Why do I (and others) do it?

[player coach]

So as of late, I have been pondering a question that is actually becoming of concern to me. See for the past I'd say 5-6 years I have been hobbying very lightly...anywhere between 1-2 visits at a mp/month, maybe 3-4 sp's per year and thats about it. In the past year, my frequency has increased by quite a bit. Where I am at a loss is here: now before I start, this is in no way meant for me to try and sound macho or conceded but I will try to explain. On saturday, I had the option to have any one of 2 girls over at my place who would easily rate 8/10's. I made excuses not to see either one of them and instead I went to see a new MP....none of my regulars. I am currently dating Id say 3 girls all of which again are a attractive. Despite this, despite my ability to meet new girls, I continue to spend money on hobbying. I should point out I am attracted to all the girls I date physically so its not that. Hobbying hasnt interfered yet with my daily life or finances but I feel as though it may get worse. So I guess im venting but also looking to see if anyone is kinda feeling the same. What is it that drives me to want to pay and continue to do so when I can get it free. Am I addicted??? Seriously, Id like input guys cause maybe Im going down a slippery slope???? I mean is this considered a disease like drugs or gambling?

player coach

 

[Shades]

...anyone is kinda feeling the same. What is it that drives me to want to pay and continue to do so when I can get it free. Am I addicted??? Seriously, Id like input guys cause maybe Im going down a slippery slope???? I mean is this considered a disease like drugs or gambling?

player coach

Yes, it is an addiction. For me, I think I do it because I can...I have the money, and the girls are available...doesn't mean it is right/or wrong. It just is.

And yes, I feel like I am not in control of what I do, in this regard. So while I don't think I feel guilty; I do feel out of control...and that worries me and has me thinking about the new year and whether I try to deal with this control issue, i.e. how to feel like I am more in control of the decision to hobby, or not.
Does this make sense to anyone else?

 

[genintoronto]

So as of late, I have been pondering a question that is actually becoming of concern to me. See for the past I'd say 5-6 years I have been hobbying very lightly...anywhere between 1-2 visits at a mp/month, maybe 3-4 sp's per year and thats about it. In the past year, my frequency has increased by quite a bit. Where I am at a loss is here: now before I start, this is in no way meant for me to try and sound macho or conceded but I will try to explain. On saturday, I had the option to have any one of 2 girls over at my place who would easily rate 8/10's. I made excuses not to see either one of them and instead I went to see a new MP....none of my regulars. I am currently dating Id say 3 girls all of which again are a attractive. Despite this, despite my ability to meet new girls, I continue to spend money on hobbying. I should point out I am attracted to all the girls I date physically so its not that. Hobbying hasnt interfered yet with my daily life or finances but I feel as though it may get worse. So I guess im venting but also looking to see if anyone is kinda feeling the same. What is it that drives me to want to pay and continue to do so when I can get it free. Am I addicted??? Seriously, Id like input guys cause maybe Im going down a slippery slope???? I mean is this considered a disease like drugs or gambling?

player coach

Because obviously, what you are getting from MPs/SPs is not what you can get 'for free' as you suggested.

So, I think the question is: what is it that you are getting from MPs/SPs that you are not getting from 'civilians'?

There are many possible answers to that: the no-string-attached intimaticy, the hot women who are there to cater to your needs without having to worry about theirs, the control you have over the encounter (when, where, for how long, what services you want, etc.), the exchange of money, etc.

I think that the 'addiction' explanation is conveniently thrown around a little too easily these days whenever a destructive behavior in being talked about. Many people drink. Quite a few drink more than they should, more often than is healthy. But they aren't all alcoholics.

 

[Hangman]

Addiction, maybe. It's addictive, sure. Sounds like you're displaying behaviour that concerns you so that in itself is good reason to examine your behaviour. Maybe its nothing. I can cook, but I still go to restaurants. People act as if hobbying is an all or nothing proposition. I like normal dating, and I like hobbying. They're separate, enjoyable activities. One is not a substitute for the other.

Figure out what you get from both normal dating and hobbying. Then you'll be able to decide what balance they should have in your life.

 

[Lou Siffer]

Because obviously, what you are getting from MPs/SPs is not what you can get 'for free' as you suggested.

So, I think the question is: what is it that you are getting from MPs/SPs that you are not getting from 'civilians'?

There are many possible answers to that: the no-string-attached intimaticy, the hot women who are there to cater to your needs without having to worry about theirs, the control you have over the encounter (when, where, for how long, what services you want, etc.), the exchange of money, etc.

I think Gen has it absolutely right.

It may seem like you are opting to pay for the same thing you could get for free, but it only seems that way. Examine the two scenarios more closely and you might see that you get something different out of the paid service.

I know I do.

 

[alex52]

Am I addicted??? going down a slippery slope???? I mean is this considered a disease like drugs or gambling?

player coach

Yes to all the above

 

[a 1 player]

Hobbying is NOT an addiction for me as I now rarely ever see an escort. TERB however is an addiction.

 

[Pencap]

I wonder this for myself, sometimes. I think for me it could be fear of intimacy and rejection. There is no risk with a sex provider; I know I won't get rejected, it's no strings attached.

P

 

[Cycleguy007]

Hobbying is NOT an addiction for me as I now rarely ever see an escort. TERB however is an addiction.

EXACTLY right A 1!

Terb is the addiction... seeing SP's, MP's, etc a side effect or fringe benefit if you will!

 

[Questor]

Because obviously, what you are getting from MPs/SPs is not what you can get 'for free' as you suggested.

So, I think the question is: what is it that you are getting from MPs/SPs that you are not getting from 'civilians'?

There are many possible answers to that: the no-string-attached intimaticy, the hot women who are there to cater to your needs without having to worry about theirs, the control you have over the encounter (when, where, for how long, what services you want, etc.), the exchange of money, etc.

Well put, genintoronto.

I wonder this for myself, sometimes. I think for me it could be fear of intimacy and rejection. There is no risk with a sex provider; I know I won't get rejected, it's no strings attached.

P

Genintoronto refers to no-strings-attached intimacy. And Pencap refers to fear of intimacy. I suspect that genintoronto is talking about physical intimacy, which is what you get from an SP, while Pencap is talking about emotional intimacy, which is what you can get from a real life, capital R relationship. Genintoronto also talks about not having to worry about needs of partner, control over encounter...all the things which are part of the p4p encounter. So I think she is making the same point as Pencap. She has described it, Pencap has named it. And probably player coach will recognize it.

 

[player coach]

Thanks guys. I think some one said it right...i must be getting something from mp/sp's that I dont get from civilians. I dont think its the encounter itself..I think it might be the excitment ??? The thought of doing something tabu maybe?? I dont know....what I do know is that I love it more than being with civilians. That is what worries me. For example, seeing Claudia @ HFH for the first time was so exciting...the encounter itself was nothing to rave home about but still....I got butterflies...the unknown...what will happen....but again that can be said of a new girl as well....

 

[Questor]

I think it might be the excitment ??? The thought of doing something tabu maybe?? I dont know....what I do know is that I love it more than being with civilians. That is what worries me. For example, seeing Claudia @ HFH for the first time was so exciting...the encounter itself was nothing to rave home about but still....I got butterflies...the unknown...what will happen....but again that can be said of a new girl as well....

Try offering a civilian money to do it with you? That should be exciting. Definitely taboo. The unknown. Let us know how it works out.

 

[player coach]

Ok, what if i tell you I have been contemplating that very thing. My ex and I broke up about 4 months ago. We got together a few times after that but now she is with someone and wont give in. I have thought about it but dont know how to approach it. I know ridiculous..but it keeps crossing my mind. I may just say it as a joke and see how she takes it. Maybe offer her $200..she could use the money, but Im scared she will tell me to #$#@ right off. If I go through with it, I will let you know....

 

[snowleopard]

So as of late, I have been pondering a question that is actually becoming of concern to me .... What is it that drives me to want to pay and continue to do so when I can get it free. Am I addicted??? Seriously, Id like input guys cause maybe Im going down a slippery slope???? I mean is this considered a disease like drugs or gambling?

Lately, I`ve been pondering the very same question (must be something in the air), and I`ve concluded that it is a complete mystery to me ... indeed, I`m beginning to think that it is actually the mystery I`m addicted to. Coincidentally, I recently explored this theme in my own thread (https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=217742) and I got some very thought provoking responses. But it remains nonetheless a mystery. I wonder if there are two kinds of people: those who are content to live in their comfort zone, wanting nothing more, nor less, than the known and the predictable, while others are addicted to the irresistible desire to explore the unknown other. I`ve never been content with the same thing for very long, before needing a change. For good or bad, I`m compelled to seek the mystery that waits behind the closed door. Without that fix, life somehow becomes unbearably dull and boring to me.

 

[player coach]

snowleopard, you hit the nail on the head. I too get bored very easily, including having sex with the same girl no matter how good the sex is. I too am drawn to the unknown, the mystery, the allure, the seductiveness of it all...

 

[a 1 player]

I much prefer sex with a civilian. Sorry ladies.

SP's for me are a pastime if you will, if I am not dating or getting sex on a regular basis in my personal life. Yes sex can be boring with the same person after a while, but a good portion of that is how close minded both you and your partner are, or if you both throw out every trick you have right off the start. For myself, there is ALWAYS something new to try if my partner is up to it.

 

[RTRD]

Correct...

I think that the 'addiction' explanation is conveniently thrown around a little too easily these days whenever a destructive behavior in being talked about. Many people drink. Quite a few drink more than they should, more often than is healthy. But they aren't all alcoholics.

...and on the money.

I recall recently having an exchange with someone...I don't recall with who, or where (it might have been here on TERB) where I tried to explain what the definition of addiction is, and how it actually has nothing to do with how much you indulge...and instead is defined by why you indulge and your control over it.

I often think people use the word "addiction" to excuse bad behavior that they just don't want to correct...

 

[RTRD]

Hmmm....

I much prefer sex with a civilian. Sorry ladies.

SP's for me are a pastime if you will, if I am not dating or getting sex on a regular basis in my personal life. Yes sex can be boring with the same person after a while, but a good portion of that is how close minded both you and your partner are, or if you both throw out every trick you have right off the start. For myself, there is ALWAYS something new to try if my partner is up to it.

...I could see how it could go both ways.

I could see how sex with a pro who knew what she was doing and was making a serious effort to please you and show you a good time would beat just another lame ass romp in the sack with the SO who is only doing it to shut you up. And heaven knows I had enough of that with both of my wives.

On the other hand...

I can't see how sex with a pro could compare with sex with someone you are totally into, who is totally into you, and the two of you are totally into the moment. Or...sex with someone who you just seem to have a connection with...something that is so good that even when the two of you are just doing what you need to do, it is still great, because it was never just perfunctory, even when it was routine. I can honestly say, save for a period of time when my meds were fucking with me (and it was still GREAT for her...just unrewarding for me as I couldn't orgasm...I had some raging rock hard erections though...) me and my exGF consistently had GREAT sex...and it was often AMAZING...and there was never anything that anyone in this forum would think the least kinky.

The sex was great because of the people having it...not because of what we were doing. I can't see how you could have that with an SP.