The other half

[Incall]

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,
> good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
> 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in
> Texas.
> 3. I take my wife everywhere ... but she keeps finding her way back.
> 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
> 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time," she said.
> So I suggested the kitchen.
> 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
> 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
> She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I
> bought her an electric chair.
> 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in
> the carburetor.
> I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."
> 8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
> off.
> 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the
> garbage?"
> The driver said "No, jump in!"
> 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
> 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt
> her.
> 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
> I said "Dust!"

 

[spankingman]

Other Half

Thats an OLD OLD OLD Red Skelton monologe but still funny!

 

[The Cunning Linguist]

Henny Youngman boys....borsht belt stichk

 

[Ben Hogan]

It's still funny.

 

[K Douglas]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
The wife stared at him.
'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

 

[Twinklegirl]

lmao. That's my kind of humour. kind of Rodney Dangerfield-esque. Number 6 cracked me up. So did the egg joke.

 

[RayFinkel]

That's some funny chit!


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