Workplace crush

[sempel]

Simple.

You are at the end of the contract. If you don't plan on renewing then on your last day privately ask if she would like to go out on a date. Direct and simple. If she says no be gracious and wish her well. Or you get a date.

If you think you will renew at some point ask yourself What a more important. Her or the work. Gut will tell you.

Good luck.

This, but only because you are out of there.

I don't agree with the sexual harrassment comments here - merely suggesting grabbing a bite together is fairly casual - heck my female colleagues will ask me once in a while - doesn't mean they are trying to sleep with me (obviously since I am here ): )

I just read a newspaper article about this - striking up workplace relationships. It quote some stats like 10% or marriages are relationships started at work, 20% of serious/casual relationships are from work, etc. (the numbers might be off so don't quote me on those, but you get the gist). Anyways, it basically boiled down to you can ask but you'd better be sure she is interested. The article mentioned something about a guy politely asking a girl, she turns it down, guy thinks nothing of it, then girl suddenly turns around and says she can no longer work because the environment is now uncomfortable. Clearly overkill, but some ladies do go overboard (like the lady MP who is stressed out from the "threesome" comment - a few ladies wrote letters to the editor saying she was wrong and her reaction is a disservice to real victims). So while for most, a polite response and a polite rejection is nothing, some women will say (or at least claim) they feel harassed.

Nothing can really come of it (in a harassment sense) if you are done. Give her your contact info and, if you want to schmooze, indicate you'd like to do something she likes, such as the art stuff suggested by others. But beware she could mention to HR and you won't be rehired for new work

 

[mandrill]

I don't agree with the sexual harrassment comments here - merely suggesting grabbing a bite together is fairly casual - heck my female colleagues will ask me once in a while - doesn't mean they are trying to sleep with me (obviously since I am here ): )

Ok, but....

The gang is working late on a project and they're hungry and tired and someone suggests going out for pizza and everyone cheers is one thing.

Hanging around her desk for 20 minutes for no reason when you don't really know her and suddenly looking at your watch and saying "Lunchtime! Are you hungry??!! I know I am!" is clumsy as hell and borderline creeping.

 

[HOLLYWOODG]

OP... Tell her that you have a huge dick that throbs for her and that you want to fuck her all night long 'til the sun comes up.

Just be honest and I am sure she will find it refreshing. Also communicate with confidence and conviction.

 

[essguy_]

This isn’t rocket science or the invasion of Normandy. Further, asking somebody (who doesn’t report to you in any way, or even work on the same team) out for a casual coffee or lunch isn’t sexual harassment unless you ask her with your fly undone and your throbbing member sticking out. The OP and many of the responses are WAY over thinking this. The OP shouldn’t obsess over it because that’s creepy. Every relationship starts by somebody simply asking the question. To be perfectly honest, he should have already asked. By coming on here to ask for advice on how to approach this, the best advice might be: move on.

 

[The "Bone" Ranger]

In my workplace it is rather common for colleagues to go for lunch together, whether as a pair or a group. The wording is key, you don't ask for a date, you merely suggest (in the OP's case) in casual conversation about grabbing a bite "someday." If she bites so to speak then you plan otherwise it was a very non-intrusive conversation and not sexual harassment.

 

[rhuarc29]

Man, I'd highly advise against it. Relationships can bring all kinds of emotions you don't want in the workplace. There's also the added risk of the sexual harassment environment we now live in, which isn't a huge concern, but it's not a non-issue either. All it takes is for you to misread her and make some inappropriate comment. If she's the wrong person, you're screwed at that point.

 

[mandrill]

OP... Tell her that you have a huge dick that throbs for her and that you want to fuck her all night long 'til the sun comes up.

Just be honest and I am sure she will find it refreshing. Also communicate with confidence and conviction.

And a photo is worth a thousand words..... That's why the dick pic is such an important "tool" of courtship....... especially in the workplace. :wave:

 

[mandrill]

Man, I'd highly advise against it. Relationships can bring all kinds of emotions you don't want in the workplace. There's also the added risk of the sexual harassment environment we now live in, which isn't a huge concern, but it's not a non-issue either. All it takes is for you to misread her and make some inappropriate comment. If she's the wrong person, you're screwed at that point.

This aside, it could be embarrassing for you as well. For example, you take her to dinner. You're pleased with the way things are going. She is evasive about seeing you again. You start to get distracted and nervous about whether she likes you. You try to talk to her and........... she introduces you to her brand new boyfriend, who she must have met around the same time you made a play for her. You're hurt. And you notice that the other women in the office seem to think you're a social loser. You are embarrassed and uncomfortable when you run into her at work now.

There are all sorts of reasons not to get involved with someone at work.

 

[essguy_]

And a photo is worth a thousand words..... That's why the dick pic is such an important "tool" of courtship....... especially in the workplace. :wave:

Nothing like a "Weiner-gram" to score with the ladies and advance your career!

 

[sempel]

I think some guys are missing the point about sexual harassment claims. A man in a workplace casually and politely asks a girl out. To almost every male and probably a bunch of females, this seems ok. Common sense pretty much agrees. However, the only opinion that matters at the end of the day is the actual lady and how she takes it. Assuming she's not interested and passes, she can move on immediately, she can pause and get a little offended but shrug it off and do nothing, or she can take it to the extreme and scream at the top of her lungs that it was inappropriate, she now feels threatened/unsafe in the workplace environment, etc. To most casual observers, she is overreacting. But every company now has to handle this, and given the current environment, they are going to investigate and possibly come down on the guy (might a simple lecture on not doing this again but whatever the consequence, he is found to be in the wrong). So at the end of the day, the one who makes the harassment call is the woman, hence the caution doing it while still working there.

Not every form of harassment must involve nudity, vulgar language, or something blatantly wrong. I'm not saying she'd be right to yell harassment but it's her right and choice to do so.

 

[Mr Bret]

I think some guys are missing the point about sexual harassment claims. A man in a workplace casually and politely asks a girl out. To almost every male and probably a bunch of females, this seems ok. Common sense pretty much agrees. However, the only opinion that matters at the end of the day is the actual lady and how she takes it. Assuming she's not interested and passes, she can move on immediately, she can pause and get a little offended but shrug it off and do nothing, or she can take it to the extreme and scream at the top of her lungs that it was inappropriate, she now feels threatened/unsafe in the workplace environment, etc. To most casual observers, she is overreacting. But every company now has to handle this, and given the current environment, they are going to investigate and possibly come down on the guy (might a simple lecture on not doing this again but whatever the consequence, he is found to be in the wrong). So at the end of the day, the one who makes the harassment call is the woman, hence the caution doing it while still working there.

Not every form of harassment must involve nudity, vulgar language, or something blatantly wrong. I'm not saying she'd be right to yell harassment but it's her right and choice to do so.

Well said.

Way to sempelify things.

 

[essguy_]

I think some guys are missing the point about sexual harassment claims. A man in a workplace casually and politely asks a girl out. To almost every male and probably a bunch of females, this seems ok. Common sense pretty much agrees. However, the only opinion that matters at the end of the day is the actual lady and how she takes it. Assuming she's not interested and passes, she can move on immediately, she can pause and get a little offended but shrug it off and do nothing, or she can take it to the extreme and scream at the top of her lungs that it was inappropriate, she now feels threatened/unsafe in the workplace environment, etc. To most casual observers, she is overreacting. But every company now has to handle this, and given the current environment, they are going to investigate and possibly come down on the guy (might a simple lecture on not doing this again but whatever the consequence, he is found to be in the wrong). So at the end of the day, the one who makes the harassment call is the woman, hence the caution doing it while still working there.

Not every form of harassment must involve nudity, vulgar language, or something blatantly wrong. I'm not saying she'd be right to yell harassment but it's her right and choice to do so.

No, she doesn't. People shouldn't be cowed by what's going on with "MeToo".

This assumes that she does not report in any way to you and you don't have any power over her promotions or evaluations. THAT would be inappropriate. This also assumes the OP isn't creeping around her desk all the time, or peeping at her all day. Any HR department worth its salt can separate the wheat from the chaff. Unless there is a specific company policy about "dating" co-workers (and try to define "dating") then you would not get into any trouble by politely and respectfully asking a co-worker out for a daytime coffee or even a casual lunch. It's when the co-worker says "No" but you don't get the message and continue to ask that it becomes harassment. But once, done casually, politely and without pressure? Not a problem. Co-workers go out for coffee or lunch all the time. Doesn't even have to be a date and the bill can be split. The OP is over-thinking this, and so are a lot of responders. THAT is the problem. People are jumping way ahead of the game - it's not like he's asking or expecting her to have his child. She may not even be interested. As it stands - probably wise for him to just move on, because there's no way he could ask her casually what with all the various advice he is getting here.

 

[Jasmine Raine]

Wait until your last day, either just ask out right or slip her a note with your number.

Some of the classiest "pick-ups" I have had, and other ladies have agreed, is the guy who politely and wuitely leaves his card with a note. It leaves it to the woman without putting her on the spot.

The best note was left on my car,

"Saw you and thought you are very attractive physically. I would love the chance to find out just who attractive you are mentally and personally. If interested, please give me a call"

It was awesome. I called to say I have a BF. He went through the trouble so I returned the call so he was not left wondering, but it was a good way to go about the pick up in my opinion.


So long as the job is done with the company. If not, I personally would not risk personal with business.

 

[VERYBADBOY]

Wait until your last day, either just ask out right or slip her a note with your number.

Some of the classiest "pick-ups" I have had, and other ladies have agreed, is the guy who politely and wuitely leaves his card with a note. It leaves it to the woman without putting her on the spot.

The best note was left on my car,

"Saw you and thought you are very attractive physically. I would love the chance to find out just who attractive you are mentally and personally. If interested, please give me a call"

It was awesome. I called to say I have a BF. He went through the trouble so I returned the call so he was not left wondering, but it was a good way to go about the pick up in my opinion.


So long as the job is done with the company. If not, I personally would not risk personal with business.

You have the right idea.

Here's mine ... play the secret santa and give her a small gift ex. A decorative coffee cup with a note inside saying:

"This is your secret santa, use the mug over the next few days and be rewarded but don't tell anyone about this note" and sign it "very interested"

Put the gift in the desk if you can just not in plain sight. If you see her using it, then leave an envelope with a letter inside with an email account and sign it "more interested" if she responds to that email then you take it from there, do a few back and forths and if it works out then arrange to meet.

VBB

 

[huckfinn]

A few good suggestions so far.
I think I'd avoid asking her on a date before the contract is finished. As others alluded to, too dangerous these days.
I'd just casually say to her that you'd like to keep in touch with her after your contract is done. Give her your number/e-mail or whatever your preference is for contact info, and ask her for her number.
You'll know by how she responds if you should pursue her or not. If you get her number, give her a buzz a couple of days after you're gone fro that office.

But just ask for her contact info, not a date until you contact her afterwards.

This ^^^^^^with adjustments

I would absolutely avoid asking her for anything remotely close to lunch or a date. I wouldn't even ask for her number.

Just provide your contact info. She will probably know your intentions, and you're not pressuring her in any way.

 

[anotherwebguy]

Never, ever, try, ask, hint, whatever, to arrange a "date", even a casual one that has ANY romantic element, at work with a co-worker. You, my friend, are walking into a mine field.

Think about how uncomfortable you both will be if she rejects you and you still have to work at the same place.

If you make any imposition on her that causes her to feel in any way uncomfortable, no matter how innocent, next thing you know she is complaining to HR and you will be called in for a "meeting".

Many companies have written (and unwritten) employee fraternization rules.

Unless you do not care about your career or reputation, it is simply not worth the risk of having it destroyed.

Also, if she is one of the hotter ladies at the workplace, chances are she has been hit on many times already by different guys, and may be getting tired of it.

If, on the other hand, your contract expires, you move on, and you casually keep in touch with her, wait six months after you have left your current contract and have zero ties to the company, then it's appropriate to contact her on a friendly level, ask how she is doing, and perhaps if she responds positively, ask to see her for a coffee.

Do nothing while you are still engaged in any way with the company you both currently work for.

 

[Varmitt]

Isn't this a Escort review board???what's the question have to do with that??

 

[malata]

Isn't this a Escort review board???what's the question have to do with that??

co-worker was a former escort

 

[Indiana]

Go for it. Life is short.

 

[Don Simpson]

I thank everybody for chiming in on this; lots of different and valid viewpoints and great suggestions. I have given it more thought and have a strategy to best proceed forward in an organic way (while also happy to move on if the desired outcome is not in my favour.) It's all good either way. Thanks everybody!