It depends what you (the OP) mean by
cheating. If telling lies is cheating in your definition, and if we tell lies, then we cheat.
But I think the question you are actually asking is:
Is seeing escorts immoral?
The moral dilemma is highlighted in the situation in post #38:
I don't think of it as cheating. I do it because it's an escape for me. It's a "hobby".
Granted, it also happens to be something my wife probably wouldn't approve of. But... Big deal.. There's lots of things she doesn't approve of.
I love my wife, and am happy with our sex life.
I suspect that many terbites can recognize elements of this in their own situations. So let's review it, morality-wise.
If you want to get your morality from the bible, the bible is quite clear that any sex outside marriage is immoral. (Of course, this is the same bible in which god slew Onan because Onan would not shag his brother's wife.)
If you believe morality is a matter of each person's own personal opinion, there is the Golden Rule. The main variant of the
Golden Rule is:
Don't do anything to anyone you wouldn't like them to do to you.
Or there is the
Ask-First approach:
Don't do anything to anyone until you have asked them if it's ok.
The
golden rule approach says that "the person" in the
personal opinion is oneself. The
ask-first approach says that "the person" is the other affected party.
Often, these two approaches give the same answer. But hobbying is one of those issues where you get two different answers, depending on which person's opinion is to count.
Golden Rule: it is morally ok for you to see escorts:
- if you yourself genuinely would not mind your wife seeing guys on the side; or
- if you yourself would mind very much, but still you feel you don't own her, and you feel it's up to her to decide what she wants to do; or
- you married her, not for what you would like her to be, but for what she actually is, for better or worse.
Ask-First: it is morally ok for you to see escorts if:
- your wife agrees; or (if you don't inform her)
- you genuinely believe that she would agree if you did inform her.
So, the real question is this: when it comes right down to it, which person should define your morals - you, or your wife? Well, there's only one answer to that. (If you answered that your wife should define your morals, then, for consistency, you will also take the view that you should define your wife's morals. Good luck on that!)
As for lying, I don't think there's an absolute moral prohibition on lying. And it is true that many spouses take the dont-ask-don't-tell view: if you decide to stray, just don't tell me. Morally, it doesn't sound so bad if, when you lie, you do it, not to defraud someone, but to save them pain.
It's important to remember that seeing escorts and lying about it are two acts that are morally independent of each other.
tHAT YOU ARE A WEIRD GUY.
