This may seem provocative but...

[Samurai Joey]

When I tell people I meet that I am single, I am often told that I will "find that special someone some day". However, I am quite aware of many people who have spent their entire life without ever entering into a serious relationship.

I am increasingly of the belief that there are some people, no matter how decent or kind they are, or how much they desire a long-term relationship, who are destined never to find that special someone, and will spend the rest of their lives alone. This may be due to among other things:

(1) They are simply physically unattractive to too many people.

(2) They are simply emotionally unattractive to too many people (too impatient, too hot-tempered, etc).

(3) They are simply unable or unwilling to play the game involved in finding or seeking a relationship.

or (4) They are content to be alone.

Any thoughts out there on this?

Samurai Joey

PS: FYI, I am currently single and not interested in pursuing relationships for the time being for reasons I do not wish to discuss, so this is not about myself, per se. However, I can see myself being alone for the rest of my life, and the thought does not frighten me in the least.

 

[Aardvark154]

When I tell people I meet that I am single, I am often told that I will "find that special someone some day". However, I am quite aware of many people who have spent their entire days without ever entering into a serious relationship.

I am increasingly of the belief that there are some people, no matter how decent or kind they are, or how much they desire a long-term relationship, are destined never to find that special someone, and will spend the rest of their lives alone. This may be due to among other things:

(1) They are simply physically unattractive to too many people.

(2) They are simply emotionally unattractive to too many people (too impatient, too hot-tempered, etc).

(3) They are simply unable or unwilling to play the game involved in finding or seeking a relationship.

or (4) They are content to be alone.

Any thoughts out there on this?

Samurai Joey

PS: FYI, I am currently single and not interested in pursuing relationships for the time being for reason, so this is not about myself, per se. However, I can see myself being alone for the rest of my life, and the thought does not frighten me in the least.

You may be right. Then again it may be one get's but one shot at the apple and if it goes south. . .

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in any event!!!

 

[Samurai Joey]

Hey Aardvark154,

I appreciate your feedback on this. It may indeed be true that one may have only one chance at finding that "special someone".

Anyways, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you as well!!

 

[spatial_k]

I don't think perfect partnerships are found, the are made. A lot of people do't understand that relationship aren't going to be a continuing source of instant gratification and don't put the work into them that's needed- a flaw is found, so the person is discarded in hopes that someone better will come along, pre-packaged. This applies to men and women.

And yes, I believe that many people can be and are genuinely satisfied in their lives without a husband/ wife/ life partner/ whatever. There are many ways to fulfill your needs other than pairbonding.

 

[gramage]

For what it's worth your pretty much describing me.

27, never been in a relationship and at this point consider the idea that I can find someone, get a date, and form a relationship highly unlikely.

There's no one thing that this is the result of, it's a ton of things some involving the women I've wanted, most involving me. And some of the things that are key parts of why I don't form relationships are among my favourite personal traits and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

I want to find someone, and hope I do, but at this point I don't think I will, and I can live with that, although when other problems arise my feelings about this tend to aggravate my frustration over the current issue.

 

[Samurai Joey]

spatial_k,

I believe you have made a valid observation; too many people (both men and women) have unrealistic expectations with regards to relationships. Relationships, if one chooses to enter into one, require commitment and effort on both of members of the couple involved.

However, perhaps to clarify my point in the earlier post (perhaps this is more provocative) that there are some, if not many, people, who are simply not capable of ever finding someone to love, no matter how much he/she desires or is desperate for it, for the reasons I have stated earlier.

Indeed, I have known people who constantly complain how they are miserable due to their inability to find someone to share a life with. My temptation is to tell that person to just give up, and don't even bother looking for others, since he/she will NEVER find anyone. I know this sounds cruel, but it just might force that person to think about his or her priorities in life.

Just my 2 cents on this.

Samurai Joey

I don't think perfect partnerships are found, the are made. A lot of people do't understand that relationship aren't going to be a continuing source of instant gratification and don't put the work into them that's needed- a flaw is found, so the person is discarded in hopes that someone better will come along, pre-packaged. This applies to men and women.

And yes, I believe that many people can be and are genuinely satisfied in their lives without a husband/ wife/ life partner/ whatever. There are many ways to fulfill your needs other than pairbonding.

 

[Cycleguy007]

(3) They are simply unable or unwilling to play the game involved in finding or seeking a relationship.

or (4) They are content to be alone.

Any thoughts out there on this?

You've hit the nail squarely on the head here SJ. My best friend and I have had MANY discussions on this... I played the game, met my SO and now have a decent (although not perfect) relationship and family etc. He, on the other hand chose NOT to play the game... and don't kid yourselves for a second, the game is intense whether you choose to admit it or not.

He's a decent looking guy (I guess), earns a decent living, and has the heart the size of the Grinch at the END of the cartoon! He's the god father of our children and thinks of them as his own at times... and my kids think the world of him as well... We are in effect his surrogate family. I don't know for sure if he would like to have a family of his own, BUT, I do know for sure, he won't play the game, so I believe he is content to remain single. He dates occasionally, but it never gets far... Hell... for all I know, he is one of you guys on terb...

 

[Rockslinger]

To thine own self be true. That is the meaning of true happiness. Besides you are never truly alone, you have TERB unless you get banned.

 

[Never Compromised]

I'm closing in on 50 and have never been married. When I was 28 or so, I was worried that I would not find the "right girl". My uncle assured me that it would happen and not to worry. Well, its been over 20 years and that gal has not wandered into my life.

I"m opinionated, can be caustic, and according to my best friend I'm too picky. My best friend's wife has tried to set me up a number of times

The past week or so has been Christmas Party season, and I've gone to every party stag, and left with someone. I'm surprised at the number of 30 something women that are going through the divorce process and are in the market for someone my age. All of them were "career" women that put careers before family, and have no kids.

It looks like it might be a great new year!

 

[spatial_k]

I hope it didn't sound like I was accusing you of having that mindset, as I certainly wasn't. It was a general comment.

Anyways, certainly there are many people who do not end up spending their lives with a single other person for a wide variety of reasons... but I don't see a situation where it would be on you to tell them your opinion on that.

 

[Samurai Joey]

Aye, that is true (with fake Scottish accent)

Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

To thine own self be true. That is the meaning of true happiness. Besides you are never truly alone, you have TERB unless you get banned.

 

[Samurai Joey]

No worries spatial_k, I certainly did not take your commentary in that light. I appreciate your feedback, as well as from the other posters.

I hope it didn't sound like I was accusing you of having that mindset, as I certainly wasn't. It was a general comment.

Anyways, certainly there are many people who do not end up spending their lives with a single other person for a wide variety of reasons... but I don't see a situation where it would be on you to tell them your opinion on that.

 

[spatial_k]

No worries spatial_k, I certainly did not take your commentary in that light. I appreciate your feedback, as well as from the other posters.

Happy holidays buddy!

 

[King Midas]

How coincidental -- I had the same conversation with someone last night, who felt certain I would meet someone. I, on the other hand, believe I have had my kick at the can and and am destined to be alone going forward.

Not a serious problem at the moment because I'm still recovering from my huge mistake of a marriage and would not want to visit my baggage on anyone until I get it down to carry-on size. And, while spending the rest of my life as a single entitiy isn't exactly what I had in mind for myself, I have a great career, wonderful kid, supportive and engaging social network -- I'll manage.

 

[Keebler Elf]

The problem is that if you don't think you can get someone, you probably won't. So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In the grand scheme of things, unless you're some kind of societal hero whose time is so tied up in pursuing some greater good for mankind (and I mean someone like a Roosevelt or Eisenhower), I think man and woman are meant to find someone to have a relationship with. Much more often people find things to occupy their lives to fill the void of not being in a relationship. Think of those "cat ladies", for example.

At its most primal level, living a life alone is annihilistic and doesn't make sense.

 

[Rockslinger]

At its most primal level, living a life alone is annihilistic and doesn't make sense.

This was true as recently as 50 years ago because the man/woman (not man/man or woma/woman) pair bond produced offsprings who would care for their parents in old age and take over the family business.

 

[Powershot]

If you lack the social skills and confidence to have meaningful relationships or even casual dating, then a life alone would certainly result.

There are people who just don't try to be social and are content that way, but I think the majority of them just have too low a self esteem to put themselves out there.

 

[Samurai Joey]

Keebler Elf,

This may be nitpitcking but both Roosevelt and Eisenhower were married with children. But indeed there were many historical figures whose time were tied up with pursuit of greater good for humankind (people like Florence Nightingale, for example).

It may also be true that for some, great humanitarian pursuits may in itself be a way of finding things to occupy their lives to fill the void of not being in a relationship. Something to think about.

However, more broadly, I disagree with you that living a life alone is annihilistic in any way. It predicates that the only way people can find fulfillment in their lives is to be in a relationship, a view I feel is too narrow and simplistic.

The problem is that if you don't think you can get someone, you probably won't. So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In the grand scheme of things, unless you're some kind of societal hero whose time is so tied up in pursuing some greater good for mankind (and I mean someone like a Roosevelt or Eisenhower), I think man and woman are meant to find someone to have a relationship with. Much more often people find things to occupy their lives to fill the void of not being in a relationship. Think of those "cat ladies", for example.

At its most primal level, living a life alone is annihilistic and doesn't make sense.

 

[Rockslinger]

living a life alone is annihilistic in any way.

It is your life. You live your life the way it suits you (don't let anybody tell you different). Just don't hurt anybody and help a few fellow travellers along the way. We will marked your stone with: "Here lies Samurai Joey who lived a life of quiet dignity and helped a few fellow travellers along the way."

 

[Samurai Joey]

Well, this post has certainly brought out many interesting posters. I would like to wish all of you a most Happy Holiday season!

BTW, I do find it curious that no SPs have replied thus far. Ladies, any opinions you would like to share?

Samurai Joey