For what it's worth....
ruck said:
Yes I can honestly say I was. Did that help me? No. I still fell into the trap.
Wisdom has nothing to do with emotion. Lust is also soooo powerful that it disguises itself as Love at times.
Let me tell you something else too. When I read this thread, I knew from the start it wasn't about you helping newbies. It's a healing process for yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Do what you need to in order for your life to move on.
After your reaction to my post, it's even more clear that you are still emotionally messed about the situation. (I was being sarcastic in my original post. Noted by the smiley face) My advice, for what's it's worth, is to stay away from the board or anything to do with the woman you fell for. Take a couple months off. It will put things into perspective.
Oh yeah, your worst advice to newbies "I don't mean stop seeing them, just keep it to variety." If you feel emotion come into play, STOP immediately. Do not go back for a repeat in 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years. Just stop. Unless you are willing to make your feelings known and can accept the fallout.
You're not intentionally giving bad advice and I'm sure you think it's great advice. However, coming from the same place you are in right now, and having gone through what you are going through, I can honestly say complete disassociation with the woman you fell for is the best policy. What good can come from you seeing her ever again? The emotions will rise, trust me.
I’ve had to give Ruck’s reply some very serious thought. Initially I almost posted a quick to reply saying: “BUSTED, you appear to know me better than I know me.”
Upon further reflection, it’s more complicated than that. Right from the start it WAS about helping newbies, but you have made me realize that it ALSO has become a healing process.
What we all need to learn is that we are not all in this “hobby” for the same reasons. As any woman I have seen can attest to I have been “willing to make my feelings known”, right from the very first date. What I’m learning to do is how to deal with those feelings. I don’t visit these women just for sex, again they all know that. If a release was all I was looking for then viewing their web sites and my hand would take care of that. I’m looking to connect in other ways as well. Some of these women are very well educated, have had very different life experiences than I and have a lot to teach someone that has had limited variety in sexual encounters. A little over a year ago I wouldn’t do DATY, didn’t like it, wouldn’t even consider doing it. Today it’s what I enjoy the most, right up there with DFK. If those two things aren’t part of my date, then I haven’t truly enjoyed myself. As I’ve stated before in other threads, this has been the most incredible learning experience about myself that I have ever been through. Better than any management seminar, self improvement course or personality assessment. If I had gone to my grave without having had some of these adventures, then I would have missed out on some of what are now my most cherished memories.
The more you see someone, the more likelihood that emotions will arise. So the real issue is the capability of dealing with the emotions that arise. I have been fortunate that the women that I have seen on a very regular basis, are mature enough, intelligent enough and patient enough to help me work through those emotions. It appears that some of them have had to deal with some of the same emotions and have the experience that I don’t have.
So, who better to learn from than someone that is willing to share their experiences with you? Think about it, I’m not just talking about the women I’ve visited, I’m also talking about you and anyone else that has the maturity to add something constructive to the discussion.
Again I have to say, the opportunity to have this discussion in a civilized fashion is what makes the KW board somewhat unique.
Bottom line is I do it for the memories and as the commercial says they are “priceless”.