Unless any of the posters here have been in the situation, all your advice, assumptions and rational is useless. Sorry boys but that is the truth. And be warned this is a long post.
I am a woman who's family knew, but my mom didn't find out completely from me. After I retired as an escort myself and went on to running an agency, I told my mother about the agency. My mom was kinda okay with it at first. Then she found my personal escort site as it was also a member site and then she lost it. I had not removed the site as there was still some clients that I spoke to through my member section even though I didn't see them as clients anymore.
She planned a family intervention, and I found out about that from a member on this board. How he knew my mom, I still don't know. He just gave me the heads up. Weird I know. Waking up to a PM on TERB about an intervention my mother had planned. Can we say mind-fuck? I phoned my sister-in-law to confirm and then phoned my mom and told her that her plan for an intervention was not going to happen. This caused a whole shit storm.
My mom was upset because of all the obvious reasons, and I was upset because it now seemed like all I had accomplished in my personal live that she was so proud of meant nothing because of the means I used to do it. It finally came down to a couple of lessons that we both had to learn and I am only sorry it took us almost a year to learn it. It was a year we lost together.
The lesson - Loving someone unconditionally the way a parent and child should, means you accept them for who they are even if you can't support it. My mother never supported what I did, but she loved me. Also, if one is truly not ashamed of what they do, then there is no need to hide it at all. My mom was the last in my family to know, even my dad knew 5-6 years before my mom, but I would never really talk about it to anyone. That changed after that. I would say, sorry I need someone to cover the phones for that thing, or I can't do this because I have to be at a photo-shoot for one of my girls. I wouldn't go into detail out of respect but I wouldn't hide what I did. It was a job and I spoke about it like anyone else would with their job.
You have to decide for you why you are in this business. If you feel any shame at all, get out. Find another way. If you don't, then move on to the next step - Your husband and your kids. You deal with them next as that is the life you chose. If you are happy working and they are fine and supportive, then move on to the next which is your other family. You don't chose your husband over them, or them over your husband. If they chose to leave you, then that is there choice, but to you give you that ultimatum is wrong.
You have to be happy first. Nothing else matters. Who did what, who didn't do this. All pointless. You be happy first, then you make sure your husband and kids are happy. If you don't think that your husband is a good match anymore, that is something separate. Everyone here can say the husband is an ass, but we don't know him. We don't know you. Only you do.
All I can say is that GOD - and yes I believe in him - has given you a very rare opportunity here. And of course with every blessing comes a curse. Your curses, everyone knows but the blessing - you can't go anywhere but up from here. You have an open blank canvass that you can paint in anyway you want. How many of us do what we actually want to do? I know I do and that pisses alot of people off here and even IRL, but I am happy. I wake up every day and do what I want that day. That includes the responsibilities I have. I have them because I want them. That includes the fun I have, the money I make, the money I spend. Who I am with, who I am not. It is all what I want.
Now of course there are things that happen that I don't want, but I can't control those. I didn't want my mom to die, but I did want us to have a certain type of relationship when she did and we had that. I didn't have to give up my life and she didn't have to support it, but was I there when she left this world? You are damn right I was. And did she love me more than anything, yes - of course she did. It was me who took care of her for months when she was dying. And yes I said months. We were together everyday for months. I didn't work at the time. I had quit the business long before for my own reasons and was not even working my mainstream job. My only job at that time was her. I even moved into her house at the end while my kids moved to their father's house. It was what I wanted to do. She died peacefully in her sleep at home like she wanted, and I was able to give that to her. Mostly because of all the money I saved up while working in this business. Was able to pay about 6 months worth of living expense without an active income. Many in my family were so thankful and grateful that one of us was able to do it. I didn't care about that. I only cared about my mom and giving her everything she wanted in the end. To make up for time we missed and we did that. Now that she is gone, I have many many happy memories that take over that one year we had apart.
Now normally I am not this serious, and I don't share very personal stories like I just shared with the all of you but it shows that with love, anything is truly possible. Love for yourself and love for those in your life.
So what matters to you GG? What do you want? Answer that for yourself and then make your choice of how to get it.
Good luck, and my PM box is open to you, should you need it.