Pickering Angels

What to do? (Weird Question)

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MissCroft

Sweetie Pie
Feb 23, 2004
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Toronto
I dated this guy briefly last year...nice guy but I realized it wasn't really going anywhere so I ended it. The last couple of times I bumped into him he asked me to go home with him and I declined.

Anyway, he texted last night saying that if I won't have sex with him, can he hire me? (Yes, he knew about this part of my life and was okay with it). I think he was being serious....but that would be a little strange for me.

Thoughts?
 
The fact that you're posing the question here leads me to believe this is not a good idea.

Decline politely. It will get weird.
 
As above. That you asked means you don't think its a good idea. FWIW neither do I
 
Clearly there is still anemotional attachment there . Would you feel comfortable seeing any client were an emotional attachment was there but not by you???
 
MissCroft said:
Yes, I guess I know that. :( I would still like to try maintain a friendship with him though.
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Whenever there's a possible or probable mismatch in feelings, the best thing to do is sit down and have that awkward and very difficult conversation.
As tough as it is, you both stand to be in a much better place afterwards.

Good luck.
 
MissCroft said:
Yes, I guess I know that. :( I would still like to try maintain a friendship with him though.
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Yep, an honest conversation is what's needed. It's gonna be awkward and tough but if you two gain agreement at the end there might be a good life long friend to be found here.

It's gonna be hard for man from what you described about the particular gentleman. Not a lot of man can simply hang out with ladies without any thinking of sex and treat each other at equal level.
 
MissCroft said:
Thoughts?
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Looks like you've gotten a lot of good advice here. I think you need to tell him exactly what you told us: that such an arrangement would be weird for you and that you want to maintain a friendship with him. It's possible that will be too difficult for him, and you'll have to accept that failing in him. Most guys find it difficult to maintain a friendship with someone they're sexually and emotionally attracted to, who doesn't return those feelings.
 
This gives me the creeps and feels almost like stalking. You say you want to be friends with him but he is still wrapped up emotionally in you. it is best to sever all ties with him through a polite conversation.
 
MissCroft said:
I dated this guy briefly last year...nice guy but I realized it wasn't really going anywhere so I ended it. The last couple of times I bumped into him he asked me to go home with him and I declined.
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That's what guys do when a girl breaks it off when the sex was good. They keep trying...

MissCroft said:
Yes, I guess I know that. :( I would still like to try maintain a friendship with him though.
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Yeah, that's what every guy who's emotionally attached to and been having sex with a girl wants to hear. Honey, I don't want to have sex with you anymore, but can we still be friends? :rolleyes:

You broke it off so he's going for the Hail Mary in a last-ditch effort to have sex with you one more time. Telling him you want to remain "just friends" will like rip his heart to pieces IMHO.
 
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CC, you are one of the brightest posters here. You know the answer: Keep it platonic. GB
 
MissCroft said:
Yes, I guess I know that. :( I would still like to try maintain a friendship with him though.
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In this scenario...maintaining a friendship is pretty much out the door if he still wants you physically, but you don't. For the guy to hire you each time he wants companionship and you go along with it will just be another form of control.

Friends don't charge for companionship time...thats what we call a FWB!

MissCroft, it sounds like you just want to be friends without the rolling around the sheets part (which mean you don't find the poor guy sexually attractive enough to jump his bones) and nothing more...does he understand that part? If not, the friendship is out the door.
 
I wouldn't say it's creepy, just an indication that he loved sex with you and hoped to keep it going at least one more time.

Good on you for breaking it off in a civil way. I suspect you can still be friends.
 
Miss Jessica Lee said:
If he can't handle a platonic friendship with someone that he used to date, that's on him, not her. Unfortunately he is probably losing a decent friend if that's the case.
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Yeah, it's totally "on him" if he doesn't want to remain friends. I was just saying that he's trying every angle to jump in the sack one more time.

I think most guys find it hard to remain friends with an ex-gf but come to think of it, I'm still in regular contact with many girls I've slept with. Then again, I'm pretty easy to get along with. ;)
 
MissCroft said:
I dated this guy briefly last year...nice guy but I realized it wasn't really going anywhere so I ended it. The last couple of times I bumped into him he asked me to go home with him and I declined.

Anyway, he texted last night saying that if I won't have sex with him, can he hire me? (Yes, he knew about this part of my life and was okay with it). I think he was being serious....but that would be a little strange for me.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

MissCroft said:
Yes, I guess I know that. :( I would still like to try maintain a friendship with him though.
Click to expand...

MissCroft, what is the time frame between when you broke it off and when you met him again ? My second question is Why do you want to maintain the friendship ?
 
I see nothing wrong with his request.

Maybe he has moved on emotionally and just wants the sex.

There's a few ex gfs that I would have just LOVED to be with again just for the sex and nothing else. I didn't want them as friends or companions anymore (we were done....) but the sex was great.

I don't think that its on him to be able to separate the emotional and remain friends but rather on you.

Can YOU separate the emotional/friendship (there being none) and just focus on the sex?

CB
 
castaniabrucciatta said:
I see nothing wrong with his request.

Maybe he has moved on emotionally and just wants the sex.

There's a few ex gfs that I would have just LOVED to be with again just for the sex and nothing else. I didn't want them as friends or companions anymore (we were done....) but the sex was great.

I don't think that its on him to be able to separate the emotional and remain friends but rather on you.

Can YOU separate the emotional/friendship (there being none) and just focus on the sex?

CB
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I don't know if he's a true hobbiest and if he is, with so many women out there, why bother at this point.
 
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