfriend is far more likely to accept past cheating than past use of prostitutes.
 

fuji

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Does it really matter if they're entitled to judge or not? Isn't the only thing at issue whether you are or are not a creep?
Well the issue on this thread was finding more ways to meet these women. By the way, this one just messaged me that she wants to spend next Saturday with me. Now all I have to do is figure out a way to divert my wife to something else that day. I guess I have a few days to figure out how to do that.

A bit high on yourself there, don't ya think?
Just honest. I don't care whether it upsets you or not. I think in the hypothetical that I ever would allow you to know my identity, that if you went around and asked the people in my life every single one of them would say I've made their life better, and I'm pretty confident that in time this woman will think so too. That would include my ex girlfriends too, by the way. Most of them are still my friends, and value me in their life despite our own relationship having once upon a time ended. That includes the one that I broke up with when I confessed to her that I had been cheating on her with my present wife. She's still happy to have me in her life, just not as a boyfriend anymore.

Whatever you may think about my sexual hypocrisy I am a capable person who is pretty dedicated to the betterment of those I care about.

Elsewhere in the thread you made clear you lied to the girl about who you were and basically misrepresented yourself.
Get over it.

Your moral compass is only straighter than most others in the sense that most others have compasses that show them multiple directions and force them to utilize judgments and so forth about which way to go, whereas your compass points in the one fixed direction: your ends and to hell with anyone else.
Nope. You are wrong. You are projecting that onto me because you dislike my sexual hypocrisy, so you are extending that dislike to other aspects of my life, unjustifiably. It's really your own limitation here that is the issue. You can't accept the sexual cheating and therefore you're colouring my whole life with that brush for really no good reason. It actually limits you.
 

rld

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I suggested that test as a measure of social acceptability. The point is that a FUTURE girlfriend is likely to accept past cheating, but unlikely to accept past use of prostitutes. If you can't see why that's relevant to a discussion on which one is more socially acceptable than I don't know what to say to you.

Plainly if you tell your current partner that you are EITHER currently using prostitutes OR currently cheating on her, she's going to flip and leave you. Even if she thinks one is more acceptable than the other, she isn't going to accept either being done to her. On the other hand, the difference between the two activities is such that a FUTURE girlfriend is far more likely to accept past cheating than past use of prostitutes.
I bet his ties into your weird evolutionary theory some how...
 

fuji

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I bet his ties into your weird evolutionary theory some how...
Try the experiment in your own life. Confess to your next gf that you used prostitutes, and I'll confess to mine that I previously cheated. We can add it to the body of research on the subject, ok?

Actually my current wife knows that I previously cheated on other women, and she still married me, so I already have my data point. How about you? How many girls stayed with you after you confessed to using prostitutes?
 

Aardvark154

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Actually my current wife knows that I previously cheated on other women, and she still married me, so I already have my data point. How about you? How many girls stayed with you after you confessed to using prostitutes?
That is two different "data points" more acurate would be "that you have cheated on her."
 

krayjee

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Holy crap... looks like every body is after fuji here. Morality contest on this board? LMAO. We all love sex and most of us are all cheaters and some of us are sex addicts like me. Thats why we are here on Terb. I am not trying to defend fuji here, we all know he is a womanizer, but I don't think he is as low as an advertising executive guy whom I met thru' Victoria the queen. That guy prey on ladies who are in trouble in their relationships by offering them coke and drugs, and all his GFs are either strippers, hookers or massage parlor girls. That was the lowest guy I have ever seen in my life.
 
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LateComer

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Holy crap... looks like every body is after fuji here. We all love sex and most of us are all cheaters and some of us are sex addicts like me. Thats why we are here on Terb. I am not trying to defend fuji here, we all know he is a womanizer, but I don't think he is as low as an advertising executive guy whom I met thru' Victoria the queen. That guy prey on ladies who are in trouble in their relationships by offering them coke and drugs, and all his GFs are either strippers, hookers or massage parlor girls. That was the lowest guy I have ever seen in my life.
Agreed - enough of the moralizing. I want to know where to find these immigrant women.
 

FatOne

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I suggested that test as a measure of social acceptability. The point is that a FUTURE girlfriend is likely to accept past cheating, but unlikely to accept past use of prostitutes. If you can't see why that's relevant to a discussion on which one is more socially acceptable than I don't know what to say to you.
If you ignore the feminnazis who hate it whenever a male enjoys vagina and the hard core religious set who think that sex should be only between a husband and wife or a priest and an altar boy, I would think your typical female would see a single person who sees prostitutes not as a moral slime but as a looser, as in, look at that looser, he has to pay for sex.

So when a woman turns down a guy who when single visits prostitutes, it is not a moral judgement and thus your point is wrong.

That you would assume it is, and based on what you have said above, you seem to have some real negative thoughts on the whole prostitution game ethically speaking, and if you had a internal moral compass you might want to stay away.

As to if they would prefer a looser or a cheater, I would hope most would prefer neither. Granted in your fantasy life you obviously prey on women with no self respect who tolerate cheating, but I would expect more from a gal, or at least I would if I were not totally hard up and desperate.


More importantly
Even if your typical female thought prostitution was morally objectionable, that does not make it so. Your appeal to the thoughts of the masses, or your perception on the thoughts of the female masses is rather irrelevant. Further more when you are claiming your typical terbite should not judge because they see prostitutes, to be considered a violation of some double standard should not their views on the ethics of prostitution take front and center.

Is prostitution morally bad. No. End of story, my conscious is clear, let the judging begin.

Cheating on a wife is breaking your vows. I could see it if she effectively withdrew from the marriage but I seem to recall that is not the case in your fantasy life
Using deception to get laid in the manner in which you do makes a mockery of informed consent.
It boggles me that you would put these actions on the same moral plane as a fully voluntary commercial translation with no victims, unless you are playing a dom that is.


And are you really defending hypocrisy. Seriously.

 
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