What to do when your feelings for a SW seem to be crossing the line ...

[Johnny Utah]

Here the deal. If a girl has feelings for you that is real also, she stops charging. Easy right? Or it should be.

Unless an escort starts offering me hours and days for free because she likes who I am, you’re only a good client. It’s part of their strategy of being a good escort to give you the illusion of possibility.

I’m not sure why so many guys confuse fantasy vs reality.

Sometimes I have an amazing time with someone, but if it ends when time is up, she doesn’t care about you. Texts to solicit more appointments are meaningless.

If she still hasn’t told you where she lives, her real name, and treated you out for a meal or real off the time dates, she don’t love you.

I totally agree with you. But sometimes one gets mixed signals.

Real info, real number and off the clock time, but that doesn’t mean reality. In my case, it’s part of the fantasy with friendly terms.

Back to the OP, I say if you think you will regret doing nothing, then just man up and do something.

 

[J.A. Prufrock]

My 2 cents:
Cut and run and never look back. It won’t work. Especially if you’re a younger guy with options. The day will come when you won’t be able to wrap your head around what she used to do for a living and how many men of all ages she’s been with and the things they’ve done. I’m not judging or looking down on SWs. They provide a valuable service and I’ll always be grateful. But I don’t think the line between SP and client should be blurred.
Maybe it would be different if you were older and your options were limited.

 

[mellowjello]

My 2 cents:
Cut and run and never look back. It won’t work. Especially if you’re a younger guy with options. The day will come when you won’t be able to wrap your head around what she used to do for a living and how many men of all ages she’s been with and the things they’ve done. I’m not judging or looking down on SWs. They provide a valuable service and I’ll always be grateful. But I don’t think the line between SP and client should be blurred.
Maybe it would be different if you were older and your options were limited.

I agree.

 

[anonhobby]

Thanks everyone for the responses.

I am very conflicted, I’m being mentally pulled in two directions and some comments here have provoked thoughts that have tipped the scales back and forth.

The thought of this actually started impacting my day to day life at work which is what I was trying to prevent through this hobby in the first place. This prompted me to counsel a very trusted female friend of mine on the topic.


I told her about this girl sharing more details than I have here and she thinks that the girl is interested. As you may have imagined she is heavily against me seeing her again but part of that is from the stigma she has towards SWs. I don’t know why this girl started this line of work in the first place but I’m sure she has her reasons. I’ve been on dates with what society considers to be ideal partners ( business executives, medical residents and even an Instagram “influencer”) but to me this girl isn’t any less, she actually feels more genuine. More importantly I feel like my self with her. My friend says she’s interested in my money , but I felt the same can be said about the other girls who I’ve gone out with. Unlike the civilian girls she actually doesent know what I do or have but she knows me well enough to notice when I have had a bad day at work.


On the other side , as the last two posters here have pointed out , the thought of her doing her job does bother me a bit . I feel that in a theoretical if things progress and the initial bliss of things expires this will bother me even more. I just saw a comment about her on this board by a member praising her looks and mentioning some services she provides and I was uncomfortable. I think I am okay with this now but I don’t know about the future. More importantly , she has taken the risk of being exposed through this job but do I want to take the same risk ? I am from a family and in social circles with very traditional values that would be hostile toward even me doing this hobby hence why I’m so secretive and discreet in the first place. That friend whome I shared this with is the most liberal minded of my very close friends and she already thinks I’m insane for just considering this.

I think for now I enjoy her and the time we have and don’t want to loose it. I will continue to see her as a client and not approach things further. However if she does make a move , I will be receptive to it. Her making the move makes me less invested and will allow me to judge things as we go.

 

[studentjohn]

OP you sound very lame and unsure of yourself. I highly doubt you've been on a date with any real hotties.

If you really like this girl then take a huge risk and ask her out; if she says no then move on and dont see her again.

Problem solved.

 

[Tashki]

Getting emotional and developing feelings for an SP is part of the experience. I fall in love with SPs all the time. I would say still see her BUT don’t only book sessions with her, I think that’s very unhealthy. If she’s a dimepiece, keep her in rotation, see others SPs. Nothing wrong with getting attached, it’s normal and common just don’t expect anything in return from her. SPs see a lot of men that can’t even pair bond. Good luck man.

 

[|2 /-\ | /|/]

Yeah know when to move on when its time but never forget how she made you feel...

Like the Titanic chick said her heart is as deep as the ocean full of secrets.

 

[mellowjello]

Yeah know when to move on when its time but never forget how she made you feel...

Like the Titanic chick said her heart is as deep as the ocean full of secrets.

Good thought.
I remember all my beautiful experiences, civilian and SP.

 

[J.A. Prufrock]

I just saw a comment about her on this board by a member praising her looks and mentioning some services she provides and I was uncomfortable. I think I am okay with this now but I don’t know about the future.

I think this comment sums it up.

However, you should do what you think is best instead of taking advice from strangers about a possible life-altering decision.

 

[malata]

me thinks she likes you a lot. propose

 

[itd131]

I’ve been able to keep things casual but recently it’s been hard as I can tell she’s also interested. It’s a lot of small things that when added up make it obvious even with a pessimistic glass on. Her body language tone and attitude have had a 180 , she’s no longer the introverted shy girl. During one of our last dates she was genuinely sad that our time was up and we even tried extending but she had another appointment, was painful to see her leave like that .I once talked about going on a date with a civilian girl and she got super weird about it. I wish she was faking all this but no one is this good of an actor.

You seem to have convinced yourself that she's into you on a level beyond being a client. There is nothing that you describe in this quote that gives me that impression. The responses you describe are quite common in a situation where you see a sp repeatedly. Sure, she might be really happy to see you, and be more comfortable on a personal level having gotten to know you, and sad to see you go given the next client on his way in, etc. From what you describe, however, there is really no reason to think she is wanting anything more.

You have clearly developed strong feelings for her and they are clouding your judgment, or at least causing a lot of wishful thinking. Sure, it happens that SPs fall for their clients but realize most of the time you are kidding yourself. The odds are definitely against you here. Also, it's impossible for anyone on here to gauge things based on just a post. Only you are in the room with her. Again, realize you are almost definitely kidding yourself.

I think it's pretty much impossible to see a SP on a regular basis and not develop feelings for her. If you like her enough to see her over and over again, chances are she has lots of qualities that appeal to you that make it easy to develop feelings. I guess what I'm saying is, get used to it, and enjoy it for what it is. Again, don't kid yourself. Remember she is doing her job.

Also, keep in mind that you are falling for a fantasy version of her. Her on her best behaviour for an hour or whatever, doing her absolute best to pamper, spoil and please you. All dressed up sexy and focusing all on you. This isn't her in real life. Chances are, you don't have any idea what she's like outside the time you pay for. You are falling in love with someone who doesn't exist. For all you know, if you got to know her you might not find you like her. Again, you don't know her. You only know her work persona. Maybe she has a boyfriend or husband. Maybe she's gay. Maybe she's doing this job for three months then planning to move to New Zealand. Chances are you don't really know.

Having said all that, it sounds like you really need to know where she is at, so go for it and let her know how you feel, ask her out, or whatever. You really don't have anything to lose. Worst case scenario she will get uncomfortable and tell you she no longer wants to see you. At least you will have your answer and can move on to fall in love with the next SP you meet lol.

If she is interested, I think she will let you know somehow. For example, has she offered to meet outside your paid time? Has she given you her personal phone number?

 

[rhuarc29]

Don't ever think you can tell the real deal with an escort. They are professionals whose livelihood depends on falsely replicating the subtle hints women give off that they're interested in you. The only way to tell the real deal is to cut off the supply of money and see what she does.

If you really think she's interested in you as a person, go ahead and tell her you no longer want to see her in as an escort, but would love to take her out on a real date. But once you start down that road, do not ever see her as an escort again, however she responds. You will regret it if you renege. If she agrees to go on a date with you, do not automatically assume it's the real deal. She may be trying to keep you on as a client and thinks going on that date will give you the "confirmation" you are seeking so that you can keep going on as you had been. If she continues to date you for an extended period of time after the money flow is cut off, then you might be in the clear.

 

[Perry Mason]

I am going to disagree with all the others...

What you are really dealing with is what happens when a fantasy (or wishful thinking) starts to become reality... and "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it!"

It happens in all kinds of situations, very frequently, in "real life." It's called serendipity!

For me, several serendipitous fantasies that became reality have been some of my most interesting and fulfilling experiences in life. In all kinds of situations, including relationships with women -- but in my case, none of them escorts.

If you can deal with it as you deal with any other relationship with another woman... one step at a time... being extremely honest with yourself... and even more honest and open with her... experiencing the relationship without being too judgmental or basing it solely on your own expectations... then EXPLORE it!

What have you got to lose? The worst that can happen is that you are out of a situation that has already become problematic for you.

You never know where, when or how love springs up.

I believe you are being unfair to yourself if you ignore it or prejudge it. Or if you fight feelings that are very real for you because they are unconventional or unusual...or scary! :smokin:

But I see two signs of potential trouble and danger for yourself. First, that you are already judging her by her choice of profession. Second, that the thought of her profession and her sexual experiences with so many others is already creating doubts and insecurities. If you cannot understand and accept these as a part of your life, and part of her life before she met you, then walk away as fast as you can -- before you get in deeper by continuing to see her. And/or before you hurt her.

You seem like an intelligent guy, and honest with yourself. Explore but do not commit unless and until you can look at yourself in the mirror and say YESSSS!

Wait for the "right" opportunity and then talk honestly with her. Warning: it could turn out that it is she who runs away...

I commend to you what Winston Churchill said: "The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity."

Down the road, it is the things that you did not do or try that you will most regret. Much more than those which you tried even if you failed or lost.

Perry

 

[autumn96]

You did nothing wrong. It’s the nature of what you’re doing; if you have sex repeatedly with someone whose personality you THINK (that’s important; you don’t know what she’s actually like) you like, you’re going to catch feelings.

But my honest advice would be to run and look back.

People (men and women) have a way of taking advantage of others they know are into them. You’ve made that clear and it sounds like you’re interpreting normal SP things she’s doing as signs that she’s interested too.

This is a dangerous (in terms of your emotion, time and money) game.

 

[FloridaGuy]

You're just lonley. You need an actual SO. If you can't sort that out, you NEED to move on to a differnet SP. Otherwise, it's just un-healthy for you and the ending will be shitty all around. Good luck.

 

[calculous]

It’s because of delusional guys like this escorts constantly think every god damn guy wants to fall in love with them and gets prone to misinterpreting every nice gesture as some future marriage proposal.

He knows not even her real name, number, or where she lives and somehow deluded himself into thinking that the feelings are somehow mutual. Even with all of this info, you could just be friends and nothing more.

For fuck sakes get a reality check and tell her, guaranteed she’ll never see you again if she’s ethical.

When an escort does get true feelings for you, it’s obvious because she tells you everything real about herself and stops charging. It’s that fucking simple.

 

[mellowjello]

Speaking from my perspective as an escort,

It happens a lot. You catch these feelings because you're attracted to them physically, mentally, emotionally. You get along so great, and everyone's having a good time and laughing. I'm happy and you're happy. That's so normal. And the interest I express is likely genuine. But I get along with a lot of people. Not saying you're not special, or that you aren't a perfect client/person.. But I'm so use to seeing/meeting people I really like, that everyone is dropped into the same emotional category for me. Everyone is awesome, but no one stands out. That's not a personal choice, it's how I'm conditioned, as an escort. This environment we are both dropped into is a dream. It's not real. And if it was, you wouldn't be here asking about what to do, because it would have already happened.

You did a great service.

 

[teach]

I dated a very popular escort some time ago. She was intelligent, gorgeous, really amazing in every way. And I would never do it again. I won't go into details but it ended with a great deal of drama and frankly, some intense moments that was not pleasant. Lessons learned. Women who sleep with hundreds of guys for money are emotionally at a completely different wave length. They may seem just like the girl next door but it is an illusion, even they do not realize it.

 

[Shooter75]

No offence but WTF is wrong with you?

The only feeling she has for you is money.
She probably thinks your nice and easy to deal with, so your a good client for her, but that's it.

Never see or contact her again
These aren't real women, their escorts
Good luck


-Shooter75

 

[JuanGoodman]

I dated a very popular escort some time ago. She was intelligent, gorgeous, really amazing in every way. And I would never do it again. I won't go into details but it ended with a great deal of drama and frankly, some intense moments that was not pleasant. Lessons learned. Women who sleep with hundreds of guys for money are emotionally at a completely different wave length. They may seem just like the girl next door but it is an illusion, even they do not realize it.

As opposed to women who sleep with hundreds of guys for free? Maybe the girl you dated was simply a wacko and maybe the outcome of your relationship would have been the same even if she was a nurse instead of an SP.

So many girls in this industry are there for so many different reasons. One can't say that all SP's are the same as one can't say that all John's are the same. We are just people, doing whatever the hell with think is right for us at this moment.

As to the OP, I would say:

Enjoy the special time you have with this lady. Be glad that she is enjoying it too. Those special times are few and far in between the older you get, but the memories will last for ever.