Too Many Friends?

[djk]

On the contrary...

https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?380599-Mel-Gibson-rants-again-........

The username of OP on that thread indicates she`s female, too.

 

[69Shooter]

The username of OP on that thread indicates she's female, too.

Ooops! In that case I guess I agree with MissCroft re: women starting boring threads. :eyebrows:

 

[MissCroft]

Yep, my life is one big vacation where all I do is hang out with my friends. The point is that I don't want that for my life. I don't have the time to juggle certain friendships but have felt pressured/obligated to do so. Even when you continuously tell someone you're busy, some people can't take the hint. I was simply looking for feedback or perhaps some discussion on the topic of friendships.

 

[great bear]

CC. let Mrs Calloki start the "woe is life threads". Stick to punning with me. GB

 

[hesitant]

I know you guys are making fun of me - I recognize that it's a trivial subject but there are much more trivial threads on this board IMO.


I just feel that so many people in my life are getting angry at me because I'm not more 'available' to them. I do the best I can but am still made to feel guilty. Just wondered if anyone else here ever feels that way.

And I thought it was an interesting little article... especially the part about when one has too many friends it makes one incapable of being a true friend to any of them. Thought it had the potential to turn into an interesting discussion. But I guess I was wrong. Carry on.

Think of the opposite, many people have few or no friends... no one to confide in, no one to socialize with, when people are social animals.

I will say, I have dumped many "friends" over the years who are takers and offer nothing in return... like friends who only call when they need something moved, or help with renovations and the like. Good riddance, fewer close friends are better than mmany flighty acquaintances.

Dont worry though, you need not do anything, your friends will cull you from their social networks over time.

 

[hesitant]

Yep, my life is one big vacation where all I do is hang out with my friends. The point is that I don't want that for my life. I don't have the time to juggle certain friendships but have felt pressured/obligated to do so. Even when you continuously tell someone you're busy, some people can't take the hint. I was simply looking for feedback or perhaps some discussion on the topic of friendships.

People cant take a hint you say? Perhaps you should just be upfront instead and have the decency to say I dont wish to be your friend or to socialize with you I'm just too busy for the number of friends I have. Pretty simple and decent rather than lying to them.

 

[FatOne]

Think of the opposite, many people have few or no friends... no one to confide in, no one to socialize with, when people are social animals.

This.

 

[Buick Mackane]

Alone but never lonely, that's how I like to be.

-Murray McLauchlan

 

[MissCroft]

I think some people are viewing me as this horrible person who complains about having friends. That is not the case. I have a circle of close friends who I love. However, I feel that some other friends/acquaintances just expect too much from me and are not very understanding.

I will say, I have dumped many "friends" over the years who are takers and offer nothing in return... like friends who only call when they need something moved, or help with renovations and the like. Good riddance, fewer close friends are better than mmany flighty acquaintances.

That's how I feel. I feel that some of them are not really true friends to me...some expect a lot but don't offer anything in return. When someone expects you to spend time with them on their birthday but do not even call you on yours, well, that's a pretty one-sided friendship.

Think of the opposite, many people have few or no friends... no one to confide in, no one to socialize with, when people are social animals.

I do totally understand that. I'm very happy that I have friends. I know things could be a lot worse and that I'm lucky to have them.

The truth is that, by nature, I'm a bit of a loner... I actually enjoy being by myself. Not all the time of course, but I do like a lot of 'alone time'. Maybe that's why I feel pressured when people don't seem to understand that.

 

[RiskyD]

Think of the opposite, many people have few or no friends... no one to confide in, no one to socialize with, when people are social animals.

I will say, I have dumped many "friends" over the years who are takers and offer nothing in return... like friends who only call when they need something moved, or help with renovations and the like. Good riddance, fewer close friends are better than mmany flighty acquaintances.

Dont worry though, you need not do anything, your friends will cull you from their social networks over time.

Kinda sorta agree.... kinda.. LOL

Friendships are like any other relationship... sometimes it takes some communication and effort to maintain and keep healthy. If you feel that some people in your life are not worth your time.. perhaps they are not really your friends but rather amicable acquaintances and thats okay. Having a small number of close friends is better and easier to manage.

But its also a good idea to let these "acquaintances" know exactly where they stand in your heirarchy of friends and what your boundries are for them. This way they know that you dont wanna hang out with them so they wont bother to try, otherwise they will keep trying to reach out to you and you'll end up just as frustrated.

 

[GPIDEAL]

Dear Chloe,

If they are not your 'close friends', then it should be easier to extricate yourself from their demands, no?

Also, it must be hard for you to explain that you're working as an escort when that's a secret.

 

[MissCroft]

People cant take a hint you say? Perhaps you should just be upfront instead and have the decency to say I dont wish to be your friend or to socialize with you I'm just too busy for the number of friends I have. Pretty simple and decent rather than lying to them.

I don't feel I'm lying to them - it's not that I don't want them as friends. The main issue is that I don't always have the time or energy to do what everyone wants me to do. I sometimes feel I'm burning the candle at both ends. And when I'm neglecting close friends or family members, that's not good.

Telling someone to their face that 'I don't want them as a friend' is not something I would feel comfortable doing. Maybe that's just me. However, I have told a couple of people that I'm busy, don't have a lot of free time, etc. and they still didn't seem to catch on. Honestly, I would be able to sense if someone didn't want to spend a lot of time with me. It baffles me that other people can't take that hint.

Dear Chloe,

If they are not your 'close friends', then it should be easier to extricate yourself from their demands, no?

Also, it must be hard for you to explain that you're working as an escort when that's a secret.

You would think it would be easy.....

The escort thing is part of the problem. It is harder for me to maintain casual friendships with people who don't know about that part of my life. And it can be difficult sometimes to explain why you're busy on a certain night. I had someone ask me recently why I'm never around on Friday nights. :frown:

 

[Buick Mackane]

But its also a good idea to let these "acquaintances" know exactly where they stand in your heirarchy of friends and what your boundries are for them. This way they know that you dont wanna hang out with them so they wont bother to try, otherwise they will keep trying to reach out to you and you'll end up just as frustrated.

I don't think it's good to state the hierarchy out loud, keep it to yourself and react to them as you see fit at the moment. Keep it fluid, one week you might be closer to one person than another.

Don't worry about someone not getting enough attention unless it's someone you really miss spending time with.

 

[DigitallyYours]

The escort thing is pat of the problem. It is harder for me to maintain casual friendships with people who don't know about that part of my life. And it can be difficult sometimes to explain why you're busy on a certain night.

"I already have plans."
"I have a date."
"I'm babysitting."
"I need to catch up on some paperwork."
"I have to prepare something for work."

It seems to me that you actually care what others think of you. That's where the guilt comes from. Stop caring what these acquaintances think. Just say no, and then don't think about it anymore.

 

[djk]

Yep, my life is one big vacation where all I do is hang out with my friends. The point is that I don't want that for my life. I don't have the time to juggle certain friendships but have felt pressured/obligated to do so. Even when you continuously tell someone you're busy, some people can't take the hint. I was simply looking for feedback or perhaps some discussion on the topic of friendships.

You make several hundred dollars a hour.

At $250/hr, if you work four hours a day, 5 days a week, 3 weeks a month, that's $180,000 before expenses and taxes.

You can be afford to be very discriminatory on who is your friend.

 

[oil&gas]

There is this famous Bobby "the brain" Heenan quote 'A friend in need is a pest'.
Just drop all your needy friends and life will be good.

 

[MissCroft]

"I already have plans."
"I have a date."
"I'm babysitting."
"I need to catch up on some paperwork."
"I have to prepare something for work."

It seems to me that you actually care what others think of you. That's where the guilt comes from. Stop caring what these acquaintances think. Just say no, and then don't think about it anymore.

Believe me, over the years I've used every excuse in the book.

 

[MissCroft]

You make several hundred dollars an hour.

At $250/hr, if you work four hours a day, 5 days a week, 3 weeks a month, that's $180,000 before expenses and taxes.

You can be afford to be very discriminatory on who is your friend.

I don't escort that often and, for the most part, only see regulars.

 

[Buick Mackane]

Because you don't work in a traditional office I'd guess you appear to be available and they don't realize you're working. That would be tougher, you need to be firm about your time and not feel guilty about saying no.

 

[Ohyesuare]

Just start charging them for your time and either you won't hear from them or you will make some extra money;