The Most Difficult Thing About The Hobby...

[C Dick]

It seems like a shame to rule out a relationship just because you are in the industry, just because most people might might react badly, not everyone would.

I agree with tboy, it is frustrating when you meet someone in the industry, and you like her, and she likes you, but because you came through the customer door, she will not allow herself to have a fuller relationship. But she will also not have full relationship with people who are not customers, because of what she does, so she ends up lonely for no good reason.

For me, the biggest drawback of hobbying is that I meet dancers that I really like, that really like me, and I am really attracted to them (or else I would not have made the initial investment), but they are not neccessarily attracted to me. But you can't find that out until you know each other pretty well, because it is her job to fake it until then. At least with a non-hobby relationship, you are likely to find out that she is not attracted, a little earlier in the process.

 

[Gyaos]

i think the original poster is a woman....

Then I'd be rubbin' my clit.

Gyaos.

 

[barrowing]

The relationship?....It's new isn't it??

Not sure what you mean "new". I am in my 3rd year of a wonderful relationship that I would never have imagined or allowed myself to think was possible.

 

[durexguy]

Remorse or Guilt..

Not sure what you mean "new". I am in my 3rd year of a wonderful relationship that I would never have imagined or allowed myself to think was possible.

Single, Happy...and sometimes Lonely....

Come and Go as I need..... Go to the gym for physical health
Friends for emotional health
Work for $$$

Phone a SP.....for sexual health

No guilt. Sex, we all need it...to be normal...

Some of us pay by the hour.....others are on the "long term plan"....
Think it is free....then realize the most expensive sex...was with their
ex wife.

 

[jost]

Friends for emotional health

more power to you if you are happy, but most people also require emotional intimacy with a SO to be emotionally happy...

 

[lusciouslin33]

It's been interesting reading people's thoughts on this situation...and I appreciate all the feedback thusfar.
I concur with a lot of the statements in regarss to having a full life to ward off loneliness however, as the poster above me wrote, some of us require emotional intimacy in order to to be more content.
I derive a modicum of that from my visitors and that's why I participate in this hobby.
I start feeling sad when I ponder that my life is as such that I'm settling for that limited amount of interaction to be my main source of emotional gratification.
I guess I'm an atypical provider because I am using this field as a means of deriving something emotional and mental as opposed to financial.
I own a house, have a great career, certainly the few guys I see a week aren't padding my account too much so this double edged sword of "See someone when I'm lonely/lonely because I am in the Hobby" is brutal.

Lol, maybe I should start blowing a psychiatrist...an exchange of services thing.
Either way though, it's pure fuckery.

 

[Chimpanzeethat]

I refuse to settle for less than I'm prepared to give.

I'm not a offering advice. You're a smart woman who's obviously given this careful thought. But I think answering your question might give you some insight.

I hobbied until last year. My marriage, which I'm still in, was amicable but passionless. So I hobbied. Always, there was an empty feeling. Yes, it got me the excitement and pleasure I craved, but without emotional attachment, those things are fleeting and ultimately unfullfilling.

That changed for me in the last year, because of someone I met. The urge to hobby is gone, she makes me happier than I ever imagined I could be. So all I'm getting at is....you're right. Don't settle. Keep looking. I've felt lonely too, but it's a far preferable condition to the one I find myself in now, loving someone, and not being able to get out of a bad marriage.

By the way, nice tits.

 

[Chimpanzeethat]

not sure what your intention is in saying that, and I do not wish to hijack Lin's thread, but she has kids, and the financial picture is difficult. For her to leave her marriage, her kids will have their lifestyle affected.

You are right, but we're both a bit chickenshit to impose that and more on our families. We're working towards it though.

 

[xarir]

Anyhow, I really am surprised that none of the responders to this thread mention anything about remorse, or guilt.

I don't think you can be in the hobby, or even TERB for that matter and feel remorse / guilt. If you're in the hobby then you're in for whatever reason(s) but remorse / guilt? If that's creeping up on you then get out now!

Having said that, the loneliness factor is perhaps one of the biggest reasons I'm more or less out of the hobby now. I think the last time I saw a lady was in early January! There was a time, not really that long ago, that I was seeing one particular lady quite frequently and loving every second of it. I cherished our time together and really looked forward to seeing her.

But in the end, that actually kept me out of the civilian game. I don't regret it - quite the opposite in fact - but there's a certain aspect of "lost time" for me that in a way has led to a higher degree of loneliness than what I might otherwise have. Like others in this thread, I grow weary of the single lifestyle and feel the occasional pang when I see couples enjoying their time together.

To that end, as I've eased out of the hobby I've dedicated much more effort to civilian affairs. I've had more than enough downs and a few ups as well. Right now things are looking promising so I continue to focus effort there, but I'm pretty sure that hobbying won't help my happiness / loneliness situation.

 

[havingfun]

Loneliness doesn't enter into it - I hobby because I am horney.

 

[fijiman]

Whether one hobby's (or escorts/etc) is just one element of who one is as a person.

Most of our world is filled with people who are convinced that no-one will ever love them because:

-they are a single mom
-or they drink too much
-or they don't drink
-or they have a crappy job
-or they have acne scars
-or they are too attractive
-or they are too fat
-or they have too much intimate experience (ie us!)
-or they are too inexperienced about sex (ie not us)
-etc, etc

It is VERY easy (safe?) to convince oneself that no-one can love you because of : "INSERT EXCUSE HERE"

If one presents one's hobby to a prospective partner in the context of

"look, here is what I do (have done) and I don't blame you (expect you?) if you feel it is a relationship ending turn-off..."

...well, sure enough, that is how they will respond.

On the other hand, if there comes a point in a relationship where that level of honesty is required then surely one can present it in a more positive light? As something that has contributed towards the good qualities you have, which surely the other person was drawn to in the first place?

For me, personally, for several years I felt that because I had hobbied (and wanted to be honest with any woman I dated), I had painted myself into a corner (because of course I was convinced that no non-escort could ever handle that information)

I think I've grown beyond that now.

I certainly am VERY careful about who I talk to about my prior experiences with MPAs/SPs. But that is no different than being very careful about who I might talk to about prior relationships.etc.

I understand the temptation of believing that no-one except another hobbyiest/provider can really, trully handle the truth of my hobbying past.

However, I think it bespeaks a certain self-loathing about one's prior activities and serves as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For me, my conscience is entirely clear about my hobbying past. I know that I made some mistakes along the way, and there were some girls I wish I hadn't seen/etc, or had behaved differently etc.

But for the most part, I view myself as a better man for the experiences I have had. I feel like I understand (and respect!) women far better than many of my male friends who don't have the benefit of the varied experiences that hobbying provides.

I guess what I'm saying is Love ain't ever easy for nobody.

And there ain't none of us here that have it any harder than any of the other 6 billion of us out there.

Ultimately we see the world as we are. If you love the world, and those around you, then I reckon that it will come back to you.

fj

 

[smylee52]

Interesting

I found this line from Fijiman's posting thought provoking "I understand the temptation of believing that no-one except another hobbyiest/provider can really, trully handle the truth of my hobbying past."
I just assumed that if I ever decide to get into a committed relationship with a woman my hobbying past would be a non issue . She'd ask "what did you do for sex between your last long term relationship and now " and my reply would be something along the lines of " Hey I was lucky enough to have my needs met through various relatively low cost and convenient avenues . Strip clubs, massage parlours , bars , internet , prostitutes but always safe . No glove no love . " I don't think woman , unlike men , really care how many people you've had as long as your disease free and can be trusted to be a loyal partner . I'd be very surprised to hear of a woman who was interested in a man and ending the relationship if she found out he frequented SP's before they became a couple . Woman are much more evolved when it comes to believing the past is history and isn't pertinent in your relationship today . Regretably most of us guys have trouble subscribing to that enlightened approach to life.

 

[zekestone]

The fact that at 32 I'll probably never find/marry my ideal partner bothers me, and I hate going to my friends weddings alone or outings where I'm the single one.

Well if it makes you feel any better... at least some of the married guys here believed they were marrying the ideal partner, but it didn't end up working out that way. It's the worst of both worlds... they don't have the intimacy AND they don't have a place all to themselves.

 

[Bear669]

Not true...

........Am I, or was I, too picky in my dating past that has kept me single?", but then it leads too... "Bah. Doesn't matter anyway, no one would want to date an SP." .......
Ava

..Lovely Lady . Wonderful gals like you have my sympathy, it IS a tough part of the job. Too many men are too often double standard dickheads, but not all.
It may be elsewhere in this thread, but I wonder how many SPs openly or subconsciously think "Any man that would accept my life as it is, couldnt be a worthwhile man"?

 

[Koolaide99]

Some people prefer to hobby. It is easier to have specific room for an SP encounter rather then a whole relationship.

 

[Egor]

Woman are much more evolved when it comes to believing the past is history and isn't pertinent in your relationship today .

I don't know about that, smylee. They are probably pretty forgiving when it comes to their own past, but I wouldn't count on the same tolerance when it comes to the guy's past.

 

[tboy]

I agree with what you said. I felt the loneliest several times in my relationships and being in some of them dragged me down to the point where all I wanted to do was to be alone. Without them, I'm finally figuring out who I am and want I want out of life.

One of the biggest problems I find with people in relationships is that for some reason, they expect their partner to make them happy or to fulfill some void in their lives. IMO this is one of the major reasons relationships don't work or are troubled (ie: lots of arguments, their partner disappoints them or ??).

One should be happy and content with themselves first, then when they do get into a relationship, their expectations are based solely on what they do together as opposed to what they do for one another.

I hear so many times from people the statement: HE doesn't make me happy...well, no one can make you happy, only you can do that.

I feel that a relationship is based on two individuals who have complete and fulfilling lives, together, they can share those lives with each other. 1 man + 1 woman = 1 relationship. This is one thing that I find frustrating in the dating scene these days. Many women say "I don't need a man in my life" therefore don't allow themselves to be open to a relationship. Well, no one should ever need someone in their life. That is a relationship doomed to failure.

For eg: I have found that many times, when a woman has a problem, either with their partner, or just life, you hear the saying: he wasn't there for me or something similar. Well, what did she do when she was single? He wasn't there for her either then so why does she need him to be there for her now? I think the best relationships are made of people who don't need someone to be there for them, they handle life's trials and tribulations on their own. So when they do crop up in a relationship, they don't dump their problems on their partner, or expect them to solve those problems for them.

Don't get me wrong, one of the great benefits of being in a relationship is having someone to sound things out to or to unload on, but that is where the expectations should end. One shouldn't expect them to solve the problem, just listen to them and or offer suggestions.

Just one other thing: Alexis and others have said they were loneliest when they were in a relationship. How can that be? If you have a guy around how can you be more lonely then when you had no one around? Is that just a woman's logic speaking? How can you be more lonely not having anyone around, ever, than having a guy around once in a while? I completely don't understand that lol. I think if one feels that way, one should get used to the idea of being alone, yet not lonely. That way when they do end up in a relationship their don't expect someone to make them feel less lonely if you get my drift.

You see, I do 99.9% of everything alone. I shop alone, I work out of my home and for the most part, when I work on a customer's home, they aren't there. I deal with all my problems alone and solve them alone. So if (in a snowballs chance in hell lol) I ever end up meeting someone, there will be no loneliness from my part if she's busy leading her life because I will be dealing with my life on my own.......You see, I'm alone, but rarely feel lonely. I'm happy and content with myself as a person so I don't need or require someone in my life. Would I like one? Hell yes, do I need one? Hell no.......

 

[alexmst]

Don't get me wrong, one of the great benefits of being in a relationship is having someone to sound things out to or to unload on, but that is where the expectations should end. One shouldn't expect them to solve the problem, just listen to them and or offer suggestions.

I found that in my past g/f relationships what they wanted in regards to problems was someone to listen to them and unload on - if I tried to solve their problem they thought I was meddling, interfering, a control-freak, etc. So I just started listening and not offering to solve the issue at hand that prompted the discussion, and relations were much better and then they said I was very supportive and a big help to them. Ummm...OK...but I didn't DO anything other than listen...how is that a help? I didn't solve the problem. Oh well, if it works for them and they're happy then I'm not going to complain and I'm happy too.

 

[tboy]

I found that in my past g/f relationships what they wanted in regards to problems was someone to listen to them and unload on - if I tried to solve their problem they thought I was meddling, interfering, a control-freak, etc. So I just started listening and not offering to solve the issue at hand that prompted the discussion, and relations were much better and then they said I was very supportive and a big help to them. Ummm...OK...but I didn't DO anything other than listen...how is that a help? I didn't solve the problem. Oh well, if it works for them and they're happy then I'm not going to complain and I'm happy too.

LOL as crazy as it sounds, yeah, I've had women like that too in my life.....the big problem with that is most guys are the fixer types, that's our lot in life. I had one woman break up with me and she specifically stated that. I mean, she'd say: oh, my room mate wakes me up when he comes home late and clomps up the stairs, so I say "tell him to take his shoes off at the door" problem solved FUCK I"M SUCH A BASTARD lol.....

(btw: I'm going to hell for saying this but this just reinforces my opinion that most women (and some men) just like to complain aka bitch and moan and don't want to actually solve a problem lol)

 

[AZN_LOVER]

I've had a very LOVE/HATE relationship with the hobby from the very start.

At times I've gotten extremely lonely and depressed, wondering what the hell I'm doing wasting my time and money. The worst feeling for me is leaving a late night appt on a high, only to 'crash' (emotionally speaking) on the drive home...

I've felt close to the MPA and not wanted the feeling to end.

... but the reality is I'm $150-$200 poorer and NO closer to finding a girlfriend or relationship.

Also, the hobby just seems so futile at times. You can get along with somebody very well, but it rarely translates into anything tangible. The 'hard luck' stories are very difficult to listen to:

IE> beautiful, otherwise intelligent women involved with controlling dirtbags who're basically pimping them off. Sorry honey, if your man is "saving" $500 a week on your behalf, you're getting pimped; your money will be LONG GONE.

Of course, they'd never date clients like me coz... well... we PAID to see them.

... and the cycle continues