Actually what you should be saying is that you choose to commit tax evasion by not reporting all of your income.
Excellent post, from a guest's point of view.If I may. Tipping should be seen as a bonus for good service. I don't expect a tip from my customers every time I interact with them, that would be a quick way to go out of business real quick. I don't mind tipping 20-25% but only if the service has been really good. And I don't have crazy high expectations either. I'll tip 20%+ if any of the following occur:
1. Hairdresser - remove any errant hairs growing out of my ears or nose. I'll tip even more if they don't ask but just do it. I'm not sure why, but I feel the person is a professional if they deduce that no-one would seriously want hair growing out of their ears so they might as well remove it. Small things like that are a big thing to me.
2. Hairdresser - After I get my buzz cut, if you spend extra time and effort during the shampoo stage so I don't get hairs falling down the back of my neck. Again, I'll tip more if I don't have to point this out.
3. Waiter - Smile as you approach me and make sure it's genuine. If you look like you're trying to hold in the worlds biggest fart, I'm going to be pretty insulted. If you don't like serving people with a smile, maybe you should do something else for a career.
4. Waiter - If I come to the restaurant during lunch with colleagues and I tell you politely that we're a little rushed for time, that means I want to be in and out in 1 hour or less. If you bring the bill right after delivering the food, that's an automatic 20%. If you process the credit card less than 5 minutes after delivering the bill, that's an automatic 30%. You have to cater for your audience .. if you get a bunch of guys in suits telling you they are stretched for time and you acknowledge it, you've made their life a lot easier = more appreciation = bigger tip.
5. Waiter - This is very important to me. I understand you have to ask periodically if everything is OK. If you are professional enough to time this during a time when the table isn't well into a conversation, you'll get a bigger tip. It's annoying when you ask me if everything is OK and I have a mouthful of food or it's clear I'm in the middle of a private conversation.
6. Waiter - Don't be a robot. I find myself giving larger tips to waiters who act jovial and normal rather than uptight. This is especially important if you work in an upscale restaurant, don't be snooty. Be classy but don't look down on your customers.
7. Waiter - If I show up with a nicely dressed lady, don't stick us on a table in the middle of the floor. It's clear we're on a date and would like a booth for privacy. If you direct us to a booth without me asking, I will remember it.
8. Waiter - Know your menu. If I ask you what kind of oil you use and you look at me like I've asked you to describe formats last theorem, I'm not going to be impressed. And by the way, I'm asking for a very specific reason, not just because I want to put you on the spot. As a professional in the food industry, this shouldn't be a total shock.
9. I edited this post to slip this one in. Waiter - If I'm with a female, don't get all flirty because I will have to pay for it as soon as you leave - even if I ignore you and don't respond to anything. If you're a guy and you start getting flirty, I'm going to go from being flattered to freaked out in 60 picoseconds.
Tipping, for me, isn't a science but depends on a variety of factors - the main one being professional. If you're a professional, you're competent which means you know your job very well and are good at it. No matter what industry you work in, those attributes mean you deliver great service - service that should be recognized accordingly.
BTW, the biggest tip I ever gave was in BlueZoo in Disney world, Florida. I couldn't figure out what I wanted from the menu so the waiter sat down and asked me what I like (group of 20 business folks). I told him I liked:
Mashed potatoes
Salmon
Peas
Roasted potatoes
Tomatoes
This guy takes everyone's order and brings me back a little of everything but it was all very well proportioned. I couldn't have asked for anything better. After adding 20% to the overall bill (our company policy when expensing food), I gave him another $200.
And, as a former (retired) waiter, I thank you.
