Taking some time

[hodderbk]

Hi everyone,

I'm not working for the rest of the week due to mental and physical health issues. I'll be back to work on Monday, I hope. Thank you all for your support and kindness.

Barbara

 

[bbclown]

Have a good rest Barb. Let us know when you're back.

Hi everyone,

I'm not working for the rest of the week due to mental and physical health issues. I'll be back to work on Monday, I hope. Thank you all for your support and kindness.

Barbara

 

[MeJack]

Not many people openly admit to having "mental issues".

 

[OnTheWayOut]

Not many people openly admit to having "mental issues".

I do

 

[hodderbk]

It's quite complicated, but it is all related to diet, body image and self-esteem. I'm not dangerous or harmful - I'm just anorexic and depressed. It's not easy living with/healing these things, and healing will take a long time, but I'm trying hard to get myself to a place where I can be the girl that you want.

 

[bbclown]

I'm trying hard to get myself to a place where I can be the girl that you want.

Barb, it's important to be the girl that YOU want and not the girl that WE want.
A while ago, a poll was posted here on Terb and the majority of the people said that attitude of SPs/MAs is more important than looks. Since we know that you have a very good attitude with your clients, we already have what we want from you.

 

[OnTheWayOut]

bbclown is dead on ...... you're one of the most popular girls in Ottawa and have been before you got dieting ....... give yourself some credit and realize what makes you so popular!

 

[hodderbk]

Thank you everyone for your support and understanding. I'm working through my issues with the help of a therapist, much writing and many self-help books. Honestly the opinions of clients have never really affected me or my self-esteem. I'm just finally confronting issues that I have been suppressing with food all my life. If anything, my clients have reinforced my self-esteem, and I'm grateful for that.

On the flip side of that coin, I was troubled (and I know it's silly) that I didn't make the whole "Prettiest MP/SP in Ottawa" list again this year. I mean, ok, last year I was fat, but this year I'm much better looking (I hope anyway). Everyone is always saying "Oh Barbara has a great personality, she is so nice and smart and everything." But Barbara is never voted as being pretty. All my life I've been the smart, funny, talented, nice girl. I'd just like to be pretty for once.

 

[bbclown]

On the flip side of that coin, I was troubled (and I know it's silly) that I didn't make the whole "Prettiest MP/SP in Ottawa" list again this year. I mean, ok, last year I was fat, but this year I'm much better looking (I hope anyway). .

Beauty is a very relative concept: I have seen couples where the woman is dead gorgeous and the man quite "ugly" according to my perception and I am sure the girlfriend finds him attractive.
Also, not everybody in TERB votes for the most beautiful MA/SP; may be there are about 30 to 40 who vote (that's probabaly not even 10% of TERB population in Ottawa); so even if this vote is useful for some people who are looking for "relative" physical beauty, the vote is far from being exhaustive because it leaves some girls out if their clients are mostly non TERBITES or "voyeur" (i.e. who do not contribute) TERBITES.
I personally think one MA is very beautiful and she is not even in the list, so go figure...
I don't think you should worry about the list because it's only a list. personally, I don't use the list and I prefer using the reviews: the list gives you the superficial stuff, while the reviews give you the full story including the service, attitude, friendliness..etc i.e. everything that makes somebody come back for more.

 

[twizzler2]

On the flip side of that coin, I was troubled (and I know it's silly) that I didn't make the whole "Prettiest MP/SP in Ottawa" list again this year. I mean, ok, last year I was fat, but this year I'm much better looking (I hope anyway).

This "most beautiful SP" poll doesn't mean much to me personally. I might go to see an SP because of positive reviews and an attractive picture, but I won't go back a second time if the whole experience wasn't good. In a sense the SPs who are always noticed for their outward beauty first tend not to develop the inter-personal skills necessary to ensure the whole experience is good for their clients, so customers leave unsatisfied. This isn't true of all of them of course but I'll bet on the whole the SPs who are always noticed for their beauty first have less regular customers.

I think I understand how you feel though, It never feels good to be excluded from consideration. It's kind of like getting picked last, when kids are making up a baseball team. It doesn't matter that you can catch, through, hit, and run, if you don't hit the towering home-runs you don't stand out in the same way and aren't thought of first.

Just like the kid's version of picking favorites, this poll can hurt people's feelings, and it's unfair. It's not intended to be though. The participants are only focused on who they want to celebrate and do not intend to injure those they don't. I realize that is little consolation but I would ask you to consider two things;

1) There is a silent majority here who do not participate actively, either because they don't agree with the poll or because they don't want the hassle of disagreeing with other posters and having to defend their opinion, or maybe because they want to further protect their anonymity and rarely post at all.

2) When a client comes to see you a second time, they are voting. Of all the choices they had available to them, you were the one they wanted to see. People vote with their feet in this industry, it means more than anything they might say or write. When people are willing to pay for the privilege of seeing you again it means they like you, they really really like you. No one is everyone's idea of great looking, but I'll bet that you have customers who think you're just sinfully hot, and everything else that's great about you makes the whole experience like molten lust covered in melted chocolate.

I haven't met you personally but I've seen you pics and I think you're hot.


T2

 

[Gntlmn]

I think you're more cute than pretty, Barbara. I prefer cute over pretty. And there are so many attractive women out there I'm constantly revising my top-X lists. Sometimes it's about pretty, sometimes cute, sometimes boob size, sometimes waist-hip ratio. I simply like women.

I don't want to choose prettiest, really. Or, to paraphrase/quote CSNY: "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with". That's the way I try to approach my SP encounters. I want to be fascinated no matter what. If you're as good an SP as you seem to be, from reports, I'll be attracted to you and "love the one I'm with" and think you're pretty/cute, as a result.

Bottom line: You DO look good. Prettiest? Cutest? Can't be nailed down, for me, anyway.

 

[gmuoo]

Barbara, I am really glad to hear that you are "up and running" again this week. Like many others have said already, I think you really have to be doing things for yourself and be sure you are 110% comfortable with the things you are doing because you want to please your clients more. You also need to know you can never please everyone!

One woman (an SP actually) recently told me that, as a woman, she has to struggle to love her own look again everyday she wakes up so I could understand how you feel because beauty and self-esteem are somtimes tied together when it comes to some women psychologically. But as you see, many people have voiced that they just like you the way you are and admired you for the weight loss achievement you have accomplished already. No need to be too hard on yourself because your fans do not seem to mind at all.

BTW, you did make it to the "Most Beautiful MA" list last year when you were more active on the board and was more available time-wise. Based on everyone's response, it seems you have more "quiet" supporters than you know (LOL). Cheers up!!!

 

[JoyfulC]

Barbara, I'm going to be 50 in November and one of my biggest problems lately is that I'm not getting enough days off due to demand. I'm not skinny and I was never pretty, in the magazine definition of such.

This is one reason I wish we had more of a support group amongst women in the business these days, like we used to have years ago. You need to define your sense of self-worth in terms more relevant than some silly poll. As someone else here said -- and very rightly so! -- when someone chooses to return to you, again and again, that speaks volumes louder than any glowing review or ranking in some online poll.

Have you checked out any of the work being done by Dove with respect to true beauty? We escorts are very much aligned with that because, although we probably have a few ladies who are beautiful in the sense that ads and magazines portray, the majority of us are more real women -- the kind of woman you'd find in any walk of life. We don't all have model figures or plastic surgery features, but we have all the sensuality and grace and bounty that nature endowed us with -- and something tells me Mother Nature knows what she's doing when it comes to building a woman!

Unless you plan to run for public office, I think you should ignore polls. Take your validation from the smile on the lips of the guy who's just spent the last hour with you, the warmth of the kiss of the guy you've seen before as he walks in the door and is obviously so happy to be with you again.

As you grow older, you'll come to realize the true value of a woman isn't in a 2-dimensional image. It's in how she graces the lives of the people -- including the men -- that she touches. God and nature gave us special powers for us, in turn, to gift all those around us. Be yourself in who nature intends you to be, and you'll be a goddess.

..c..

 

[rox7272]

You know, Barbara, to me you were always one of the most gorgeous women I'd had the chance to meet. It's been a while since we've gotten together, but to me you were always beautiful, inside and out. The sun on your skin at the lake is a memory I treasure...

I wish you all the best and I hope you get better real soon.