The Most Difficult Thing About The Hobby...

[lusciouslin33]

So, it's 3:12 in the a.m. and as I was laying on my couch, dabbing at the odd tear and feeling pathetic, I wondered what others felt was a hardship(no pun play pls) to being involved in this lifestyle.

We all know the positives, Hell, we live them each time we feel the satisfaction, the pleasure, the financial rewards, the gratification...
But, to you, what are the negatives?

For me, the worst negative I face while participating in this hobby is being alone.
Because I won't date while I dabble in the Hobby, I spend many a night crying. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel sorry for myself at all, I chose to play in this field but I'm sure lonely.
Maybe that's why I Hobby.
The classic question of "Do I Hobby because I'm lonely or am I lonely because I Hobby?"
Bit of both I'm suspecting.
Anyhow, I'm interested to know the downside as others might see it.

 

[lasslicker]

Why limit yourself to not dating ll33?
Much of your current pain seems self inflicted.

My most difficult thing is sharing the ladies I end up dating.

 

[ladyava]

Ah, I know exactly how you feel and I agree with you; the hardest part of the industry is the loneliness. And like you, it's self-imposed; I don't think it's fair to meet up with someone who's interested in you only to find out that you're an SP. So to avoid the problem, I just don't date at all.

To be honest, it's never occured to me as "Do I 'work' because I'm lonely?" My self-imposed loneliness is because of this industry; "I'm lonely because I 'work'."

And do you know when it really hurts for me? When I'm in a public space, ie. the mall, and I see couples happy together, holding hands, whispering little private thoughts into each others ears, I see the care they have for each other and I pine for that... then worse is standing in line at the Shoppers Drug Mart and I catch the bridal magazines. The fact that at 32 I'll probably never find/marry my ideal partner bothers me, and I hate going to my friends weddings alone or outings where I'm the single one. Ugh. At that point, I wonder apart from the industry, "Am I, or was I, too picky in my dating past that has kept me single?", but then it leads too... "Bah. Doesn't matter anyway, no one would want to date an SP." It's a vicious cycle.

But I have to agree with a previous post: keep yourself occupied with other things like going to the gym, have a second job, have a hobby (no pun intended - mine in the summer is motorcycling)... these are the things that keep me occupied.

*sigh* I would love to come up and cheer you up, but I know it's just not the same as a boyfriend coming up and doing the same.... you know what I mean.

Hopefully Happier Days ahead with the warm weather,
Ava

 

[Miss Maya Blue]

~

i think loneliness affects all people. married, single...both can feel lonely.


i guess i have had some great luck, because I have had a few relationships while in the biz. finding an open minded partner is hard, no doubt, but they are out there. so girls, keep an open mind, and approach all situations honestly. you might be surprised who sticks around.

that said, when you are single, it is tricky.
and it doesnt help that when we are honest and up front, we are often chastised.

i cant count how many dating sites ive been kicked off for being honest about my profession in my write up. potentially, a dating site could be ideal, IMO: men have the chance to think about whether or not they could be interested in dating someone in the profession, even before they contact you. its really too bad people refuse to tolerate us, even when we are being transparent.

 

[ladyava]

i cant count how many dating sites ive been kicked off for being honest about my profession in my write up.

You've been kicked off from a dating site for being honest about the profession you'be chosen? Wow. What a bummer.

 

[alexmst]

I go through bouts of loneliness in my hobbying as well, as my post history tells.

Sometimes I get the idea to check out of the Hotel California, but even when I pack my bags and end up in the lobby, I always end up perhaps downgrading my room but never checking out.

The pleasures of the hobby are real, which is one reason. Also, one can be physically intimate and chat with hot young girls that it woud be very difficult to date/sleep with if one met them outside the hobby. After getting dumped by a really nice SP I was dating off the clock last year, I have been flirting with a hot 22-year old paralegal at the office, and after months of effort she has agreed to have dinner with me/first date. I stil hobby, which is why I can have the patience involved in a multi-month flirtation to land a date with the 22-year old.

I was reading an interesting book the other day called "How to date young women for men over 35" and the author said in effect that he had some great real world relationships, but when one is in one's 40's and dates girls who are 19-21, they always have a b/f their own age. The b/f may be announced to you upfront, or he may be kept a secret from you so as not to hurt your feelings, but he is there (this is what happened to me last year with the SP I was dating). His advantage is that he can accompany her to events/parties with her friends that you are too old to do, and he is marriage material. So, you must get it through your 1950's ego thick skull that you are second to her primary b/f, were always second, and will always be second. Once you get that, you can have a fun time with her while it lasts until she decides to move on. If you don't get it, you are in for a world of hurt, crushed ego, tears, etc when she decides to distance herself or go back exclusively with her high school sweetheart/Johnny McDull. The point she likes about you is you are not a marriage choice, so she can have fun with you and your experience and not worry about it long term.

Now, he is not talking about the hobby - he says that right off the bat - but my point is that is it more painful to hobby, or to pursue short term relationships with hot young girls you can't keep for long outside of the hobby? Interesting question.

The long term g/f is the best for emotional connection, and if you are willing to date someone within 5 years of your age, it isn't hard to meet people who want a relationship. I meet 1 or 2 every week in the real world who are single and would like to date me. I am spoiled though by 8+ young SP's. I do casually date in the real world, but I fear committment as I like seeing hot young SP's and don't want to cheat on a committed relationship.

The hobby is an enigma - it can be fun but isn't the answer to everything in life. I wish I knew all the answers...but I try to keep an open mind.

 

[Gyaos]

Because I won't date while I dabble in the Hobby, I spend many a night crying..

Are you kidding? I spend many a night JACKING OFF! Only time I have emotions is when I fly out of Japan......man, I want to work with her.

Gyaos Baltar.

 

[TheNiteHwk]

With the exception of a couple of 'one nighters' I have not dated at all in a few yrs now. Yes for sure I feel the loneliness at times. Not so much as I use to in my younger yrs though. I think it's more to do with just getting use to the fact that I am alone now... and it's really not all that bad. In fact I like living alone... not sure how I would feel if suddenly I had a GF living with me. Or even just dating.

Having said ... I have not dated anyone outside the 'adult industry' since my late 20's early 30's. I am 52 now. I lived with an SP for almost 2 full yrs at one point and then dated a couple of different dancers a few yrs back. Then after that even my recreational activities have pretty much all been 'working' girls... weather I paid or not. In most cases not. Sometimes I've paid just by providing 'party flavors' if you know what I mean. The only draw back or hurdle I have found that I had to overcome in these relationships is the amount of extra 'baggage' that these ladies all most always seem to have. (Not that I have none myself... trust me I come with a whole set) And dealing with the bad date stories or with dancers... guys who wanted too much more then they were offering at whatever SC they were working. Then there is the family issues and issues with ex's etc. My last GF for example (whom I am still good friends with) was completely disowned by her family because she was a MPA. With the SP I was left for a younger guy (she was 11 yrs my jr.) and with both dancers I went out with... we broke it off because just not on same page as each other wanting children and stuff like that.

Having said... a few thoughts of come up for me over last few yrs as to how lonely I am... or admit to and if I could even date or even have sex with a 'normal' girl. (Sorry I just use the word 'normal' for lack of any other coming to my mind right now) Why? Because I have not socialized very much if at all outside the industry for a long number of yrs now. Over 20 some yrs... All my work, play and socializing etc have been all most all if not ALL with in the industry. Yah… I guess I have to say… that being involved in this industry in all the different ways I have been over the yrs has certainly effected my dating and socializing activities. And yes… outside of it… I am a bit awkward and uncomfortable and yes… lonely at times.

 

[twobigo]

It probably is a bit of both but if you find someone not from hobbying, ie a regular gf, you hopefully won't feel lonely. Think that you hobby only in between girlfriends.

i think the original poster is a woman....

 

[big dogie]

I am less lonely now that I live alone. Nothing worse then living with someone and hating, hell at a state of war, that is even more lonely......

b d

 

[The Houdini]

It almost breaks my heart knowing all these beautiful women are lonely. One sp in particular that I'm seeing, does not have a b/f and doesn't really venture out much.

That's why the smart ones don't stay long, it messes your mind.

 

[squash500]

IMHO, the most difficult thing about this hobby is paying for it .

 

[lusciouslin33]

First off, let me thank those of you that have replied, albeit a little off centre some were but still, replies nonetheless.
It seems that alot of people want to give advice but that wasnt the thread intention..it was simply to see what others felt was a hardship of being in this industry.


Granted, loneliness is relative, being that we CAN surround ourselves with people but we can still be lonely.
I hold a full time job, volunteer in the community, participate in activities but doing all those things alone is what kills.
Sure, we could all have somebody. Finding someone isnt an issue, it's finding someone that clicks mentally, physically and emotionally that is so tough.
I refuse to settle for less than I'm prepared to give.


Anyhow, I really am surprised that none of the responders to this thread mention anything about remorse, or guilt.

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

Some of my loneliest times were when I was with my ex. I like my life the way it is right now....I can come and go as I please, I get sex when I want it and I don't have to worry about being vulnerable to emotions....works for me. In my experience relationships LOOK way better than they feel lol

 

[wetnose]

So, it's 3:12 in the a.m. and as I was laying on my couch, dabbing at the odd tear and feeling pathetic, I wondered what others felt was a hardship(no pun play pls) to being involved in this lifestyle.

We all know the positives, Hell, we live them each time we feel the satisfaction, the pleasure, the financial rewards, the gratification...
But, to you, what are the negatives?

For me, the worst negative I face while participating in this hobby is being alone.
Because I won't date while I dabble in the Hobby, I spend many a night crying. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel sorry for myself at all, I chose to play in this field but I'm sure lonely.
Maybe that's why I Hobby.
The classic question of "Do I Hobby because I'm lonely or am I lonely because I Hobby?"
Bit of both I'm suspecting.
Anyhow, I'm interested to know the downside as others might see it.

Uhhmmm...Lin, I don't understand. If you're a SP and it appears that you are from your prior posts, then I understand the first half of your post.

But then the second half of your post makes it appear that you're one of the guys who see SPs.

Which one are you?

From my perspective, hobbying has become my release. I'm no Brad Pitt and I've basically given up on the dating scene. I don't fit in the "mold" since I'm not 6ft tall, blond, ripped and blue eyed. Going to a club is torture for me as nobody notices me and it's just a total waste of time for me.

But for 1 hour, I can be with someone beautiful and nurse the illusion that she cares about my happiness.

 

[tboy]

The thing about this biz is, as Lin said: the loneliness. But as someone else said, one is only lonely because they choose to be.

Here's my sit:

I gave up on the dating scene. For whatever reason I didn't have what women want and the women I am attracted to, aren't attracted to me. So, I got used to the idea of being alone and whenever I feel the need for female companionship, I book an escort. Which serves me quite well TYVM. You see, there is a difference between being alone, and being lonely.

Now (and this might ruffle more than a few feathers) but an sp once said to me one of her greatest fears after leaving the biz and settling down, or getting involved with someone was if her past came up. I said to quite frankly: Well then, hook up with someone you've been in the biz with, then you never have to worry about THAT.

I know, I know, we're customers and you're SPs and one shouldn't mix biz with pleasure and that is a crock. I've done social engagements with customers of mine (private as well as public) and this goes for customers when I worked for a corporation and now that I'm self employed.

WHat gets me is the way some sp's set rules, as in "no getting too close to customers" and even if they know they'd really enjoy spending some quality time with one of us, they won't break that (#&()*&@ rule. So, sure, stick by the rules and lose IMO.

BTW Lin: why don't you pm some of the ladies on terb and organize a get together? That way there's no hiding what you do to each other, you're all in a similar boat, and there's no pretense.

 

[S.C. Joe]

Its trying to decide which ladies you want to date ! I see about 20 that sounds great but land up getting only a few.

It stinks too when 20 mins in to the date and you are having fun but then think maybe I should have went with so and so.

 

[a 1 player]

The worst part for me is going back to 'regular sex' with a partner, where even though it is great, the fantasy and vigor just isn't always there.

 

[barrowing]

an sp once said to me one of her greatest fears after leaving the biz and settling down, or getting involved with someone was if her past came up. I said to quite frankly: Well then, hook up with someone you've been in the biz with, then you never have to worry about THAT.
QUOTE]
I have had this type of hook up happen to me. It was not planned by either of us but "never say never" but I know her "whole person" is what was the attraction beyond the obvious physical attraction. I consider myself to be the luckiest person alive because of this connection. I never looked for it or expected it or initiated it as I knew the "rules". But it happened. Lucky me and lucky her. Life can be neat!

 

[alexmst]

I have had this type of hook up happen to me. It was not planned by either of us but "never say never" but I know her "whole person" is what was the attraction beyond the obvious physical attraction. I consider myself to be the luckiest person alive because of this connection. I never looked for it or expected it or initiated it as I knew the "rules". But it happened. Lucky me and lucky her. Life can be neat!

I agree, it can sometimes happen.