SP pre-screening advice
- Thread starter kugel2
- Start date
Gonna bump this thread after reading some "not so good ideas" .I am a visitor to Toronto often and had a very bad experience asking for a reference from an SP. This happened a while ago and I have ever been careful not to ask for reference from an SP. I apologize if the post is longer.
Anyway this one particular SP wanted some reference from another provider prior to an appointment so I texted a girl I saw about a month before and asked if she will be ok to give her name as a reference to the SP I was about to visit. She asked me the name of the SP and said if you want to use me as reference I am ok with it.I thanked her and thought nothing about it.
I made it to my appointment with this Independent SP and had a great time. During our time she mentioned she communicated with the SP I used as reference and said she does this one screening for first time clients. There was an awkwardness/uneasiness in the way she said it but I could not make anything out of it .I thought for a minute may be something was said about me but she made sure I had a great time so I couldn't tell.
After about a day or two, the SP that I used as reference contacted me and asked me if there was a any particular reason I visited this new SP. She wanted to know if I was looking for any service that was not provided by her or was I not satisfied with our previous visit?. I said no there was nothing of that sort and said I have read good reviews of this new SP and just wanted to check her out. This time I was in Toronto for only a week and I left to the US without visiting her.
On my next visit to Toronto I texted this SP I used as reference as asked if she could squeeze me in for an appointment.We decided on a time to meet when we finally met,the warmth and friendliness that I experienced with her before was not there.She did not smile and talk like she used to and the session was not enjoyable with minimum eye contact as possible and to add insult to injury she asked me if i have given her name as reference to anyone else.
From then on never asked for a reference. If I do an outcall (most of the time) I give my name,cell number and room number.Most SPs are ok with it.
If its an incall many SPs have a listed phone number and by talking to them and giving basic info about myself I can get a vibe and so can the SP. Most of them will be discreet and will value my privacy as I value theirs and don't ask for passport,visa ,Drivers etc
I am all for making sure the other person is not a threat in any way but some screening methods are borderline paranoid like asking to send money online before the appointment .
Anyway this one particular SP wanted some reference from another provider prior to an appointment so I texted a girl I saw about a month before and asked if she will be ok to give her name as a reference to the SP I was about to visit. She asked me the name of the SP and said if you want to use me as reference I am ok with it.I thanked her and thought nothing about it.
I made it to my appointment with this Independent SP and had a great time. During our time she mentioned she communicated with the SP I used as reference and said she does this one screening for first time clients. There was an awkwardness/uneasiness in the way she said it but I could not make anything out of it .I thought for a minute may be something was said about me but she made sure I had a great time so I couldn't tell.
After about a day or two, the SP that I used as reference contacted me and asked me if there was a any particular reason I visited this new SP. She wanted to know if I was looking for any service that was not provided by her or was I not satisfied with our previous visit?. I said no there was nothing of that sort and said I have read good reviews of this new SP and just wanted to check her out. This time I was in Toronto for only a week and I left to the US without visiting her.
On my next visit to Toronto I texted this SP I used as reference as asked if she could squeeze me in for an appointment.We decided on a time to meet when we finally met,the warmth and friendliness that I experienced with her before was not there.She did not smile and talk like she used to and the session was not enjoyable with minimum eye contact as possible and to add insult to injury she asked me if i have given her name as reference to anyone else.
From then on never asked for a reference. If I do an outcall (most of the time) I give my name,cell number and room number.Most SPs are ok with it.
If its an incall many SPs have a listed phone number and by talking to them and giving basic info about myself I can get a vibe and so can the SP. Most of them will be discreet and will value my privacy as I value theirs and don't ask for passport,visa ,Drivers etc
I am all for making sure the other person is not a threat in any way but some screening methods are borderline paranoid like asking to send money online before the appointment .
I haven’t had a problem getting or using one sp as a reference for another.
Most ladies are professional.
But there is no way I’m paying a deposit in advance to a girl I’ve never met.
I have been cancelled on or ghosted so many times I lost count. Definately more times than I can count on fingers and toes. The one who cancelled on me today wanted me to reschedule. No! You’ve already inconvienced me enough.
I’ll go see someone else in he timeframe I reserved for you.
And, I’ll spend the money I reserved for you on someone else.
No deposit, so I don’t have to get my money back when she cancels, and she can’t hold my deposit hostage to make me come see her at my inconvienience.
Sorry for the rant, I’m usually cheerful
Hope y’all have a good night.
Most ladies are professional.
But there is no way I’m paying a deposit in advance to a girl I’ve never met.
I have been cancelled on or ghosted so many times I lost count. Definately more times than I can count on fingers and toes. The one who cancelled on me today wanted me to reschedule. No! You’ve already inconvienced me enough.
I’ll go see someone else in he timeframe I reserved for you.
And, I’ll spend the money I reserved for you on someone else.
No deposit, so I don’t have to get my money back when she cancels, and she can’t hold my deposit hostage to make me come see her at my inconvienience.
Sorry for the rant, I’m usually cheerful
Hope y’all have a good night.
Not for lack of interest, but the geography of your location combined with my other commitments makes it very difficult. Hopefully one day.....
It is very easy for single clients with regular jobs to be less concerned with screening but for the other half, its playing Russian roulette with your personal information. If a board handle, twitter handle, is not enough then move on, lots of ladies to choose from and deposits are a definite no in my book.
References are fine but yes some ladies do get their backs up when asked, not all but some. I've noticed some mention no reference if not visited within 3 months or so many hours a month and so on.
References are fine but yes some ladies do get their backs up when asked, not all but some. I've noticed some mention no reference if not visited within 3 months or so many hours a month and so on.
I don't understand this and it seems a little bit like blackmail to me. I will say that being used as a reference, especially without being asked first, when I saw you one time over two years ago is a waste of my time and the other provider. What can I say other than I saw you and you're not on my bad client list. Understandably most ladies won't accept outdated information as a lot can happen during such a long time period (e.g. bitter divorce, etc.). All the same I'll take the time to look it up and respond to the other lady in an expeditious manner. We owe each other that much.
This is why I ask for various information on my booking form in the hopes that they'll have something that will help me determine what kind of client they'll be. If the situation warrants it a coffee date or a local outcall at the incall price, as suggested by Jessica, will have to suffice. I try my best to accommodate everyone while still maintaining my safety but you have to meet me half way. I think that the need for worry is greatly mitigated by a long standing reputation like mine. If I was up to no good it would have come to light.
Ms. Sinclair
If I were able to go back in time and change one thing it would have been to never give out my personal information. Note that with my personal information it doesn't take much effort to scan the various social media platforms to find out all about me including who my Significant other is.
Maybe I'm the outlier and now I won't go into detail, I have no issue accepting accountability.... but an SP in the industry sent my SO a link to a SP that I saw many times last year. I know with absolute certainty that the information provided wasn't from anyone in my civilian world. I've never ever told anyone about my interactions on this side of the fence.
Rigel
If I were able to go back in time and change one thing it would have been to never give out my personal information. Note that with my personal information it doesn't take much effort to scan the various social media platforms to find out all about me including who my Significant other is.
Maybe I'm the outlier and now I won't go into detail, I have no issue accepting accountability.... but an SP in the industry sent my SO a link to a SP that I saw many times last year. I know with absolute certainty that the information provided wasn't from anyone in my civilian world. I've never ever told anyone about my interactions on this side of the fence.
Rigel
I totally understand as I too have had personal information leaked by a coward, which is why I'm so careful now, asking for pertinent details. I have also been ripped off and much, much worse! Was I upset? You bet! Did I do something unprofessional? Absolutely not! I simply put you on my bad client list and have no further dealings with you. You have the option to book or not as I have the option to refuse you due to lack of protective information. Many like PinotNoir, doggee01, Luton, GPIDEAL, Celticman, powerten, etc. have entrusted me with their personal information with no detrimental consequences.
You should inform others as to who the lady is because that behaviour is completely unacceptable and gives us all a bad name. Please try to remember that one bad apple doesn't ruin the whole crop!
You should inform others as to who the lady is because that behaviour is completely unacceptable and gives us all a bad name. Please try to remember that one bad apple doesn't ruin the whole crop!
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I appreciate your understanding Ms. Sinclair. The information sent to my wife was by some account that appears to have no connection to the SP. Even though I know who has the motive, if I were a lawyer the burden of proof would be for me to conclusively prove who the sender actually is. Since I'm only speculating I wouldn't risk slandering anyone. I'm in enough trouble already. That said that I'm certain that individual knows that I know.
All I can say is when real feelings are introduced by both parties, professionalism took a back seat.
Rigel
That's really a shame! Having graduated from the school of hard knocks first and foremost, I have learned that life's too short for revenge and other counterproductive measures. It's best to leave the past in the past and focus on the future. This however takes emotional maturity, which many of us don't possess at any age.
You're obviously a very intelligent human being that possesses a great amount of wisdom.
I'm not perfect, I have my flaws and made mistakes along the way but that said I'm a good person. I find focusing on negative emotions way too draining. I don't wish anyone ill. I agree, life is short and it's better to focus on the future.
Rigel
This is completely unacceptable and unprofessional behaviour on the part of the SP. You entrust the SP with your personal info, and it's used against you? This SP should be out-ed. It taints all the other SPs, and this type of behaviour cannot be allowed to continue. SPs that disclose personal info provided to them in confidence need to be held to account.
Rob I completely understand. In your place I would want to know who the individual is as well. However without proof I don't want to set off a firestorm here. Even if I had conclusive proof I would struggle to share.
Here is the background:
I have a very good marriage. My SO is a wonderful woman. My issue is that I like variety so I struggle with monogamy. Am I the only one in this forum that struggles with monogamy? I can only speak for myself so I don't know
I was sloppy. My SO found out and confronted me. I told her the truth and fully expected that she would kick my ass to the curb. Instead she wanted to save our marriage. Fast forward several weeks after she found out: While recovering from the initial shock she is sent information that clearly tied me to another SP that I spent many hours with last year. How did she manage to tell me this? She sent me a text message during the night. I woke up in the early morning and saw that she wasn't in bed. I reached for my phone to see what time it was and I saw a series of messages that she sent me. Her last message was very distressing so I went looking for her. I found her lying on the bathroom floor and was scared to death thinking she tried to take her own life. Thankfully she didn't but she certainly could have. The despair I brought on was completely overwhelming.
All I can say is that she's so strong. I don't know how I would handle dealing with the fact that my SO wasn't faithful, and then finding out a few weeks later that there were others as well.
Rigel
Rigel,
That is really horrible that you both went through that. I don't know if I agree with your solely taking responsibility but I respect your decision to not make he SP accountable.
It is really hard. I feel for men all the time. I get the need for privacy and I totally respect it.
But then I think of my side, where I am just as open to my clients as they are with me. I hear stories like Sophia's and others and I know that is equally a risk.
Some people just really ruin it, don't they?
That is really horrible that you both went through that. I don't know if I agree with your solely taking responsibility but I respect your decision to not make he SP accountable.
It is really hard. I feel for men all the time. I get the need for privacy and I totally respect it.
But then I think of my side, where I am just as open to my clients as they are with me. I hear stories like Sophia's and others and I know that is equally a risk.
Some people just really ruin it, don't they?
Of course I am not saying every one is the same ,Just saying there should be a better way of screening for both parties involved.
Sounds like the one SP you used for a reference felt you were stepping out on her? Either way, unless I'm confused, isn't the obvious option to use the second SP who asked for the reference as a new reference. assuming that meeting went well? To me it almost feels like a game of hot potato. See one girl, she's the reference. See another girl, she becomes the new reference. Sounds crude but I don't think it's fair to bother one SP for a bunch of reference requests. I just wish there was a simpler way - fact is some guys don't hobby often so the idea of a "recent" reference doesn't work.
In another thread I wrote one should never give a homeless person change - always buy them an object (food/coffee/clothing/etc.), or there's a possibility they will spend the money on drugs/booze. So I do find it laughable that a perfect stranger who is using a pseudonym expects others to send her money in advance. While I'm sure most ladies are good intentioned and wouldn't pull a fast one, there's always a chance one will. It's also why I'm not the biggest fan of a paid coffee date as a pre-screener. Again, I think most ladies would be fair and I honestly don't think any woman would decline my patronage after a brief conversation. That said, I'm always thinking there's going to be an SP or two that makes a business out of paid coffee dates and rarely or never green lights anyone.I haven’t had a problem getting or using one sp as a reference for another.
Most ladies are professional.
But there is no way I’m paying a deposit in advance to a girl I’ve never met.
I have been cancelled on or ghosted so many times I lost count. Definately more times than I can count on fingers and toes. The one who cancelled on me today wanted me to reschedule. No! You’ve already inconvienced me enough.
I’ll go see someone else in he timeframe I reserved for you.
And, I’ll spend the money I reserved for you on someone else.
No deposit, so I don’t have to get my money back when she cancels, and she can’t hold my deposit hostage to make me come see her at my inconvienience.
Sorry for the rant, I’m usually cheerful
Hope y’all have a good night.
