What's a Husband to do?
- Thread starter Diode
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It might surprise you to hear that your hypothetical is very commonly the situation amongst male roommates, but men in those situations would not let that stop them from hitting the town with their buddy if that guy was fun to party with! Men are capable of having enjoyable, yet limited, relationships with other men (as well as with women).solitaria said:
I'm afraid there's just a huge difference between male and female attitudes about the linkage between relationships in general to sexual desire.
re:
That's my point exactly. You can't force anyone to do what you want to do. Even if she says she says she likes sex all night long, you still can't. I think you also have a good point with alot of young guys who don't know what they are getting into. Myself I've never been married but seen thru friends and family and I made the decision it's not for me period. One thing alot of young guys don't realize is if you stay in school and become successful you' be able to get women until the day you die. Look at Tony Randal he as 77 when he died I believe and his wife was like 30. Guys should look at examples like that. Don't shack up with the first woman you see because they all change. No matter how hot they look or what they say they can't do for you everything has an expiration date.Meister said:
Nothing is ever this easy when it comes to life. At times it is easier to be good than bad because of the effort it takes to rationalize your principles and existence to yourself. I think it is more of a question of being true to yourself and your basic nature than whether or not it is good or bad relative to what others may think. However all relationships involve sacrificing a part of yourself for the other. Is that a lie? Yes. Is that hard to do? Yes because you have to keep that lie or façade up. Of course it is easier to be faithful to your own ideals and needs than to cheat on them so that your significant other can believe in something about you and life that you have to struggle to maintain for them. Monogamy isn't the greatest sacrifice that you make for love. It's the sacrifice of your own personal freedom of only having to do what is best for your own happiness and conscience.Diode said:
SO you have all but admitted that you don't lie because of principles but rather a fear of getting caught. So in answer to your question, yes lying is harder than telling the truth (for you) because of the internal struggle it creates and your fear of getting caught.diode said:
Are you trying to convince yourself of this or me? I wasn't the one that started this thread bemoaning the fact my wife wasn't putting out enough. If you were really as honest as you think you are you'd be having this open discussion with your wife instead of a bunch of on-line hobbyists who can't even read your wife's POV to provide balance to yours.diode said:
I know it is more than hypothetical to most guys and that is why I used it. At first what you say would be true to some but over the long run the friendship usually suffers and ends because of the underlying resentment that it creates for the person who is doing more than their share of the work. There always has to be a balance of give and take for a friendship to last in the long run.Bud Plug said:
Fark boy..I've had this talk with her.solitaria said:
With all due repect..You live in a wierd place...
However, I'll defer to you, and your cynical wisdom
I cheat myself out of SOME things I want...For the good things I have.
You and I see life VERY VERY differntly..Great.
Good luck to you!
Winston
You need to go back and read the thread. I've done a basic search on your posts and you are nothing but a bitter, negative little man. Rant all you want about me and my business but at the end of the day I get to go home to a house full of love.
Please Winson tell us little more about yourself. How old are you? Are you married? How many times? Children? What exactly are your credentials that we should all listen to what you have to say? What do you do for a living? Stop hiding behind your computer. If you'd like to take this up in person you know where to find me.
Have a nice day,
Kasey
You need to go back and read the thread. I've done a basic search on your posts and you are nothing but a bitter, negative little man. Rant all you want about me and my business but at the end of the day I get to go home to a house full of love.
Please Winson tell us little more about yourself. How old are you? Are you married? How many times? Children? What exactly are your credentials that we should all listen to what you have to say? What do you do for a living? Stop hiding behind your computer. If you'd like to take this up in person you know where to find me.
Have a nice day,
Kasey
Could you do the same? Just because you have a vagina and have given birth doesn't mean you are an expert in female sexuality. That would be like saying since I have a dick and I've used it a lot I am an expert in male sexuality and you can't tell me otherwise. In some respects I would say you would be a better expert on male sexuality than me because I only understand my own sexuality as a male and you have seen males and their sexuality in action. I think the only thing that could be said would be that you perhaps are better able to relate to women who think the same way as you do about sex but that doesn't mean you can objectively analyze the whole picture that is female sexuality as well as all men.Friends said:
Kasey, could I make a suggestion that you stop this non-sense now please.Friends said:
You're starting to sound like you are bitter. He disagreed with you and you took it badly. Winston for all his faults, and we know he has faults, only states opinion and mostly factual advice. Advice in a scientific or researched manner. He doesn't candy coat his responses and surely doesn't take well to being challenged by someone who doesn't.
This thread started out by someone who is asking for advice about his sexless marriage. Now you, albeit with the cooperation of Winston, have turned it into a flame war.
Let me say one last time. You are sounding increasingly bitter and quite bitchy. As a fellow business person I'd like to give you advice. You are someone who is running a recognizeable business. You are ranting and disassociating your business with potential clients on the forum with which you advertise. While a lot of your customers may not be turned off by this, there are many that will. From a business stand point, it's time you bow out of this conversation gracefully, without anymore rants and bitching.
That's it for now. Now is it my turn for a verbal lashing? I sincerely hope not.
Cheers.
We all do that. Just realize that is what you are doing and there are always trade-offs for the decisions that you make. For instance, the trade-off for being honest to your wife about your desires and needs about going to the SC's and looking at the young hotties along with your wandering eye on the beach is that she isn't going to feel as attracted or close to you like she would if you gave her the impression that she is so attractive (to you) that you don't need to look elsewhere. Also realize that the reason that you tell her about your SC escapades is because you are unable to deal with the moral choices that you make as an adult that exist between your reality and the idealistic world that you have chosen to frame your view of morality in which causes dissonance and stress on yourself which you then unburden onto your wife. Now as it stands you are racked with guilt about the choices that you have to make and your wife is unhappier for knowing. This is compounded by the fact that you are getting it less than you would like, no doubt because you have chosen to be too honest with your wife about the things she doesn't really need to know and the things that you haven't learnt to deal with in an imperfect world. Things for you in the future will only get worse until you learn to realize that the idealistic world that you yearn to live in is only for children.Diode said:
What you need to realize too is that you aren't a monogamous creature by nature and your love for your wife isn't dependent on that to exist. If you choose to frame your concept of love within the context of fairytale romance and monogamy along with your need to always be forthright and honest to your wife about everything you are only setting yourself and your wife up for a lifetime of unhappiness because your standards for what love should be are so unrealistic and impossible to live by for any length of time. What that means to you and your wife then is that you have failed to love her because of how and what you have chosen to define love to mean for both yourself and her. Do you really think you should choose to define love partly based on monogamy when you wanker 4-6 times a day, go to SC's and need to look at other girls on the beach when you are with your wife? Have fun with that dissonance.
PS – You should really learn not to look at hot girls when you are with your wife. I find it funny that your standards are so high but your discipline to them is so unmatched to the point that you can't even make the smallest sacrifice for your wife/love in denying yourself the pleasure of ogling a beautiful girl that walks by in her presence.
Cuál es tu opinión, las mujeres prefieren los hombres que mienten siempre pero ellas no lo saben o los hombres que son desleales y ellas lo saben? Además que es amor? Es cuando se da la felicidad a la persona que amas o es cuando todos viven para sus principios ante de todo? Tú sabes que todos son mas desleales de lo que sus esposas piensan en realidad y no es posible cambiar el caracter natural de una persona; la única cosa que puede cambiar es lo que otras personas piensan sobre el caracter natural de ella.Perry Mason said:Solitaria:
Sin duda, estas equivocado!
Perry
Well, I think you miss what this is all about. I'm a normal guy with normal feelings and urges. I have standards..yes...but I fail to meet them many times.solitaria said:
This is what an honest person says. If I find a standard to hard to meet, should I just change the standard? No, that would be a weak rationalization.
Well just because I can't meet it, it must be impossible to meet. Silly really.
And weak minded.
We all work, (I Hope) at improving ourselves. If the moral compass changes just to make me feel better, how do I improve.
What's wrong with noticing pretty girls on the beach? My wife hads no problem telling me how cute some hollywood actors are. What's the big deal?
My Gosh you like to overstate things. When does eyeing, become Ogling
I have Not defined what love means for my wife and I, we have done it together.
I have never admitted to not failing. In fact all humans do. If you can't admit this about yourself, then you live in some fantasy land.
I'm quite ready, and willing to face the choices I've made in my life. I refuse to hide and lie like you do. Regardless of your earlier post, you lie and hide because it is easy. It's simple, and It gets you what you think you want.
Don't tell me WHAT I need to realize, please. You live in a world of utter deciept and fantasy. I live here, a real world with real challeges, and real concequences.
As a final point. You don't think much of women, do you? They obviously can't handle the truth.So keep em in some fairy land, while you go about your MAN business. If you were a stronger person, you would be able to accept women as equals, and work with them (not against them) to build a better life.
It's too bad that you miss out on one of the best parts of life. But, in the end, you probably think you are happy
Bingo!Diode said:
Or perhaps you could get offer to get 'snipped' so that she doesn't have to worry about stuffing man made hormones into her body anymore.
I have known many women with the same problem and it usually turns out to be the Birth control pill. Funny thing is, shortly after they stop taking it and use an alternative method their sex drive skyrockets.
Someone may have mentioned this already, I don't have the time to read everything, but I made it halfway.
Your wife could very well be exhausted from taking care of the kids, house, etc. When there's dishes to do, stress about the busy day she has tomorrow, laundry piling up, it is darn near impossible to feel sexy. Why don't you try something simple, like sending the kids to Grandma's for the night, spend that Saturday morning doing the housework while she gets to relax, have an uninterupted breakfast etc., then later on that night see how things go.
With as busy as I am these days (and I don't even have kids), the sexiest thing DenWa can do for me is clean the damn house!!
I'm not saying this will work, but it's worth a try
Miss
Your wife could very well be exhausted from taking care of the kids, house, etc. When there's dishes to do, stress about the busy day she has tomorrow, laundry piling up, it is darn near impossible to feel sexy. Why don't you try something simple, like sending the kids to Grandma's for the night, spend that Saturday morning doing the housework while she gets to relax, have an uninterupted breakfast etc., then later on that night see how things go.
With as busy as I am these days (and I don't even have kids), the sexiest thing DenWa can do for me is clean the damn house!!
I'm not saying this will work, but it's worth a try
Miss
Birth control pills can be an explanation in rare cases, but isn't usually the problem. Lot's of horny women are on the pill!Sasha Jones said:
I sure don't think he should get snipped until he knows whether his marital difficulties are going to work out. It might seriously limit his options if he has to move on.
