Spanking Your Child?

[demien2k5]

in the wake of the Adrian Peterson case...

When is it appropriate to 'spank' a child, and what in your mind constitutes acceptable use of force when doing so? For those against 'spanking', what are your recommended (i.e. successful) alternatives to corporal punishment as a form of child discipline?

 

[DanJ]

I'm not against "a spanking", not "tanning your hyde" or otherwise smacking your child around. However, when I became a parent, I couldn't do it. I never had a situation where I thought a smack on the ass was the best choice. I've slapped my hand on the table and scared the hell out of them, and raised my voice, but never did that.

 

[asterwald]

Anyone who is considering "spanking" needs to look up the research on the long term effects. The research is so overwhelmingly negative. At least take a look.

I was beaten as a child and many others who went through the same agree it destroys self confidence among other things.

 

[JoeBizowski]

Spanking is certainly frowned upon these days, but I'd imagine that most people here were spanked as a child, so I wouldn't say that "normal" spanking causes any real lasting harm.

Adrian Peterson was doing a lot more than spanking -- he used belts, tree "switches", left bleeding wounds, etc.

When spanking is recommended, it is usually a last resort, on rare occasion, not on bare skin, not with anything other than an open hand, never done in anger, and usually reserved for young kids for which no alternative punishment is effective.

The alternatives are time-outs (for young kids), and removal of toys and/or privileges for older kids.

 

[thumper18474]

I was brought up in the ERA of ...misbehave and you get an ass whuppin'...my Dad was the disciplanarian and he was 6-4 215 lb construction worker...and when he raised his hand i was scared shitless...so.for the most part..We all toed the line!!
but people have to understand what spanking can and does inflict on a child....
A switch..like what AP used..sure it will leave a mark...but had he used his hand....you run the risk of injuring the kids spine..dislocating a shoulder..a swat ..upside the head...a concussion or worse..
whats the answer?..I dont know??

 

[Aardvark154]

Using your hand is discipline, using a cane, switch, or paddle that leaves marks is in both Canada and the U.S.A. over the line.

 

[Butler1000]

It isn't so much about the actual spanking that works. Its the disaproval of parents. Young kids hate to think their parents disapprove of them. Coupled with a light smack it leaves an impression.

I would only really say its ok when the child has placed themselves in danger by their actions. Say running into traffic, handling a dangerous item.

Sometimes you can't think of a kid as a reasoning person. Because sometimes they just aren't.

 

[shack]

Spanking is certainly frowned upon these days, but I'd imagine that most people here were spanked as a child, so I wouldn't say that "normal" spanking causes any real lasting harm.

Never mind people around here. It's been done throughout recorded history. Listening to some, it's amazing that our race survived. "Spare the rod and spoil the child" was around long before our parents.

My father threatened a lot but I only got smacked around once. I was scared of him both before and after that incident. My kids? I maybe gave them a single smack on the (covered) butt once or twice at most.

 

[demien2k5]

This is the dilemma facing many North American families with children. While resorting to corporal punishment is typically deemed the politically incorrect path to follow nowadays, parents of young and adolescent children are still left with precious few effective alternative options for ensuring obedience. For example...single mothers of unruly elementary school kids, or aggressive pre-teens that would seem virtually uncontrollable in certain situations...so how are they to be managed, for the sanity of the parents, and the child's own safety and well being?

 

[asterwald]

I think rationalizing with the child is better. You tell them your arguments why that behavior was bad.

Or you could use allowance or some reward and restrict it.

I mean does your boss hit you? Jeez, the companies you work for use reward and withdrawal of your job position to keep you in check.

 

[IM469]

I was brought up in the ERA of ...misbehave and you get an ass whuppin'...my Dad was the disciplanarian and he was 6-4 215 lb construction worker...and when he raised his hand i was scared shitless...so.for the most part..We all toed the line!!

My Dad crossed the line beating us with a belt until welts appeared. I was always bad, almost out of spite. He always was remorseful after the beatings then one day in my early teens he apologized and never hit us again. My Mom told me his Dad beat him and it seemed like a bad family cycle. I never gave him a reason to hit me after that. I stopped stealing, a lot of things - it just didn't appeal to me.

I do have a rage problem I attribute to the beatings where if I reach a certain level of aggravation, I basically need to relieve it through physical violence. I understand it and I don't go down that road. I never hit my kids. I found that my disappointment was punishment enough (okay - some restrictions and extra chores helped). I am very proud of my kids - they some how turned out very well balanced.

My experience in this area - not that I'm preaching how you handle your own kids.

 

[ultistar]

In the other AP thread, I posted the euphemism "spare the rod and spoil the child". Of course, modern child psych says this is no longer true. But it became a popular saying for a reason, back in the day, because it was the prevailing wisdom.

 

[shack]

I think rationalizing with the child is better. You tell them your arguments why that behavior was bad.

Or you could use allowance or some reward and restrict it.

I mean does your boss hit you? Jeez, the companies you work for use reward and withdrawal of your job position to keep you in check.

Dream on. There are multiple times for every child where the use of logic and reason is futile. And I think most parents always try that before spanking, regardless.

I hope you weren't serious about comparing the dynamic of a 4 year old and parent to that of an employee and their boss. Must have been a joke.

 

[demien2k5]

I'd have to agree that in most circumstances, trying to reason with a child's undeveloped intellect is a virtually pointless exercise, hence frustrated parents resorting to more corporeal methods to get their points across. Where does the reduced capacity of a child to understand reason enter into the equation? At what point does it suddenly become acceptable to spank the child to make a point? What's the tipping point in terms of age and/or situation and circumstance?

 

[SkyRider]

I've slapped my hand on the table and scared the hell out of them, and raised my voice,

Some people will argue this is verbal/psychological abuse.

 

[TeasePlease]

Dream on. There are multiple times for every child where the use of logic and reason is futile. And I think most parents always try that before spanking, regardless.

I hope you weren't serious about comparing the dynamic of a 4 year old and parent to that of an employee and their boss. Must have been a joke.

this

Some people will argue this is verbal/psychological abuse.

and this.

The problem is, kids are sponges. Whatever you do, they will do. I don't want my kids to think that yelling and screaming is how you get your way, much less hitting people. Then again, I also don't want them to cower in fear of my disapproval. I don't want the to have codependency issues. Lol.

I scale from reason, time out, and occassionally spanking. But I always discuss with them why they are being disciplined

 

[Pistola]

I've smacked bottoms (not hard at all) maybe twice on each child. Regretted it a lot and never did again. I resorted to explaining why they did wrong and they listened. No need to spank.

I was spanked as a child and hated it and hated my parents when they did it.

That said parents need to discipline their childern when they do wrong. I see some awful children who have not learned respect or right and wrong

You have to discipline your children. You have to direct them. Spanking is the last resort. Sometimes it's needed. But you have to make it clear to them why! You have to talk to your children. Not let them do what they want to do. They will go on the wrong path. I was spanked and hit. But I remember why for every time I did. I was wrong most of the time.

 

[james t kirk]

I was spanked as a child many times (by my mother primarily. My father sometimes. But with my mother it was controlled whereas the old man would snap and it could be violent).

My mother had a paddle. Actually, if you remember those bat a ball things? It was this wooden paddle with an elastic string with a ball attached to the end of the string. One day playing with it, the string and ball flew off and my mother had this brilliant idea that the bat portion could still be put to good use. Spanking us. (imagine the irony of having your own toy turned into the implement of your punishment. )

When we transgressed, she would tell us "go and get the bat" and it was our job to go and get the damn thing from the drawer where she kept it and then bring it to her. Usually that 10 second journey from dresser drawer to living room couch took about 30 minutes of begging and crying and pleading for mercy and forgiveness and swearing to be good (usually to no avail but sometimes the sentence was commuted to "punishment already served".) Then we were told to pull our pants down bare assed and drape ourselves across her knee while she wailed on our bare asses.

I can remember it like it was yesterday.

But was it abuse?

I don't believe so. We were never injured..but it has left an impression (no pun intended)

I have tried the BDSM thing over the years,and I never got into or enjoyed any form of spanking or corporal punishment. Not one bit.

 

[peter4025]

I think rationalizing with the child is better. You tell them your arguments why that behavior was bad.

Or you could use allowance or some reward and restrict it.

I mean does your boss hit you? Jeez, the companies you work for use reward and withdrawal of your job position to keep you in check.

You can't rationalize with a 2-5 years old child. Sometimes you have to spank them. For babies 0-1 or children above 6 does not work. Now, when I'm saying spanking I mean a light spank on the but with open hand.

 

[TeasePlease]

You can't rationalize with a 2-5 years old child. Sometimes you have to spank them. For babies 0-1 or children above 6 does not work. Now, when I'm saying spanking I mean a light spank on the but with open hand.

So you're saying the only zone of effectiveness for spanking is 2 to 5? Lol.

My oldest is a thinker. Spanking never worked (he'd ask for more!). But we can talk to him and explain right and wrong and why something was happening.

The youngest is a wrecking ball. There's no reasoning, just chaos.