WOMEN: The nice guy space time continuum.
- Thread starter Ed Thomas
- Start date
Up until my 30's I was addicted to assholes and I finally got stung so many times i got over them. Now I can really appreciate a nice guy. I like having the car door opened for me and my coat put on for me. I like the attentiveness that can only come from a "nice guy." I don't have to chase after a "nice guy", I know where i stand as the lines of communication are totally open, frank and honest. I like being desired instead of not knowing where I stand and I really like trusting him to be faithful to me. I like all of the little tokens of appreciation only a "nice guy" will exhibit, from making me breakfast to spoiling me to always complimenting me. It makes me want to dress up for him all the more. I am so glad I got over my addiction to bad boys.
This is very well said. I think both men and women behave the same way really (at least those being referenced by this post, as some have said it is a bit of a generalization).
That being said, we men can't complain that if we ignore the nice, sweet girl, who cares for us, and chase the hot, sexy tail we dreamed of. It seems to be a bit of a double standard to say well she should ignore all the things that turn her on because I am a good guy (good or bad things), but I should not have to act in the same manner.
As someone who has finally matured in my life, I have learned to as you say tell the difference between love and lust, perhaps I need to thank my last girlfriend for that who while it didn't last finally showed me what someone who cares about you does. I had spent many years of my life (I'm 37) chasing after the arm candy. I have been quite successful in life, so generally that 'type' of woman is readily available / around those I spend time with and me, so it's quite easy to meet very attractive women (physically).
However, what I have learned in time, is that many of those arm candy women 1) Have little to offer beyond their looks 2) Seem more about shopping and image than achieving and giving back in this world 3)Are constantly looking for something better to feed their narcisistic personalities 4) Are usually the one's that friend zone the 'nice guys' because of number 3.
I have learned to identify these type of women very quickly now, and sure as a single man I'd love to bed them because they are hot, but God forbid I ever have a relationship or end up with one of them! Many men fail to realize, that when you fixate on many of these 'arm candy' type women, you are really fantasizing that they are the 'nice girl' you want.
Sadly, in a world feeding narcicistic personality disorder through bombardment of reality TV and social media sites like instagram, these women are often so much to deal with you'd wish you never met them. Think about it, if someone has only been praised for their looks all their life, they likely have developed very little else for themselves, so they become this monster of NPD.
One thing I do now when I meet women, beyond the 'what do you do' question, is I find out how educated they are, how much they've traveled, if they have volunteered (very big tell), I look at how 'made up' they are (if they spent 2 hours getting ready to go out regularly, run), how expensive their accessories are ($1000 purse yet she makes $45k a year? says alot right?), and most importantly check out their instagram and facebook. If those two sites are 1) All about posing and making their life look perfect in selfies, or in exotic locations when they don't have the money to do that, RUN!!!..all of these are 'tells' of what that person's priorities are and what kind of woman you are meeting.
My advice, be yourself, be nice, learn to determine the difference between the poorly adjusted narcicists and nice women (because there are alot out there), and look at a person as a whole vs just their looks. Look at the package, their kindness, their honesty, their goals, their intelligence, and all of a sudden that girl who was just 'ok' may just end up being gorgeous. My bet is those who are 'friendzoning' you, are those in category 1 (the equivalent of the bad boy on the female side). I bet that guy has been ignoring the nice girls, because as I said there really are plenty of women out there that want and appreciate a good guy.
As you mature you realize, would I even want to be with someone so vain? Every day, day in day out? Would I want a woman like that to be the mom to my kids? Someone really that useless? No thanks, I need the woman that at 4 am when that 5yr old kid is puking in his bed because he's sick, get up and says, go back to bed dear, I'll get this one...then gives you a peck on the cheek - that folks is what matters not some hottie who is carrying a dog in her purse and looks hot in her instagram bikini pics....all that goes, and then you're stuck with it!
I see plenty of value in being an actual friend, and actually nice (ie-- there is no romantic or sexual desire hiding behind the façade of friendship, well beyond an honest FWB quid pro quo)... Most of the 'nice guys' I've met aren't that in my experience.
True this...I would take true friendship over banging pussy any day. Meaning if it meant to be friends with no benefits, and we connected on a plutonic level, I'd rather choose friendship then to just fuck her a few times and move on provided we clicked as true friends. I think as we age we learn to control our animal instincts better and learn how to manage our emotions and take a friendship to a higher level. A true friendship is far more gratifying then a good fuck. You are right, not a lot of would choose this option, and many don't believe that you can be friends with opposite sex provided you are straight, and just be friends without the ulterior motives.
I believe it is possible to have the plutonic friends relationship, have SOs outside, and still mix business/pleasure into it, provided this is an option, while still remain friends without compromising the friendship provided both are respectful to each other personal and mental situation. I have not found this, but I sense it is possible with the right person.
I don't know if its possible, even Johnny couldn't do it, what makes you think it will be different...maybe she took him for granted !?I WASN'T JOKING
Even though the line of life doesn't run straight, we still try to see it as linear.
I don't think women are attracted to assholes I think they are attracted to confidence and strength. As a young man the younger you are the greater the chance that you will be both confident AND an asshole. Women become attracted to the confidence, they develop feelings for the confident guy, then get burned by the asshole side. As men age, many of the confident ones learn some manners and stop being such assholes. The smart and/or lucky ones were never assholes in the first place, just confident.
Also as some young men mature and gain life experience they obtain the confidence that they previously lacked. You may have always been nice but you weren't always confident. The confidence arrives and suddenly so do the women. The women may have changed but so did you. I have to admit seeing posts that suggest "it took women 30+ years to appreciate me" are a little cringe-worthy. Which version of you are we talking about or do you not think that maybe you've changed a little over the years as well?
Women change too, shaped by life experience and biology, and they become more skilled in recognizing true confidence vs arrogance. They always wanted the same thing they just got better at seeing it.
If you can get past the silly chest thumping of guys trying to one-up each other on this subject and women trying to pass themselves as being different than every other woman on the planet it really just boils down to the fact that both men and women change as they get older and have different values and different priorities brought on by life experience and biology. Can't dump this one all on the women changing or men having no game. The sexes are taking this journey together.
Shit happens.
Also as some young men mature and gain life experience they obtain the confidence that they previously lacked. You may have always been nice but you weren't always confident. The confidence arrives and suddenly so do the women. The women may have changed but so did you. I have to admit seeing posts that suggest "it took women 30+ years to appreciate me" are a little cringe-worthy. Which version of you are we talking about or do you not think that maybe you've changed a little over the years as well?
Women change too, shaped by life experience and biology, and they become more skilled in recognizing true confidence vs arrogance. They always wanted the same thing they just got better at seeing it.
If you can get past the silly chest thumping of guys trying to one-up each other on this subject and women trying to pass themselves as being different than every other woman on the planet it really just boils down to the fact that both men and women change as they get older and have different values and different priorities brought on by life experience and biology. Can't dump this one all on the women changing or men having no game. The sexes are taking this journey together.
Shit happens.
You've been on TERB for 12 years.....
You've posted all of FOUR (4) times to date, so one post every 3 years....
And you post something as brilliant as the above.
Amazing.
God damn... someone should create a thread called "life advice" and sticky this at the top!
Haha, that's what I was thinking too. He sure knows how to choose his topics! :thumb:
thanks gents 
my inner yoda coming out....and just plain experience, and certainly some mistakes focusing on the 'wrong ones' vs one's that were certainly very right!
Hopefully I never make that error again! And perhaps I saved some people here from doing the same but I think its something you have to learn for yourself to be honest, I don't think anyone can make you stop chasing that hottie. Eventually you just learn everything comes at a price, Kate Beckinsale who's as sweet as the girl next door does not want me or you lol....when you realize that, it gets a bit easier
my inner yoda coming out....and just plain experience, and certainly some mistakes focusing on the 'wrong ones' vs one's that were certainly very right!
Hopefully I never make that error again! And perhaps I saved some people here from doing the same but I think its something you have to learn for yourself to be honest, I don't think anyone can make you stop chasing that hottie. Eventually you just learn everything comes at a price, Kate Beckinsale who's as sweet as the girl next door does not want me or you lol....when you realize that, it gets a bit easier
A female doctor friend of mine treats many depressed female patients. She told me recently that 99% of women are looking for the same 1% of men.
Congratulations ladies, you're becoming more like men everyday 'cuz most of us are all looking for the same 1% of women.
Congratulations ladies, you're becoming more like men everyday 'cuz most of us are all looking for the same 1% of women.
Is that a surprise? Young women are taught never to settle for less than "what they deserve", so they look for a man who's handsome and charming and funny and wealthy and intelligent and so on. Men are a little better off in that regard because we don't have that rule constantly drilled into us from a young age. Relationships aren't about finding the one perfect someone who ticks off every item on your list. They should be about finding someone you can rely deeply on, who helps you be a better person and meet your goals, and who you can enjoy life with.
Maybe that's why there are so many singles in Western culture: no one wants to "settle".
Young university educated women have a problem: not enough young university educated men. That is why they are willing to date older guys, to avoid lowering themselves.
Young NON university educated women on the other hand have a ton of guys to choose from at their economic level and can afford to be incredibly choosy.
Creates some interesting dynamics.
Young NON university educated women on the other hand have a ton of guys to choose from at their economic level and can afford to be incredibly choosy.
Creates some interesting dynamics.
This reminds me of a TA in my 2nd year physics course, a top
phd student who quitted his studies to take up a job after he got
married to a high school graduate working a cashier's job.
Presumable the guy quitted a career path to a prestigious
position to make a better living for his wife. Character
and looks are about the only attributes of a woman men
are choosy over.
Bingo . . . and those girls have no problem finding guys.. nice guys.
Of course, all women want confident guys which is different from being nice or a bad boy.
Run away from the women constantly saying they can't find a nice guy. It means they have serious problems (psychological or otherwise) because every nice girl out there can find a nice guy very very very easily.
Like that other poster said, when I hear a woman drone on about not being able to find a nice guy, I chuckle to myself.
Not really . Young university educated men don't have any money yet . They're too busy in making a career for themselves and paying off their loans . Older educated men already have made a name for themselves and have the money to spend on the educated woman .
It's not a case of lowering themselves . It's a case of who has the money to spend on them . Both parties having an education doesn't mean that they will live together in harmony. Plenty of well to do people are getting a divorce these days . I know of couples that only one has a great education and they are very happy . Then I've seen couples who both have a great education and the marriage has fallen apart .
Education doesn't mean anything these days . It's who has the money and who is willing to spend it on the women . That's what is important to many women these days .
Money pays the bills . Not LOVE . Loose your high paying job and see how long a wife will stand by her man because of love .
Bills are trivial and love is not. A lot of people are too busy thinking about themselves and the constant gratification, always searching for something better, that they miss out appreciate what they have and the current people in their life. I believe that this me me me attitude is one of the root causes of many marital and social problems. They are never content with who they are and what they have and will always want something else better and think they deserve their prince charming or guys think they deserve the next media hyped type of a women and constant morphing and changing and fearing for social approval. This is a construct of the western media and its intended to fuck people up for more profits by having them sell more product, more drugs more unrequited love longs ect. thus creates a downward spiral, and we loose out on and think that paying bills it outside our means and its a difficult thing to do but miss out on the important aspects such as love, contention and acceptance.
The first time I took out my wife, we left Fantasia after her shift. The first thing she said to me was " what car do you drive ", I replied " what car do you want me to drive ". I thought F me, this chick is not for me. As it turned out, her English was fairly limited, she knew " vanna dance" and not too much else. We get a chuckle about it even today. Turns out my wife was/is EXTREMELY grounded and really not into the BS lifestyle. Many of her friends were.
The BF that she left back home, would come to her home with a different car every week, her mother told her to stay away from him. He didn't make it to his 30th, got into the pharma biz with a childhood friend and decided he wanted all the profits, so he put a hit on his best friend. The hitman took his money and killed him after he told his childhood friend, who in turn paid the hitman.
Also, I don't think that people change, you can still see traits of a dog when they were a puppy in their adult life. My high school reunion some 25 years after was like going back in time, no one seemed to change, so I wouldn't count on that A-hole or that IG show-off HO to be much different in later years, although their audience may.
